Heven and hell on earth

Why do people fight and have war's? Anyone? Well i will tell you from my point of view.. I think its because of an idealistic thought, or way of being. Example, Hitler and the Jews, Why was this mad man such a anti Jew person? Well it was mostly because he would see Jewish people as an inferior race, or culture. His mother when he was still young, Was sick and the doctor was Jewish. Once his mother died he hated them all because of an idealistic type of thought that other people where superior than they were or would ever be. He did this same Genocide idea with Blacks, Gay, The Sick, And The old and dyeing. All put to death because the leader of Germany had an idea if you are not perfect or are an improvement over thoughts and idealistic thoughts you should die or suffer until you die. This is why we have war and hate boy's and girl's. People hate and have idea's of what is perfect and what should be and then do harm to the under attended. Palestine and mos alums always have been fighting and always will because they think they are correct.. Stupid idea's like this of my idea is right and yore's is wrong and is a stupid idea...

Dizzy up the girl...

Ever heard of the song Sympathy by The Goo Goo Dolls? Let's look at the lyrics...

Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees

Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger than your sympathy stranger than your sympathy.

Well i was writing a apology to some one i had no clue i offended and they will remain anonymous and this song is perfect for them. A little bit of this song and the song Black Balloon by the same artist would be a perfect mix of both lyrics to describe this relationship we uniquely have... Its funny because i am rough and blunt and rather upfront. Also at the same time deep inside, and not many know i kind of think a lot day to day of my actions and people who i hang around with and who i choose as my friends. I might seem as i don't but the truth is i do. Also a lot of things i say and do is not what i think about deep inside. Its more of a defense i have gotten accustom to or have grown, so people cannot bust into my fortress and take me down. I have learned, "show your true self and let the wolves in for the feeding". So i must be smacked by my true friends time to time and told what were you thinking or reality smacked i guess. I don't know anymore honestly. Its like the lyrics say, my head has been filled with doubt but I'm filling my life with things i don't need. Well i hope this person gets the point of this part of the blog.

Well besides my apology, this past weekend was good, and then again it was also rather a mind filling situation. Let me try to explain this further. So i had a blast, danced, drank like a champ to the point i was not sober at all, had girls all over me at the bar. Met random people who's numbers i look at now in my phone and think i will never call them. Had a bartender offer to take me back to her house. Had the most wildest time in a long time, but i don't feel accomplished. I don't know why. I mean yea any guy would be like, Shit yea it was insane, but not me. It used to bring a lasting smile to my face way back when, but now its like "oh it was fun". I don't know to blame this on age, maturity, woman in my life, my self, or other things i don't know of... It makes me dizzy thinking about all this stuff... Good god i would just like to feel satisfied and contempt with things already... Why must things be so complicated. Stupid asexual cell's they have it too easy! We have it the worst!

catch up time...

so no bullshit it was a long ass time ago i wrote a blog... Yes i know i have not kept this up but since, facebook came around and I've been busy with life and other bullshit i could not write. Also i was offending people writing shit down, mind you i didn't give any names or anything but still people knew who i was talking about and other bullshit... w/e fuck them i say... So i was going to the gym and still am... Just not as intense and as often, it was 5 days a week hard core down to 2 or 3 days a week i go now... Too much stress and bullshit at the moment for me to do everything at once... So yea it was a long and i do mean long summer.... It felt as if it would never end for me... Both good and bad... I would say i hated some of it and loved most of it... So yea w/e... Now i find my self in the stock market and doing that and hanging out and trying to make since of life at the moment. I am like at a point of i don't know if its denial or confusion or just out in a rather viscous loop... I am not sure.. I know i am in one stuck point in my life... Epic fail as some people would say. I need to do something about this crap and fast... So sick of just not moving... I don't know what, who, or how i got this way but change must happen fast!

Should i be like Eminem? I just don't give a F

Well right now its officially June... But i woke up nice an early on the last day of May at 5ish... i told people i woke up at 8 or 9 so they won't think I'm nuts getting up at 5 A.M. on a sat morning but i did... I had a good long time to think about stuff before i had to go back to my room and close the door so my dad would think i was still asleep and he would not bug me... I got up and had a seat out side on my porch and looked East and watched the sun rise in the distance... I like sun rise's Btw because it lets me think... Think of new idea's, new goles in my life... New things to come... A sunrise is like a brand new beginning... So i gave a real long good thought... Should i be like Eminem... Yea you are reading this right... Slim shady, Eminem, Marshal Mathers, W/e the fuck you wanna call him... Why him... Well because he dose not give a flying fuck about no one or anything... See this comes from thinking a lot... Why is my life so much in a shit hole right now? Why has all that was so perfect and getting on track gone all to hell? Why did (Some one who's name i will Leave Out but i should say) drop off the face of the earth like they died or didn't exist or was a figment of my imagination? Why the fuck can't i ever move 3 steps forward and stay in that spot and not get Smacked, Kicked, Hit, Stupid Slapped, Abused or W/e the fuck back to only one step ahead? Well that's only because, I Give A Fuck... But guess what... I was thinking i should not... I should not give a Fuck about anyone or anything... Be cold as ice or perma-frost... Be heart-less like love-less... Any of the above... People have always been able to walk all over me... Take advantage of my kindness... Take me for a fucking fool... Use me for what i can give... Trick me into thinking things... Make me think "oh they are here for me, so i should be there for them too"... Well fuck you! I Am so sick of being a fool... I am fucking sick and fucking tired of bullshit non-sence people who dont give 3 flying fuck-son-of-a-bitch-cunt-licking-asshole-dick-liking-twat-of-a-dirty-slut-monkey-shit-bitches-ho's... That is what i think... You know what... I need a real good reason to change my fucking mind at this point to not freeze my heart and don't give a fuck like eminem and go back to actually giving a flying fuck about anyone... If being a asshole is the only fucking way i can get ahead and stay in that spot then i got to do, what i got to do... Fuck the rest... I am sick of the push around.... I am sick of feeling like shit and taking it personal, i am sick of making my self feel bad and wasting my brain power thinking over shit when Alzheimer's is going to eat my brain anyways.. i should use my pleasures of my brain for something else than my worries and stupid thoughts about fuck-son-of-a-bitch-cunt-licking-asshole-dick-liking-twat-of-a-dirty-slut-monkey-shit-bitches-ho's.... Give me a reason not to change a remain how i am.. if not... i am giving this 110% thought and i just might change forever and no return back!!!

LILMAN X

Lost of knowing what i did

Well the month of May so far is like a Whirlpool that sucked me into a unknown world... April was no better because i just don't know anymore what is going on in my life i guess you could say... the damnedest thing is that i was so happy with everything too before like mid April i would say... everything was the best it has ever been in my life. The year started off wonderful and perfect, then i had some drama and issues with my health and a lot of other bad shit happened but i haven't complained at all because i always talk about all the shit and bla bla bla but i never did. why because i was happy. i had it all i guess you could say. i had a girl who loved me ( i think ) and was by my side and just about supported me in every aspect. my friends were fine and i didn't have to go rescue anyone or any other bullshit or drama which every one knows always is an issue in my life but even that had no problem in my life... now... I feel as i am lost, or are in another world or just in an odd place. it all was fine and from one week to the next... poof i guess you could say all the shit blew up in my face and changed. its all changed for the bad. so i don't know if its something i did, or it just something that was building up to change on me or i don't even know what to think anymore... W/e I just feel lost... Pissed off and sad and upset and emotional and angry and something i just cant describe all into one emotion... i have no words. i have no thoughts. The worst part about loosing your mind in the matter of a way is.... I CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT!!!... AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

LILMAN X

God please...

Look i know i dont pray, i know i dont go to cherch or any of that, but god please. I don't want to loose her, i love her with all my heart, i lover her soo much i cant stand the idea with out her being in my life as my love my girl friend, some one that with me thought thick and thin. i dont want any one to have the same connection i have with her. she gives me hope, she gives me faith, she gives me a reason for doing better. everyone who knows me say she is the best thing that has happend in my life and alot of people know the hardships i have had. a lot of people know what things have happend. i cant loose her. it crushes me to think that. god please i would do anything too keep her by my side. back off, go out and do anything. i need her in my life. i dont want to be selfish but i love her. i met her for a reason. i know she is in my life for a good change. i have never met a girl like her in my life before. i had one good influence who did love me and we would of healed each other but i was stupid and i blame my self for not giving her a second chance, then you took her away from me. please don't take this one away. please god dont do this to me once more. she is not spoiled to the world she is still pure and can better my misrible life. i know i feel it deep in my sole when i am down, i pick my self up for her. i want to be stronger, i want to be healthy and she gives me a reason for fighting this big fight in my life. god, i do love her. dont take her away. i need more than a friend in my life, i have lots of them i thank you for giving me, but i know she is more than just a friend. i know i have my doubts, i know i have ideas of what might be happening behind my back or stupid things i think of, but they are just stupid ideas i manafest in my mind,only because you have done to me in the past. i know i have to forgive and forget. i know the past is gone but i would like to now trust and give hope. im stupid for thinking thoughts. god please dont take her away. i know i am not a strong man, i know my weakness is love, i know the only weakness i have is love. but why attack it.. have i done wrong.. god please... please god dont take her away, dont take her away ang give her to some one else who wont appreciate her love, her kindness, her beauty, her brain, her morals, her compation, her will. toss me another illness but dont take her away... pleas god please...

How and why

I don’t get it sometimes, how I can get something so good sometimes and I don’t deserve it at all… Christina is the most wonderful person I have even been with, I can’t explain why I love her so much, but I will try. First off, I don’t know how she can be so nice sometimes, I mean I know people are nice but she cares so much about people. Also about people she loves… I hope she truly loves me as much as she says… In my past I haven’t had much luck with love or girls who care about me in the same way she loves and cares about me. The odd part is I’ve known her since about late December and it’s now March 6, 2008. I only have known her for three months total… We are dating and happy, at least I am and I hope she is too. I have only felt this way about someone else, and that person is gone from my life. Love is not something you can just walk into CVS or Wal-Mart and just buy… Not even people that are married and have lived together for years find love. It’s a hard thing to find, not only because it’s rare. People don’t know what love is. Yes there is a definition for it but what good are words if you can’t describe feelings. When you feel something it’s just undescribable and can’t be duplicated or imitated. That’s why you will never be able to find a machine that can feel love. Love comes from the soul and only can be felt within. Christina is so smart and she is so beautiful. How do I get so lucky to have a person like that in my life? Not everyone can find that. She’s also so understanding too, I mean I am complicated. Not only because of my medical conditions, but also I have some minor other issues I know most people won’t put up with. I mean I don’t know many people that will sit by your side while you’re sick in the hospital and being a pain in the ass… I know eventually if she was going to end up my girlfriend she would have to deal with it somehow or sometime. I just never thought it would be when I was my sickest and my worst I have ever been. She had the patience to sit by me, while no one knew how it was going to turn out. I mean it was serious, I bled out of my lungs and it was a main vessel. She told me after all this happened she knew I was going to be ok and I am strong and I was going to make it… I myself was not too sure. I honestly at one point when I was in the E.R. thought I was going to die. I told my mom and dad I love them and to tell my friends I love them too. I also thought to myself, well for once in your life you are happy and content and at least you can die in peace. I didn’t want to though, I wanted to live, so I could be with the people I care for, and I also thought about her too. I thought I just met her and I have so much strong feelings for her I want to keep feeling this way for the rest of my life and I want to live to see it happen. I thought all about this in the few minutes before they put me under and took me to surgery. I didn’t know at the time what was going to happen or if I was going to wake up at all or wake up all messed up. I may not be a religious person, but I do thank god I found her and that fate has brought us together. I will do whatever I have to in my life to keep her by my side. I will do anything because I don’t want things to change ever. If any change were to happen, it would be the good change like our love for each other grows stronger to the point that we are happy. Sometimes I remember as a kid I would see old couples together holding hands and just looking at each other in delight. That’s how I would like it to be, that few small amount of happy people in the world who grow old together and are just happy and content. I don’t know what the future may hold but, I do hope the bad parts of my life are over. The bad relationships. The bad people who crossed me. The bad people who used me. The bad things that happened because I was so stupid to go along with it and I thought it would all work out in the end. The people who stressed me to the point I would get sick. I had no reason in the past to truly look forward to anything except for a career one day. A lot of good a career will do besides money and luxury. You can’t buy love. That saying is so true because you can just about get anything besides love. I love Christina and I can’t stop thinking about her sometimes. This is why I had to write this blog. Not only to get it out of my system, but to let the world or whomever reads this how I feel. No one can harm me while I am happy, not only am I superman but I am now on overdrive. No one can harm me or her! Wow I wrote a lot… Well I am currently in the car driving to Orlando so I thought I would write my mind out, now its megacon time and anime time….

LILMAN X >_<

Christina and I and the world should know... Part 1

Well i guess the news is out... and if you didn't know, i am off the market and i hope for good... That's right girls, i have a girlfriend and i no longer am single... I have a girl in my life for once that loves me for me, i don't have to impress her, or do any crazy stuff... She just enjoys me and who i am... no matter what... Its kind of funny because since i met her, I've always thought she was cute and looked good and was smart... So i figured, although i knew she didn't want a B/F at the time, and didn't want anything at the time... i kept and kept trying my hardest until i chipped away i guess you could say, at the hard brick wall she put up... I know others tyred and could not get by that wall... But as most of you know me i keep trying as long as i don't get a get lost or straight rejection in my face... I am hard to convince to give up and when i know it is something good and its a once in a life opportunity i will not pass it up and try until i succeed... I am so happy with her, I mean wow if you think about it... It is super hard to first find someone who has a brain, and a real smart person with a good smarts... Also some one who has real good looks and is a hottie... Then if you find both rare quality's then you add good parents who a similar to your up bringing and morals that both have been shown since little... Then if the 3 match up its even more rare to find some one who understands you so much, no matter may it be health problems, or problems with what ever may happen, she stays by your side... Then the only arguments are about stupid stuff like if you take care of your self or about school and spending too much time with each other and not focusing on other things that need attending... Well i will get into a bit more detail... about how things happened and stuff but for now just want to let the world know i am off the market and i love Christina sooo much....

LILMAN X :-)

P.S. If you look under this blog, i wrote one on the 21 i never published until i wrote this one...

Write what I think with no one to read

Ok I know I write in code and I do write a lot but this time around will be free write... I am not going to hide or will not give names to hide people's names or w/e it’s straight up writing what is on my mind so let’s see how this goes... Well all I have to say is I am happy to be alive and I can say I am happy with my life at the moment... I came real close to death recently and I came close to heaven lately at the same time.... Story goes like this... Feb 14th valentine's day I asked out a very special girl to be my valentine but I also asked her to be my girl friend... it took a lot of guts to do both but it took the most out of me to ask her to be my girl... I am always doubtful about basically anything I do that has to do with my love life because I haven't had the best luck I guess you could say... I fear rejection the most but I fear to be alone most of all... I think most people share my fear but I think I talk about it the most but more in code.... Well so that day I asked Christina to come to my house for lunch after her classes and do the romantic v-day thing... Well in all honestly I hate that day, mostly because I never have any one or I am alone or w/e the reason is I hate it... this year since she agreed to be my valentine I was happy, well I was more than happy I should say but I will leave it at that.... A confession I do have to say is I have hidden from some people out of respect for Christina and others and not to make waves, is we have kissed and been affectionate with each other... I don't have a problem being open about it but she is more worried about people finding out and I’m not essentially worried because I know who will find out and they will support us or I’m not sure what will happen but I do know as long as I am happy I have my true friends support behind me and behind us... I feel she is soo right and I feel we will be happy together. The people, who know me well, know I go out of my way and do w/e possible to make her happy. I honestly don’t know her for too long but, I can say I do have a connection with her like I’ve never had with anyone... I can read her and feel her, I can just look at her and tell what she is thinking and I think she can do the same for me.... I know I sound like it’s been forever or we are moving fast but I don’t know... I would be lying if I did not admit this fact... I do admit I did give her a scare and the rest of the people who care about me and love me... I came real close to death on Thursday the 14th because I bleed out of my lungs... Ok the story goes like this, Thursday after lunch and lollipop; I had an event at cielo night club for lollipop fund raiser... After the bake sale I started dancing real hard and as I usually do and I coughed up blood... first it was small but then it started gushing out in a real good amount... Thank god for my friends at lollipop and Yendi and Marcina and the rest of the crew who was with me when this event happened... They acted quick and saved my life, otherwise I would have drowned in my own blood... Basically what happened was a vain formed a pocket of collected blood until the vain popped and I started to bleed out.. I got to mercy hospital and the team here saved my life... I am fine now and I have to take it easy for a little while but I have my Family and my girl Christina by my side to support me... I love her and I feel bad because I knew I was going to end up in the hospital eventually but I didn’t know it was going to be one of the worst hospital stays of my life... I do admit she took it like a champ and I am shocked how strong she is, anyone else I’m sure would of flipped out or who knows but this just proves to me she can deal with the real medical issues that is a part of my life... It comes with me and although I try to ignore it or I try to make it as easy on the people in my life, it is a part of my life... I know I will never hurt her, and would take any steps to make life as easy as possible and happy for the both of us... I hope she feels the same for me as I do for her... Also I told her I was sorry for giving her the scare I gave her but she told me not to say I was sorry because I had no control over the situation but you know how I am... I think I am superman and I can control the world... But I do know I am rocky and I don’t know when to quit and I am a fighter!! I don’t know how to stay down!

I love my honda... I love my, Sunshine time...

Ok i know i might get into a little bit of trouble because of this but screw it... I love my car, why, because its reliable and its fast and gives me a thrill only one other thing can but w/e its different... So today was a real good day, unexpected things happened today but i was super happy about it... So yea i got to see... Lets call her "sunshine"... So me and sunshine spent some time today, ok i admit it might not be something big to you all but for me its more than words can describe... I didn't think i was going to see sunshine today due to i was sick yesterday or to put it correctly Tue because i have some kind of throat infection or something like that... So i was told i had to stay home and rest so it gets better real fast and it goes away... Fine no problem, well for me it is... i don't know why but when i see sunshine she just makes my day, and when i spend time with sunshine i feel like i could fly, and just do about anything... i am super happy if you can't tell by now... So after i had my time with sunshine today and got some love i guess you can say... HEY, I told you keep that mind out of the gutter!! Jackasses! Its nothing like that... But i did get loving after all, i got to hang out with Anna... So me and Anna wanted to go to walmart with Luis and Jessica and pinky... So we all drove to walmart and later on drove to playthings to say hi to my friends and some cool people i know there and then after we chilled at 7-11 for a while... Then after all that i was kinda tired and was driving down 8th and i was planning on taking Anna home.. Well when i look over to the other side of the road i see... Street Racers... Wow i was like in aww looking at all the Honda's and Srt4 and Silvia's and yea i could just keep going on and on about all the sexy car's... Well after i thought about it, more like 1.3 sec.. i yanked on the E-brake slowed down and turned around to join them... Now i was getting back to my roots as a street racer... I didn't want to park in a parking lot i know cop's might rade and ticket you for w/e... So i cased the joint out first, aka drive up and down 8th for a bit to see if i see cops or DT's or w/e and then i know its safe to go to the hangout... So yea as i always know the cop's did a rade and wow everyone bounced out of that joint like a bat out of hell... So i was like yea, going to another hang out.. so i will follow them and see were they meet and maybe talk to a few of them and see whats up... So yea i got the old Street Racer back in my blood flowing.. I didn't race because i had Anna in the car with me and i never put my passenger in any danger ever... So i just chilled and talked car stuff and yea kinda re-live the old day's... Wow, 2 rushes in one day, oh and i feel way better than i did yesterday... now i just cant sleep because of... yea a lot of factors but w/e... I know I'm not going to radio lollipop today and i got nothing to do so w/e I'm ganna see what this day gives me... Maybe nothing or who knows... im going to play some wii maybe to calm down or put me to sleep with some transformer's movie or something... WOOT good day.!!

LILMAN X

A Taste of.. and more?

Have you ever given any thought to if you could have a taste of something, you wanted soo bad that you would give anything in the world for? What would you do once you had a taste of this something? Would you be happy? Would you want more? Would you quiver and be shocked? I Had a similar situation happen to me... Lets say for example.. i wanted an item, or thing.. So once i got this thing i wanted another one, and one more and one more... Is this bad? Addictive? Or is it something i would like to keep getting? All depends on the kind of person you are, see with me its like i could have some, but i can wait for some more, but it will drive you crazy before you get anymore, and that is if there is any more left or will be more later on... You all must be like wtf is he talking about.. Well some of you know but the rest must be loopy.. or thinking other things, get your damm head out of the gutter, jack asses! Well all i have to say is, first i am super happy at the time.. i don't mind where i am at and i don't mind how things are going.. this is only a reference for my self and one other... I hope hearts can open up and i can further go on... i want it to so bad so i just can be happy and feel safe i guess... complicated as hell the situation i am in but so is life... you know you like someone when you start to miss them out of the blue and you think about them time to time... Love takes time and is something that has to be grown such as a seed that grows into a plant into a flower some day... i think a lot but i also don't write down or say a lot of things that go on in my mind, maybe because of my fear or i just rather keep it to my self... i am not sure of that but what i am sure of, one day i will be happy... at least i hope i will be... maybe i can share it with some one at that point... i know people say i look a lot for what i want but i say it finds me when i don't look and i sure can say i have... randomly i found something for a reason i do not know why, i have had a taste of something and i want more... only time will tell what will happen, but for now i am happy..

LILMAN X

OMG my head is going to explode... she spins me round...

Well its been forever since i have written and alot of stuff has happend... where in the hell do i start... well i will start by i have been out of the hospital and i am doing awsome... i have had a good winter i guess you can put it... started by hanging out with one of my homies that i havent seen in the logest time... D-man, he is doing real good in hawaii in the navy as a medic and helping people and stuff... it was awsome seeing him because its been forever since i have hanged with him because of him going off to war and then comming back to the real world i guess you could say... he was here in the summer and i didnt get a chance to hang with him due to the fact i was in the hospital and lost in space i guess you could say... well last time i wrote it was a complicated time in my life and right now i guess you could say things are simple and good but also complicated at the same time... lets put it like this... i like someone, i am about 95% this person feels the same way for me also but is afraid to do anything about her feelings and emotions are confusing both of us at the same time... I feel like i am spinning all the time because all i just want to do is feel secure that she likes me and its just going to be chill i guess you could say and we can trust each other and just care about each other and not worrie about the rest of the retarded world... my problem as most of you know i have issues with security and knowing where i stand and i hate the fact i am never sure about my situations... I just want to tell her that i feel soo much for her, in ways i cant express my self with her and also in things i want to do with her... for the dirty minds that read this get your mind out of the gutter, assholes... i just want to basically spend time and hold each other... cuddling or just being in the same room with her is the best thing i can experience... I just would like to hold her in my arms and also tell her what i think about her... I don't give a crap who knows or what they think... i say screw the world and what i think is what goes... so here goes my thoghts... I think she is amazing, first off, i have never met some one so dedicated to her studies, second (most of the time people are all about the books and screw the rest of things in life) she is also athletic and thinks health wise about alot of stuff... I actually need some one in my life right now to show me how to do things right and how i should also take care of myself, more like set an example that i can follow but also push me tooo... third she is also beautiful; something about her that i just amazes me and i find something diffrent every time i see her... no matter what she wears or what she is doing i always think its new and exciting... i dont know if its because i just met her or i haven't know her for a long time but i like this idea of something new every time i hang out with her... fourth her attitude towards life is different from most people that i have met, her outlook is similar if not the same as mines is... now i am older than her and she is younger than me but extremly mature about it and thats what is shocking and puts me into a gasp when i think about it... the chemistry between us is something that i truly can feel and also i am afraid of... the connection is super strong and intense but at the same time is relaxed... she is way diffrent from i guess the typical girl i like and also her response to me is different from what i am used to but all this "NEW" stuff is getting me all dizzy and drives me crazy at the same time... i am enjoying it and also i fear if any of this is for real? i mean some times i swear its like a dream and it cant be true, or maybe its some cruel trick i am being picked out of a crowd and tricked on... im not sure how it is going to go from here but here is what i think... first i would hope the following is going to happen... we are further going to continue what we discussed and just let it be and go with the flow... i hope to be happy with her because my demands are few and im sure her's are too... i am also pleasing in any way i can be, i know school is a big issue with her and i will keep my distance because i dont want to get in her way... I think i am getting into this maybe a little fast and i might need to slow down, i hope if i am she can tell me "hey slow down" and i will... i do things sometimes a little too crazy and i know my speed might be too fast and jumping into things to fast but its just me... when i feel a connection for some one i just get into it, i think from my point of view im at the point of no return where for example i can simply forget about her and my feelings for her but i can't... like i said before im in too deep and to the point of no return... i know its kind of crazy but thats just the way my mind works.. cant help it sorry... Well if i get hurt, i rather it be me than her ever getting hurt because that would be the last thing i would ever want to do to her... i would never hurt her, i cant, i dont know how to hurt anyone actually... sometimes i wish i could be an asshole because assholes get all the good girls and nice guys finish last... i think i always finish last because i am a nice guy but from what my friends tell me i dont finish last... w/e i disagree but who knows... maybe this is my chance of finding a nice girl and a true fairy tale will come true... i just wish some how she could stop being so confused about the situation and just trust me... i know its hard and she is scared to get screwd over but you learn nothing in life with out taking a risk... Anything in life is a risk the way i see it... you go to work, you take a risk to get fired, you go to school, you take a risk of learning something that might not be such a hot career in the future, you take a drive to a friends house... Simple right? well you might get in a acident getting there... everything in life is a risk... You take a risk to learn something from it or to experience something new... I say face life, take a risk and enjoy the good and look past the bad... Well its super late and i have to correct this long blogg as much as i can so good night...

LILMAN X

November Rain Part 2007

Well its almost the end of November but i was going to do this at an earlyr date but what the hell... its been a crazy year so far so we will see what happends of what is left...

November rain lyrics

When I look into your eyes

I can see a love restrained

But darlin' when I hold you

Don't you know I feel the same



'Cause nothin' lasts forever

And we both know hearts can change

And it's hard to hold a candle

In the cold November rain



We've been through this auch a long long time

Just tryin' to kill the pain



But lovers always come and lovers always go

An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today

Walking away



If we could take the time

to lay it on the line

I could rest my head

Just knowin' that you were mine

All mine

So if you want to love me

then darlin' don't refrain

Or I'll just end up walkin'

In the cold November rain



Do you need some time...on your own

Do you need some time...all alone

Everybody needs some time...

on their own

Don't you know you need some time...all alone



I know it's hard to keep an open heart

When even friends seem out to harm you

But if you could heal a broken heart

Wouldn't time be out to charm you



Sometimes I need some time...on my

own

Sometimes I need some time...all alone

Everybody needs some time...

on their own

Don't you know you need some time...all alone



And when your fears subside

And shadows still remain

I know that you can love me

When there's no one left to blame

So never mind the darkness

We still can find a way

'Cause nothin' lasts forever

Even cold November rain



Don't ya think that you need somebody

Don't ya think that you need someone

Everybody needs somebody

You're not the only one

You're not the only one

Transformers My Poor Car...

Well right now i have no car at the moment... My car who is about the only dependable thing in my life that is better than others who won't come close is broken... I am so sad about my car not working and yes i admit i did have a tiear or two for it... See if you look from my point of view, it takes me to where i need to be, 99% of the time if i take care of it, i will not be dissapointed and let down, people come and go and you have no control. As for my car, i hold the key to its action and it responds to my desire... Some people i know think im stupid for this but you know what i think of that... FUCK YOU~!! Will you take me where i need to be? Will you give me a thrill i can control and ask for any time... No, so then don't comment about it being just a car... You make what you drive and you hand is the one who makes what may come of it... Learn to have some control in your life and when all is out of order and then tell me what makes you happy... For me this is my car, My civic, my baby girl... Its my guardian like bumble bee was in the movie transformers to that kid, my car is my Transformer... Well on the bright side i'm getting her fixed and i hope it's going to be all better and my civic will be alright and maybe better than befor... I know it's in good hands because if i trust this person with my car they must be good... This video is for my car... May it be back in my life to make me happy once more...



LILMAN X >_<

Transformers Clips Set to Theme Song "What I've Done"

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Dream please End...

Well its been a hell of a long time since i have writen a blog or been on here... It's not that i didn't want to write a blog or anything its just that i have been real sick this past year... Ok where to start... In may i wrote about some girl who i met and i fell for i guess you could say... Me stupid romantic as always falls for the girls who stick by me or i have connection with, w/e like all things that are good, you can't always get what you want, but you get what you need as a song goes... At least this person is a grate friend and we still hang out and chit-chat so im cool and i'm just fine with that, better to gain then have a loss... So besides that, i have been in and out of the hospital... You all know that i get sick and stuff but i must say this year has been a hard and harsh one... In june untill i dont know when i did a total of 96 days of in the hospital... It was horrible but w/e i made my best had some computer out reach but not to what i wanted... Thats also why i haven't writen in soo long... But also i was in two or more times... i know i got out in Aug but also i know i was right back in like 3 weeks or something then one week later and this last time i was out for 3 days and i got a nasty infection and other stuff... Like i sed, its been like a long dream that will not end... I fell now better but still crappy... I have lost some and not kinda skinny but i need to gain it back... I hope i can get back into the flow of things like i was in the beginning of this year but geez its been crazy... Also a bad part about the hospital you drive you're self crazy because you just have so much time to think about stuff and your hands are tied and you can't do anything about you're thoughts and stuff like that... Now i don't know where to start to gather my like friends i haven't talked to or seen in so long... People vanish and fade if you don't keep up your game as i have learned... Now i need to step it up and fix it all, slowly because i don't want to end up sick because of my stress so we will see what happends... Comment or you can call me but please don't ask too much because i don't want to tell and i just want to wake up and let the dream end and my day to start...

LILMAN X >_<

Thoughts that run...

I know i haven't updated my blog in a long time but a lot has been going on i haven't been able to write about due to lack of being on my computer... So i have a issue right now in my life... A real big issue... I don't know how to explain it but i will do my best... I like this girl, no actually i love this girl... Yes love i know i don't use that phrase often but i do with her... She is almost perfect only because no one in the world is perfect even though we think we are... She excepts me for me, I have a lot of problems medically and personally and other things that i just don't think any other girl would ever have... But she excepts them for what they are and they don't even bother her at all... The only one problem i know she has is the fact i am shorter than her but its not my fault because of obvious reasons... Ive know her now for a wile and its not a long wile but it is some time... even if its been short or a long time that i have known her i do love her and i cant say that enough... she's met my family and they like her, she also likes them and she gets along with them too which is a big part of my decision if i love her or not... only one problem in this mess... She sort of has a guy but not at the same time... he treats her real bad in my opinion, maybe i am being bias about it but from what i have seen i think so... either way i don't think it will last with him but w/e its not my issue... All i want is for her to be happy if its with me or him... If she is torn between the two of us i rather her go with him because that would make her happy even if it will end eventually as i think it might... Ive just been spending a lot of time with her and i don't know how i could of won her over like i have but i didn't want to be a problem for her... I just wish some times nothing would of happened the way it did but i cant do anything about it now... I gave her my opinion today about what she should do and w/e if she chooses him over me and she is happy then i don't mind it... I guess i can stay put and wait, either way there is no one for me at the moment besides her and i also would honestly wait some time for her... She means a lot to me and i wish i could decide for her and just make him go away but i cant... I guess all i can do is pray, hope, think and do nothing but observe of what is going on and what will happen... A lot more is on my mind but i just cant write about it at the moment and eventually all will be known...

LILMAN X

Some Weekend...

Well so i guess i was right about this weekend going to be busy... I was sure not kidding... So Sat i had to become Mr. PC fix it, so... Inez came over to my house and Erika also had a computer that was broken, so i thought i might as well kill 2 birds with one stone... So after i looked at Erika's computer i came to the idea, Its dead... The mother board or CPU are totally dead because i even took my personal power supply and hooked it up and nothing, no function by that board at all... so yeah then later Inez came over because she needed to get a PC for a good price... So i was like i should take them to my Asian computer street in the north west... So after Inez got here we bounced all 3 of us to "PC street"... So i thought of kings computer where my home girl Angela would hook it up for her fav costumer... So she did and i got Inez a bad machine... Soo going to hook her up with lots of software when she gets it this week i hope... So after that we walked around just in case some one else got a cheaper machine... Nope just a few laptops Erika liked because they are shinny... Good greef... so w/e after that was over i got home around 7 or so then Inez invited me to eat at her house and look at her old PC for the hell of it see what i could get off of it to transfer over to her new one... So i was like sure its all part of the job so i might as well do it now to have an idea of what i needed to do... So yeah, i found out her hubby worked a the drift event called nopi and i almost cried because i sooo wanted to go but i didn't and yeah... So after we chilled out and Ozzy and i talked about how I'm going to hook up my car and he could do any cutting or welding i came home around midnight or 1 am... i did remember to get my stuff ready for the mini pool party at Blondie's house... so Sunday early as hell i got up to help out Luis with his computer and see what the hell was wrong with it... Well he came over around 10 or 11 and i looked at it... After taking both hard drives out and connecting them to my external, yeah dead... Both of them too... Sucked because its rare that it happens but I've seen it happen before... So we picked up a barracuda at tiger which was on sale and put it in... So after that i rushed out of here to make it to Joe's and go to Blondie's pool... It was sooo much fun, i wish K.R.S. could of made it but she had to study and i know how that is, done that before unfortunately... So we chilled out at the pool all day long until the sun was gone, got cold too and then jumped to Joe's... After playing guitar hero for a wile and my fingers going numb... I got the bright idea to go to titanic... Blondie was a virgin to titanic so of course i made her sing... I did my thing too and Joe also put in a tune... So that was that, got out late had a blast this past weekend... Also had a Blast on Monday but that's for me to know and you guy's to never figure out... Aahh yea! Who knows how my week will go... So now its time for me to ride... Peace!!!

LILMAN X >_<

Two days of fun, one in the sun...

So its been a crazy pre-weekend start off i guess you would say... Yesterday was Thursday and radio lollipop i always do so... Little M told me to take a spare change of cloths because we might go out after... Well from Wed's event everyone was so tired and out of it, no one felt like going out.. So w/e i called up my boy Joe to see what he was up to... Well he was in this place loud as hell and i was like were are you so i can meet you and chill... So he was at Kendall ale house with 2 girls... Lets call them K.r.s. and Blondie... So I've heard a lot about K.r.s. and Blondie a lot but i have never met them, yeah Ive seen pictures and they are very good looking girls mind you but one is taken and one is not... So w/e fine by me, i was not in "hunting mode" so i was chilled out... So we stayed at the ale house till it closed and a lot of drinks were ordered and yeah some shots too and i had a beer after all that to chill me out... So one was quiet and one was really super "mingle-i-tive" i guess you could say... So w/e you know me, always hyper always talking and stuff so i told them, "peep this" how about you girls on Sunday go over to Joe's house and we chillax in the pool... So they were like OK cool... oh yeah you know how i do... so anyways, we leave the ale house around 2:30 or so and i get home make my bed because i left it a mess and then i get a call as i am falling asleep from Joe... "Yo Blondie wants to hang out tomorrow" i was like OK cool, and then he tells me we go to her pool and stuff... OK cool with me, then he tells me "so get up at 9am and i am getting up at 9:30" i was like OK, a little early but w/e fine... So after about 5 hrs of sleep or less i get up and shower get my "aloha" outfit together... ( Red flowered shirt with my black flowered swim trunks all suffered out if you can imagine) So I'm out of my house by 10:30 because she "told" Joe, the pool by 11am... OK fine, i get gas and on my way he's like "umm change of plans", OK whats the deal??? Well we are going to do it at my house so yeah we will pick her up a little later... So i was like "OK..." Then i got to his house and waited till 12 and then we picked her up and we chilled all day by the pool... It was a nice day i can say... Sun was out, slight rain fall wile in the pool but w/e i was wet anyways... So i just got home right about 3o Min's ago and i need to wake up for a lollipop event at 8 a.m. and then some... The weekend just started and its going to be a busy one...

LILMAN X >_<

ouch my ear's ring... Super late night...

Well yesterday was a rather good day... I did alot of stuff but w/e it wasn't anything to be all hyped about... First off i forgot about the improv event was yesterday when i woke up in the morning... but i kept remembering something was going on with lollipop that day but i was like "duh i wonder whats going on..." so i called MCH and asked and they told me the improv and i was like oh yeah! So i iorned my shirt and paints and took a shower and some how pulled myself together faster than I've ever done... If you know me well, you know I'm worse than a bitch that takes like 4 hr's to get ready... but w/e i did it some how all in a matter of an hour's time... so then down the 826 going 80 or so until i got to miller and got off and to the improv... Well some stupid cop's for some reason were i guess board stupid and decided to pull random people over... Guess just once who a random person would be... Yours truly... W/e fuck them, they kept thinking my car was hooked up or they were just trying me or something so w/e, finally after i got them off my ass time to look for parking in the grove... Well you know me and parking, if i can use my handicap sticker than i rather that then paying... Soo i found one and parked real close to the place... The show was good, i was a little worried about seating but some one saved me a seat with her and i was happy about that... Kinda surprised about it too but i was happy, thats all i have to say... So w/e after the show some people wanted to party after so i was like "I'm game"... So we hit up sandbar which was empty but good and then after we where at martini bar... Martini bar was alright but a few things got to me... First off it was $10 to get in... I Hate, Hate, to pay to enter in a place unless i know its good... Martini bar is famous for going up and down... Last night was alright but nothing big deal... The second and worst part was Mr. F ditched us for some piece of ass who was not all that at all... Ok take one for the team fine, but their was no team or nothing, her supposed "Hot girls" that she was with where GONE!! They left before we got there... So w/e... Then third of all, i know the music in a club should be loud, yeah ok fine... But it was way way too loud! My ear's still hurt today.... So w/e It was a good night after all... Oh yeah so after i got home i had a little adventure... It was rather fun, i got home as the sun was coming up but w/e it was all worth it last night... Tonight's plans are: Lollipop then after who knows... I think we might go out but I'm not sure were too... w/e we will see what happens...

LILMAN X >_<

CNE !! GRAD !! Associate of Science Degree

WOOT! I made it... Finally after all this time that i should of been well then done with school i finally finished it! I graduated and i cant wait to walk... I got my Associate of Science Degree in Computer Network Engineer... I am so happy this is over, now i am going to take some time off to take care of some stuff i have been putting off since I've been going to school and being sick and doctors and stuff... Now its R & R time for me... A Grad, wow i feel so free but i am also unsure of what comes next... Well forget that for now, just have to relax and party it up since I've busted my ass this last term... But that will be next week... its mothers day and i must get up early...

LILMAN X

Fred's Club Fest 2007... Maddness...

So yeah this weekend was crazy... i haven't partied like that in the longest time, club after club after club... Well this crazy weekend started off by Friday my friend caro called me to hang out, i haven't seen her in about a year to two years because she moved to Texas and she was in Miami to finish her school and w/e... so she picked me up around 5 p.m. and we went to B R'US to check out some stuff she wanted to buy and ect... then we met up with some friends of her's and decided to go to Monty's around 6 almost 7... Chilled and had some drinks until about 11 or so, well i remembered that my homie Fred had a party weekend planned and it kicked off Friday night until Sunday... Well so Friday was Finnegans on the River, awsome place, i loved it and w/e a little bit of a ghettoness to the place but w/e it was so worth draging my ass out of the house at 11pm to make it by 12 midnight... We only stayed until about 3 am but the biggest surprise was finding this girl i know from Mch that works with us at lollipop, i will call her "kate", and the little one was also with us too and yeah it was super awsome night... F.Y.I. Kate, Fred and Little-M Where at all the events and myself... Then on Sat was Privé... So Fred had hooked it up with the VIP and Bottle and all the trimmings you could want... So i was enjoying myself and out of no were i see this girl dancing and all crazy with the little one,(lets call the little one, little M)... So little-M is dancing and talking to this girl and i was sitting on the couch wondering who this girl is... Well little did i know when i went up to little-M she tells me oh this is my niece (lets call her Crazy-A) So i was like hello Crazy-a how are you my name is Alexander but you can call me alex... I actually was like not present at that moment basically i could of sed "call me what ever you want" but thank god my brain works well when my thoughts are else where lets say... So shes like oh nice to meet you... Well 2sec pass by and little-M i guess saw the expression on my face and told me " Hey! Thats my niece, hands off and don't even think like that... I swear it was like a mac-train being derailed but w/e, i think i got back on the tracks like 10 seconds after she told me that... The worst part is that Crazy-A was like Dancing all up on me and stuff and i was like telling little-M "Look my hands are right here!" as i had my hands up in the air as i was being pointed at by a gun... It was sooo funny but wow what a night... We all left the club by like 5am and everyone was beat... When we were all outside talking over how the night was, little-M asked me if i could take Crazy-A home... I was like " WHAT?? >_< " So then i was like ok, thinking "yeah, sure, NO PROBLEM!!!!" to myself... So on the drive home from southbeach, since i am such a chatter box and i also like to ask people about them selfs and see how they are... I asked her about herself and what shes doing and school, the usually "me" Q and A's... Some how during all this i asked her for her number, thinking to my self, crap little-M is going to kill me if she finds out i am doing this... w/e it was late, i mean give me a brake, do you think i was thinking clearly at 6 am in the morning... YEP!... So i got her digits and went home slept and woke up at 12 noon... Sunday was Nikkei beach... Well another day of VIP is all i can say... Around 2pm I texted Crazy-A and asked her if she wanted to go to Nikkei beach? Now thinking to my self, well shes going to say no or she is too busy or school finals coming up she might just be hitting the books, w/e... Well i get a text back that says "Aw that would be great! Would u have space for others by any chance?" So i was in shock, thought to my self wow shes going to go, WOOT! Then my next thought was "Shit! Little-M will be their and she is going to kill me if she finds out i am taking her!" Well i told my self screw it, i can always run or get her drunk by buying my way out of it with drinks... So i took a lightning flash shower and jumped in my swimming trunks and aloha-T and peeled out of my drive way to make it to her place... So when i got there picked her up and speeded down the high way to Nikkei beach... Got their kind of late so i was worried we would not get in... So when i go to the door the first guy tells me ID's and we had to pay... So i was like fuck that, so i thought of another way in... The side i remembered was guarded by just regular fools and they didn't charge... So i told them follow me... Bingo on the side the dude looked at my ID and was like no way, so i used my smart ass attitude and got us all in... So the rest of the night was awsome, little-m was kinda tipsy so it was all cool that i picked up Crazy-A, so i was straight for the rest of the night... Well thats my crazy weekend... Monday i did pay for it but w/e it all was well worth it because its only once a year... Yoda was one happy Jedi and to my Padawan, Thanks for the awsome time buddy, Summer is just around the corner!!

LILMAN X >_<

CAR's On My Mind....

I have car's on the brain... >_<
Need to get out...

Initial D


remember me..

I feel you so close to me
I hope you still think of me
even I know you found another love

you took away my chance to
be with you forever
to be your love and stay together
you gave away the precious love
that we had to somebody else
oh baby I wanna tell you

remember me
remember everything we used to be
can you feel my heart pounding, pounding
will be forever, will you
remember you, remember me
I remember everything we used to be
'cause my blood is still pumping, pumping
will be forever, will you remember me

I need you, but it's o.k.
I know that, I'll find my way
I will begin to find another love

you took away my chance to
be with you forever
to be your love and stay together
you gave away the precious love
that we had to somebody else
oh baby I wanna tell you

remember me
remember everything we used to be
can you feel my heart pounding, pounding
will be forever, will you
remember you, remember me
I remember everything we used to be
'cause my blood is still pumping, pumping
will be forever, will you remember me

I feel you
even I know

be with you forever
to be your love and stay together
you gave away the precious love
that we had to somebody else
oh baby I wanna tell you

remember me
can you feel my heart pounding, pounding
remember you, remember me
'cause my blood is still pumping, pumping
will be forever, will you remember me



LILMAN X >_<

Out of Baptist's long stay... Good greef..

February 22 2007 was the damm day i had to go into baptist hospital.. First off.. SHIT FUCK DAMMIT AND ALL THAT BAD STUFF... I missed the fair... I Missed over a month of radio lollipop and i missed so much other crap going on, the outside world forgot about me and stuck me in jail... Jeez i feel like screaming and yelling and all that its like i was inside a world and the outside world forgot about me, i dont even know what most of my friends are up to this week, all i know is the fair is over 2marrow i think and spring brake is here too... Dammit i need to get in contact with my people and get crazy, go mass partying and stuff and hey maybe get some... ok its the drugs talking or the withdraw effects i should say... its not like anyone reads my bloggs anyways.. or maybe they doo... who knows but im just writing out of my ass trying vent out my anger and ideas i have going in my head... I miss my peeps, my lollipop crew, my street racer crew, my kariokie nuts, my close homies of going out late at night to adventures unknown... I don't feel like me right now.. i feel odd, out of place, its the effect of being all druged up and then stopping it cold truky... Err... i need to get out or sleep or something, im all shakey and feeling wieard... i cant concentrate or anything... good greef... anyways im going to attempt to eat something maybe jump in my car and make some sence of my self... I dont even know what day it is... Its all a blurr when you come off a high... Oh yea so i missed the fair all togeather and money, yea nothing for me i guess.. all my friends worked the damm fair except me the fool who was in the hospital... Ok i keep reapeating my self... w/e fuck it maybe it was not ment to be...

LILMAN X >_< ( MY HEAD HURTS I'M ALL SHAKEY)

Up Yours Valentine's...

Saint Valentine's Day or Valentine's Day is on February 14. It is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other; sending Valentine's cards or candy. It is very common to present flowers on Valentine's Day. The holiday is named after two men, both Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.
Well I say Fuck this day! I hate it, Wish it would never be real, and if i ever could travel in time... The Asshole two men who came up with martyrs Valentine will die slowly as i kill them... I will First cut off fingers and then legs then hot wax with w/e else i can think that will not kill them instantly... Screw this day... For the one girl who called me today and wished me Happy Valentine, thank you... As for the rest of you... Fuck off...

Anti Valentine LILMAN X >_<

Long Long Week...

Well it’s been a long week and its now all over... Monday will soon be here and thank god for it... I don’t know what was the longest day this week, Sleep has been almost nothing for me because between going out and chilling with Chris, Tina, Chrissy and so on... Until super late and then going to school and hanging out with j and also katia needed some help with her car and also chrissy's car died and then the adventures of TJCA has given me no sleep and made me super tired... Today was the Low rider was at the fair and I was working it with a few peeps, it was awesome... When I was working the gate and checking cars the one person I did not expect to see... Lazzaro or Dj Laz to the rest of you who know him as that, so yeah it was super funny... He was like" What the hell are you doing here,” I told him " Oh I work the fair as security and I am checking car's out..." It was funny because I told the other girl at the gate, joking around "don’t let this guy in" " he's a criminal"... It was super funny and Big will was cracking up with us too... So after my shift was done around 3pm, I was going to check out the Bikini contest and laz saw me on the side and got me a Vip backstage pass and all, so I was chilling with Big Will and will's girl wile the girls was going crazy on stage right in front of me too... It was awesome doing the Vip thing after I was working since early but yeah I was loving it... So after that was karaoke and home and now its time for bed...

Sleepy LILMAN X >_<

Initial D, Civic Stage 110 Octane Boost!

What a crazy night i have had... First let me start off by saying i put one gallon of Sunoco 110 Octane in my civic... It was awesome... We were on Okeechobee and they sell the race fuel so i took a gallon can with me to fill it so i could put it in my car because they don't let you put it directly in your car... So w/e it was fun as hell... I raced a bunch of cars and i won only once after i put the Race fuel in my car but only after that... So Meany pigs were out in the street trying to catch us race but i was smart and knew were to punch it and were not to... Davy got pulled over though... I thought he was screwed for sure because he was at least 10 cars a head of me. I was doing about 80 and he must of been doing like 110 or 120 but after the cop pulled him over and he met us up at the gas station... He told us that the cop pulled him over because he turned his lights off by accident... It was funny as hell... I say he better take it to court, because its real stupid... So after that happened we were at the Sunco and a Skyline pulled up... OMG i was in heaven, it was sooo sexy and nice and clean too... Wow this was the second one I've ever seen up close... I have to give it to that guy that owned it, what a awesome car... (I forgot to take pictures..) The racing fuel was grate for my car, cleaned the engine right up... At first when it started going into the engine it was smoking but it was burning all the carbon and crap deposits inside... Now it runs real good and super high RPM's too... Its awesome and the smell is soo nice too.. Its a sweet odor that's just awesome and i love it too.. I wish i could make a air freshener out of it or something... My home boy Dio told me that i could not put it in the civic because the compression is too low for it... But it runs just fine... Actually it runs better than before and faster too... Well after the cops stopping people and the racing and the this and that i am super tired.. i think i might just lay down and watch TV and have a over dose of coffee in the morning to keep me going... What a night ... WOOT !!

LILMAN X >_<

Initial D, Civic Stage...

So today was rather cool... I had an easy day because i didn't go to school and i basically did nothing until about 3pm or so... I picked up j to do some stuff i had to take care of, so i went to the bank and then after that we took a little trip to Mikey's house to see his intake for the STI... So w/e chilled and talked about the 1/8 mile that they are going to open up... I think if its cheep I'm going to take my car to test it out on the track... Who knows what it will do... So then after that i dropped J off and i was at lollipop until about 10 or so... It was a rather slow blah day at lollipop, then we did the dinner thing and talked like we all do every week... So after i left lollipop i was out with Jj and J... Its Thursday so we were hunting for some races... Well we found only a pack of Eclipses running around so w/e we fallowed them... So after we were way out to chrome and 8Th they made a U turn and came back around... So i was like screw this let me pick one out and see what they got... Passed the red one then a blue-ish one... Then i was next to some black one with gauges and stuff and some exhaust system... So i was like OK lets play with this sucker... Well twice i burned him... What a crap car that was... On the 3rd time i just got sick and pulled back out of it... I was doing about 110 and a car length ahead of him... What a fool too, his girl was rideing shot gun too... Loser can i say... So yeah after i burned him we just chilled for 30 more Min's after i told the guys to lose the eclipses because they sucked and that was that... Back home.. So i call it a Initial D day, civic stage... lol... So yeah I'm going to bed... Unless a party or something pops up i think I'm going to stay home... Sat is going to be Okeechobee... Oh yea, the big toys time...

LILMAN X >_<

Back but still away...

Well its 2007 now and i am kinda back... I took a week or 2 off for my self to go and think about stuff... Even still i have a lot on my mind, ideas, thoughts and other things i can't write about, or at least not yet because people will read it or people will be offended or w/e... Its just a lot of thoughts i think to my self over and over that keep repeating in my head like a massive CD stuck on loop... I kind of got lost i guess, i know a lot of you called my cellphone and texted me and were like: are you alive or in the hospital... None of which i was... I was just in my room most of the time with the door closed and watched some movies and TV and had a lot of time to think... Think of plans for 2007 and how 2006 was and so on... its not as easy as you think to be me... Lots of thinking required... Its still too early for me to list my goal's and other things i want to write about but in due time and before the month is over i shall post it... until then, just keep checking back...

Two hearts fading, like a flower.
And all this waiting, for the power.
For some answer, to this fire.
Sinking slowly. The wateras higher.
Desire

With no secrets. No obsession.
This time I'm speeding with no direction.
Without a reason. What is this fire?
Burning slowly. My one and only.
Desire

You know me. You don't mind waiting.
You just can't show me, but God I'm praying,
That you'll find me, and that you'll see me,
That you run and never tire.
Desire

LILMAN X >_<

Merry Christmas !!

So today is Christmas at least for the next 30 Min's that left... I say it was good too me... I got a bunch of things that i wanted and didn't have a clue i was going to get them... I was in the beginning of the day kinda down because it didn't feel like it really was Christmas but at the end of the day and during opening presents it did... I was kinda sad because at my house i was soo used to my grandmother here and a bunch of people showing up, basically your huge Cuban party with the left over pork from noche buena and black beans and rice with yuka and other stuff... Just a lot of people here is i guess what didn't make it feel too right, but when the few people that came over started opening gifts and talking and stuff it was rather better, not the same but better than what i thought... So lets see what did i get... Well Santa left me: A 30GB ipod black, Lacoste red dress t-shirt, Nice M. Jordan jogging jacket and paints, Green day T, Rocky Anthology, Pirates of the Caribbean 1 and 2, money and a few more items... So it was good to me... I had fun and didn't go out... Oh also since i was home i started to download the new Nelly Furtado CD... Its awsome i soo recommend you get it if you like her... its super good and I'm going to burn a few copy's to give out... Hell i might go crazy and buy her CD in the store... Its that good... Grate mix of lyrics and songs, Spanish songs too which i was in shock she actually did... I looked up some background stuff on her and wow is all i have to say... Well I'm going to go to bed early and might put a rocky movie since i now own them... Enjoy the Nelly Furtado Video i put up... I think its one of the best songs on the album...

LILMAN X

Its hard after so long... Old-Timer Stronger...

Well today i attempted to do what i like to call Rocky Training day... I got some gray sweat paints and a gray long sleeve shirt and jogged... Wow i thought i was going to die because it was hard as all hell... I was extremely out of breath by the time i made it once around my block, but i did it... Dammit i pushed my self until i almost could not any more... I will do it even if it kills me i will regain my Strong Legs and my upper body... Its not easy with all the stupid health problems and the PH i have too, But i can do it... Even if its just 10 mins or so a day, little by little... I will do it, When i get to the point i can do it with out feeling almost out of it i will step it up a little... It might take a wile but i will do it... I hate to feel old and out of shape... I hate to be skinny and stuff, i need to eat more... Gain some weight and turn it into something... I figure the way i will do it is, First one day jog, The next day i will have a book bag and just stuff it with heavy books, then do go twice around my block at a fast pace... Not to run or jog with the backpack but to just have something that will make my legs work with out getting my heart going too fast... Then the next day do a short jog and so on... It should work... I mean hell my legs hurt now from today's early run so i think its going to work... I just have to do it little by little and keep it simple i don't kill my self too bad... Hell if a 60 year old Sly can do it then i can do it... I feel old but today i felt a little more alive i guess you could say... Between the jog and a race i had vs a 350 z who i can say i kicked its ass, i think i could do it... One last time, get back into shape or some what... At least as long as i remain healthy... Going to bed so i can get up early, jog some and then visit lollipop peeps...

LILMAN X

Old timer thoughts... End of an era

Well today was a rather busy day, but also not that bad... but i had my thoughts... Today for some reason i was thinking back to how things used to be like a year ago, or 2 or 3 years ago, and soo much has changed... I am always a person who hates change... If its going good it should stay that way i think... Ive also met a lot of people in that time but i have also lost some people in my life and disconnected with others too... Why do things have to change? Why can't they stay the same and good as always and just keep it like that with out bad things happen... Its funny, its the little things you just don't notice change and then when you think, oh I'm going to, then your like wait, i can't its changed, or they aren't around anymore... Sad i guess is the way i feel, i mean this year was harsh, lots of changes and things that have happened that i guess i just didn't get to slow down until one day i look and notice the change... Some things are stupid but they mean a lot to me... Example, MCH was my home away from home, now its been almost 2 years or more since i was there last, its changed soo much... Some people are still their but a lot have gone or just changed around... Even the old hall ways which whisper so many memory's don't feel the same... Its like i could stand in one spot, and close my eyes real tight and remember something that happened their, at a moment some time past... I feel old for some stupid reason even if i still am young... Also i don't have a crew anymore like i used to, i see me always telling the same old story over and over like i am living in the past... Fine i mean i live for now but it looks like story's in the past were better than how things are now days, or at least lately... Nothing is as fun as it used to be, Some times i push myself and tell myself " dammit you can still do it " but sometimes i can't... I try to push myself like i used to but time seems like its catching up to me or something... Some things i try to do but i just can't anymore, why??? I guess its like i am still living my old glory days because Ive noticed i am always telling the same old stupid story's... My head is not as clear as it used to be also, its all foggy and just not the same free caring anything go's, i am going to do it because i can push my self and make it attitude... Its i guess an end of an era for me i guess, Hell i mean its getting to that point i think... Next week will be the final time i use the Pookie head outfit... The morgue is closing and then after that, what's the point, no more place to rave... After that i retire my pookie head image and wrap it in plastic until one day i may be able to take it out of retirement i guess... An end of an era...

LILMAN X

Figure my self out, why?

Why today has been a odd day for me... I fell OK, not my 100% best but w/e when am i ever 100% heath, that's just crap i try to bring up not to actually see what i am trying to figure my self out... Do i do this because i love to i guess hate my self? Or do i do this to drive my self crazy? I just don't understand the way i think sometimes and the worst part its me figuring out me... So what an uphill battle this is... I know what i want but i rather just think of other things to forget what i should do, say and speak my mind... Holding up all this crap inside myself and i just want to let it all out! But if i do what will happen? Who will i lose forever? Will i hurt people or will i care if i actually say what i am thinking? I just don't know what to do or what turn i should make... Its like this dream i had a few nights ago just before i got out of the hospital, Should i keep driving the same direction and just let w/e comes at me let it be or should i just turn off this road that leads to nowhere... i feel like this weight on my back that's heavy and i just keep dragging along and i don't know how much i could take of this... I would like to just stand up, say what i feel like telling people and then the end with it, but i can't. Why because i am way too nice and easy going, yeah sure need help no problem... I always try to make peace with people and let what happened pass and forgive but when should i stop doing this? Should i ever or should i just do it and screw what happens... My mind is like in a spin just thinking about all the stuff i want to get out in the open... Last time this happened i just wrote letters and then read them back to myself and then burned them not to show to the people they were meant to go out to... Screw it, i guess some things change but i can't i just cant be an asshole or a dick and be like fuck you here is what i think and take it or leave it... Ive done that way too much in the past and for that i have lost a lot of people... I just don't know anymore... Just going to bed and screw it...

LILMAN X >_<

Its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving..

Well its been a wile since i have been online and checked email and contacted the Internet world... I just got out of baptist hospital like yesterday and i was out with some people for a little wile today but i can't just do it, I had to come home after 30 mins out... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, i feel like i got hit by a train that was going 200 miles an hr. I don't know and cant figure out whats wrong.. I feel sick and crappy and weak and i haven't felt this bad in a long time... I fell like i am this old man just getting out of bed and attempting to get back into shape but all my joints hurts and my energy level is low and i feel just blah... I feel like an old Rocky going down and down... But I have learned that Rocky is back ! A new movie coming out will make me up-rise and make me back into me! ALEX AKA LILMAN X !! I NEED TO GET BACK INTO ORDER AND REORGANIZE WHATS GOING ON... ! I will make my best and before Rocky comes out i shall be back, starting tomorrow i will figure out what the hell is wrong with me! Make a doctors appointment and a full blood work, you name it and i will do it... It Time... Time to make a come back !!! Fist step is to gain what weight i lost, second i will eat and exercise to what i am able to, and then come the Hurt BOB time! Time to figure out who is there for me and who is not!! Watch out because you may be you~~!
LILMAN X >_<

On the 5th day of hell I...

Well its been one hell of a 5 days... Today i finally feel good enough to get up out of bed and write some and check my email and stuff... Since i think Thursday midday or so i have felt like hell its self... I was at my cardiologist on Tues and he sent me some meds that lowered my blood pressure because due to the PH or pulmonary hypertension that i recently found out i had about 6 months ago or so, the pressure has not improved or actually has gotten worse due to my recent activity called work... Yeah i know how much worse could my life get... W/e screw it, like everything i always deal with it and do what i have to... So any ways what happened was with the other medication I'm taking on top of that he sent me some other one... Now i was warned that i might be a little dizzy for a day or two at the most but what happened the next 4 to 5 days was hell on earth for me... After Wed i got out of work and had to deliver bad news to my boss that i could no longer do the physical work i was doing before because it would make my condition get worse, i rushed to baptist which is the only place they have the rare meds i take to go with this rare i'llness... Go figure >_< So w/e got them and i took the first one that night and the next day was Thanksgiving... So Thursday i woke up and took the morning one and the midday one and the one at night... I would say by midday i was already dizzy but fine because i was expecting that... Yea so, as the night went on i felt worse and worse and horrible... The next day i was to go to work and i can tell you i could not get out of bed i was in such bad shape... The room was like a puzzle that you scramble and mess up... The floor was like on the wall and the wall was like on the top of my room and i felt like some one took me for one hell of a ride and i was still on it... What happened was my blood pressure Plunged to like 100 over 50... That's low as hell for me... I am mostly around 115 over 70 or when I'm up and around 125 max over 89... So yeah and my pulse was super low... So i told my mother to call the doctor that this was not apart of it and i had to call my boss and tell him what was going on... So the doctor told me to stop taking it and i might have some side effects from stopping it like a migraine or a bad headache... Well OK so i did have that for 2 days including today but i feel much better today and at least the room stopped spinning... Yesterday it was spinning but today at least that stopped and my blood pressure is back to its normal range... What hell i have gone into... Oh yeah it gets better... Thanks to the world spinning on me and all that i have to now make an appointment with my GI doctor because my stomach is back to giving me problems and also on top of that now i have to contact the Liver transplant people and also my Immunologist... Yay for doctor appointments <~~~(shoot me)... So yeah good greef... At least my boss is cool and understands what is going on and is flexible with it... So w/e i have to do blood work tomorrow and other stuff so i am going to bed... Good night...

LILMAN X >_<

Rambling Thinking and more...

Yeah so its been a long week and its going to be a longer week coming up... my schedule has been like this, Monday and Weds i have class from 6-9:30 and Tuesday and Thurs i have class from 9 to 12:30. So Thanks to my boss i have been working from 12 to 4 or when i have day classes i work 5 to 9... I mean its 4 hrs but its like right in the middle of time i could be doing something else... I rather work like 5 to midnight 3 days a week and call it a day and work one day on the weekend.. You tell me... Would that make some kind of since? By the time i get home its like 9:30, I am dead tiered from working and school back to back and then i have no time to myself and i barely get to study... Fuck that... I need my time to study and shit... I mean work is not everything, i don't have to... I could do with out it and i have before... w/e i haven't a clue what to do so w/e... Also I've wanted to spend time with some one but i haven't called them and i was thinking about calling them this weekend to see what they are up to... Maybe i will give them a buzz later tomorrow or something... let see... Since i have no girl I've spent money on my car and Fixing it up and stuff... its looking better by the day.. I have Rims i got from a dealer and tail lights i got off of e-bay so its pimping... Hell if i don't have a girl i will spoil my self on my car i figure... Can't have one so i will have the other... I rather have the first choice but i don't so w/e... Boys will be boys as some one i know says all the time to me... Well its 11:30 and i am tiered as hell so its lights out for me...



LILMAN X >_<

SOME PICS OF MY CAR...

Morning Breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg, Cuban bread and coffee made just the way you like it..
Price: Mother yelling at you for getting up too early...

Fast Run: Going to the bank only to find out they are closed today and then get stuck in a traffic jam because some asshole decided to hit another car..
Price: Some Gas, aggravation and Time Wasted...

Washing Car: Vacuum rugs take out all the stuff inside the car, wash rugs and spend time to wash and wax your car and make it smell good so you'll look pimping at night to impress some one..
Price: 3 Hrs, a sunburn and some water...

Spending on yourself: 2 new tires, balancing, alignment, Put on your car so you have 4 nice looking rims on your car..
Price $180 something..

Time spent Driving around Miami and thinking to yourself wile your bestfriend rides with you
Price: Half a tank of gas and 5 billion Brain Cells killed..

To come home after trying to have a good day and failing miserably..

Priceless .... For every crappy Day Theirs Sleep... LILMAN X >_<

Tired of the same shit,,,

Well I have to go to work in a little wile, but I am soo sick of the same shit... Its always the same crap at work, do this do that clean this stock the shelves with this toy or fix the racks of cloths and shit like that... IM getting sick of the same crap as always... I think IM going to quit... I am also tired as hell and I don't feel like putting up with more shit at work.. I mean they could help from time to time and I barley get time of soo wtf is the point... And school, wow I don't even want to go there because its just I have so much work to catch up on and tomorrow is my last day so I don't know what the hell IM going to do... ahhhh!!!!!!!!
Sugar Ray Someday

Someday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
Just close your eyes and Ill take you there
This place is warm without a care
Well take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Somesay
Better things will come our way
No matter what they try to say
You were always there for me
Someway
When the sun begins to shine I hear a song from another time and fade away
And fade away
Just close your eyes and Ill take you there
This place is warm without a care
Well take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Someone said you tried to long
Someone said we got it all
Someone said we tried to long
Is there a place where I belong
So far so long
So far away
So far so wrong
So far away
Somday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
And fade away

LILMAN X

Catch up time... Work, school... Another week..

Well at least this time its going to be short blogg... Ok let me put it like this... On the weekend I was at the VT vs UM football game with a Friend and I had fun and I hope maybe we can do it again... I had lots of fun, all I have been doing is working and school and sleep and that's it... Super tired of the same shit so the change was good.. I hope my work schedule will not be as harsh as before but who knows.. I am supposed to get my next 2 weeks tomorrow so we will see... This week is finals and exams then the new term starts next week... Well I will write more when I get a chance... So until next time kids.. Remember crack killz...!!

LILMAN X >_<

HALLOWEEN CAN GO TO HELL ! I HATE THIS DAY !

Well today was the biggest let down and the day I hate the most to this point! What a fucking shit day I have had and its all over ! First let me start off with the fact I have not had a day off since about oh Friday of last week...! All I have done is work hard like a jack ass from 8 to 9 hrs a day and deal with stupid people getting costumes and stupid people asking me all day today if I was sure we didn't have more in the back... I officially hate this god forsaken day of Halloween... I hope next year the earth explodes and every can go fuck them selfs... 4 weeks of this shit I have had to put up with... Selling costumes and dealing with assholes and all this shit so I could enjoy my one day I have been waiting for so I could go out with some people and have fun maybe drink and celebrate its all over and no more idiots, but no, this day just got worse! After being at work from 12 to 8 and dealing with people that should of gotten some costumes on time, all I wanted to do was go to the grove, have some fun, hang out with some friends maybe, hell go trick or treating... No, nothing I spent from 10 pm to almost 12 midnight in my stupid car... Wonder why, well I will tell you why... BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES AND LOSERS AND PUSSYS WHO CHICKEN OUT AT THE LAST MOMENT!!!! First I ask person 1 what are they doing, this was early in the day wile I was at work... They told me hey we are hitting the grove wanna come... I sed sure I get off at 8, so when I get off at 8 I call this asshole and find out they are already in the grove because they wanted to go early.. Fine person number 2 who I also spoke to early today, told me they were going to the grove then to some club... Well they told me some stupid excuse and all this shit so basically I got screwed with them... Ok fine person number 3 was asleep because they were tired from work, What the fuck do you think I did all day long, sit here and play with my self asshole! Person number 4 who I called after person number 3 told me they were in the grove... Fine I sed what the hell I will pay for parking and all that stuff... Well I was in traffic 2 miles from the grove to get into the grove to park... I didn't even make it to grand or us one because I was in traffic for 1 hr and half in traffic... So I sed fuck the grove !!! Fine I called person number 5... Well I got lost going to the location were they were because by this time I was all pissed off and I was driving and I got lost because I didn't look at the street I was on.. So I ended up in the fucking ghetto and took some road that told me I-95 south but it was the north lane but I didn't notice until I got to north west 180th... I WAS SOO FUCKING PISSED OFF AT THIS POINT I COULD OF KILLED SOME ONE!!! After all that shit the person I was going to meet up with left wile I was almost there... So I decided to say "FUCK HALLOWEEN" and officially hate this day and it killed Halloween for me... I SWEAR THIS DAY IS HORRIBLE!!! I am going to bed and November better be good or else I don't know what I am going to do... FUCK HALLOWEEN AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT !!!

LILMAN X >_<

Killing me softly with work...

Well so today was yet another day at plaything Miami... Basically today I was told by the "girl's" that work with me to take down the book section and put it up, but to make sure I clean it and its dust free and it looks nice and all... Yeah yeah all bullshit so I can be their bitch... Well w/e between the stupid shoe room re-organizing it and the stupid mess they make every fucking day I have to clean up and do this and that and dump this and that I was so sick of all this its killing me... I mean health wise I cant take it... I cant sleep, or rest the amount I need to so my stupid retarded body can repair its self and shit and then also its way too much physical work too... I mean ok fine take the cloths and shit hang them walk here and back bla bla bla, fine... When they put me to work like lift this and bend down pick that up, pick this up do that move this, so sorry but did the stupid bitches forget I have a medical condition... I mean I haven't told them exactly what it is but shit its too much... That army girl can do it if she is sooo damm all about it... I mean if you want something done then the bitch can do it her self... SHIT I just wanna tell her to go to hell and be nice to me and that her attitude will get nothing done correctly because if shes a bitch to me expect me to be the same to her... This is not the ARMY BITCH !!! Well so I let out some frustration on that... So w/e I told my boss that for real I cant do as many hrs as I was doing... Ok cool they are paying me in cash and stuff so I don't work 40 hrs on paper but at least try not to kill me... I mean 5 days a week 8 hrs, I didn't have time for school or to rest up some... It was up in the morning do what I needed to do and work, come home, eat, sleep and work all over... Bullshit I can't do that... My body is all out of wack and IM all screwed up because of it... I come first then my job... For get this shit, its killing me slowly... Besides all that the store is awesome and I love my staff member's besides the army girl... I hope she will warm up but who knows... Well IM going to bed and I have to get up early so write your comments and stuff and I will see ya next time to update you all on job and school...


LILMAN X >_<

Shoot me IM tired...

Wow never in my life would I of thought I would be soo tired but so awake at the same time too... It seems all I do is sleep then get up and go to work... IM soo tired its not even funny... I feel like I could sleep 2 or 3 days and just never wake up and stay in bed... I am all sore and beat up from working and taking this and that and bla bla, Today I did my best to arrange the boxes of shoes that we have at the store and if Steph has something to say about it tomorrow she can do it her self... I am done with that shit because too much crap is in that back room to even think about making room or an order of things... The boxes are stacked as best as I can and that's that... All I know is I WANT to go out this Thursday because I am off and SAT I think I am also off... So you people let me know what's up... Going to bed.. X_X

Lilman x >_<

Intergalactic - Automatic - Playthings - Slims

So finally about time I got to dance up on some bitches and amongst my peeps! Last night was awesome! All I have to say is automatic slims was intergalactic crazy... Ok so I am listening to Beastie Boys but that's besides the point... It was crazy shit... That place is small but wow I didn't know that a big amount of people could be packed into a small place like that... I've been to automatic slims but never when it was that packed. They also added some kind of cold CO2 jet thing on the roof... Crazy shit what can I say... So the playboy models were there but w/e like I don't see a big amount of sexy girls at my work... I should of gotten this girls number last night I kinda insulted and thought she was older, but hey the way to get to know some chick at a club is insult her.. Oh yeah it works... Worked soo well I got her phone... LOL... Actually I found her phone on the floor and didn't even know it was her's... But I looked in the phone book and saw a few buddies numbers and I was like wow, I know this person... So w/e hey it works it works you know, just don't ask why and take it... Work has been awesome, but sometimes its tiring when bitches come to try on costumes and they try on every damm kind in the store, then they don't get any because its too sexy... What kind of fucking fool are you, I mean your walking into a store called playthings that sells toys and sex stuff... WTF do you think your going to find? For real are they that stupid?? So I finally got my rims... They are awesome and I have them but 2 of them need tiers and need to be balanced and stuff and that's like $300 to do that soo yeah I am going to have to wait a little wile before I do that... But they are so awesome and I know they will look good on the civic... Let me tell you peeps more about work... Basically what I do all day is stand in the back of the store when there are people trying on costumes and stuff and I open the dressing rooms and stuff and then I take the costumes back to the correct rack and hang them back... So the best part is, the girls come out and model for them selfs and ask me, " how do I look in this " Now I am honest, I tell them " oh looks awesome " or I tell them " no, no way don't look good on you ". So yeah I get to see girls all day long in almost nothing all sexy and stuff... I love it, half naked girls trying on costumes and looking hot... What more could I ask for, oh yeah I get payed for it too... Sometimes I do admit I get sick of it, but only when I know they waste my time by trying on costume after costume and they don't come out of the fitting room and they just tell me to put them all back, but that's not too often... Now lets see, my only goal is to maybe find some chick and get with her... Who, that I don't know but I am looking and I rather have a relationship then a fling, because that's just who I am... So I have work today at 3 until 11 and then IM not sure if IM going to do something after work but who knows... I also work all next week Monday -Thursday 4 to midnight so its going to be a long week... So to keep me some what sane call me and check up on me or send me something so I don't go nuts...

LILMAN X >_<

Mr. Brightside

Well I just got home a little wile ago; I didn't want to stay home so I hit the grove... Just walked around and thought to my self about a few things and eat shit... No one wanted to go out tonight, but w/e I called up an old friend and asked them if they wanted to walk around and eat shit like back in the day how we used to... So w/e stayed only for like an hr or 2 and then home and got dropped off... Now I am here thinking to myself about a few things... First is first, I have work 2marrow and all next week until Thursday so w/e... by next Friday I will have some cash so I can get the rims I want for my car and it will be awesome and I shall be pimping, don't worry I will post pics up... So besides that I need some stuff also done to my car, but I have some income now so it shall be done soon... All before November too! Awesome! So yeah, next weekend I hope I don't work but I want to go out real bad too... So yeah we will see how it will go, for now all I have to do is sing myself the song Mr. Brightside and everything shall be alright and good to go... So yeah 2 songs come to mind The Killers- Mr. Bright side and Evanescence - Bring Me To Life ... Good greef I hope I survive the week >_<


LILMAN X >_<

P.S. Playthings RULES!!