Well so its been a hella long long time since i have writen in my blog. Well Alian is back in town and shit's going good so far. Still no girl but w/e the lonley stay soliter. Fine with me, its better than haveing a bunch of dramma and crap... So lets step back and take a look at how my life is at the moment.... No girl, Schools stressed me out because of my teacher is the same for the next 6 weeks, my social life suxs, people ignore me half the time, and any day now i will lose it and scream... so i guess im doing good. Some times i wonder what the hell has happend that i have fallen into this obliviouse pit of hell. I mean i went from being a popular alwalys getiing ringed up to ... "oh i need a favor" person, and the rest of the time its like w/e_ im just there. Dont know why i have been in a shitty mood but w/e "it dont fase me".


LILMAN X

Another boring day of my life...

Ok w/e So this weekend was my Birthday... (sarcastic scream) yay.. Ok Well it could of been better but I had a good day... Who the hell am I kidding I didn't do shit but stay home hang out with Joey and go drinking later that night witch turned out to be a Disaster. W/e the more time passes by the more I keep falling endlessly into this hole of nothingness... Damm not even a yr ago I was partying like crazy and getting all the hook-ups I wanted with all the hot chicks. If not I was getting calls from mad people asking what's going on tonight and stuff... Now its all gone.. Ya I know I wanted to slow down with the party's and the crazy life but I have gone from all that to nothing known, where did I go wrong. I mean im an active person I can only stay still and calm for a lil wile. I want to hang out like I used to and the circle of friends is gone and I can count all my friends on one hand I want to just go out and have a wild party every once a blue moon... w/e I have to do something and I will . Like they say no guts no glory, screw playing the Mr shy guy role... It's not getting me jack In the famous words some one once said... Return of the Mack
 
LILMAN X

The day and intro to the Indecisive female...

Well today I did't do much but stay here and let the world pass me by, make it short ... bordum... Nothing todo but sit here and oh ya lil ninja boy came by for a lil wile to hang out and use my PC to play ragna and get his email... Well lets get started on my interpretation of the bleak indecisive female mind... As I have observed the bleak mind of the female has no thought process but to always change her mind and never seems to go in the same direction for 3.2 seconds. Why is she always changing her mind? Can't she just go in one direction and keep that thought... Why must she always analyze every little step we "men" take? One thing that I have noticed is that when they decide something and say its final.. Its not final.. They change there mind so easy... Do they know what they want, but the true question is do any of us know what we want? Well I do, sort of and so do most guys. Females need to learn how to stop, cheating, mind playing games, indecisive, and stop messing with our minds. Think of one thing and just stick to it dammit. Is it so hard, that you all don't know what you want? Well who knows ...... MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!!

Lilman X

Sleepless mind wondering...

Welcome to chapter 368 page 5083... Today our hero has saved the world once agean... Tonight people can sleep in the valley of MCH thanks TO RAPMASTER ALEX spreading joy to all the children and making their day... Big deal... This hero can't sleep for some odd reason I don't know what the problem. I feel so sleepy like if I could fall asleep just standing up but when I lay down I can't go to sleep at all... Maybe its my stupidity of my mind getting the best of me. So many things I have on my mind that I have no one to tell or talk about... I mean I could tell some people but the only person I trust to tell the kind of things that are on my mind are either not talking to me or not in my life anymore... Why can't people be easy to deal with... This would just make life easyer... I guess I do sometimes try to control the world around me at times and I just can't have it my way I kinda get mad about it... Some times I feel like Superman or spyderman, "TIME TO SAVE THE DAY" or "ALEX TO THE RESUCE". I don't know what people expect from me at times but its kind of funny sometimes because when I am not needed people don't call me or don't even bother to think of me but when it come time to "OMG I NEED HELP" I am like the first one on speed dial. I hate it when they cry for super man and then they forget about him when they don't bother needing him... Lately its been me saving everyone's ass when it comes time to a favor or something. Well im going to attempt to sleep soo I leave all you lammers with a song,

I took a walk around the world to Ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I watched the world float to the Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something To do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end
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If I go crazy then will you still Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with My superhuman might...Kryptonite


LILMAN X (superman)

Catch up with me... Life is alright, but a pain

OK No posts in June... So what, I have a life and just deal with it cuz I haven't had time to write... I try but I cant ... Its like every one wants some favor from me. Is that all I'M good for asking favors? Shit what about me.. I have issues and problems in my life. I ask because I see something is wrong; do I hide my problems that well no one knows I have problems on my mind? Do I keep my Guard so high up that people and my so called "friends" are oblivious? W/E, Fuk it I say. I stress too much about stupid shit to worry about other peoples problems or being a help desk. That's what I feel like some times... A damm help desk. I don't mind helping with problems to do with relationship.. Hell I'M good at that, but stupid OMG its an emergency help me, and it turns out to be some stupid problem. OH ya ... I am not FUKING MAP QUEST OR YELLOW PAGES. If you need help finding some place and you know I am having a bad day... DON'T CALL ME... You can use that semi empty space in between your ears and right be hind your eyes. Its called a "BRAIN", if u use it most of the time it grows and develops so that you aren't stupid and you don't have to be bothering me... Also I am done with user's or leecher's. If you just call time to time or go along time with out saying hi and you call me to get info consider your self BLACK LISTED... I do not deal with people that use me anymore.. NO EXCEPTIONS! My true friends know who they are. See they call me even if they are "too busy" or what ever it may be. A simple hello by phone or you see me or even AIM is fine but months and weeks with out contact and then you ask a favor ... Oh no your going to get a straight no sorry and I will tell you why. Its over ... I am sick of being Mr nice guy ... fuk it. No more using of my resources. Think back of that nice Alex you all know cuz he officially died today and reborn into a straight in your face person. No more self comments, if I think something I am going to tell you.. Don't care about the consequences... In fact .. What ever happens.. happens.

LILMAN X

Long time, I know, get over it. Chilling and new stuff

Ok so it has been a wile agen since I have written. Get over it, school has me super busy with school and trying to figure out my life... Yes I know that will never happen but its my excuse.. Well school is grate, Getting A's 3.8 GPA, Woot! So that is the good thing that I have. Then we come to the issue of my health. (takes a deep breath) Well the liver transplant will soon happen I hope. Its not easy, just thinking about it makes me think about how it will be after and how different will be from now. Makes me worry some times too much so I just try not to think about it. Girls are well there, and not going anything IM no longer stressing it, screw it I say if it happens, it happens. Stressed over a person who made me happy and now not stressing that, stressed over a hottie in class now not stressing that so forget that issue. I have bigger stuff to worry about, like building my microwave computer >_<... must find one first. Well short update i will say more 2marrow. Bed time

LILMAN X

VENTING MY ANGER !!-Never try and be persistent, its not worth it

Well its been about a week since I have written last. Since I cannot have at least a week or a wile that time passes by that I actually have good times or feel healthy, this week its back to the crap life... Actually it started around Thursday when I got this bright idea to hey why don't I ask my sweety on a nice date just me and her dinner and take it from there... But No... I try and try but screw this keep trying to make plans..I know its not her fault but still it disappoints me. My grandmother is doing the worst she has been doing ever, my planning of doing my perfect "date" never happends, and I have a cold, I feel like shit and if that's not the worst of it, I also have some thing on the side of my face that started as a zit and now it hurts like hell, is infected and I can't sleep at night because of it. IM on antibiotics which screw up my stomach..... FU*KING SCREWD UP LIFE ... I HATE IT WHEN ITS THIS BAD AND NO ONE SUPPORTS ME... w/e maybe no one knows how bad it hurts cuz I put my self on some pain killers or I hide it well. The problem is I can't take them at night because I need to be awake to take them or else its bad if I sleep wile I take them... Fu*k it sick of this stupid life of limitations because of my illness. It is always something, and if I feel good its when I can't do anything because no one wants to do anything... I feel as if my life or my illness plans to make me feel sick when people are doing stuff like party's or w/e it may be and I can't go. Then when I feel fine I can't do shit cuz no one is doing anything... Fu*king a, its shit like this that just makes me think why the hell me? Perfect song for this is by the offspring-
Maybe life is like a ride on a freeway
Dodging bullets while you're trying to find your way
Everyone's around, but no one does a damn thing
It brings me down, but I won't let them

If I seem bleak
Well you'd be correct
And if I don't speak
It's cause I can't disconnect
But I won't be burned by the reflection
Of the fire in your eyes
As you're staring at the sun

When I ran I didn't feel like a runaway
When I escaped I didn't feel like I got away
There's more to living than only surviving
Maybe I'm not there, but I'm still trying

Though you hear me
I don't think that you relate
My will is something
That you can't confiscate
So forgive me, but I won't be frustrated
By destruction in your eyes
As you're staring at the sun


This is so much, I feel like just giving up some times but I don't and I never do, guess I am just hard headed and persistent on what I want to get done. I fee at time as I have all this stress and no way to share it with anyone but I also don't want to make some one else feel bad for me... I JUST NEED TO VENT. The only one that makes me feel better most of the time is my sweety, but she can't always come to the resucue cuz she has her own life and problems to deal with so I just have to deal with my own shit like I always have before. Guess it is going to be another crappy weekend of doing nothing, so I will just keep myself in my cave until some one comes and gets me out of here {ya right} until then I will just sleep and watch the time pass me by...

LILMAN X

CRazY Day with a chill on the side

What a day of emotions and just plane chilling like the old days with a twist of drama at the end. Ok so I expected this morning to just wake up and go over to kevins house and grab a few things and then hopefully go on a date with my baby... So much for that (like always). I swear my life is one big A.D.D or some compiled distraction. Instead of doing what I planed some how we got distracted and got into a pool and opening game cards. Dammit, this sucks how the hell do I get pulled into this crap that I enjoy and distracts me from my plans. DAMM me and being distracted easily. I need to learn how to say no I have plans I want to do "this". Since I am easygoing I just say ok and go with the flow... w/e some day I hope I will learn to say no. Eventually I will get to the plans I have for me and my sweety... I so wan't to do it too, first it was supposed to be a surprise but that didn't happen, then I set a day and told her what I was going to do but that didn't happen. Then today I got distracted again and yet nothing... I am just either going to just do it out of the blue or give up on my plans. Actually its kind of good I didn't do what I wanted to because it was raining and also she was not feeling too well which I guess it was not meant to be. Drama yet again comes to the happy group of "The Old Eagle clan" also known as The southwest group or The group. Dingdong boy and his wonderful issue come to play again, same story as always. He tries to be nice and human and she just keeps the point up that she wants nothing to do with him and he cant get it into his head that she wants nothing to do with him and so on... Ah "breath" To be honest with you ... I would just get over a person that wants nothing to do with me. I can take a clue, ok so you hate me and never want to see or talk to me ... Well FU*K U BI*CH AND GO TO HE*L. Duh I would like to know why but if in a certain amount of time I don't get an answer I will eventual for get about it... Guess some people don't forget or learn or both. Not my problem and I really don't care cuz I am sick of the same 6yr old drama.. Its getting old and pointless... GET OVER IT PLEASE! Well I spent a lot of time with my baby so I am happy about that. I love spending time with her it makes me forget about stuff that's on my mind, may it be stupid stuff or very important stuff it makes not difference when im with her. She makes me happy and it has been a wile since I have been feeling this happy emotionality or w\e you want to call it since about 2 yrs ago. Maybe my life is going to be more happy and will feel more meaningful as it did yrs ago when the good old days were happening. Some times I feel as I am trying to hard for most things I do but I will never know. Maybe I am maybe not... Well its late and I am still going to write more about my thought about relationships and Trust and when too much is too much. Maybe I will also write a prodiction... Who knows.. Till next time TTFN.

LILMAN X

Today's observations...

Today was an ok day I guess... Not the best but not the worst. Days like today I just felt like sleeping in all day but I have sh*t to do, so I got up around 10 not feeling well because I am comming down with a cold, and also on top off it all I think I have 2 zits coming out on my face.. Ok it is officially a crappy day. Woke up watched ER from 10 to 12 and then after that I went to go feed my grandmother... When I got there the care assistant had already fed her, so I wanted to know the progress of what's going on, I hate lazy nurses... How the hell can you be a nurse and take care of some one and not know if the doctor passes by or if she even had eaten lunch... Well she pissed me off and added to my bad day. Any one know what Alex douse to a lazy nurse that slacks off? Ah if you guessed report her to the nurse manager you guessed right. I see no reason for you no to know what doctor has come by or if she has eaten when the reason she is in the hospital is because she can't swallow or eat too well... They should fire her or put her in a lower position... NO EXCUSE!! So I just Sat there in the room next to her till about 4:30 because I could not take it anymore... So I came home and I really wanted to just relax and possibly see my sweety or talk to her a wile on the phone... Since my life is one big "NO" instead I got on my PC cuz every time I layed down the phone rang and I have to get up and answer it cuz every one in my house is a paraplegic and brain dead and can't get the phone so I just decided to say screw it to relaxing in my bed. Then my wonderful mother kept bothering me about some baseball game and was pissing me off because I guess I have TV Guide written across my face so she was asking me over and over and over what channel it was on and if we have that channel on our direct TV plan and so on... HELLO STUPID, am I paying for it? Or is she, she should know what we have and don't have. I am so sick of being sick... IF it's not Mono, its a cold, if not that then something else... Just give me a better day 2marrow.

LILMAN X

Alive and still kicking... Deal with it

Well ok so I haven't had time to write in the blog but I have been doing a lot of stuff to keep me super busy that I don't even have time to pick my nose. Deal with it, life sometimes makes you crazy and busy. Lets see update.. Since last time I have joined Florida Career College, cool school. I love it ! Planning on getting my A+ degree and My MCSE degree. So far so good, I was even sick like I became last time when I was going to Miami Dade but this time since I guess you can call this place cheers (where everyone knows your name and there always glad you came) I have had no problems keeping up with my classes and keeping my GAP at 3.9 Woot ! I guess every thing in life comes with a good and a bad. The good part is I'M doing awesome at school and I am enjoying my self also. Another good thing is that I actually have some one in my life who cares for me and likes to take care of me and worries about me like no other person has that is not blood related or long term friend ship, Duh I guess you can tell (girl-Friend). She is so sweet and I care about her so much because she actually likes me for me and can deal with my moods. Shocking yes I know, I know I am a difficult person to deal with and can be an ass most of the time. She has passes a major test that comes with me and my life that will occur many times in the future no matter what I can do in my power. Like I sed before the good comes with bad.. My grandmother is not doing too well, actually she is very sick and in the hospital. She is so bad that she can't get out of bed, feed herself anything and can barely move. I don't know if I am in shock or just scared that she will eventually die, we all must one day, but the thought of her just being so helpless and in a bed that she cant move or barely talk is just not regerstering at the moment. I can't even begin to understand it, My grandmother who was always so active, Cooked cleaned the house, Filled bags and bags daily of leaves that fell off the trees in my back yard not even 2yrs ago, and even it feels like if yesterday she was cooking something or in the back yard doing something or going to K-Mart. I am speechless... I don't know what's going to happen, I wish I could turn back time and just keep it as it was. The worst part is I can't do anything about it. School is grate also but it stresses me out too but not a big deal. I have a confession to make... I am worried about my liver problem, I fear that the situation is going to get worse but that's always my fear. I only have myself to blame and I can only point the finger at myself for not calling my doctor that I did all the test for and needed to see after I was done with them but I have had other problems and I also have just been delaying the long process that will occur if and when I do get the trasnplant. Guess the thought of taking out my liver and putting one that can be rejected and I could die if it happen scares me. Now I figure, Screw it... Why worry so much if I don't do anything about it, I will eventually be sick and get worse and die or I fix it with a new liver could work and if I didn't then oh well one way or another I'M screwed... I need a vacation between my grandmother and school (mild stress) and my health, I don't know what to stress over the most... Some times I feel like just disappearing for an entire 24hrs with no one calling me on my cell phone or IM-ing me or E-mailing me or asking me for a favor or w/e. Just me, maybe one other person with me and that's it. Cellphone off, No computer and a location I can not be bothered at. JUST GETTING AWAY! Hopfuly my plans for this weekend I can actually be accomplished and not put off to another day or just nothing happens. I am so sick and tired of my plans never going the way I wan't them to... Yeah right, that will be the day. I will write when I can, so if I write and then a wile passes and I write a wile after that DEAL WITH IT!

LILMAN X

NEW YR NEW STUFF NEW BEGINING

Well 2003 is gone and so is the bad times and good times I have had this year. Its strange how in only 365 days and 24hrs a day so much has changed, time is taken for granted, people take every moment as if it would never exist but it comes and goes faster than you can imagine. One major change that has happened is my friendship with a person who I thought we would get old and hang out a lot and know each other our entire lives has ended. It truly saddened me but what can I do about this situation. What happened has happened and I can't do anything about it. Time will tell what will happen in the future. This yr 2004 is a new yr new beginnings and maybe some ends that may come as the days pass by. Time is strange as it is here it is going somewhere else. Kind of like an event I was talking about to my friends dad, a galaxy far far away is emitting light to our current place and time but according to what the theory is that place in time is over done with not extinction... How strange how life, time, light works. I remember not even 6 months ago I was at some party with some girl I didn't even know and trying to get her number to perhaps date her.... What was I thinking at the time.... I guess I was in a position of alone but w/e times have changed and now IM going on a different path... Screw all that stupid party drink and screw life... Its not worth it. Well IM not interested that life, now what IM going to do is school and what I have to resolve with my health... Friends have been cut to a group that I trust and I keep close.

empy void of nothingness

Its theat time or the yr agen when people come for the holidays and x-mas and stuff but even still it times like this that i miss my best friend the most. i remeber last yr i would ask him to come with me on stuff i would have to do around toen. i deepy miss him and i feel a void in my life. My other betrated fried friend i also miss. some times i think back on stuff we used to do, now my life has changed and i cant afford to have another problem to help. i have meany things this comming yr that i must solve befor i can go back and fix my past. I sometimes withs i still was in the past like for example 2001 or 2002 even if most of 02 i was in the hospital, i still had my group, my crew, my truest friends wich i could ask anything. I would wish for myself come next yr that at least i can go back to some way or matter of how it used to be but this i do not know when, My past was the best but also the worst. It was like a bad dream that i was awake but was also asleep. now that i have the bigest problem on my sholders i have awakend and now i must wake up from this dream and face the real world. Its funny how as time whent by my health was getting better but my soclal life seems to be getting worse, its kind of like i had bad to horribale health and perfect friends and grate socal enviroment and now its like the tables have turned. now im healthy but lonley. its like what is the point? why now give me the feeling good when i have no one to share it with? Its like this anime that T showed me once and now i am hooked on because its so scary its so much like real life called cowboy bebop. BANG!

LILMAN X

Life of the nothingness hell life...

Well every day that passes by is like a hell of an inferno that burns like the fires of hell that was set to maximum heat and the heater truned to 1 million... I hate the way my life is falling apart like a fresh cookie out of the oven that hasent been baked properly... The last week or so i have been to the point of insanity or the point of madness... people in this world only care about them selfs or about the social "click" they hang out with... i guess high school or collage is still the same... always the bully always the click and always the one who hates you and fucks you over... I think we really have to go beyond collage and beyond other stuff... maybe when you get married and have kids then you wont have the stupid inmature shit... People some times want to pick a fight and want to start shit... for the ones who do i stand up and wont take shit from no one... i have seen shit that will make anyones skin craw... i have had more pain than person has had and not by choice but by force and need.. I have no fear, i only fear death. Thats just the only fear i have, to die, to face the cold frosty face of death, i have faced it but yet i have comfronted it and i fear nothing after... yet i will face it agen someday... Hell is the location, inferno is what my social life is like and emptyness is what my love life is like....

LILMAN X

Another day passed by

A void; A waste; Another day has come and gone and yet nothing done, nothing acomplished, and a void still growing as the days pass by... Empty, no girl or close friends i can hang out with or do somthing... nothing done.... it will be sunday when i wake up and a new day so i will acomplish somthing. I will not just sit in my room in sorrow or pitty for my self of all the losses i have sufferd. I will start by my room leading out twards my social life, I will Rearrang my room by getting rid of old stuff i dont use or have no use for... Next week is a diffrent week for me i will take no ones crap or let no one stand in my way of my social life... If they choose to confront me i will simply confront them, alone or not i dont care i will do what is needed to move on. Maybe after all i did acomplish somthing today... I made up my mind to take no ones shit or stupidity and to move on and change my life 360 degrees from how i have lived it before..

LILMAN X

hate, sadness, alone and angry...

Well i dont know exactly what to say... right now at the moment i am kind of pissed off but not becasue i know the state of mind of this indavidual... so i cant really blame them but still it was stupid move and a big mistake... Some times i just wish i could rase my hand wish for somthing and it would happen... Well we all know no one has this abilitty so i must resort to other tactiks. Times like this i am alone... i have no one i can trust or truly tell how i feel, only becasue either they are connected to someone i know or dislike or someone i just know that has a big mouth or i just dont have faith in them... seems like i have no faith in anyone lately... i dont know why or a reson for this but i just feel like it... I just need my best friend here so he can just tell me i got your back or somthing like that...i guess the only one i can trust is terrell.. i just wish he was here.. seems to me times like this i need him the most and well i guess i am alone... Well ya i know i have other friends but still i dont have that trust or connection like i have with him... Some times im actualy scared with out him ... i felt safe, protected, like if some was guarding my back all the time... Now i feel like i have to watch my back watch were i go, what i do... I miss most just hanging out with him or like the times we just chilled for the hell of it at U.M. I also have a big void in my life, not only of my best-friend but of a girl... a girl to care for me, love me, and share all the feelings we would have in a relationship.. mostly i write to clear my mind, to ease my thoughts all sqwoshed up in my head.. writing i have found to be a way i vent all my thoughts that are all stored up in my head, i have over 1000 thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and emotions that i just dont write about because i dont want the world to know. What i write is what i feel. I think the best is to write out what you feel and need to get out but you have no one to tell...

LILMAN X

Little Ninjas {>_<} / Mission inposible (>_<)

What can i say but (LITTLE NINJAS....) {>_<} Well i had a fun night, i thought it actualy was going to be the worst and most shitty ass night in the world, but when the rain stoped and the street got drained of all its water, it was an awsome night. The day started out with it raining and raining and so on. I knew i had to go to Gigi's party and i wouldent miss it, but the stupid rain did not stop and the damm streets where flooded... I was thinking of how i would get to her party. I know it started at 7P.M. but how was i going to get there with all the rain and my low car in flooded streets? Well i just had to wait, so i did and by the time it all stoped and the streets where dry it was about 10P.M. Well it was late but i still wanted to go but i hate to drive at night alone... So i called for my nabore ( we can call him AGENT A ) agent A. Well he came over but he told me his grandmother told him to be home at 1A.M (she didnt know he was going out with me becase he didnt tell her) So we had to play like little ninjas and get in my car and take it out with out her knowning... So we did and whent to the party and had a grate time and all the time i was looking at my clock to make sure we had time to drive from the party to my house and stash the car where it was... Well it all worked out becase Gigi had to close the place she had the party at around 12:30... Well so after that i quickly whent to a gass station to vacume all the stupid water that was inside my car and hall ass to my house on time... Well the vacuming took a little too long but i hat 10 mins to get to my house... Lets just say i did about 60 on coral way... As we aproched my house i turned off my lights on the car and parked it just like befor wile agent A was inside changeing back to his cloths that he had on befor... Perfect operation done by the little ninjas.. {>_<} (i owe thanks to the Big Black aka negro susio Ninja for teaching me the way of the Little ninjas)

BOO! HALOWEEN!

What a day... well i made a costume and it was an awsome one. i took the stuff that i got from that small lil shop and put it togeather and it looked awsome, soon i will post pictures of it on my pic site.... well basicly it was me car her hubby and 2 sexy fine ass girls from nyc that came to miami for a day becase the next day they had a cruse... Since they where in miami they called up caros hubby and wanted to find out what was cracking that night so we took them with us... well south beach was a blast walked and danced drank and all that you would do and more then after that it was to the grove and that was fun too... basicly long day of partying. It took me most of the day to make my costume.. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT..!!

Sucky rain blues / Rachel's party

Damm what was up with people today, its like every one was in a bad mood and pissed off and tierd or in some other mood besides happy or hyper... i noteced this was only happening after it rained .... as soon as it started to rain i saw all kinds of attitudes... Even as i was driving i saw people angry in there cars and acidents on the rode... What the hell is wrong with every one today... In radio lollipop people where all in crappy moods, its our job to be happy, peppy, hyper and act all crazy... why all of a sudden where we all in a crappy mood?.... w/e I BLAME IT ALL ON THE RAIN !

Well rachel's party was awsome... what a good time i had there... Well it was me luis 4 of her Kappa girls and a few others... umm well i do have to say the first thing that i had my eye on was rachel lil sis... wow shes so cute, shes like the shy quiet stand alone type. Or at least that night she was... i was hopeing she would dance when we all got up and danced at benigens... Rachel loved her gift card that i got her... now she can buy all the cool stuff she wants at hot topic... after we all did the dinner thing it was back to the aprt... the movie of choice was some weard 70s halloween movie ... umm didnt like it but we all did have jello shots so that was cool... i had 3 :0)

LILMAN X

Im back...!

Ok so its been forever since i have written and done some blogging... well its not my fult ... its all the stupid assholes in this world's fult. Well let me tell ya why. The day after the last time i wrote somthing happend with a friend of mine Mr k we will call him... his brother, Mr B; my friend got out of controll and started to have a fit... well story gos mr B got real pissed off for some reason at his mother and then hit his brother mr K and just started hell in his house... He broke down the door and took his mothers car when she didnt notice that night and i got a call from Mr K the next day asking me if i knew where his brother was, MR B. well i didnt know where he was or actualy what the hell was going on, so i whent over to his house to see what was going on because i know what has happend in the past with theese people befor... so i go over and i learn that caused hell and they are looking for the car so i thought i would help by talkin to mr b's girl and tell her what i heard and what her story is... so i did and w/e on thing to the other and the car showed up with out mr B in it but it was his friend who brought back the car so... w/e i whent out with Mr K so i could take his mind off of what had just happend and let his mother rest well we where out late and w/e it was all good so then i came home and thought nothing of what happend... next day i got up did some things around the house and had to go to my car to get somthing and i noticed the door was kinda open and then i get closer and i see my glass is smashed both doors are open and the bag i had inside is gone... in that bag i had a PS2 and 2 of my games ... dot-hack and my fav of all final fantasy 10, along with 2 controllers and every thing you need for the ps2 was in that bag... i look in my trunk and they also took my amp... i didnt know to cry yell or scream and pull out my hairs.. i was going insane or syco i didnt know what to do... i started to think how, why, who, when... so then i was like it had to be MR B becase i know from the past when i used to hang out with him the crazy sh*t he would do. Well i thought and still have my suspitions it was him or some one who he told to do it... well my inshurence covers nothing... PS2, 800 watt amp ... all gone to whom ever did it ... but like i sed at the begining ... Im back, i got a 850 watt amp that im making thick 1/4 steel brakets so they cant take them and mounting for the speakers and all ... let them assholes try now! bring a Plasma cutter or try to take my car wich now has a kill switch to take my sh*t now ... hell ya im one pissed off mother fu*ker that put in some crazy sh*t that cannot be taken! Now all i have to do is fix my winshild and rear window and im cool and cruzing...

LILMAN X

My thoughts for the past 2days...

Ok for the last 2days eather by infulence or by encounters of my own i have been thinking about relationships, as in being in love or haveing a girl friend... For exsample their is a girl i know .. lets call her mis X well she has a b/f that she cares about and he cares about her, but mis X also is atractid to another man. now the other day she was asking me what she should do and the guy shes atractid to has a girl of his own to, so basicly 2 people are attracted to eachother but they are both in a relationship that are conmfterble but have doubts about the people they are with. Ok i understand that your attractid to some one else its only natural, but that dusent mean leave what you have, people think thats what you should do, or maybe it means your not fulfilld with what you have? I don't know what the right thing to do would be. I do know how i would want to be treated and how i would treat my girl.. I would show her how to be loved, take her out to dinner, or just stay home and watch a move just the two of us, make dinner at home, cuddle hold eachother closely, kiss and get the feeling of caring for the person. Afection is the one thig i want the most. Its funny how your friends tell you to go and screw some girl you never met, but when they are in a relationship and you tell them that there getting sex when there partner comes over they get insulted... why ? Is it because now they care about that person, and its just not some one night stand? Heres another one i always wonder about. Why is it that a person stays in a relationship when it is abusive. For example, they cheat on you; or they verbaly abuse of you, just plan treat you like sh*t. Why ? What is it that keeps them going back to that person, are they stupid ? Maybe they don't know what it is to be with another person that treats them good. Maybe they are afrade that they wont find another person? Maybe they are masokist and like it... who knows what it is, I do hope when the time comes i can keep that person and show that girl that i care for her and maybe she will care for me the same way too.

LILMAN X