Writing my mind off...

Well what a hell of a week... Thank god its over and now its the weekend but oh yeah, I am screwed... I cant go out... You ask why, well I shall tell you... It all started with some stupid people deciding I needed to do a bunch of test and one of the test has screwed with my stomach and G.I. track... So now its not fun to be me, if you want my opinion its actually a painful and exhausting experience... On top of that I also have an infection, also I am tired, I have a fever and I feel like shit all the time... This has been now going on week 1 going into week 2 as of Monday... What crap the medical field is... I would go into the hospital but the point of that would be lots of confusion and waste of time because I would miss out on school and a bunch of shit until something would be resolved... I have a appointment for next week at my G.I. Doctors office and who knows... Maybe I will end up in the hospital after all... I don't know, it all depends on how he will see all of this... I hope he can take it as ok lets try treating it at home, but if not he's going to say "why didn't you call me sooner" or "wow this is bad how did it get like this" I will tell him, but I should tell him the truth in my opinion... I should say look your system for appointments suck and the health system sucks because I called you a month ago and your appointment bitch wanted to give me a date for late June... You should advise your retarded Spanish old girls staff that I am a case that when I say IM sick I need to see you ASAP before I get to the point of hospitalisation and crash... W/e IM sick of this shit... I didn't go out last weekend because I had the evil plague cold and this weekend because I feel like shit all feverish and also in pain... All I want to do is go out, have fun, eatshit w/e anything.... AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well w/e I cant do shit because I depend on a person who wasted 6 to 8 years in school to control when I can see him so "I" can tell him how to better my health and what needs to be fixed.... Maybe I should of done like my old former late G.I. doctor Dr. Rene Ruiz-Isasi, Treat your own condition and make friends in the medical community... I hate the medical community so much because of all the bullshit bureaucracy and all kind of crap I have had to deal with them... That's why I didn't become a doctor or didn't want anything to do with any medical crap... I do and never would be one of them... Oh I am sure you say "maybe if you joined them you could change them" Nope, sorry, the mind set of all of them is and has been the same since the 80's when the medical field took off... W/e fuck it, fuck them and IM going to go take a few Advil's (because that what the Doctor "jackass" Told me to do) watch TV and kill something on my PS2... Another lost fucked up week... DAMMIT >_<

LILMAN X

Out of touch, but not out of contact

Well so this weekend was rather blah... I didn't go to the beach, I just stayed home and the only time that I was out was about 30 mins ago that I went to go see X-men 3... Movie was good and I think another one will be coming if they chose.... Besides that most of the long weekend was spent in bed watching T.V. because since about WED I got some horrible cold plague.... So w/e because of that my weekend was shot and I didn't do jack but stay home... I wanted to go out and see the crazy Miami life but w/e another year gone, maybe next year.... I seemed to have so much time this weekend that I have filled my mind up with problems and questions and issues... I hate it when a mind like mines is at rest.... I always seem to find something wrong or something a bother with me.... Well I shall just deal with it as I always do and just work the problem out and then later maybe write about it.... Well I do have class in the morning and I should get some sleep so...

LILMAN X

Quick Blogg long day need sleep...

Well.. Yeah its been a long day.. All I need to say is: People are stupid, but if they would be some what smart we would never have any problems there for "Without Chaos order and nothing can exist"... Also my last word of advice is... "There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function." Long day... Going to bed...

LILMAN X

Its Only Tuesday And IM Tired Of This Week...

Well so I made it to Jackson, after getting up at 5 am and looking outside it was raining so much that I was like screw it I will wait it out... Then around 6 I finally left the house and got stuck in this stupid traffic on the 826... I mean it was bumper to bumper parking lot style... So w/e that was for ever until after the air port... Then it was smooth sailing until I got to the actual test done... Oh yeah I almost forgot about the stupid toll lady, when I was paying the 1.50 toll she was asking me how old I was and what was I doing driving and on and on, I was like look I am old just let me go, I am in a hurry... W/e... So then I valet my car and went first to do the Echo cardiogram, well I get there and the stupid girl tells me that IM too early because they don't open until 8:30... So I told her look Lourdes sent me for this time so w/e they found the papers and saw I was a special case so w/e they did that then I rushed over to the ultra-sound to get the other test done... The problem one was at 8 and the ultra-sound was at 8:30.. Now we all know its impossible to just go, get something done and go do another one... No there's always some complication or some stupid jack ass being lazy so it takes a wile.. So w/e I finished at 9:30 almost 10.. Then I ran over to ultra-sound and remembered the senile old woman took my ultra-sound paper to call them to let them know I was going to be late... Well I ran over to Echo grabbed the paper from her then ran over to ultra-sound and gave the paper in... At least that department was fast and in order... Not like the disorder echo was in... So w/e I got home at 11 and rushed over to class and told my teacher what was going on and how all this week its been Jackson-athon... So tomorrow I have clinic to see the doctor, tizakis, then Thursday IM not sure yet I shall have something to do, because they like to slowly screw with my head... Then Friday is the Stupid CT scan... So w/e between Jackson and the new school term starting in the same week IM going to loose it or just party my head off when IM in the calm.... Its only Tuesday, well actually Wednesday now and IM tired of this week already... Going to bed..

LILMAN X

Quickness Post, Jackson Adventure to be

Well tomorrow should be something, I have to go to Jackson hospital so I can do 2 test for the liver transplant people... Good greef what I do for them... I have to get up like at 5 am or something so I don't catch traffic and I can make it there on time and catch good parking... So w/e I was also told that one test is at 7:30 and the other is at 8 ... So how the fuck am I supposed to do that... I mean common one takes time and then run across to the other... Oh good greef... w/e I will write how it goes, also I have to let my teacher know so I haven't a clue what IM going to do about that... w/e time for sleep because I have to get up before the sun comes up... >_<

LILMAN X

Pop It Into First Then neural, Just Let It Ride

Lets update a little first off because last time I wrote I was a little, Crazy I guess you could say... I had a lot on my mind and a lot of things going on so yeah... So on Friday I didn't do much just visit a friend in the hospital and then I came home and had a lot of shit on my mind from this past week because its been one thing after another and bla bla bla... So what do I do when I have a lot of shit on my mind... Work on my car... So I took my dash apart because the lights in the gauges were all burnt out and dim and it needed to be cleaned... So that's what I did... It took me like 6 hrs or more to do it, lets just say by midnight was when I was done and test driving it to make sure it worked good... So yeah now its all awesome and it works perfectly... Basically the car is way better the when I got it, odd because cars should get worse as time goes by but not mines it keeps on improving because I work on it soo damm much... So next subject is, I am just going to go with the flow from now on, I don't care anymore about stupid shit about what I should do and worry about other people and try to help them and stress about all kinds of things... Screw that IM not going to make a mess of myself for something that is hopeless so IM just going to offer and if not, oh well... I will just sit back and let it ride... No need for that any more, if you see me write something like that tell me, hey just let it ride... So I am going to sleep and jam to my IPOD...

LILMAN X

Rambling

Restless mind I have going for me at the moment... I have so many things I think every day but sometime I don't feel like getting to them... I like to think I am in control of my life when it comes to a few things. Things like people I know that they are in a situation and I would like to help but I just know I can only go so far. Whatever I just don't get it some times, why some one would liked to be helped but they don't want to be... Thoughts just going in my mind at the moment I don't even know what to do... Sometimes I feel like I want to forget about everyone and just sit back by myself and pretend I am on a island called "solitude-dissipate-emancipate" or it could also be called "limbo" or best known as "Hades"... No matter what place I go to its always something... I never seem to find fraternization "Peace"... w/e I just have so much shit on my mind I think IM going to call it a night and sleep it off... What ever I don't sleep it off I will write I guess...

LILMAN X

Brain Dead X_X

Well it official... I feel 100% brain dead... I cant think right, my eyes are blood shot and IM super tired but I cant sleep... WTF is wrong with me... I have so much shit on my mind I cant even sleep... It just keeps circling in my mind and I cant seem to go to sleep... My only solution is to work my self to sleep by going out and getting tired to the point I cant do anything but sleep... Nights that I don't do anything, Ex tonight, I just cant sleep... IM going to have to watch some boreing thing or the BBC or something so I can sleep... GERRR... Blast this stupid insomnia... Dammit, IM going to force my self to sleep, put on some PBS or something...

LILMAN X x_x

Sit My Self Back To Think... Brain Always Working, Damm My I.Q.

Well today was a rather slow and boring day... I didn't go out, I didn't go to lollipop, I didn't do shit, but sit and think, rest and recover... Since most people that have a high I.Q. cant sit still and just relax and turn off the mind, I had to sit home all day with nothing but the computer and TV to keep me occupied... So in other words, I thought a lot about different things... Mostly one of them would be that subject I keep juggling in my head; girls... One of them has me thinking of her often, I've known her for a long time and I've always liked her... One thing I cant get out of my mind at this moment is that she is currently single and well I would make a move but she is not in the best position now to date I guess I should say... I am helping her in her situation but I don't know what the out come will be... Some times I think I should just forget about it and totally forget this crazy idea of me liking her but I've tried and its always been floating around in my head... I don't know what to do anymore about it, every time I get the bird brain idea of doing something like this I always get screwed but rarely it works... I don't know why I try but who knows... Maybe I should try this time and see what happends... Hell I don't even know how she feels for me, as if I was sure of it anyways... My one weakness is I could never tell how they feel, ever... Its like some unknown science I haven't learned or some unsolved mystery... Well I guess my plan of action would be: Support her for now in the situation she is in... Step two: Slowly or quickly ( I need to figure out which) Invite her out or go over to her house or w/e( Spend time) Step Three: Make the move... I guess that would be a good plan of action... Not sure, Blast this mind of mines... Why must it always be busy thinking of possiblilitys and outcomes... I wish some times I could just go with the flow and not think about it 3-billion times... Other wise I feel much better and I am going out tomorrow...

LILMAN X

A Limp Like House, Ouch !

What a day... Good greef I am in pain... My back hurts like hell and I cant even walk right... I feel like an episode of House... That show were the smart ass doctor that has a cane walks around with a limp... Yeah that's right IM walking around with a cane on my right hand because I cannot for the life of me put any pressure on my right foot because the pain is unbearable... It hurts soo much... I think its because were the bone-marrow was done it has something to do with my leg putting pressure on my pelvic bone or some shit like that... I think IM going to take a vicodin and go to bed or some shit I cant stand it... I am going to cancel on every one tomorrow because I just cant do shit with this pain in my back... Dammit and I wanted to go out and do stuff... Well I might wake up better who knows... Just call me Dr. House M.D.

Lilman X

News To The Public Jabroni's

Well today was good, I went to class and had my usual day at school... Tomorrow will be a different day, not the most pleasant day for me I must say, but its something I must do... Ok a little back ground history... First is first, most of you know that I go to the hospital a lot and its normal for me to be there and bla bla bla... Well tomorrow I must do a Bone marrow biopsy so that I may keep on with the study that I am in, all this is so I can continue to get a medication Called GCSF (BTW its not cheap) for free... Its not a bad deal, they take a little bit of bone marrow and I get this medication that cost the equal to buying a new Benz every 2 months for free... I think its fair... Now I guarantee that IM going to be one big un-happy bitch... I will be in pain for a few and pissed off but hey, that's nothing vicoden or something stronger cant fix :) So w/e I will be miserable for a few hrs until the next day... I will let you know how it goes...

LILMAN X

Blah... Another day

Well Today was rather nothing-less... I didn't do a damm thing all day long because I was not energized... I felt tired and last night my joints were all hurting I don't know why but w/e I took advil and crashed until about 11 this morning... Then I just layed in bed all day... Mostly relaxing and watching T.V... tomorrow I have school and the next day doc's Appt... Back to the grind... Well IM going to go take a shower and go to bed...

LILMAN X


Oh no, I see
A spider-web is tangled up with me
And I lost my head
And thought of all the stupid things I've said

Oh no, what's this?
A spider-web and I'm caught in the middle
So I turn to run
And thought of all the stupid things I've done

And oh, I never meant to cause you trouble
Oh, I never meant to do you wrong
And oh, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm

Oh no, I see
The spider-web and it's me in the middle
So I twist and turn
But here am I in my little bubble

Singing oh,
I never meant to cause you trouble
And oh, I never meant to do you wrong
Oh, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm

They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me

Events of Me and The Study Of Miami Effect..

Well so today was just a regular day besides the doctors visit to the hematologist... The guy is cool and he know his stuff and I like his idea's much more than the doctor I was seeing at MCH... I didn't attend school this morning because once more I could not sleep all night long and I was up until about 5 am or so... I got up rather late like around 10 or so, and I figured I would also prepare the papers for this doc... Now to the matter of My Personal Study On: Effects of Miami... I was out all weekend long from last Thursday until Sunday partying with my friends and having a lot of fun... Now I don't know if its just this city or any city with the atmosphere of "lack of a care" but an observation of mine has been that a lot of people are trying to fill their lives with something, May it be, one night stands or hooking up with people at "cultural Gatherings" also known as a club or a venue that a mass of people being all within the same age go to... I bet if a study was done on cities around the world Miami would fall under the top 10 if not the top 5 of single people seeking some one else or just seeking something to fill the emptiness.. I don't consider myself a typical Miami person, because I do not seek the need to fill my empty spot or feel the need to be greedy of material things. Now I am human and sometimes I do need that empty spot filled, but I don't seek it often.... Every one needs to sin, every once in a while but what is the true meaning of this word "SIN" how do we distinguish this, is it just not an active for Cultural standard? I think we seek to draw a fine line every day more and more thin on what is excepted and what is not... This weekend I met a person who was here on vacation and she and I discussed the differences in our countries... The Midwest I think is rather high on themselves and since the rest of the world is older than us I think they have a much better mature view on the aspect of life..

LILMAN X

$24 Bills Dance, Day One Of Sin Weekend...

Well I was thinking of usesing code names for the following people but I think I will exclude one person... Today at of Midnight is fred's Birthday, So we are having a weekend of Pure Party after Party; "Sin Weekend" I call it. Nothing too bad but not our usual going out or hanging out nights... It was Me My boy Dio, and two girls... Lets label the girls "cubana" and Ms. "Party" girl, Also Fred's Pal Jeramy was also hanging with us... So the plan was to go to Martini Bar at Sunset Place, Possibly the Grove after.... So we show up at Martini Bar and its almost dead... So w/e we had our own fun times and had a few drinks, Danced amongst our selfs and chilled... So since all we did was basically drink we were, good and juiced up and ready to go... So we thought of going to Senor Frog's... Well I don't know who it was, or who thought up of the idea to go to a Strip bar... So since we were in the mood for w/e, the girls were like umm okie, and you know the guys were like hell yeah... So we piled into the cars and drove to Alley Cat's... Well lets just say it was the first time Cubana has ever been in a strip bar... I think Party girl has but IM not too sure... Well All I know is I had Tits in my face, often and I don't know who it was the second time but I got a hell of a lap dance Twice and The first lap dance my boy dio hooked it up... OMG that girl was like all over me and shit.. She was like rubbing all up on my, Well you know and feeling me all up and I was feeling her all up.. Damm... Fred had a good time, I think he got more of a kick watching Cubana and party girl getting cuchie and tits in there face all the time... That was a trip... Wow... What a night and it wasn't expensive... Well IM sleepy and IM going to bed.. Who knows what Sin Day two will bring...

LILMAN X

P.S. I might write more tomorrow, And I have pics of the strip bar!

Non-Productive Day Of Lazy nada...

Well i didnt do jack shit today... Not proud of it... Well bullshit i am... I didnt do crap but stay in my pj's all day long and chill at home, i sorta messed around with the computer im building but w/e i didnt do much... Just started it up to see all the sexy light and watch it glow... Besides that nothing else was done... I was going to, Call my doctor, Clean and wax my car and then after that i was going to go look for a flat screen at tiger and pick up my room or i should say clean it more like it... Also wash cloths and stuff... But i didnt do jack... i dont know why but i just didnt feel like doing anything... Energy was gone and the erdge to do somthing was just Blah... Its just one of thouse days you just dont feel like doing anything but watch tv and lay around... Well tomarrow i must be productive... Falling behind on my stuff... Well going to bed...

LILMAN X

Must be your skin that I'm sinkin in
Must be for real cause now I can feel
and I didn't mind
it's not my kind
not my time to wonder why
everything's gone white
and everything's grey
now your here now you away
I don't want this
remember that
I'll never forget where your at
don't let the days go by
glycerine

I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
are you at one
or do you lie
we live in a wheel
where everyone steals
but when we rise it's like strawberry fields

If I treated you bad
you bruise my face
couldn't love you more
you got a beautiful taste
don't let the days go by
could have been easier on you
I coudn't change though I wanted to
could have been easier by three
our old friend fear and you and me
glycerine (repeat)
don't let the days go by
glycerine

I needed you more
when we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
it might just be
clear simple and plain
that's just fine
that's just one of my names
don't let the days go by
could've been easier on you
glycerine

Status: Brain OffLine... Reason: Unknown

Well today I had class and the worst part is its a class I have done or did partly... I was absent like the last 3 or 2 weeks and they failed me or gave me an incomplete... W/e IM fucking pissed off about it... I see it two ways, tomorrow IM going to argue with the dean, if he says there's no way out and I have to take this class then fine... A extreme easy semester and I do jack shit but learn the same crap I already know or get into a new class... For some reason I have felt just blah... I mean IM tired and not energized or just not myself... I don't know if my blood count is dropping or something is going on but w/e, IM going to try to do a few things to solve it... If its not working then I will seek other help, Aka doctor check up... I was not a productive one today at all... I came home from class slept one hr, then took the seat covers, the bunny with the panda and my steering wheel off tossed them in the washer and slept once more... Got up put them up to dry, got something to eat, slept some more, then I was watching TV until now... Damm I have to do something tomorrow, sick of being lazy, I must be productive >_< I need to clean my room, clean the car, build the badass pc and so on... So much stuff, but i lack the force to do it... Well w/e i will see what is going to happen tomarrow... So tierd i dont know why... going to messige some people check email and sleep... Who knows what time i will get up tomarrow...

lilmanx

Part 2 of what a day... / Today's thoughts

Well so I sed I would continue what I wrote about yesterday and I shall, some of it... So yeah I was at a gay bar thanks to my friends all girls wanted to go out yesterday and I ended up once more being dragged into something I didn't feel like going to... W/e so at least I knew some people at the place because its where the gothic place thing happens so its cool... Me and the Capitan were the only 2 guys who must of been straight, oh well yeah 2 others but they left early that night... We where there all night long... The Capitan and his "mate" me and my party girl and the Capitan's "Guest"... So since I was the skipper (second in command) I had to make sure it was all smooth, or at least the part the Capitan put me in charge of... Lets just put it like this... Most of the night I would say I was making sure the "guest" was ok because some, lets call them a Pirate was after the guest all night... So since I had to make sure the Pirate was behaving with the guest I was busy... First of all I was protecting myself because lets just say I was hit on by a lot of the flamers that were there that night... It was not pretty... Second my party girl was kinda tipsy and I made sure she was ok all night, then I was keeping watch after the guest and last making sure the Pirate was doing what he was supposed to... What a night... Change of subject... Well so today I didn't do anything because I just stayed at home all day long because I didn't feel like doing anything from being so tired from the weekend... Tomorrow I start my new class, so that should be fun... After school I have a list of stuff I have to get done so IM going to go to bed and rest for tomorrows Crazy day..

LILMAN X

What a day... Everything happened except my own "sastisfaction" Part 1

Well so I thought it was going to be a Sunday like everyother one except some small stuff... Well I was way wrong... Let me start off with I went to the beach today to hang out with a friend... So w/e I met I think most of her family if not all and I found out theres a 4 to1 girl ratio for them... So many were just girls, like maybe 3 boys in total... That's some crazy stuff... So I had fun, I didn't go in the water but I just was chilling most of the time... After that I decided to go to kariokie at titanic... Well same old stuff as always but a the difference was I was intrested and waiting for some one, that was the idea of me going... Or so I thought... Well it ended up turning out that I didn't get what I intended for... I actually kinda got shafted on this deal... So w/e I delta with it... After that I was going to go home, one of our friends told us hey there's a club called O-Zone... Well I know that place and let me tell you on Sunday night its gay guys and drag shows... So I told them what it was and they were like... "Oh lets go"... I was like um ok... So I got suckered in to all of this so about 8 people were at a gay club, and all where straight... So yeah... Well IM sleepy and IM going to bed... So if you want to find out more about what happened your going to have to wait until I write part2 of what happened... Sorry...

LILMAN X

Productive Night... Sleepy

Well so the rest of the night turned out to be good... I ended up going to the grove to hang with Anna and Tania and meeting them up at fat Tuesdays... It was a short chilling session but w/e it def made my night better considering the drama and crap that happened earlier... So yeah that's about all I have to tell... Going to bed because IM headed to the beach 2marrow

Lilman x

Oh yeah see anything different on my myspace?

Sat 11:58 X_X Fuck! >_< dammit....

Well its 11:58 and it sucks... dramma!!! this sucks i hate bullshit and crap that just should not be... I just got home right now and it late and i wanted to go out but i have to get up early like around 9 am... blast, car broke down, not mines my friends i tryed to help him out and now im screwd... fuck it im going out!!!

LILMAN X