Retarded Teachers of this world, or should I say Die!

Well I had the class which I hate, Basic Math (crap class). This teacher is the most retarded person that I have had in a class room.... When I say retarded I mean stupid, ignorant or w/e the point of this is She just cant teach... We did first grade fractions all day long for 4 hrs... Oh My God my I.Q. dropped from a 190 to like 10... It was Horrible, the worst part was I was doing all the right steps like simplifying them but nooo... She marked them all wrong because we were not doing that step yet.... I was like in shock... So I pretended and turned off my brain and acted stupid to please this dim-wetted fool of a teacher... Please if you choose to be a teacher and your this stupid... Don't, do your self a favor and get in a bath-tub and turn on a toaster and let it drop... It will be quick and painless and you wont be a burden to your students.... Besides that I went to the doctor earlier today and he was like "well so your ear is really bad and your probably in pain right?" I was like yeah, tell me something I don't know... So he sends me some antibiotic that should work because its strong as hell.... If that not going to kill it I don't know what will.... Well tomorrow is Ethics... I love that class by the way! IM going to take some advil and hit the bed...


LILMAN X

The Real Folk Blues Part 1 and some...

Well its been a hell of a long time since I wrote... Mostly because when I post I seem to get some negative reply or recoil from my thoughts but hey w/e you don't like what your reading then stop reading it and go to www.red.com and just look at it for 30mins... IM still not over this stupid cold or creepy flu or w/e the hell it is.. I cant figure it out... I have been sick since I don't know when I can last remember and its gone away and came back and then gone away and now its back with a vengeance... Blasted thing wont go away... I keep taking antibiotic and its fine but as soon as I stop the blasted thing comes back... WTF I don't get it... W/e IM going to the doctor tomorrow, My new doctor... He is super cool, I am going to miss my old doctor that was awesome and has known me basically since I was born... Yeah its a funny story, he did his residentcy with me at M.C.H. Then when he was done he opened up a privet practice and guess who was his first Patient... So yeah, we both have learned a lot over the years together and stuff but now I guess its time for a new Doctor and new hospital... As the beatles once wrote: To every thing, Turn Turn... But I approve of him. Earlier I was feeling real shitty before I took some advil and I called his office and the office girl told me to go over that second... I was in shock, usually adult doctors are assholes about seeing some one that same moment or even day... I had to tell her no, that if could go the next day, and she told me sure that at 1:45... So I was like cool... So yeah so far so good with this guy... I recommend him... If you know how judgmental I am about doctors you'll be shocked to know I approve of him... Now change of subject... New subject: social life, girls, My-self interests and adventures... First thing: Adventures, haven't had any real good ones... The most recent one was going to the beach and that was it basically... Social life: Its good, could be better but hell the people involved in it help some times but I might need a change or readjustment... My self interests: well not too many I can talk about or at least say here because I will open up Pandora's box and all hell will brake loose, but I have about 4 or 5 things I want to do... A simple one I can write about would be my car that is going to be kicking some ass when I get it the way I want it to look... Girls: wow, another Pandora's box... Damm I just have to get away from that subject... Quickly I have my idea's and thoughts about a few of them, now don't get mad folks because I spoke and told you a few, remember I am single and I have options... That is not saying I am paying attention to just one always but I attempt to spread myself evenly I guess you could put it... I might be interested in one more than the other or maybe not... Ahhh you'll never know because only I can know my thoughts... I at least try to make some sense in my mind of the chaos girls, Say, think, and do... Hey IM not perfect and I will never figure it out but I am not perfect you know... Now as a good student that I am.. IM going to sleep because I have school in the morning and IM not feeling too hot right now, or should I say I do feel hot... LOL anyways Night...

LILMAN X

Sick but still improvement and nothing to tell

Well IM still sick with this stupid creepy cold but w/e... I am improving slowly but I am much better thanks to the antibiotics the doctor gave me... Basically since Tuesday I haven't left my house to do anything or go anyway... All I have been doing is just in bed trying to feel better and getting better slowly wile I watch TV all day and try not to let the damm Cold Med's make me too loopy... Oh yeah, I am really pissed off... Its been about 4 to 5 days since a Cretan girl has called me, and she knows who she is... And not even a hello or how are you or w/e... Well I am not going to call her, because the least she could of done is call me even after Valentines day and check up on me and see how I am doing... I am 100% sure she knows I was sick and I had this creepy cold... If she cannot even bother to dial my digits to say hi or even check up on me then I wont lift a finger to call her back... I refuse to make any efforts if I don't see a slither of action to make an effort... W/e Fuck the bullshit, we are all adults and we have responsibilities and I think one of them would be at least to check up on friends or "so called" people we care for... Well IM going back to bed... I feel that cold med making me sleepy...

LILMAN X

Sick as a dog and crappy day blues...

Well today was a total pointless meaningless day of my life.... Not only I didn't do shit for Valentines day but I am also sick, I feel like crap because I got my mothers Cold/creepy bug... I really was hoping for a wonderful day that I would get to spend it with a certain some one but w/e... I called her only after I got some strength to get out of bed, but as usual she didn't pick up... IM sure she was pre-occupied... W/e at least a phone call would of made me feel better but like I was saying this day was pointless... Only one person and she knows who she is called me around 7 to wish me a happy valentines day... Thanks for calling me, you made my day... And yes SR71 rocks.. LOL... So yeah, I called my doctor today and told her that I really didn't want to bug her but I have a doctors appt in a week but that if she could do me this last favor and she under stood so she gave me something for this creepy cold... Wow I feel like shit, its not even funny... My head hurts, it feels as if its being compressed and pulled at the same time... My sinuses feel as they are full of crap, and my throat feels as if I can barely swallow... This suxs but w/e... So lets recap... I didn't get a phone call or even get to talk to the girl I like, The most unexpected person called me to wish me a happy valentines day and that made my day, I have a cold/infection/creeping crud... What a shitty day... Damm IM going to go to bed... Fuck this shitty day and all its crap...

LILMAN X

Valentines day, Blah, w/e just another day...

Well its that time of the year once more... Feb 14th and I hate it... This day always reminds me of a few things. First off IM single, I don't have a girl to call my own and it sucks... Second I met a real grate person about 4 years ago and she is still in my life and I am thankful for it... Third it sucks the big one when you love some one and you just cant have them because of that other person is not interested or they just don't know what they want in life so they are undecided... Some times this day I just wish I could sleep right into the next day as if I could just erase it from my calendar and forget it even exist... Hey I can't do that, I have to face realallity and face it until this day is over. Not all of my v-days have been bad, one year as I explained above I met a awesome person who I still talk to this day, funny part is we both grew apart for some time but we've grown together also.... I don't know how to explain it but w/e... This person is real special to me and I care a lot about them, IM not sure if they know but hey I do... I may not always show it all the time but I still care and wish they would just be happy and wonderful things would happen to them, They deserve it... Who knows what today is going to bring me... I Hope somthing good, if not, I am sure I will be writing about it... Well I have class in the morning and IM going to bed... I leave you with some lyrics for this "valentines day"

LILMAN X

Evanescence - My Immortal Lyrics

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

No effort, no worries, no solution

Well its been a very interesting week so far, and I mean it all started on last Sunday I guess you could say... A friend who will remain nameless asked me to go over to that person's house and hang out for a wile and chill, Well all I had to say is I had a lot of fun and I was hoping of repeating that event at least twice during this past week... Well that didn't happen, actually I feel as I've been putting effort into something that has no solution or is not going in any specific direction. I feel as I am a lion in a pack and I have to fight my way or make a huge effort to get something to eat may it be small or big... I've honestly always hated competition, may it be a race, or something to do with who's better at something, or just minor stuff, I've always felt as I have to try and put twice the effort in it, just so I can win or at least come close to it... I think that's why I just observe and sit quiet and look at things until I have to put in my two cents.... A wise saying is if you put effort into something that is not in existence then you have no worries because its not real... You know I agree with that, maybe I will just give up in this stupid rat race or something because I feel as IM in last place and all the effort I put in is pointless.... This is true for almost every aspect of my life.... Who cares anyways, well I do but IM going to "try" to be hard about it and not show anything to anyone because that how it should be, hell I have no worries and if I do you shouldn't know about it unless you really know me, or read this blogg.... Still I have a lot of problems besides the stupid "rat race" of life to do... If a certain person shows effort then hey, no problem, but if not... W/e I will be ok... I don't get it at times but its just all fucked up in the end for me because I care, IM too nice, and I should be more of an asshole but w/e.... Fuck it im going to bed and wake up 2marrow, Clean my car, take care of some things and then who knows...

LILMAN X (NO HUGS, IM PISSED)

Pod people and Party Drunken monkey :P

Well yesterday was awesome, I finally got a chance to relax and party it up and chilled with dio... Wow its been for ever since me and him chilled and partied like that... Ahh the good old days, Fat-Tuesdays and girls and drinks... So basically I did nothing except messing with my IPOD until about 9pm yesterday when dio called me around 7 and was like yo wanna party like we used to? I was like hell yeah I've had a stressful week lets go and party... So we left the house around 8 and then we hit up fat-Tuesdays and the funny part was everyone still remembered me and was like you lilman where have you been we haven't seen you in for ever and bla bla bla... I think its either cool or extremely sad that they know you at a Cretan place, that just means your a regular or a bad-ass.. I don't know what I fall under so I will leave it at that... So I had a Budweiser select which I love because its zero carbs and zero sugars so its as close to my diet and way IM supposed to eat as I can get with out feeling guilty... Fat-Tuesdays was kind of dead truthfully because usually its packed or full but it was kind of empty and the eye candy was just not doing any justice so I also remembered it was Gaby's birthday outing that night at Soho lounge so I told dio look lets go to soho and party it up.. Usually soho is awesome and full but wow... That shit was soooo packed it was like a sardine can inside but w/e I didn't care, a bunch of eyecandy to pray on so it was all good... We were in every single room, hiphop room, the Poppy rocker room, the retro/80's room, and the brake-beats/trance room... It was awesome, I was mostly just chilling out because lately I have been feeling real tired and I should go to a doctor about it and check myself out, but I have been lazy because I have to find a new primary doctor because IM too old to see the one I've had all my life and also he cant go to Baptist hospital so I have to find some that can work with me at the place I go to the hospital... Personally I think its all a big bullshit plan by insurance company's but w/e fukem I will do it my way as much as I can... I had a few heineken at soho but that was about it, no numbers, no hitting on any girls, but next time watch out... LOL... Yeah right, I don't want trouble anymore than I have... Yeah that's right you girls only bring problems.. I figure the girl that finds me or we find eachother will give me no problems so w/e, I still have some time to wait it out... Well its a beginning of a new week, lets see if its going to be crazy or dull...

LILMAN X

Not going to take it anymore..

Ok so far I was having a good day, until 5 pm and 3 phone calls happened in a row. One was from my brother having problems with his computer and him bitching at me wile I am a nice asshole and calmly help him out to solve his stupid computer minor problem that he was flipping out. The second phone call was from a friend about some drama and b/s with her man, w/e I deal with it and that was that but still it takes a lot out of me to help some one emotionally calm down and help them out about something... I am fucking sorry for having a soul, I wish I didn't have one some times... The third phone call was from one of my friends and they know who they are, a real random call getting loud, or maybe that's they way they are, about the stupid bullshit blogg I wrote. Sorry you took it into offence. You have no right to get loud or aggravate me because I did not mention your name at any time. If I really wanted to insult some one I would say names and point fingers, I have no shame and I will personally tell you and admit if it was meant for you... To anyone who knows me personally or knows me I have a lot of stress in my life and I don't need people aggravating me any more than I have to... ( In a Sarcastic tone) if you girls and boys want to know something, I shit blood sometimes because I have Crohn's disease and hey, anyone know why I shit blood? Its because of ulcers in your intestine and stomach and hey its extremely painful... Thanks to many people including my parents, school, teachers, activity's I do and friends (at times that stress me out) I get stressed out because I care and actually give a fuck... Wow.. Hey here is an idea, how about some one switch with me and find out how stressful my life is and then on top of that add a lot of health problems and oh yeah on top of that try to be productive about the future ( school) and also have fun at the same time... Hey I do it, how I ask my self I don't know but I do know this IM not going to take anyone's bullshit any more... IM going to not stress about what people think of me and what they say or what happened to them... Its me myself and I... And if you don't like it... Blow me, fuck you and kiss my ass because I don't care! THIS IS FOR EVERY ONE WHOS INSULTED. If you are insulted by this, ask your self why first because you should not have any reason to be unless you think you are guilty of it... You can only point the finger at yourself...


LILMAN X
P.S. I am going to go out, have fun and no worries,
hopefully get drunk so I don't remember much of
anyone or anything

Always some bullshit... High School kid bullshit

Well yesterday my entire evening was ruined by one of my friends or actually several events that happened that I, because I have a good heart canceled my plans and went to the rescue... Some bullshit... I always end up on the damm loosing side because I always am the one to solve everyone's problem because in my opinion I am the only damm person on this earth who thinks and is very rational and think things out and solve problems. I rarely flip out, or act childish or even just give problems to anyone. I see it like this, talk things out and think about them because we are humans and not animals and we aren't wild running like wolves or we can be like the wild animals and act stupid and childish... I hate people that act childish and yesterday was a day for that bullshit childish drama because Cretan people IM not going to mention names cannot think and just burst the first instinctive emotions and do stupid childish mistakes that maybe a little 9nth grader makes because they don't know any better... My thoughts to them is grow up and act your fucking age... Other wise please disassociate your self with me because I am 23 mature and I am very calm and none childish person... Everyone has there moments to act childish but when you are in college and you have responsibilities and are over the age of 18 I think you should at least relies you are not a little kid and should just talk and use that thing that's inbetween your ears and inside your skull... Hey it might actually work if you used it and didn't use the primitive part of your mind... Another subject is a hypocrite, I hate people that do that and act in that way... It pisses me off the most when you say something and you do that thing that you say you wont or will do, why in the hell do you go back on your word... WTF I don't get that, if I say something I stick to it... Every single person that knows me and that has known me knows I hate people that are hypocrite. I cant stand them and I despise them with all my hate. I think you should have a punishment for people that are hypocrites. The one person who pissed me off the most yesterday ( not going to say a name ) but they know who they are, needs to first look at them selfish and see the flaws, if they don't see any please come and ask me, I have no shame and I will tell you, second if you do not straighten out your self off of this one chance I give you then I will no longer help you because I give once chance to come correct as a friend of mine used to say and that's it. After that one chance screw up once more and the privileges and other stuff will be cut off. Yesterday my plans were ruined and all for a stupid childish occurrence that could of been solved by simply breathing and saying ok lets talk this out like mature adults, not flipping out... I say act your age or don't hang with me because I try to make sure my group of friends are diverse and mature and IM very selective of who I introduce you to and if I conceder you my friend or not. People need to relies in life, your born, you go to school for 12 years then you maturely grow mentally and then hussle of life begins and its work hard, live life a little and have some fun but mostly its made up of responsibilities that increases day by day...

LILMAN X

Annoyed, pissed off, Thoughts of my so called life...

Well its been a few interesting situations I have been in lately... People that I have met, People that I know and other shit that's just going on that's getting to me, and at the same time I just dust it off but it eats me inside at times... Example... I am not every one's savior... Ok if you need to be saved please go to a church and pray or talk to your local psychiatrist or something because this bullshit must stop or else one day the world is going to hate me... And what I mean by the world is every single person that has ever known me. May they be related to me or not they will know my wrath of Pissed off... All I am asking for is a few simple rules.. First, I will help you out but fucking-a how about you take a step out of your small insect world of problems and look at me for a second and see if I need some help or something like that, and IM not talking about talking or shit like that I mean other stuff... ( FIGURE IT OUT ASSHOLES!!!) Second, Instead of "my" or your relation ship drama bullshit how about hooking me up once and a wile and no, I just don't want any ho because if I did I would pick up my cell and call a few, how about a nice girl that has some sense of life and is good looking and actually wants something... Third and MOST IMPORTANT, I am not your bitch to be buying stuff and shit... All the crap I do like when I go out, EX: pay for entrance or food or w/e.. Hey its my money ok.. I am a fucking Finance wiz and I take my own money and make it work for me. So I make money, but I figure it for myself not tom, dick, and Jane... I do not like to pay for leeches.. I don't fucking care anymore who I hurt by this comment if you think it applies to your self then take offence or not I don't give a fuck.. GOT IT!... I am a independent person who is not employed, goes to school full time so I can make something out of myself, and I pay for my own stuff with my own money. I refuse to ask my mother who I know would be like ok no problem... But IM not like that, I pay for my own: Gas, Food, Drinks, entrance to Places, Dates, Ect... Here's what I ask myself almost 90% of the time when I go to bed, When the fuck is it going to be my turn... My time to be happy... You know when was the last time I was actually happy... Lets see, oh that's right I don't fucking remember its been that long... If I cant remember that means its been more than 4 years or so... I think little by little IM going to become a selfish person and just not give a fuck about anyone, think of myself first then possibly conceder other people into what IM doing or thinking... Yeah that sounds good because IM not getting shit out of this situation right now.. Maybe I should also speak my mind more often and tell people what I really think of them... Hey it sounds like a plan... Fuck it IM going to bed...

LILMAN X

Redundant thoughts of Females

Well so I finally got some sleep after like 48hrs of no sleep or if not it was more... I feel super well rested and relaxed... So today is Friday and I have no homework, well I do but I cant do it here so I will have to wait until Monday to do it :) yeah I know I like to put it off as much as I can... So yeah... Yesterday was just an average day, school, chilled, then after that Radio lollipop then I wanted to go see some girl that I like but she was not at her work... Blast! w/e what can I do... I got all dressed out and smelling all good of cool water and all in vain for nothing... Well I mean w/e it was a small toss into the lake that I totally missed but w/e... So today I don't know what IM going to do yet.. My thoughts are still or goal is to go see this girl but I don't want to seem like am all jocking her but I am sorta but w/e.. GRRR damm redundant thoughts of girls... Well I want to do something productive today so I will see what's going to go down today... (HOPING!!!) I will see some one, but we will see.. I might just chill with some friends and that's about it...

LILMAN X

Make this quick so I can sleep

Ok... Its Thursday... I haven't slept since about 7am WEDNESDAY!!! I am extremely tired.. I don't know what the hell has kept me up all this time but... The fuel is running on extreme empty at this current time... I will write 2marrow

LILMAN X ( SLEEPY )

Girls, The other Sex...

I think IM going to just write about girls and bitch and complain about them in this entry... So if you don't want to know my thoughts, Stop reading... I've been observing a lot lately girls or females or Women, w/e you want to call them... I have been seeing that some due tend to be easy going and some how end up just giving in to temptation and they also like to be kinda pushed around but also some don't... You cant categorize them at all because every single one is different or acts differently or is total opposite of the others that you know... Example: I know this girl, ok she easy going, none girlyish but yet some how is very attractive and some how gets the point across, The other one Subject 2 Is girlyish and also gets the same point across of getting a mate, or the opposite sex... My argument is how can they do this to us guys, Do they have some secret sense that tells them something or is it built in like instinct... Another observation is some are attracted to total assholes, and some like nice guys but some also at the same time like the nice guys but get the assholes so the niceguys loose some times so I don't get the direction they want to go... I would figure if I wanted a stable or sensible relationship I would go after the nice guy with a good head on his shoulder... Why would some one look for trouble or at least problems... Are they board of life that they would like to have issues and problems to make it more exciting? Or maybe they think they can change the person and help them out? I don't get this... Now the subject of the sex or sexual revolution... I will be honest... Its been some time since I have done the dirty if you get what I mean.. But its not like I need it often or crave it... I mean I do but there are some people that just cant go with out that? Why I don't get this... Or I also don't get the grand sexual craze or just why, why the need all the time or is it me that I don't get it all the time that I don't see the point of view other people have... Maybe if I was on that " sexual" revolution crase I would see the point from another perspective... I wonder who actually enjoys sex more, the guy or the girl? Maybe this is something I should put into study or at least find out. I admit I am not an expert at all in this subject, I also don't want to be but if the opportunity comes around I don't see why not... Well maybe so or maybe not... IM actually confused about this subject when it comes to myself, something tells me yes but at the same time I also don't want to.... Maybe an answer to this would be to figure out what a girl wants... I mean Every one has a different taste or flavor or w/e but there has to be a base model or something... I personally think I try too hard sometimes but also I guess I have to, may be I don't but I feel the need I do sometimes and so do a lot of other guys.. All I know is that IM extremely simple... I ask the following: Good personality, A some what good head on her shoulders and yes some kind of body to match also, and cares about me... That's it... Simple... Easy... Girls if you read this please Give me some input I would like to add it to my study of the other sex...

LILMAN X

What direction am I going now...

Well so w/e its another day in the life of me... So yeah today was fun I did a lot of stuff I was hanging with chrissy and chilled with some friends of her and i was happy because i got to see katie, I whent to Honda Monday and I showed off my new air intake and they were impressed by it and they gave me my props for it. Well so the fun is over... Now I start class but IM not sure what class I have because this morning I saw I had math and access and now it shows I only have access and they took out math so IM not sure what I have 2marrow... I know I have to show up and go to room 260 at 8 am so w/e... I will see what happends... Eh im sick of this IM going no were b/s because I want something I know that is steady... w/e now that school is starting I will be able to organize my schedule and figure out what IM going to when, with who, what IM going to do and ect... Anyways IM sleepy... School is early and I need sleep...

LILMANX

Tap, Pound, Bang, BOOM!, Squeeze, Explotion, suffocation, The Plague

Ok... I feel sick... Yeah I have the commen Plague, its called a cold, but no I don't get it like every tom dick and Jane, no I get the shit that almost kills you... Its all up in my nose, and my ears are well stuffed like a backed up pipe, I keep spitting out some green shit and that's not the only green comming out of me to give you some details... Yeah so its sick, who the hell do you think has to deal with this crap... You? I have to see it almost every 15 mins if not more often... So yeah w/e... IM sick with a cold and I feel like shit... If anyone has wondered why they haven't heard from me its because IM in bed with every medication from dayquill to musonex to you name it trying to get rid of this crap.. Ok I think I wrote so you all get the point... Good night and I will be back when this blasted Plague crap goes away!

LILMAN X

2006 and counting... New, the old and updates

Well I didn't bother to post anything in December, why well I don't know I didn't feel like wrtieing it was a shitty month it sucked, umm I don't know I just didn't write.. Got a problem..! Yeah thought so, anyways now its the new year and its Jan 2 and its like 8am, I cant sleep and I think I sleep only like one hr last night I don't know why but ive been having major brain stew, damm greenday... They must of known about me when they wrote that song, except I don't need the cocaine IM just naturally like that all awake and fried and stuff... So yeah life is, alright I guess, I have my civic, I just ordered a JDM air intake on it so I gain HP and save on gas... dammm oil company's, DIE!.. >_< anyways so yeah thats dont ive been doing a lot of hanging out not really party but just chill which is cool and i love to do that but im feeling the party oh hot girl over there let me go dance and have some fun with her stuff... you know.... so lets see my plans for 06, stay out of the damm hospital for one because i cant do this crap anymore i hate it because everything is put on hold when i go in and im suffering with school really bad so i have to get my crap togeather and my body need to start acting right and stop this freaak out b/s and str8en up... i guess one of the things i told my self is i tryed veary hard in 05 to find a girl and im like screw it if it comes so be it because im sick and tierd of trying, playing the game, then at the end getting screwd or i fail, so im just going to let it rid, my wing man or the capten i should say agrees with me and i think were going to play it the same way... I really would like a girl and money and pimp out my civic to the max but i cant have them all... so im going to work on the civic i guess ^_^ Oh yeah and im also going to find some little part time to make some money so i can splerg and save and w/e... i mean my accets are just fine but still i would like to aquier some stuff thsta not on my budget... Well we will see what happends and we will see when i wrtie onece more.... if i have the time...

LILMAN X >_<

Changes, good, bad, and lots has happened...

Well its been a week since I wrote, but I have a good excuse this time... Right after I wrote last weeks blogg, I found out the hard way my car is dead... My lovely 1988 Toyota corolla died and I was soo sad because I know its old and kinda falling apart but I loved that car... She was so good to me... I miss her so much... Some good times I had in that car... But since she has passed away and is no longer working I had to get a new car... My current new but used car is a Red 97 Civic EX... Its awesome... And looks like new... I mean no kidding this car is in excellent condition because everything works, yeah its got a few broken things, but super minor and mostly cosmetic so its easily fixable... Also its a civic, what don't they cell for that car for real... I posted the pictures on my myspace so everyone can see, I want to know what people think about it... IM going to take some real good pictures of it soon because it was like the second day I had it when I took the pictures I posted and it was a rush thing... I know my friend's have told me they like my car so that's awesome because I car what they think well some times... Now I just have to find insurance and that's it IM done... 2marrow IM transferring the tag so we will see how that goes.... Well I will keep you informed... IM going to bed... Night...

LILMAN X

Bite me bitches I have been a busy man.. Lets play catch up!

Well so its been a month or so since I have written in this thing and I have done a lot and a lot has happened... Well lets see what I can remember... I have been partying like there's no 2marrow which is they way I like to think of life... And it has been super crazy because I have been trying to balance my friends from my social friends and my mind has been going crazy trying to please people all the damm time but hey... I am super man or at least I try to be and I solve every ones problems and I do get everything done at w/e it costs me, maybe because I am a nice guy or I just like to drive my self crazy... I was actually in the hospital since about from this past Sunday to Tuesday because me, as always never take care of my self at all and I was going down hill slowly but hey I stayed out a good bit... I did my best I guess you could say I haven't been in there since June so it was all good... Oh yeah big news... I no longer go to MCH (Miami children's hospital) anymore because, last time or I should say this time I tried to go in they rejected me and told me I was too old and that they made exceptions for me and that I must go to an adult hospital... So I was sick, felt like shit and I couldn't go to mch and my choices were go to doctors hospital or Southmiami... I was like hellz no I don't want any of them, so I got out AMA (against medical advice) and came home, called my doctor at Jackson and explained to him about what happened and man that guy was super cool about it... He hooked me up with a privet room at Jackson and grate doctors this time... I don't like Jackson at all, the staff sucks, the rooms ar horrible and the rest well I shouldn't say because I might get killed for it if I truly say what I feel but w/e... I would love to stay with him if possible because he is one of the best doctors I have had ever and he attends to me super fast because he knows when I call its bad... But I don't think I can do that... My ideal setting would be... Take my surgeon Dr. Wineburger, take Dr. Madanick My GI, Take Dr. Junquiera My general and best damm doctor I've ever had and keep them all with me, oh yeah and the transplant people too... But I cant I have to now get a new Primary general and a new GI doctor... This sucks but IM going to one of the best hospitals in Miami Baptist Hospital.. All my hospital buddies recommend it to me and think I should go there because they are super nice and will treat me like they did at mch or even better... So who knows... I hope it will all work out... IM sure it will... If not I will make it work... Well IM tired and I think I have some stuff to do so I will try to write I know some one reads this but I will post more often...

LILMAN X

Catch up time... Sleep? Board but not indifferent...

Well so its super late as hell.. I mean its like almost 5AM and I don't know why I cant sleep... Maybe, because I took a stupid nap during the day and I cant sleep now... Friday was awesome... Lala's b-day was the shit... SOHO lounge was awesome, Pilar, Lala, Fred, Carmen, Jenny, Amanda, and like 4 other people were all there... Wow SOHO has changed since I was there last time.. I haven't been there in hella long time... I like the way it looks now... Simple... My favorite thing is the 80's room... Old school hip hop and freestyle music... I love to dance to that stuff... I even had my glow sticks with me... Wow I was so loving it on Friday... SOHO has 3 rooms, one room is for hip hop, another for 80's, freestyle and oldschool hiphop beat-boys, and upstairs where they have a live rock band... The first live rock band was awesome... The rest ... Eh didn't do it for me... I had so much fun bugging jenny and her friend... Mostly jenny was the one I was bugging all the time, trying to get her shy ass to dance and shake it with another guy... The only guy she did dance with was gay but hey at least its progress... I was every where that night jumping from one room to another... What a night Friday was... I must do that once again soon...

Today was a chill day... Didn't do much at all actually... Well I did but my day is usually the night time... I did go to the CANES game vs Duke... Boy did we sweep the floor with them... But besides that nothing much happened... I was supposed to go to I/O lounge with some one but she decided to be a punk about it and was all wishywashy about it so I was like fuck it... Also my backup plan was to chill with my boy Fred and a few peeps but that didn't go down so I decided to pimp out my myspace a bit... I think it came out good... Well its late and IM going to put my car away and sleep now I am getting tired...

LILMAN X

NO REMORSE FOR THE WORLD!!! >_<

Well what a fucking crazy ass night I had... Shit... If it got any worse I would be in jail for killing a nigga... I have woken up today in a I don't give a fuck mood... Last night started off with just the most simplest plans... Chill at my crib install a few Operating systems on my bud's laptop and eat and chill at my home girls house... Well bullshit... The night was twisted as hell.. It all started off with both of us in kinda a pissed mood because well I don't know it was just that kind of night... So the damm Operating system did not want to install at all, the damm laptop was being super stupid... I mean what the hell, nothing I did worked... Ok fine, well if that wasn't bad we decided to go get some eats and head on over to my home girls house to chill, oh and before that several people were assholes on the road driving... Let me not even get started about driving during the day, and my damm teacher was not in class, we had some dude filling in for him because he got hurt the day before... W/e, so we wanted BK... Ok fine... So we get in the car and go to BK... As we wait at BK we see some car get infront of me and honk and then we get inline because I was the one first before they tried to cut me off... So they get behind me... And if that wasn't bad the damm person taking the order was pusshy as shit... Telling me hello are you ready yet every damm moment... I mean hello when I am damm good and ready to give you my order I will tell you... So we sed fuck it and left... As we leave the parking lot the same car that was behind me gets in front of me and then to the right side of my car and they are like what the fuck is your attitude... My friend gets like, What the fuck is your problem! So the dude sitting in the passenger seat gets out of the car and is like comming to my car... So I was like well fuck this I don't feel like busting a niggas head or getting arrested, So I peel out and say fuck you and leave... The best part was there was a few cops just chilling not to far from were we were probably seein this and didn't do shit... Well on top of that when I get to my home girls house I had low blood sugar and I get super pissed off when that happends so I was in a rather foul mood... Oh she wasn't in too good of a mood either, I guess she was moody because of some other shit but damm don't fuck with me when I am pissed off... Well w/e a lot of other shit happened last night too and I just don't feel like going into details but damm what a fucked up night... Just shit that happened that shouldn't of... So I say no remorse For the world... >_<

LILMAN X

Sick twisted relationships with bad week of sadness and suckubes...

Well what a shit week... Every one I know that was in a relationship, is now currently single... Wtf... The moon has turned into the 4th cycle of the Jupiter phase with the cat screaming in pain because he got run over... I don't know what is wrong with the world but I seem to be info central... W/e looks like IM not the one involved in this crazy phase of the stars... Well I am going to write probably some time tomorrow about what I need to do this weekend... Lets say it involves a lot of drinking, girls and party's ... Yeah! Anyways... I am out like a light that was smashed by the bat of the broken heart... Death to relationships the Alex reaper says!

LILMAN X

Writing the relationships away... This is not a good week for couples or relationships... Its been awhile

Well last time I wrote was simple and about fixing my computer and some dream I kept having... Well since then shit has gotten super complicated for a few people or actually more than a few people... More like almost everyone I know... Lets start by I think Friday or sat night I think... I got a call from a friend of mine that her B/F broke up with her because something happened with his moms that also he didn't love her anymore and bla bla bla... Well I care dearly for this girl, I mean she knows she can come to me at anytime to cry on my shoulder... Well she sure did, I felt so bad for her I just wanted to take it all away if I could... I did my best and I guess she is ok now... I know IM going to keep her busy so she wont think about him, IM sure that wont be a problem since I do like to distract my friends with my wild party life I live... Another friend that is having a problem with their "Girl" had just called me last night telling me how they messed up and now they don't know what to do... I haven't a clue how to help out on this one but IM sure it should get interesting later on this week... Problems have just been jumping out at me for solutions ever since about Thursday... Wow, what madness... I don't know what it is that people come at me for advise, what makes me so important and "smart" at this than anyone else? I mean I have my own problems too, but I don't really have many people to ask how to solve them but I do it on my own most of the time, also I don't tell anyone usually about them or I might ask 1 or 2 people for advice, mostly about the small things... I wish I was on the other end with "Relationship" problems or something because that would actually mean I was in a relationship... W/E, maybe I am meant to stay single so I can keep giving this awesome advise as I am told... This week was definitely not a good week at all for couples, Also hasn't been my week with girls too but that's another story I rather not tell... School started today, a new term for me... I got super lucky and at the same time not... I only have one class this term until the middle of November and its twice a week only, but I rather have 2 hard classes so I can get them out of the way... I feel as IM just doing the same thing over and over... Going to school, hanging out or a party or staying home... I think I need to add something else to my life, I don't know what but something is missing... I must clean up so I can find this missing part of the puzzle... Lets see have I left out anything... Talked about me being the psychologist, talked about school... umm... No I don't think so... I mean the only thing I do want to mention is I do miss a few people I haven't hung out with in a wile... I miss hanging out with colleen its been for ever since I've chilled with her... I also miss hanging out with jaws and Kevin, been forever since I hanged out with them too... Oh and I really miss hanging out with Gaby, I really miss her a lot. I know she is super busy with school and I don't want to disturb her with that because I know its super important for her, so IM laying way super low... I also miss hanging out in her house and talking to her dad, that's about the coolest Dad I have ever met in a long time, me and him could talk anything from computers to cars... Dads normally don't like me or just look at me funny because IM hanging out with there little girl but he loves hanging out with me and same goes for me, I also miss her mom, she is super sweet I love her fokes. Well its about 10:30 P.M. and my body hurts because I was stupid and forgot to get my stupid immunity shot for the last 4 days and I got it yesterday, so I am paying for it today... IM going to take a hot hot shower and grab something to munch on and toss a DVD or watch TV until I fall asleep... I have a lot of stuff to do 2marrow... I also must Finish fixing my PC so I can have my badass machine running once more...

LILMAN X

Mr fix it... Board on the rift... Music keeps playing...

So today I decided I was going to fix my stupid PC... Well damm the people at tiger... I got a 250GB hard drive... A Seagate too, and the fuking thing is dead... I tried every configuration I know and the stupid thing wont display... So its dead.. I can't believe my stupid luck... Damm this stupid idea of mines... W/e first thing 2marrow IM going to tiger and telling them a few things that I have in mind... Stupid people, why sell broken crap... Besides that I didn't do much today... I hit the mall with Luis because I was in my "Metro" mode and I felt like window shopping and I picked out some kick ass stuff... Some Prep because I want to start dressing prep once more and some rocker stuff too... IM kinda in between both so I don't know in which direction I should go... Oh October fest... How could I forget... Wow, What an awesome time I had... German Beer rules... Let me tell you, beer from the U.S. sucks ass, its like dirty water with stuff in it... Heineken, for get that crap, if you tell a German about that drink they will look at you like a fool... The beer that I had was awesome... And wow did I drink... I was happy I can tell you... Next time all I have to say is the Tank is coming home with me... Its been a calm day, nothing crazy or out of the ordinary happened... Well maybe one thing, every time I hear Dream Girl by Dave Matthews Band, I talk to a girl, or some one I have my "eye" on or something to that degree... I swear if I end up dreaming tonight... I just blame Julia Roberts and DMB and all the beautiful girls I know in life... Dammit get out of my head and stop messing with me... LOL ... J/K... Yeah lets just say this weekend the hunt is a foot! Onward Jim.. The Fox is getting away! Hopefully 2marrows event, I will be "happy" once more, just the day after that sucks, damm hangovers... Well I better go to bed if I am going to get up and do everything I have planed 2marrow...

LILMAN X

One part battery acid mixed with the books are fun...

Well let me tell you, I feel like my Brain is on something... Studying for my finals is not easy... I feel like I took some battery acid and put it inside my brain and just mixed it up with some stuff... Yeah headache for sure, body aches hellz yeah... Oh am I stressed... Fuk yeah I am... I must De-stress after Thursday because damm... I have been studying and making sure I know my shit so I can pass my finals... Thank god I have it super easy next term... This weekend... If I remember it I will be disappointed... I am going to, Drink like a mad man, Dance with the finest girls I can possibly find and just make sure its one big party... Because if I study this hard I have to party harder... Maybe I will get lucky too ... LOL J/k Naw I better be good or people are going to call me and be like what's this I was reading on your blogg.. W/e like anyone reads this... Well actually I get a lot of hits so who knows... Hey you don't like my party attitude... Join me, IM sure you'll just change your mind... Get you all crunked up and stuff... LOL ... Anyways now IM going to shower and study until about 4 A.M. or 5 then nap for like 2 hrs then school... Wish me luck and see if I can still write after IM done with finals >_<

LILMANX (On Book Acid)

He Who comes second comes last...

Well its the beginning of the week... Monday... Yay.. (yeah right)... Today I got my final review for Vincent security class and w/e I just have to cram it 2marrow and I will pass the final with no problem... 2marrow I get my review for Leo's class... I am not looking forward to that for sure... I know Leo and he is going to make it super, super hard... So that's going to kill me.. Eh... w/e I will pass it... Just do what I always do... Turn the cell off put up and awaymessige like leave me alone and I wont be bothered so I can cram my brain until I cant think anymore... No problem... >_< ... I swear i can never win... always second to last... I found out today our stupid school was not doing the ordering the books over the internet... Ok fine no problem they will provide us with the books... Well i gather my schedual for next term, F.Y.I. I only have one class monday's and wendsdays... So w/e I walk all the way to the other end of campus wich is far so i get there and found out they dont have the stupid book... I was like hello my class starts next monday, would you like me to pull the book out of my ass? So w/e the lady explains since the online thing didnt go they had to bring all the books and bla bla bla.. Well why the hell are all the books there except mine? WTF? i dont get it... So she told me we orderd them... A.K.A. next week sometime? W/e fuk them man for real... Also, What is it with girls lately... Every girl i know, and thats alot, is like treating me like second to none... i mean ok i dont ask for number 1 but shit... Remember me besides when you need to 1. talk about somthing to do with another guy... 2. Talk about how much your life sucks 3. talk about your love life 4. last but not least call me for a party or to see if i can entertain you... What the hell am i a phycologest and a party mixed with a personal entertainer? Common... Good greef... W/e im just sick of second to nothing, its like i try for number 1 but i get number 2... or if not last... good greef... monday, who knows whats next?

LILMAN X >_<

bu ba baaaddd..... >_<

Well so last night was super fun... After lollipop everyone knows IM always up for party time, so it was me Fred and 2 girls... So we met up at TU TU Tango, had some drinks then over to fat Tuesday's... More drinks and dancing... It was 1$ buds so I was a happy man... After that me and Fred hit the beach to check out a few places I was interested in checking out so that lasted till about 4:30 am... After that I slept for oh an hr or so got up had something to eat... Study for a test I had today and then got home and had a long long nap... Didn't do anything tonight because IM way too tired and now IM going to bed because I am sleeping in 2marrow... I feel extremely mischievous this weekend... soo who knows... Catch ya on the flip side... >_<

Llilman x

Were am I going but why is it all the same...

Well what did I do today... IM sore as hell but I do know the shutters are staying up.... NO way in hell I am taking them down if another hurricane is comings... I don't think this crap is over yet so w/e they are staying at least the ones that are clear the rest w/e ok I will take them down its just 3 windows... But no way... My arms, legs and back hurt like hell, and with no girl to give me a massage or say its ok fuk that even more... Well today I was thinking about how things change but they some how always stay the same... kinda like my life repeats its self or is in a loop of random but still some how its the same cycle .... w/e just wired things that are going on and I have to figure out... Some times I just want to pack up move out of Miami and maybe things will change but who knows... The way I see things they follow me or just stay the same, no matter how hard I try to change them or get out of the loop... This weekend IM going to do something that will get me out of the loop or keep me in them... Screw this IM tired of it... I need change or stability one of the above... But first before that party drink and be happy so w/e toss it to the wind and say screw it... IM taking 2 advil for my body aches and going to bed... Good night world of loopness...

LILMAN X

Ehh... My Head Hurts... Relaxed day...

Well today, didn't do jack... Too tired to do anything actually. I got home late last night from a privet party... Had a few drinks, watched a movie ect... I had a grate time... I think I will do this more often, its a good way to relax, even if they live super far away but hey what can I do about it... I think its worth the trip... Well I have a headache today, don't know if its from all the alcohol because I usually get them if I drink a bit too much, but I don't think I did... I mean I didn't even get tipsy or anything... Eh w/e... Fuk it I know IM not supposed to drink but w/e I don't care at the moment, I am in a eminem mood... (his song, I just don't give a Fu*k) because I am going to live it up this month and the next... After that I will be good... I miss my bad self, its been dormant too long... That side needs to come out and play some... >_< well im going to shower and sleep, even if its only 10pm

LILMAN X

TGIF... Who cares I worked my butt off...

Well so today is Friday or was actually now... I stayed home tonight to fix Luis's computer and also to fix mines... Well I got his all done the only problem now is I have to do my own PC... As many of you know I love my PC but since the hard drive crashed I haven't used it... So I just left it there in a corner to collect dust like a dead insect after its killed by poison... Well I have to get it up and running so my bad ass PC can be up and running once more 24/7 or close to it... Actually I did sorta work on it, well no I lie... I cleaned the "computer room" were I keep all my spare parts and other computer stuff... I found out I have a lot of parts... But the only problem is they are old... But hey its still good stuff... I say why trash working parts... Keep them you never know when you will need them... So today was not much stuff but wow... I am super tired from organizing that stuff... I wonder what IM going to do 2marrow... I want to go out or something... Maybe I will call some people up so I can party... Dammit I will go out and do something, I mean I just cant stay home all weekend working on my PC... Well I can, but I have done that way too many times... I am no longer a nerd... IM a nerd with a wild side... LOL ... Well IM going to finish up and maybe start on my PC... I might be up late... And lollipop 2marrow ... Maybe...

LILMAN X

Blink 182 - I miss you (for my PC)

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
the shadow in the background of the morgue
the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
we can live like Jack and Sally if we want
where you can always find me
we'll have Halloween on Christmas
and in the night we'll wish this never ends
we'll wish this never ends
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
this sick strange darkness
comes creeping on so haunting every time
and as I stared I counted
webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight
stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head
(I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head
(I miss you, miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head
(I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

What to do... What to do... Weekend is almost here

Well its another Thursday night... This time I didn't go out at all... Just came home and turned on the T.V. and watched E.R. It was the final episode were carter leaves and all that drama happends and stuff... I don't like the show with out him but who knows probably it will be the last season of the show IM sure... I mean common no originals left in the show so it must end... Today was fun... Class and some stuff I took care of... A lot of things have changed in the north west (were I get my PC parts from) but its still a cool place... Went to lollipop and had fun doing my dj thing... I saw Gaby tonight... Poor gaby, I mean she's not stressed but still I feel bad she's studying so so much... She trys so hard... I hope she will pass with flying colors... And soon too I miss spending time with her, but she has to do that school thing so she can get into med school and be a grate doc so she can be my under study and I can fully teach her everything I know about how to be a doctor and not just a doctor who just takes care of the sickness but who takes care of the humanbean... Very much different kind of doctors out there... Like I always say... You can treat an aliment but first treat the person before... Well hopefully soon I will get to hang with her... Although I think I spend the most time lately taking to her than any of her friends so I feel privileged... Well its late... Time for bed... Maybe... Weekend ... AKA PARTY!

LILMAN X

Sharper than sharp... Watch out I will make ya bleed... holla

Ok I don't know what is up with that subject line but I have been making shit up like that all day long... Like saying: watch out now because if you look at me your shades will shatter... LOL, ok so I am in a weird mood... A good mood I guess you could say... I do feel better, maybe what I needed was a good rest and relaxing... Well I did relax, more than I usually do, so w/e... Chilled out to the max I am, so here I go to the bathroom to relax to the max... LOL... Ok so I am really out of no were in a good mood... Something good must happen eventually... Because why would I be going insane in the membrane... LOL... Ok for real, I did some home work, oh and I talked to roxy today... Been a wile since we have chatted.. It was good talking to her... She's kinda like my guide to my problems, she sets me str8 most of the time... Anyways... Like I sed before, I must run to the room to relax to the max and chillaxs until the candle wax is gone to the end of the buring wick, so just like that im out like a flash... PEACE >_<

LILMAN X

I Feel like crap, Checked out, what's going on?

Well today I just felt like shit in class... I woke up super late to leo's class and when I got there I just felt like being in bed... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me... Something but I don't know what... Usually IM better at self-diagnosis than the small minded doctors I know, except for the one's who know my case; well but this time me and them both are stuck on what's wrong with me... Odd... I know I feel drained... So I had my blood count checked out today... Its fine a bit low but nothing I can't handle or need to go to the hospital for... So maybe its the cold that is comming back? I know I have an infection somewhere because my blood count is all over the place... Where I have no clue... I think what I should do 2marrow is stay home and relax... Maybe since I am stressed and I feel like crap and maybe everything has come all at once its got me down... Maybe a good day of relaxing and doing everything I have to do to take care of my self 100% will make me feel better... I mean I cant take care of my self to 100% every day... I have to live and do stuff and its impossible to do everything and take care of my self 100%, I figure 90% is fine... I guess that 10% adds up slowly and catches my ass in the end... W/e... On another note... I talked to almost everyone by now... Found out peeps were just busy doing stuff and taking care of things... The only one I haven't talked to (at least on the phone) is gaby... I would tell you that I don't miss her voice or I don't miss hanging out with her, but we both know I would be lieing out of my ass... Right? I know she is super busy with school so I just want let her bee and when shies not busy I know she will call me.. Or at least I hope she would... I have been calling her and chilling with her a lot lately (which I love) but I have to let her be and she had to do her thing... Compared to what I do every day shies super busy, I live it busy too but not as much... More like busy with other things besides school... School is cake for me, Computers; its my thing and I could teach the class if I wanted to... Actually sometimes I do correct the teachers but they actually like that sometimes because we get into the "correct" ways to do things... Maybe this weekend comming up I might ask her to do something... ( hope she reads this )... Well people.. I don't know who reads this stuff but I just write... I think IM going to take a shower and watch something on T.V. until I fall asleep... Probably not until late if I know my self...

LILMAN X

Another day...

Well... Lets see, what can I say about today... First of all I didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning... IM not sure why... I have a lot of lack of energy lately, not sure why, actually I lie... I have an idea why the thing is I am just avoiding it... Avoiding the inevitable but w/e... Besides that nothing has happened today, just another day for me... Boring and uneventful... I hope 2marrow is more exciting because I just hate days with nothing happening... No one called me, I spoke to no one, did nothing... W/e Its 9:30 going to bed...

LILMAN X

Where is everyone>? Hellloooo... Anyone out there?

Well today was a quiet day I guess you could say... I spoke to no one, No one called me... I wonder if people moved to another plant or something... I usually get calls from people every day to say hi or what's up or how are you, but today was just like if everyone was gone or missing... The only one who showed up was Luis... Luis came over today and chilled at my house until about 9... I showed him the titanic kariokie place... He liked it but the odd part was none of my friends were there.... No javi, no pilar, mari, Lucy even that Goth dude... Odd... The only thing that did happen that was awesome was I saw this girl who I haven't seen in years... Her name is Veronica, wow I was taken back... At first I felt super bad about it because I couldn't put the face to the name... I knew that I met her before somewhere because I never forget a face but I couldn't remember her name or were exactly I met her... It took me a wile but as soon as I remembered I was like OMG... I admit I screwed up, she was an awesome friend and things just got weird between us... My problem was I didn't know what I wanted at that moment and I was kinda still searching for my self in what I wanted and stuff but, now is when I have my shit straight... I gave her my Myspace name and my phone number so I hope she calls... I would love to have her as my friend once more... At least this time I wont screw up and I know who my true friends are after the cutting of the evil and bad influences in my life... I do have to admit, I did cut a lot of bad out even if I didn't realize it until I was in bad waters... Now I just have people I can trust and good friends... Well if anyone is out there, please contact me to at least know the outside world is still alive... Kinda makes me sad in a way no one called me or at least told me hi today... W/e guess people were busy...

LILMAN X

Home Base Relaxing

So today was a good day... Relaxing I could say, I didn't go anywhere or do much... I did do radio lollipop this morning but only because I knew a few people were going to be out and I was going to help out my home girl pillar... So that was chill and after that I saw Dio for a few, haven't seen him in a wile and chilled at alien's house for a bit... That was about it... It did rain for a wile here but it was the calm rain that just hits your window with a soft noise on the roof as it falls down onto the ground... A noise I do enjoy some times when IM in my calm moods... I love that sound of water with just a hint of lightning with out the thunder noise and violence in it... Just a sweet game of the Angles playing in the clouds that sets off some lights as the earth Refreshes its self... Well I think IM going to finish here and get something sweet to eat before I go to bed and toss on a Anime and watch it and sleep... Maybe I wont set the alarm 2marrow, just get up when I get up... I leave you with some lyrics... Oh and check out the Video to the right, its awesome... Let me know if you cant see it

LILMAN X


(Sarah McLachlan - Angel)

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe; in this sweet madness
oh This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Two-thousand eight hundred and eighty minutes later... >_<

Well its today and I still haven't slept at all... I don't know how I have done this but w/e I did... Maybe it was all the caffeine in me or just the hype that kept me up all this time but I didn't sleep at all last night... After I wrote I was like well I could sleep for 2 hrs or so but I figured screw it... Why bother... So I just got something to eat and chilled in bed watching TV until I pretended to get up, So my parents wont be pissed that I didn't sleep at all, took a shower and got my stuff for school together and bounced... I got to school early today... So I did my bit of studying done, so that's out of the way until Sunday I still have a paper to write and some worksheet on converting Hex into binary and bla bla bla... So tonight I wanted to go out so bad... But no one wanted to go out... What losers... I wish I would of gone out anywhere... I hate staying home, especially when I haven't slept and IM delirious and hyper... That's the best time to do stuff because its like your floating and don't feel a thing, until the next day... Besides that it was a calm day, took care of a few things here and there... So w/e I think that's about it... Since I am home its like 10:30 I think IM just going to go to bed or chill there for a bit until my body says.. Sleep and I crash and fall asleep with out notice... This happends when you don't sleep for Two-thousand eight hundred and eighty minutes ( Figure it out)... Plans for the weekend... Don't know up in the Air I guess ... Well IM taking my butt to the shower and bed... But not before I put away the bat-mobile in the bat-cave...

LILMAN X (delirious) >_<

Sleep is but a word on my crazy days...

So I just got home like all of 5 mins ago... I was out chilling with Fred and marcina all night long... dammm, what was I thinking... I have school at 9 am but I get up like at 6 or 7 to study before class so... Yeah IM crazy, I think I have a test too but w/e I don't know how I do it but I sure do... I say party like rock stars... Wow what a party it was awesome, first we were at some Pub(English bar) which was by the way grate because it was a chill spot... Calm not to many people so we just chilled at a booth, oh yeah I behaved my self and didn't drink anything alcoholic... I had a plain diet coke because some one might kill me otherwise... After that we went to Mr moe's to chill some more... I didn't drink also, tempted so much but no just another diet coke so like after 2 more I was wired and I had to dance so I took marcina out to dance cuz shies my dancing girl LOL and I was doing my thing and I had like an audience looking at me so I gave a little show and I just bounced to this one guy who was looking and stuff and I was like oh go dance with her, her name is marcina, so I hooked her up and just slipped on out of the dance floor to sit for a bit, actually the rest of the night... I just was enjoying the music and people, chilling with Fred... So that's about it... Lets see I woke up at 6am its now almost 4 so yeah I think I will get 2 hrs of sleep... Maybe and then 2marrow... Who knows...

LILMAN X

Feeling better but still some shibby left around.... Ideas problems and solutions...

Well Today I felt better, honestly I thought I was going to wake up and be all screwd up. I guess some how I fixed myself.? Weird I know but hey, IM not asking how or why... The only problem was a killer Headache I had all day and it just got worse from the morning until about 3pm when I took a nap, it got a bit better but I also added the element of advil and other stuff to fix it... So it helped... I haven't spoken to anyone in a few days... J, jj or alaine... Odd I wonder why... Possibly they are pissed off because of Sunday? W/e they will come around, I just wanted to be with out the crew for a bit that day, its just everyday and no time for myself to enjoy the company of some one else... Speaking of someone, I haven't spoken to them since about Monday, I texted this person and I think I left a message but I haven't talked talk to them over the phone... I bet they are busy with lots of stuff... I think it might be a super busy week for them... I miss their voice.... On another note, School is going good.. Getting excellent grades but w/e I always do because computers is my thing.... I need to start working out more, different things besides jogging... I need a work out buddy or something... I hate working out alone I feel like a loser doing it by my self, that and I need some one to push me and I will do the same... I have to do something about my car soon... I keep telling my mom and dad I need either a new(used) car or paint and fix my brakes and other stuff that's wrong with that car... The way I see it IM better off getting a diff car because its just getting too expensive fixing up that car... That car needs: New pipe for exhaust, New brakes, Paint job, Fix up the interior ( because it looks nasty), a tune up, my system is shot because my amp is shot, one of the speakers I keep having to fix, my neon lights are shot, my fog-lights are disconnected and broken... So I think getting another ride is worth it... We will see what happends... If not screw it I drive my car until its death... Today I was looking at my financial ascetic's, in between Studying and Jogging... I noticed my system of getting income and stuff is not going to last if gas prices and other prices keep rising so IM going to first ask Jorge at school if I can get in back with them as student work study, If not IM going to go job hunting around here, anything, but it must be easy and part time.... w/e I still have plenty of time to look... I have plenty to last me this month and the next to splurge so IM cool... Well IM going to go organize my books and charge my electronic stuff... I think this weekend I will work on my PC there is an awsome deal at tigerdirect with a 250GB hard drive and I also have to buy a cover for my phone ... So much to do...*closes the notebook and puts it back on the shelf*

LILMAN X

Feeling sick and shibby... Must win the fight... (sigh)

I don't feel well at all... I woke up today late for class, I almost fell asleep in class to add to everything... It was like something str8 up from a NyQuil commercial... I was all stuffy and nasally and all crappy... On top of that I felt sick to my stomach and had a killer headache... I came home like around 1:30 because my stupid teacher out of all days decided to keep talking crap like always on the one day I felt like leaving early... What crap, I should of left but w/e I stayed tied to my chair like if it was thorns holding me down as I couldn't leave... When you feel sick like that people take my advice... Leave don't be stupid like me and stay because you want to be a good student... Hell he gave me a 90 for class participation... What bullshit I felt like crap, I mean he was lucky I was there... w/e... So we lost the game to F.S.U. The game was awesome... I was screaming and all, F.S.U. Played good, I think they deserve the victory (this time)... Oh yeah and I didn't go out yesterday too, which I was not happy about but w/e IM used to disappointments... Well IM going to take some NyQuil and go lay in bed until about 1, I cant miss my programs at midnight after that I will sleep... I HAD A BAD DAY.... All I have to say is Fuel- (had a) bad day Change all the words that have she and her and girl stuff to guy stuff and that's my song for the day... GOOD NIGHT

(sick) LILMAN X

GO CANES! / sorta shibby / Had lots of fun

Well its that time of the year, When I bring out my Larry coker Scrubs out and put them on under my jeans wile the canes play... Woot we are going to win you'll see... Today is the game V.S F.S.U and we will win, IM confident in the canes, Miami can do it! Well I Still have this cold I guess you can call it, and it has me a bit run down but IM doing just fine I think... Some other "people" noticed I was not feeling good but I know they care about me and that's why they tell me... Oh my complicated life I live... Too many things I want to do in one day and so many accomplishments I want to get done but I just don't have the time or energy any more to do them... I didn't sleep well at all last night... Thinking about stuff that worries me and stuff that I have to get done the next day and tasks I have to do... So many things, yet I would only ask for 5 main accomplishments 2 priority first and the others can be done. Its just not easy being me, I guess its my own fault I complicate my self... I think I deserve a good kick in the ass some times for setting such stupid goals and accomplishments I know are almost impossible but, I guess that's the war I fight everyday with my self and with my mind... Thinkers are not easy people... We have it easy from another person's view but we like to over think and perfect things until they are done right or done perfect... w/e enough about that... I know I haven't been feeling well and that's one of my many worries... I don't want to go down hill once more... I CANT, I think I will just lose it because everything is going almost perfect... IM going to school, hanging out with people, Chilling with Gaby... I don't want to go back to club hell, I don't wanna end up back on leave of absence and get away from my studies, I don't wanna miss out on going out with people, and who would want a loser stuck in club hell, I also wouldn't be able to get in shape... Damm this body of mine, why the fuk is it just being an asshole to me... I mean I do everything I can except for sleep and when I do it still screws me... I don't get it, IM taking medication, eating right, doing everything so wtf.... The worst part is I know it and I feel it but IM fighting it as much as I can, I know when people start telling me IM not looking good its gotten me because I can hide it super well and usually I win but IM just winning this round I think.. Maybe I still can win but ayyy... What a battle... Last night was fun, Gaby is always a pleasure to hang out with... She always makes my days better no matter how shibby I feel or w/e its like me + me... LOL... She's so beautiful and funny, and super smart... Her best quality is she is always honest and open with me, yeah she tells me the truth when IM being stupid, you all know I do this a lot... I like to put on a dammit face or a ok w/e face and I know it bothers the hell out of her but I love that reaction... Weird thing is we don't argue, at all now that I think of it... I don't know if that's healthy or a good thing...? Moments I have with her, I wish I could take a black magical pouch and take that moment in time and convert it into a Gem; that I could put inside the magical pouch and save it. So I can take it out later and look at the gem once more... I actually wrote a poem about it... Share it you say? Maybe, you all know I write poems but I haven't been inspired in a long long time to write one, maybe 3 yrs or so since I have actually wrote one... I hope she enjoys her self also, she's not to verbal, I guess I am more than her... Well enough about Gaby... Im sure Who ever is reading this is like what a loser... Eh bite me if you think that... Well the game is going to start soon so I am going to do something... What I have no clue... BUT DAMMIT IM GOING OUT!!! (i doubt it)

LILMAN X

Sniff... Sniff... Class today and WOOT I got an 85 !

Well today Friday I had class with Leo so w/e. We had to make up for the hurricane and stuff because my school is super strict on days we miss due to anything, so they figure Fridays in as make up days they have 7 or 8 of them for a term... So I studied last night until about oh I would say 3 maybe and I just was at a point I was thinking in binary damm I don't even remember most of it... I was all fuked up.. So w/e the test was super awesome thanks to late night cramming but I got an 85 so IM super happy with that grade... So far in the class I have a 4.0, and its going to stay like that! This term no messing around, or w/e this class is b/s stuff. Except maybe for Vincent's class, hes super easy and the class is cake... So today I chilled with jj, j, mike(aka luda) carlos, tiff, joy and mike and his girl Elaine... We were going to go to a southwest Miami SR high game (my old high school) but it was canceled because of rain and too muddy... I was going to get all my gear from when I was in high school too... My southwest t-shirt my megaphone, my purple stuff and everything... So w/e we ended up going to bird bowl to play some pool and maximum tuning( racing game) well they played that I rather play pool my fav past time.. So that was cool and then we just chilled after that for a bit and that's about it not much to say today... Mostly I wanted to go out and relax and forget about school and stuff so I had fun today.... I talked a little with Gaby too (always brightens up my day further) and now its bed time...

LILMAN X

delirious.....delirious.....delirious....

Wow all i have been doing for the last 2days is studying and more studying... Damm leo's class is not easy at all... The worst part is im in his class with out taking cisco... I mean i dont know how to subnet or conver binary or hex... Errr... what luck i have... I can deal with it... I mean i didnt get tested for an I.Q. test for nothing and got like borderline genius.. So i can do it its just my A.D.D. and my mind starts to wonder other places... I start thinking about what i have to do the next day, what i want to do and other stuff thats floating around in my head... Well... i got back from lollipop today, got to see gaby wich is always awsome, had fun with the kids... I love to cheer them up and thats about it... Since i got home i have been reading and i got like 4 chapters out of my way so i should be fine... I feel like my eyes are going to bleed, my head is going to jump out and blow up in my face or im going to pull my hairs out and screem as im pounding my face into some wall so i can pass out and maybe relax mentaly... No... that wont work thats just going to give me problems later... Eh (sigh) Well i def have to do somthing this weekend so untill 12:59 noon 2marrow i am a busy man after that i will study but not as much... i need to relax! i need to go out! i need to party!! i need.... stop being so- delirious delirious delirious delirious!!

LILMAN X

School with Brain Stew and I don't give a crap what time it is....

BLAST!!! Is all I have to say... Damm I have been a busy busy boy today... Damm... I just cant get over all the stuff I have done today... Wow talk about playing the Tech roll all day long... Well so I started my day off at 7 AM if not earlier I think because the sun was not out yet but it wasn't dark so... I got up took a shower went to school because I know staying home was pointless because I would end up back in bed so I decided to go study... So as IM sitting eating my empanada reading chapter 1, 2 and 3 Ximena called me to see what I was up to and I was like well class hasn't started and IM here studying. So I asked her if like later I could meet up with her to study or w/e and she was like fine... So w/e class was good because I have Vincent and he's easy so I just relaxed as much as I could in class and then we had some stupid project to do about, viruses, trojans, and script kittys... w/e easy but we had to do it in power point and he told up well take it home and bring it back next class... I was like hellz no im going to do it right now until class is done so I can turn it in and be done with it... So I did and it came out awesome too with all kind of animation and graphics and it only took me like 20 mins to do in total most of it was taken up looking up the info on the net so basically cake... After that Luis called me to fix his PC because it was broken and I told him his next day off I would help him so I did and he came over... I thought it would be something simple or w/e but no, never... When is anything I do with computers fast and easy, Rare or almost never... So yeah new mother-board and reinstall windows and all kind of stuff... What a pain, I mean I don't mind doing it, just the actual computer being a pain in my ass... Oh yeah and inbetween fixing luis's computer my grandmother called me saying her satellite was not working.. Wonderful, so I head out to Flagler and 60 something and I was like ok w/e I need to go that ways to pick up a mother-board for luis's computer... Well I get there and she's all pissed because I was like wtf you expect me to dump what IM doing and fly over here because you cant watch TV too well I mean, HELLO you do have cable after all... So the problem was the positioning of the damm dish its self after one hour of figuring out stuff. So I did my best and I left, picked up a mother board and came back here to get the computer and go to luis's house... Ok well So windows didn't want to install so back over to my house to get a special program to save his files and wipe clean and reinstall fresh copy... By that time it was like 10 or so... Windows takes about an hr more or less not counting on moving files that he needed to save... Well did that and had to call Pakistan (California) to speak with Rob (bullshit) so I could say yes I need a product key and this is the only copy of windows I have installed on here and no other machine... What a bunch of crap acting all American with that damm fake accent... Oh I also talked to hottie for a few, at least that made my day because I swear my day has not been the best after playing tech all day and dealing with stuff... Well so after luis left I was studying a little bit because I have LEO 2marrow.. FUN! (hang me please) So I hope 2marrow go's good because I need a good day... Oh yeah a bunch of crap my school is the next 3 or 4 Fridays I have class thanks to all the days we missed... Dammit... Well I think I should get some sleep because I have to get up at 7 or 6:30 so I can finish studying some... Oh yeah yesterday I whent on date #2 with hottie and it was awesome.. Maybe I will write about it but I dunno depends if my day is complicated or not if I have time bla bla bla ... Well so that's it and... Error!!#@#!@$#%@#%100100111000000110000011000000110 Error.....

LILMAN X >_< error....

Crashing...AHH... and burning... AHHH... And yet you would still think I would Sit still !!

Well all I have to say in the famous words of Green day... I am a walking Contradiction... Yes I feel semi shibby(shitty) Yes I have been doing hard labor in my back yard cutting trees, Yes I Should be in bed relaxing... But am I....................................? NO! Why because I never learn my lesson... Yes that's right for the one reading this and knows me, you ask why aren't you in bed, why aren't you relaxing, sitting back and taking good care of your self so you don't end up back in club hell... Well all I have to say is... I Love you :) But I am a hard head... Only way to keep me there is one.. Keep on my ass and make sure I am, very little people do that.. Two, threat me with I will never do anything with you and I will be eternally pissed off at you, or three... Tie me down or know my weak spot... HA not too many people know that one... (looks around)..... So my day... Lets see, cutting trees, cutting trees, oh yeah band-aid's... umm cutting and hulling some more trees... And food... Oh tonight is kariokie at tavern so yeah looks like IM going to that... And lets see anything else.. Oh I miss hottie.. Its been a wile since I've seen her... I wonder if she misses me too...?... I love hanging around her, and just being around her makes me so happy because I think we both entertain each other... Like most girls I like usually just Sit there and I have to be the entertainer or they just don't like my (semi crazy mix) friends... Actually they just don't like them, but she loves hanging out with them, and that means a lot for me... Another thing is that she understands a lot about me and were I come from and my health problems which is a lot and a super big deal for me, most girls run when I tell them, I mean yeah its a lot but I don't expect them to run just semi understand.. Hottie just understands 100% and is totally cool with it, so that's 25% there... She is super, super book-smart... I love a nerd at heart... I am one too, sorta but more undercover... ( well not anymore now that you've read this) I love her smile, her smile is like a light of sunshine on my face in a field of flowers in spring time with that hint of flower smell in the air.. (cheers me up) Her attitude is excellent, especially for me who has such a pessimistic look towards everything, but IM trying to improve for her (and me too)... I have something real special planed for her soon... I was going to do it sooner but thanks to this stupid hurricane that messed everyone up I had to delay it... Hopefully everything will be just right when IM done... Well we will see... I just hope her heart is into it and is thinking clearly... (Yes I want your full attention) Good now that I have it, btw its at 8pm Tuesday night and later desert... So lets see oh its time to be eating and going out... Catch me if you can... HAHAH~!!!

LILMAN X

Storm, Recovery and power, feeling a bit better somewhat...

Wow The last 24 almost 48 hrs has been crazy... I thought that hurricane was going to be this little crap... hellz no i was way way wrong... My back yard is a mess, total mess actualy... I just got power about an hr ago so it was like 27 hrs total with out power... What a nightmare... The little shed we have in the back got smashed by this big pine tree... So yeah i did a lot of landscapeing today... Eh... i knew i shouldent of but i had to help out my dad some what... We also had a genarator so i also had to keep an eye on that too so that i mostly tryed to do since i was feeling kinda ok but still shibby.... Oh yeah i tryed and tryed to get my money back for the green day concert but i didnt feel like going and you would think with a disastor like this they would be like ok yeah no problem... Yeah right no way in hell they would give me my money back so i thoguht of people to tak and almost everyone couldnt go because of duh the problems caused by this stupid strom... so i finally called marcina and she was like yeah sure no problem... so she was the only one able to go... i would of loved to take hottie but she couldent go... Wow what devistation there was ... I mean trees down power lines down o mean total losses i dont even know plans for 2marrow... I would like to just sleep in and forget the rest but we will see... i dont also want to get sick, but i have to do what i have to do, be a man and i guess just bite it and take it... Or i can just laydown and try too feel better, between cutting and the concert i am beat... Im just going to make it short tonight i will have more 2 say im sure 2marrow or another day ... so just look at some pics of the devistation in my back yard and tell me what you think...

LILMAN X

School, Here, Not Feeling 100%, WTF HURRICANE

Well so today I was at school, duh its a weekday I go to school other wise im a bum... Or my mom would kick my ass one of the above... So w/e I stayed awake in Vincent's class because anyone that has had him knows that yeah he talks and talks and bla bla bla even when I try to amuse myself by participating and some times coming up with conflicting dictions... Cuz anyone that knows me knows im a smart ass, lol... So w/e there was that, oh Yeah im not feeling too well, but w/e im dealing with it... I don't know if any of my friends have noticed it, been going on since like Sunday more or less but w/e, anyone who knows me, can tell and the rest I hide it from them so no one will know but w/e hopefully it will pass soon... I was happy yesterday because I got to see hottie, not for long but I had to return later that day to see her because I love spending time with her, even for a little bit I am happy... I love to hear her voice, and when she corrects me, which she often dose (I don't mind) I pretend to be frustrated... Some times I really am but its good to have some one keep me in check. She keeps me on the ball and shies sharp about stuff so I really can't fool her (most of the time) :)... (love you). I Guess things are going good with her I would say I haven't gotten any indications otherwise so... I would hope she would be honest and tell me because I know I would do the same for her... Actually I have been since the day that I met her... Which is unusual because im not really secure with people for a little wile but shies different... Oh yeah... WHERE DID THIS FU*KING HURRICANE COME FROM? I mean I don't mind it because they canceled classes for school 2marrow and Friday but it still might ruin other plans that I have... Also I don't feel like putting up shutters or putting up the protectors in the bat cave so my car is protected... Too much work... It was just supposed to be a little rain some wind and boom done... No the damm thing had to turn and say " Yeah its miami's turn now Bitch" W/e ... If its not bad im going out and having fun... You know... Well lets see anything else I would like to add... Nope... Look behind you... HURRY!
LILMAN X
P.S Made you look >_<

Much to think about and back to school..>_<

Well its Monday and IM once agein in school and this sucks... My classes are boring and point less... I hate theese classes because its about secturity... Big deal I do this all the time when I set up a PC... I always lock my pcs down tight but w/e... Oh yeah I saw Sofia and " my replacement" the dude who took my position when I got sick and had to leave.... Hes ok but w/e I think I did more but w/e... I want to ask for my job back because I could use the $$ so I can keep my assets level and not have to work double to replace for my investments but w/e I guess I will have to do the same thing I always do... So yeah same shit different day.... Well so a lot of stuff has been going on... Mostly my time has been spending time with someone... This "someone" who will remain nameless, is the most wonderful person that I have met in a long long time... They are truly genuine... Its incredible there are still people on this earth that still think like that... Most people I have found to be materialistic or more interested in superficial things... Ok so I don't make this super confusing lets give this some one a temporary name: hottie, obviously its a girl for most of you that know I talk a lot about my girl problem here but w/e I know this person might read this but I have nothing to hide... Well hottie is awesome... She is almost perfect but there are a few things that bother me about her... I wont say what but if she reads this maybe she can figure it out(CLASS IS ENDING CONTINUE WHEN I GET HOME 11:50).... Ok well IM home now.. So I will continue... I am and have always been the hopeless romantic... Its just my nature, I don't know if its I love to love, or I want to just have a special some one, but w/e I think hottie is the mose beautiful person I have met in a long long time, not only physically is she beautiful but also spiritually and personality wise. She's just the most cheerful, happy, positive, sweet, honest,loving, big hearted girl that just looks for the right things in people and never judges people by looks or by anything that other people from this walk of life assume... I really hope and pray that life is good to her because there are such evil and cold people it this world that love to look for the innocent and big hearted people and ruin there mentality so that it changes there way of being... I know, because I used to be a lot like her... I know I have a lot of anger and IM like aggressive because I feel the need to defend myself because first my size and second because I was hurt real bad a few times before because of a person that was cold and it changed my mentality a lot... I was very loving and never saw anything wrong with anyone then after my experience I did become more aggressive, but when IM with hottie; I want to still be my spiffy self but I don't feel the need to because I can feel the good from her and I am more calm. I really do like her. Love>? Love is a strong word and I don't like to use it much because I used to use it a lot but yes I do have intentions to love her but I don't wanna say it... I know I am attached to her and I tried and tried to not be but, my "hard shell" that I developed from being Screwd over has broken and I personally thought it would take along time for me to find some one I care about which is kind of true because it has been3 yrs but I think I am starting to care once agein... I know She cares about me and I know she is attached but she has her doubts or just is not ready to ecknolege it but I wish she wouldn't fight that feeling... Maybe she will come around eventually one day... Soon or a wile from now... Will I be hurt from her not coming around now? No not really yeah I will feel something but I am a strong person, I have dealt with worse, but I have a good feeling about her... Only time will tell... I just hope she wont ignore me or distance her self from me because... 1 she's read this and it scared her... 2 she hates me because I am trying to make her realise she cares and to stop fighting her self on that issue.. I know what it is to be free and to want to date around but when a match is good and you know that person is genuine you should Listen To Your Heart..

LILMAN X

4am no sleep...

Its like 4 am and I cant sleep... blast me and my wonderful brain... I hate this high I.Q. b/s, it drives you mad when you have a problem to solve or an issue or something on your mind your brain wont let you sleep at all... I hate that but what can I do... Well today I helped a friend move in to the U.M. Doarms and it was awesome, now they have a place all to them selfs, well not really im sure they will have a room mate but hell it couldn't be too bad... At least this person is closer to me than before when I had to drive like hell to go to there house... I had lots of fun today is about all I can say... I also would like to add the keys don't fit under the door anymore but lets not even go there... I have found there is trust and there is Trust, What trust I don't know but im sure curious who or why would some one trust some one so much and feel so comfterbale with them if they have only known them a short time, and also given the knowledge of the past they have had but know they have learned from them yet they still trust... Its funny how some people are innocent minded like that but hey, I hope they are strong willed or at least strong at heart to make the right choices. I have done a study once again. I have noticed when people are trying to live differently from there ordinary lifes they change habits and also change there thoughts... But the contrary part of this is in them truly deep inside they astray and want to be changed back to the way they were.. Now theory If they are pushed back into that loop is it because they decited to go with it or because of pressure?... Well thats just my thoughts for now... oh yeah i didnt write about my Date... WEll thats another time, i guess youll just have to keep on checking up...

LILMAN X

Cant Sleep, TOO NERVIOUS

Well its like 3 am... gee... lets see i got home around 2:30 was in bed and i couldent sleep... Well why must you ask i couldent sleep ... Could be that i have a date 2marrow who i really like but i have no clue in hell if they like me back or even if they see this as a "date" date, you know what i mean? Well also i mean i havent done this in a long time... i mean come on who am i kidding i mean, since like at least 2 yrs so w/e i just dont remeber what to do or im temporarly forgeting what to do... ( sigh) ... Who knows if im like blowing this up more than it is... I mean im confident and stuff... Yeah, right.. as much as a chicken in a KFC farm is of being eaten... I wish i was as confident as i want to be its just rejection that worries me the most.. see i dont usaly say it but what the hell who cares, i will say it this time... I mean katie and a few others told me she looked like she was intrested so who knows, maybe its just me thinking stuff up. Well w/e im going to attempt to sleep i do have to go and take care of some stuff befor the date.. movie and dave and busters so it should be good... Well... HERES TO AN ULCER and a good time :) >_< (ahh)

LILMAN X