Sleepy, board,tierd, burnt....

Ok so i am in class at the moment and i have the worst case of sleepy tierdness in the world... this so so sucks and i also have the worst keyboard in class... dammit i willcontiune this after class when i get home and nap for a wile...

LILMAN X

Slumber of the 5

Well so yet agen I cant sleep... dammit why do I have this insomniac so bad I don't know...W/E cant do shit about it but just stay up until I am sleepy and pass out... I only have 5 Hrs to sleep until I wake up I am sure by the time I go to sleep it will be 4... Katia wants to go to the beach 2marrow, its kinda too cool out to be going but hey what the hell why not... As long as I get to chill with her I am happy.. So I had a good day, didn't do much just chill at home and relax then go out with the guys witch was cool. Saw Julian, (from the hood) and hanged out at terrells house and then just chilled... Talked to a friend of mine from way east, so I was glad talking to her. It makes my day when I get a chance to talk to her, she's so cool, calm, and collective. Too bad she is not down here, but I know once she comes down for the summer we will hang... I hope... So anyways my eyes are dry, and I cant sleep... So I am going to attempt to sleep... Tonight's song is ... Common- The light

LILMAN X

Common- The Light

Yeah..Doo-doo-doo, mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm..Doo-doo-d-doo, diggy-doo YO..I never knew a luh, luh-luh, a love like this Gotta be somethin for me to write this Queen, I ain't seen you in a minuteWrote this letter, and finally decide to send it Signed sealed delivered for us to grow together Love has no limit, let's spend it slow foreverI know your heart is weathered by what studs did to youI ain't gon' assault em cause I probably did it too Because of you, feelings I handle with careSome niggaz recognize the light but they can't handle the glare You know I ain't the type to walk around with matchin shirtsIf relationship is effort I will match your work I wanna be the one to make you happiest, it hurts you the mostThey say the end is near, it's important that we close.... to the most, high Regardless of what happen on him let's rely There are times.. when you'll need someone..I will be by your side..There is a light, that shines,special for you, and me..Yo, yo, check it It's important, we communicate and tune the fate of this union, to the right pitch I never call you my bitch or even my booThere's so much in a name and so much more in you.Few understand the union of woman and man And sex and a tingle is where they assume that it landBut that's fly by night for you and the sky I write For in these cold Chi night's moon, you my light If heaven had a height, you would be that tall Ghetto to coffee shop, through you I see that all Let's stick to understandin and we won't fall For better or worse times, I hope to me you call So I pray everyday more than anything friends will stay as we begin to laythis foundation for a family - love ain't simpleWhy can't it be anything worth having you work at annuallyGranted we known each other for some timeIt don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine

There are times.. when you'll need someone..I will be by your side, oh darlingThere is a light, that shines, special for you, and me..Yeah.. yo, yo, check itI t's kinda fresh you listen to more than hip-hopand I can catch you in the mix from beauty to thrift shopPlus you ship hop when it's time to, thinkin you fresh Suggestin beats I should rhyme to At times when I'm lost I try to find youYou know to give me space when it's time to My heart's dictionary defines you, it's love and happinessTruthfully it's hard tryin to practice abstinenceThe time we committed love it was real good Had to be for me to arrive and it still feel goodI know the sex ain't gon' keep you, but as my equalit's how I must treat you As my reflection in light I'ma lead youAnd whatever's right, I'ma feed you ..Digga-da, digga-da, digga-da, digga-digga-da-daYo I tell you the rest when I see you, peace...

There are times.. when you'll need someone..I will be by your side..There is a light, that shines, special for you, and me..(I'll) take my chances.. before they pass.... pass me by, oh darling..You need to look at the other side..You'll agree..

I'm having trouble trying to sleep (GREEN DAY-Brain Stew)

>_< <~~~ Screwy day....

So my day was a long, and tiering one... Class was today, This was the friday when i was suposed to go to class, the make up day that my teacher screwd up last time. So w/e class as usal, bla bla bla linux and more usless stuff that will be outdated soon i am sure. then after i left to go hang with katia, she wanted to go shoping and do stuff since she was board and off and had nothing to do, nah j/k i am sure she just wanted to hang out so it was cool, we shoped, i picked out some stuff for her but she didnt like it because she is not a 100% girly girl... your typical miami girl if you know what i mean, so we compromised on jeans and she got it because it looked good and she knew she could not resist my taste... lol nah it was good on her so she got-em. So then after that it was about 4 so we jetted to her house to chill ( me fix problems on her pc and be abused by her picking at my face {long story} wile i scream) and see E.R. and hang... So we installed lisure sute larry and stuff so we ( I ) were a little too much into the game so we kinda lotst track of time so i got home like at 9 when i should of been home earlyer because i was tierd but w/e. I was also enjoying myself when we were driving, jamming to my music in the car, mostly it was greenday and one prodigy song, but it was fun blasting the music. So now its like 4AM, i cant sleep, i dont know why but w/e i am going to watch E.R. and atempt to sleep so here is somthing to go by.... NIGHT NIGHT

LILMAN X


(GREEN DAY-Brain Stew)
I'm having trouble trying to sleep
I'm counting sheep but running out
As time ticks by
And still I try
No rest for crosstops in my mind

On my own... here we go

My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
My face is numb
fucked up and spun out in my room

On my own... here we go

My mind is set on overdrive
The clock is laughing in my face
A crooked spine
My sense's dulled
Passed the point of delerium

On my own... here we go

My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
My face is numb
fucked up and spun out in my room

On my own... here we go

Death to the stupid one... (shampo voice) I KILL VINCENT

It was 7 am... A nice day and time to wake up... Took a long nice shower, Relaxed, then off to school... Walked inside... AND THERE WAS NO FUCKING SCHOOL! My stupid dum ass teacher who is a frekan Idiot told me to go to class today because monday was a holaday... Well the make up day is not till next week friday... I want to kill him i got up for nothing early this morening.... I HATE GETTING UP EARLY~! Well i am going to go take care of some stuff since i am up early for no reason.... damm the day... i am going to make somthing better out of it....


LILMAN X

Death to the stupid one... (shampo voice) I KILL VINCENT

It was 7 am... A nice day and time to wake up... Took a long nice shower, Relaxed, then off to school... Walked inside... AND THERE WAS NO FUCKING SCHOOL! My stupid dum ass teacher who is a frekan Idiot told me to go to class today because monday was a holaday... Well the make up day is not till next week friday... I want to kill him i got up for nothing early this morening.... I HATE GETTING UP EARLY~! Well i am going to go take care of some stuff since i am up early for no reason.... damm the day... i am going to make somthing better out of it....


LILMAN X

If I could have just a moment of you {} would I be wanting more? {} If I could have a taste of you {} would I be addicted? {} If I could have just A..

Thinking, sitting, playing, hopeing, wishing, wondering, thinking some more, and waiting.... Well so my thoughts the last few days have been about a girl mostly that I care dear for but I wonder what the out come would of been different if I would of instigated something rather than just sit back and take no action.... So as I am lisening to this song titled Lorna Vallings - Taste, The lyrics hit me to think what it could be like or what would of been... Who knows even if I would of had a chance, maybe I am making all this hard thinking in for nothing anyways... But I will never know for sure.... All I can do is think about what could of been or what could be or what can be or what could of never been or what will never be... None of I know... I don't know what to tell you, sometimes I look at her and I just feel like giving her a hug and kissing her and holding her tight close to me, were no bad can happen, no one can hurt or harm her, and I will protect her to my best ability. All I can do now is sit here on the bench and watch the game until its my turn to play, if the game is not over by the time its my turn... Well so the dreaded holiday is coming up soon V-day... AKA Valentine's Day. Yet another year that I am alone and cursed and screwed with no one... Oh well fuck it, time to just kick back and blow shit up in the game world... Halo,CS, vice-city and maxpayne... My opinion in my view is a Cretan person who is currently with this girl is doing a shitty or shabby job of protecting, helping, and a decent job of careing for her... But hey I cant be counted on because I guess what I cant see I cant judge. I would rather not know or see what happends with them but I do ask time to time just because I care for her and I don't want to see her hurt. I find it funny because I ask and she thinks its because I make fun of her or I hate him... im not sure of why she gets that idea but it sure is funny at times... Well I am going to kick it back for a few days of gaming and hanging with the guys... BTW the lyrics to the song..

LILMAN X

Lorna Vallings - Taste

If I could have just a moment of you
Would I be wanting more?
If I could have just a taste of you
Would I be addicted?
If I could have just a touch of you
Could I tear myself away?
I would pray to be the rain that runs over and in your skin
With no consequence
To be the liquid in your glass that falls around your lips and mouth
Swallow me
If I could have just a breath of you
Would you, could you infect me?
If I could have just a view of you
Would you leave your door ajar?
If I could have just a part of you
Let me drink of your tides
I would pray to be the rain that runs over and in your skin
With no consequence
To be the liquid in your glass that falls around your lips and mouth
Swallow me
And after would the silence thicken, stiffen?
Would I run home in the dark with something stolen?
Would you be slinking in my conscience, laughing?
Would this hunger ever cease?
You are the cliff that I'm walking
Lord help me if I fall
Are you more than my hunger?Baby. Babe
Lord help me if I starve
If I could have just a moment of you
Would I be wanting more?
If I could have just a taste of you
Would I be addicted?
If I could have just a touch of you
Could I tear myself away?
I would pray to be the rain that runs over and in your skin
With no consequence
To be the liquid in your glass that falls around your lips and mouth
Swallow me
And after would the silence thicken, stiffen?
Would I run home in the dark with something stolen?
Would you be slinking in my conscience, laughing?
Would this hunger ever cease?
You are the cliff that I'm walking
Lord help me if I fall
Are you more than my hunger? Baby. Babe
Lord help me if I starve
If I could have just a taste of you
Would I be addicted?

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why.. I got out of bed at all... The morning rain clouds up my window ...And I can't see at all ( Thinking...)

Well today I started school once again... Fun as always, same people, same teacher's, so on... I have Unix/Linux class, which I have been waiting for so I hope it should be fun... Funny thing the more school changes the more it all stayed the same. Oh yet once again my mind has gotten a grip on my thoughts, so I was thinking about that girl that I like (the one I met in club hell) and how could I have been so stupid to not let her know how I felt about her, I mean I was almost sure that I let her know I liked her and I wanted to go on a date with her or even get with her. Usually I make it a bit extreme and very obvious when I like some one but I don't know what the hell went wrong or were did I go wrong... Some times I sit and think about comments that she makes about guys and stuff and see how it could apply to me but I find it useless since she has a man at the moment and I haven't a chance or a prayer in sight... Well so I screwed up but hey I still haven't gotten over it... Why I don't know because usually I'm like well screw it I done fucked up but now I have this regret at times that I didn't make a move or make it obvious, this sucks because I think too much and analyze shit too much and this is major so I don't know how many entry's I will write about it but I give it a few more at least... I think about it like...Why did she come to my room when she was not supposed to be in club hell, but she came anyways to see me... Or just why, ok im going to drive you and myself crazy... I am going to sleep... Some Nyquill for my stuffy head and sleep until I wake up tomorrow...

LILMAN X

2005... Starts off with a bang a kick in the ass and other stupidity

Well from the Newyear's to now 2005 has been... Well shit and more shit sort-of. So my year started off like this... On new yr's eve a Cretan person decided to be stupid and ruin everything for everyone not because it was his fault but because he wanted to live in his little world so the consequences are that they pissed me off and that means they are on my probation for a month minimum if not more... All I wanted to do was to play halo2 and relax with a cup or red wine that I was enjoying a nice quiet everything, but since I have to be everyone's savior on this fucking hell of earth I have to intervene and destroy my happy evening because some one was a stupid mother-fucking selfish asshole dickless moron idiot fool who would of just admitted and said ok and I accept your apology and I was wrong too. SO YOU FUCKED EVERYTHING UP FOR EVERY ONE! So after I enjoyed that taste of acid going down my inside and eating everything up, yet another problem occurred but it was not too bad because I actually enjoy helping this person because I like her even though by helping her I am not helping myself to ever be anything than a friend to her but if she's happy I am happy for her and I don't mind being just a friend. Other problems that have happened are minor but still annoying especially this one problem with a friend of mine... Well it started off with just giving some one a ride to a place, ok fine no problem, I always love to help out people by giving them a ride because I know how it was to never have a car and not be able to get a ride... So there was a little more to then just giving two people a ride to a place there were four ok no problem... Well I always stay for a bit with the people that I give a ride to just to make sure there ok and they don't need to relocate to another place. Well so then things got complicated and I had to take them and 2 other people to another location fine. Well little did I know (BTW the other two were little girls, very young 3 and 4 I think) So as I am driving to this location they are in the back tareing up my back seat; messing with my pink bunny (Mr. Bunny-buttons) my pimp mobile light that I had connected and riged until they ripped it out of the seat and the lilmanx thing that joy made me... Oh and also some sand were in there shoes. Well fine upset a little bit but w/e just more work for me when I get home to but all that back in order, but what made me very mad was this person I was doing her a favor got really bitchy at me and I mean rude and all that I was like. WOW hold your self for a second, I did all this and put up with all this shit for you to tell me off... What kind of a mature person are you or say that you are if you are tossing a fit like a little girl... WTF... Anyways that was one event that I still cant figure out and she wont tell me anything about... W/e SE la ve... Now to talk about how much I feel like kicking my self in the ass for not going with my feelings. I spoke about liking a girl that I met yet agen at club hell but she was nice and I wanted or would of like to date and ask her out... Well now she has a man and its kind of late at this point so I was like wtf do I have to lose but to confess to her how I felt and still sorta feel.. So I did but what kills me is that I actually had a chance to get with this girl. I am 98% sure I did too. I mean what the hell was I thinking when I was actually lisening to that dumass who told me I had no chance with her... I know I have low selfesteam and just one person out of five telling me to ask her made me change my mind and so I didn't, but what a fool I am... Shit this sucks I had a chance and I blew it... Why did I ever actually pay attention to that fucking idiot ... He couldn't even get one for himself. I guess I just made a mistake and I will be kicking myself in the ass for that...

LILMANX

December madness

December... The month of madness... Actually its more than you think to it... Sometimes you think a person can be absolutely perfect... Like the right one or some one you can relate to, maybe even date.. But then this person is more of a friend than someone you would go out with... It interesting how females minds work... The odd part is how one moment they give off a signal of left and then they turn right, I guess its like driving in the streets of Miami, no one really does what they indicate... Females have so much in there mind, like while they do something they are thinking about a million things at that moment wile men think one thing and that's about the only thing that they are thinking about... My days have been busy but str8.. Since IM not going to school I get to stay home a lot and just relax and work on PC's and then at night I get to go out with the guys or hang out with my female friends... I love the holiday time since its so nice out and stuff but I really wish I could share it with some one... Some times I would just like some one to hold or to comfort with... You know like that special some one or something.... Anyways IM rambling on and on and on... So.. Oh yeah there is this girl who's she so cool but she's just a friend... But damn she is fine I did notice but... I doubt that some thing will happen with her... Females hurt my head... Crazy shit but w/e I will write later about another female I know...

Update to the moment

So its been forever since I have written anything in my blogg... So sue me. It was madness in mch the entire time I was there was crazy. They made me go though so much crap, different meds and different formulas and stuff... I mean it was sickening, if it wasn't one thing it was another... So I am out of club hell now... Got a new phone, sorted out all the stuff I needed to with school. Set the world in order once agen... Superman (me) helped out my friends to get cars, got every one in the hood what they needed and ect... Now my only problem are 2 problems... One is my car is currently screwd up due to some stupid girl who slammed her brakes and I hit her car from the back.. So now my car is all messed up.. Well only on the drivers side. So I need a bit of body work on it and I might as well get it painted at the same time... So I guess I win something on that one, stupid bitch... After that I have to figure out the problem I have with a girl that I like but she just has too many problems. im not sure if she even likes me at all... Or at least in that way. I actually don't know what im going to do about it. Maybe I should just leave it alone, but if I do I don't know what will happen, should I make the push? Should I say something.. I just don't know what to do. I need a girl who can just appreciates me for me. kinda like that song (she likes me for me).w/e I don't get it and I guess I wont

Madness update from the front lines of MCH

So lets see its been a bunch of days since I have been able to write.. Well lets see now I am still here at mch, I have passed my second hurricane here in the hospital, like every major disaster I have had happen wile I have been in- house... I can't believe this shit... What is it with me and hell happening wile I am in this place? I mean I lost my phone, got in trouble for a bunch of stupid shit that didn't even matter but I mean wtf is wrong with the world since I have been admitted. Geez cant a nigga get a brake? I mean ok so I have to have some kind of control but I have had absolutely nothing since I have been here. The only thing I have controlled so far is my sanity but even that at times I louse. Ok venting done, lets get some updates to situations and events... Alain... Well he's doing good I mean so far he's in school managing to survive with out my insane self helping him out and stuff... The "crew" by the hood... UMM... Damm a lot of stuff has happened with the crew I hear stuff like people getting it on and shit is just breaking loose... Luis... If I had the power in me I would so help him out, first of all I would make sure that he is happy with the person that he would like to be with and I would also have him working a job that he would love to have, but I cant do anything but just try to talk to him... What worries me is this new interest of moving to Orlando and hanging out with "pinky".... WTF how the hell is he in the picture? Were did he come from all of a sudden and who's the influence in it. W/e out of my control I cant do anything about it... For the moment... So lets see oh ya I have a new friend her name is percilla and I met her here so w/e I haven't been able to hang out with her except for the time she was admitted but its all good as soon as I get out of here IM sure we can chill and hang out. School is still a problem and I think IM going to miss another semester and this is going to push my graduation back but w/e fuck it what can I do but just bitch and mone like a punk about it... dammit it and my fault. Trying to find a job here at Mch but its failing so far and it always has.. oooohh there is this real cool nurse here named amber who is or was dating some famous person witch I wont mention his name. I hope we can hang out when I get out.. Basically it has been crazy and stuff is out of control and stuff but IM trying to keep what is left of my world together... Got a replacement to my phone its the same exact one but different.. Need to hack it so it addaps to cingurlar singnal and stuff. I still don't feel well and I don't know what's going on with my body and I want to feel like I was when I was doing good. My situation with the opposite sex is w/e... No activity is the only way I can put it... HURRICANE UPDATE: The hurricane this time around was super crazy, but not as insane as last time. This time around at least people weren't camped out here for 72hrs and the sleeping situation was much better and a lot less leeching than last time. Basically my hurricane day was me here in my room playing house keeper and attending to my friends and stuff members, it was cool just haning out most of the night just chilling and eating shit. Oh the best part was hanging out by the ambulence bay were there was tables set up and people playind dominos and poker in the ER lobbly. This was super slack this time around people weren't as tence and stressed since they did it before and it was all sorted out from the last event. All I have to say is bacardi hurricane and the toast to the hurricane >_< . My plans for getting out of here are so meany and i dont know how im going to ajust to the same thing over and over every day, but dammit i need out of here its just getting too crazy and now im getting complications due to all the meds and crap they gave me... so much shit i have to do when i get out of here its crazy... Well i will try to write and update this as much as i can... im sure i will have plenty to write about, i know im always thinking of somthing new...

LILMAN X

Hell of the mch sespool

well so i am here at mch. sucks to be me. i hate this place because i am here board with no internetconnection and both my pcs here with me. its like a slow torture that creeps at me only because its lke the jacks are in the room and i know the internetconnection is there but they wont bother to hook me up. i hate this shit, w/e fuk it, what can i do. my life is like slowly falling appart because i am stuck in the 4 walls of this crazy place. well school is on hold so i had to take a leave of absence because other wise it would get counted agenst me, my car is sitting in the same damm place i left it befor i came to this spon of hell and i wish i could cruse around with my Basss blasting. i miss my car >_< . Oh ya... I LOST MY DAMM PHONE!!! FUCK !!! my phone with all my digi pics and all my numbers of girls i would pick up and stuff lke that. w/e i need to get out of here ASAP because im going nuts... i need some stabilitty in my life. Well so i dont know how this is going to end... i hope not bad but w/e. must go hiding a portable laptop that the nurses use to chart so i need to bounce keep you all updated on my hell of this life...... HELP


lilman X

Well so its been a hella long long time since i have writen in my blog. Well Alian is back in town and shit's going good so far. Still no girl but w/e the lonley stay soliter. Fine with me, its better than haveing a bunch of dramma and crap... So lets step back and take a look at how my life is at the moment.... No girl, Schools stressed me out because of my teacher is the same for the next 6 weeks, my social life suxs, people ignore me half the time, and any day now i will lose it and scream... so i guess im doing good. Some times i wonder what the hell has happend that i have fallen into this obliviouse pit of hell. I mean i went from being a popular alwalys getiing ringed up to ... "oh i need a favor" person, and the rest of the time its like w/e_ im just there. Dont know why i have been in a shitty mood but w/e "it dont fase me".


LILMAN X

Another boring day of my life...

Ok w/e So this weekend was my Birthday... (sarcastic scream) yay.. Ok Well it could of been better but I had a good day... Who the hell am I kidding I didn't do shit but stay home hang out with Joey and go drinking later that night witch turned out to be a Disaster. W/e the more time passes by the more I keep falling endlessly into this hole of nothingness... Damm not even a yr ago I was partying like crazy and getting all the hook-ups I wanted with all the hot chicks. If not I was getting calls from mad people asking what's going on tonight and stuff... Now its all gone.. Ya I know I wanted to slow down with the party's and the crazy life but I have gone from all that to nothing known, where did I go wrong. I mean im an active person I can only stay still and calm for a lil wile. I want to hang out like I used to and the circle of friends is gone and I can count all my friends on one hand I want to just go out and have a wild party every once a blue moon... w/e I have to do something and I will . Like they say no guts no glory, screw playing the Mr shy guy role... It's not getting me jack In the famous words some one once said... Return of the Mack
 
LILMAN X

The day and intro to the Indecisive female...

Well today I did't do much but stay here and let the world pass me by, make it short ... bordum... Nothing todo but sit here and oh ya lil ninja boy came by for a lil wile to hang out and use my PC to play ragna and get his email... Well lets get started on my interpretation of the bleak indecisive female mind... As I have observed the bleak mind of the female has no thought process but to always change her mind and never seems to go in the same direction for 3.2 seconds. Why is she always changing her mind? Can't she just go in one direction and keep that thought... Why must she always analyze every little step we "men" take? One thing that I have noticed is that when they decide something and say its final.. Its not final.. They change there mind so easy... Do they know what they want, but the true question is do any of us know what we want? Well I do, sort of and so do most guys. Females need to learn how to stop, cheating, mind playing games, indecisive, and stop messing with our minds. Think of one thing and just stick to it dammit. Is it so hard, that you all don't know what you want? Well who knows ...... MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!!

Lilman X

Sleepless mind wondering...

Welcome to chapter 368 page 5083... Today our hero has saved the world once agean... Tonight people can sleep in the valley of MCH thanks TO RAPMASTER ALEX spreading joy to all the children and making their day... Big deal... This hero can't sleep for some odd reason I don't know what the problem. I feel so sleepy like if I could fall asleep just standing up but when I lay down I can't go to sleep at all... Maybe its my stupidity of my mind getting the best of me. So many things I have on my mind that I have no one to tell or talk about... I mean I could tell some people but the only person I trust to tell the kind of things that are on my mind are either not talking to me or not in my life anymore... Why can't people be easy to deal with... This would just make life easyer... I guess I do sometimes try to control the world around me at times and I just can't have it my way I kinda get mad about it... Some times I feel like Superman or spyderman, "TIME TO SAVE THE DAY" or "ALEX TO THE RESUCE". I don't know what people expect from me at times but its kind of funny sometimes because when I am not needed people don't call me or don't even bother to think of me but when it come time to "OMG I NEED HELP" I am like the first one on speed dial. I hate it when they cry for super man and then they forget about him when they don't bother needing him... Lately its been me saving everyone's ass when it comes time to a favor or something. Well im going to attempt to sleep soo I leave all you lammers with a song,

I took a walk around the world to Ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I watched the world float to the Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something To do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I go crazy then will you still Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with My superhuman might...Kryptonite


LILMAN X (superman)

Catch up with me... Life is alright, but a pain

OK No posts in June... So what, I have a life and just deal with it cuz I haven't had time to write... I try but I cant ... Its like every one wants some favor from me. Is that all I'M good for asking favors? Shit what about me.. I have issues and problems in my life. I ask because I see something is wrong; do I hide my problems that well no one knows I have problems on my mind? Do I keep my Guard so high up that people and my so called "friends" are oblivious? W/E, Fuk it I say. I stress too much about stupid shit to worry about other peoples problems or being a help desk. That's what I feel like some times... A damm help desk. I don't mind helping with problems to do with relationship.. Hell I'M good at that, but stupid OMG its an emergency help me, and it turns out to be some stupid problem. OH ya ... I am not FUKING MAP QUEST OR YELLOW PAGES. If you need help finding some place and you know I am having a bad day... DON'T CALL ME... You can use that semi empty space in between your ears and right be hind your eyes. Its called a "BRAIN", if u use it most of the time it grows and develops so that you aren't stupid and you don't have to be bothering me... Also I am done with user's or leecher's. If you just call time to time or go along time with out saying hi and you call me to get info consider your self BLACK LISTED... I do not deal with people that use me anymore.. NO EXCEPTIONS! My true friends know who they are. See they call me even if they are "too busy" or what ever it may be. A simple hello by phone or you see me or even AIM is fine but months and weeks with out contact and then you ask a favor ... Oh no your going to get a straight no sorry and I will tell you why. Its over ... I am sick of being Mr nice guy ... fuk it. No more using of my resources. Think back of that nice Alex you all know cuz he officially died today and reborn into a straight in your face person. No more self comments, if I think something I am going to tell you.. Don't care about the consequences... In fact .. What ever happens.. happens.

LILMAN X

Long time, I know, get over it. Chilling and new stuff

Ok so it has been a wile agen since I have written. Get over it, school has me super busy with school and trying to figure out my life... Yes I know that will never happen but its my excuse.. Well school is grate, Getting A's 3.8 GPA, Woot! So that is the good thing that I have. Then we come to the issue of my health. (takes a deep breath) Well the liver transplant will soon happen I hope. Its not easy, just thinking about it makes me think about how it will be after and how different will be from now. Makes me worry some times too much so I just try not to think about it. Girls are well there, and not going anything IM no longer stressing it, screw it I say if it happens, it happens. Stressed over a person who made me happy and now not stressing that, stressed over a hottie in class now not stressing that so forget that issue. I have bigger stuff to worry about, like building my microwave computer >_<... must find one first. Well short update i will say more 2marrow. Bed time

LILMAN X

VENTING MY ANGER !!-Never try and be persistent, its not worth it

Well its been about a week since I have written last. Since I cannot have at least a week or a wile that time passes by that I actually have good times or feel healthy, this week its back to the crap life... Actually it started around Thursday when I got this bright idea to hey why don't I ask my sweety on a nice date just me and her dinner and take it from there... But No... I try and try but screw this keep trying to make plans..I know its not her fault but still it disappoints me. My grandmother is doing the worst she has been doing ever, my planning of doing my perfect "date" never happends, and I have a cold, I feel like shit and if that's not the worst of it, I also have some thing on the side of my face that started as a zit and now it hurts like hell, is infected and I can't sleep at night because of it. IM on antibiotics which screw up my stomach..... FU*KING SCREWD UP LIFE ... I HATE IT WHEN ITS THIS BAD AND NO ONE SUPPORTS ME... w/e maybe no one knows how bad it hurts cuz I put my self on some pain killers or I hide it well. The problem is I can't take them at night because I need to be awake to take them or else its bad if I sleep wile I take them... Fu*k it sick of this stupid life of limitations because of my illness. It is always something, and if I feel good its when I can't do anything because no one wants to do anything... I feel as if my life or my illness plans to make me feel sick when people are doing stuff like party's or w/e it may be and I can't go. Then when I feel fine I can't do shit cuz no one is doing anything... Fu*king a, its shit like this that just makes me think why the hell me? Perfect song for this is by the offspring-
Maybe life is like a ride on a freeway
Dodging bullets while you're trying to find your way
Everyone's around, but no one does a damn thing
It brings me down, but I won't let them

If I seem bleak
Well you'd be correct
And if I don't speak
It's cause I can't disconnect
But I won't be burned by the reflection
Of the fire in your eyes
As you're staring at the sun

When I ran I didn't feel like a runaway
When I escaped I didn't feel like I got away
There's more to living than only surviving
Maybe I'm not there, but I'm still trying

Though you hear me
I don't think that you relate
My will is something
That you can't confiscate
So forgive me, but I won't be frustrated
By destruction in your eyes
As you're staring at the sun


This is so much, I feel like just giving up some times but I don't and I never do, guess I am just hard headed and persistent on what I want to get done. I fee at time as I have all this stress and no way to share it with anyone but I also don't want to make some one else feel bad for me... I JUST NEED TO VENT. The only one that makes me feel better most of the time is my sweety, but she can't always come to the resucue cuz she has her own life and problems to deal with so I just have to deal with my own shit like I always have before. Guess it is going to be another crappy weekend of doing nothing, so I will just keep myself in my cave until some one comes and gets me out of here {ya right} until then I will just sleep and watch the time pass me by...

LILMAN X

CRazY Day with a chill on the side

What a day of emotions and just plane chilling like the old days with a twist of drama at the end. Ok so I expected this morning to just wake up and go over to kevins house and grab a few things and then hopefully go on a date with my baby... So much for that (like always). I swear my life is one big A.D.D or some compiled distraction. Instead of doing what I planed some how we got distracted and got into a pool and opening game cards. Dammit, this sucks how the hell do I get pulled into this crap that I enjoy and distracts me from my plans. DAMM me and being distracted easily. I need to learn how to say no I have plans I want to do "this". Since I am easygoing I just say ok and go with the flow... w/e some day I hope I will learn to say no. Eventually I will get to the plans I have for me and my sweety... I so wan't to do it too, first it was supposed to be a surprise but that didn't happen, then I set a day and told her what I was going to do but that didn't happen. Then today I got distracted again and yet nothing... I am just either going to just do it out of the blue or give up on my plans. Actually its kind of good I didn't do what I wanted to because it was raining and also she was not feeling too well which I guess it was not meant to be. Drama yet again comes to the happy group of "The Old Eagle clan" also known as The southwest group or The group. Dingdong boy and his wonderful issue come to play again, same story as always. He tries to be nice and human and she just keeps the point up that she wants nothing to do with him and he cant get it into his head that she wants nothing to do with him and so on... Ah "breath" To be honest with you ... I would just get over a person that wants nothing to do with me. I can take a clue, ok so you hate me and never want to see or talk to me ... Well FU*K U BI*CH AND GO TO HE*L. Duh I would like to know why but if in a certain amount of time I don't get an answer I will eventual for get about it... Guess some people don't forget or learn or both. Not my problem and I really don't care cuz I am sick of the same 6yr old drama.. Its getting old and pointless... GET OVER IT PLEASE! Well I spent a lot of time with my baby so I am happy about that. I love spending time with her it makes me forget about stuff that's on my mind, may it be stupid stuff or very important stuff it makes not difference when im with her. She makes me happy and it has been a wile since I have been feeling this happy emotionality or w\e you want to call it since about 2 yrs ago. Maybe my life is going to be more happy and will feel more meaningful as it did yrs ago when the good old days were happening. Some times I feel as I am trying to hard for most things I do but I will never know. Maybe I am maybe not... Well its late and I am still going to write more about my thought about relationships and Trust and when too much is too much. Maybe I will also write a prodiction... Who knows.. Till next time TTFN.

LILMAN X