The hardest day...

Well today was the hardest day I have had in along time... My Good friend Lazara Alvarez Who passed on Thursday was buried today. I would say it hit me around some time after I left the viewing last night when we all, friends and family attended the viewing... My heart goes out to her mother who I know had such a good connection and relationship with her and all of her siblings... Its still unclear what happened that day to her that caused her to pass on and I wish she could of been saved some how but we all have our time. I've cried today the most because I really relies that I will never get to hear her voice or see her face or even have her sister tell me about something funny she did that we dumb of her. Every one that knew her always will remember the one unique smile she had. She was such a free spirited person and always had her own mind and opinion about everything. I know she would be mad at me for getting sad that she is gone, and she always wanted everyone to be happy. Its not easy putting up a front and trying not to show that you hurt inside because your sad about there death. She always told me she never wanted to make anyone sad, pissed off she didn't care but she would never want to make anyone sad... I just hope I can help out her sister and her mom in this hard time... Its better to remember the good times and funny times you had with them rather to think that they are gone... She always was smiling and I knew what stupid things to say to make her smile even more, that's the one impression she will always be remeberd by me...

alex


Poem for lala:

I did my best to not cry
and I kept my head up high...
I tried to keep your sister happy
by having her make fun of me...
I cheered the gang up as best as I could
by telling them how we used to hang in my hood...
I miss you dearly with all my heart
why did you have to depart...
I wish you could of stayed longer
like forever or at least until older...
I will always remember your smile
even when you were pissed at me for a wile...
I wish we could of had one more adventure
At the gothic club or some crazy adventures
I will always remember your advice
To think about things I say to girls twice
Always to be nice and sweet to them
even if they kick my butt or shin
I hope you will help me out
and be an angle, my little look out..

I Can't think, I don't know what to think

Its not easy to know that something is real until you see it in person... When you have some one pass away you just don't conceive its true until you see the family members or actually have a funeral. Maybe that's why we do this tragic gathering, it might also be for support for each other. I don't know what to think anymore about death, maybe its a cruel joke we play on our selfs... We fool each other into thinking we are gone and never will be anymore... Possibly its only this plane of reality we see the physical body go away but we continue to live on some were else... We all talk, think, speak, feel, breath, cry, smile, and do all kinds of physical things until our day of death. Maybe the body is just a device we use to express our spirit until it expires. What is next, What comes after this deceive we use, Do we live on? Why are we so fragile that we can damage this device and then we cant use it, Why haven't we found a way for us to use it longer... Possibly protect it, or transfer into another device so we can keep going and never die... I guess I am just rambling, and also questioning my faith, to be honest, I don't know what to think... Maybe we are all just dreaming, when you die, your really just awakening from a long dream... Life as we all know it could be just a dream, or maybe death is a dream.... I hope to keep on dreaming for a long time if this is true. I sure don't want to awake early, I rather just sleep in... Today all day I just thought of how this is not supposed to happen to people that you know, people that you care about should always be by your side, not just in your heart, but always there...

Alex

It cant be real, Worst news received in a long time...

Its about 5 am almost and I cant sleep at all.. Basically all night I have been up trying to get my mind off of some of the worst news I have found out in the longest time since my grandmother died... A close friend of mine has passed on and IM in shock. I was left speechless and still to now at this moment about almost 8 hrs later I still cant conceive this tragic event has occurred. I haven't been able to sleep, all I can do is think about this person, the best and most free spirit person I have known for a long time is gone... Yet it hasn't "hit" me I guess you could say, I know it happened and I know its real but the concept and reality of this event has not come to my "real" part of my life, maybe its the shock but eventually it will come to Parr... Its crazy how one moment you think the world is all in order and all of a sudden it comes to the fact that we are just alive until the body is no more and that "soul" or personality is gone and will never be no more... The biggest shock would be you never think its going to happen to you, people turn on the T.V. and watch the news or read the paper about something tragic that happened to some one you don't know until it hits home, its like a slap in the face when your trying to wake up from a dream. The dream only lasts so long until you wake up to the real world and events that occur to everyone but you never think its going to happen to you or some one you know. Life is just a Candle In The Wind as Elton John wrote...

Alex,

R.I.P. lala ( I love you and miss you)

Elton John - Candle In The Wind

Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Marilyn was found in the nude

Goodbye Norma Jean
From the young man in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something as more than sexual
More than just our Marilyn Monroe

Splitting my self thin

Well its was a good weekend and I did a lot of productive things... One thing I did was it was one of my boys birthday so we all were hanging out at the bowling place.. Doncarters, its an awesome place too bad its ganna go soon... Its been sold and an office building is going to be in its place soon but oh well like all my youth hang out slowly going away making room for some crap office... I have a feeling lately I've been splitting my self thin and doing way too much... Once more I think IM trying to please too many people and IM starting to get to the point once more IM not going to give a damm... I hate being split up into different events and trying to do every thing because yeah I enjoy it but it get way too tiering and I cant stand it... Like today I feel soo tired and its only 11pm... Usually I not ready to go to bed but today IM just soo sleepy and mentally tired I think IM going to just sleep all day tomorrow... I wish I could but I do have school and stuff I have to do so w/e... I have a long day ahead of me, School (the class that I hate F.Y.I.) Hair appointment to get it nice and short, Visit some one in the hospital, Fill in for some one at lollipop and I have a paper due next Monday that I have to do lots or research on... Good greef it never stops... Good night

LILMAN X


EVANESCENCE - MY IMMORTAL (PIANO VERSION) LYRICS

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
I would give the very breath from my chest
To give you all the things
That my mind couldn't bear

And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

Chorus:
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have, all of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all of the sanity in me

Chorus:
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have, all of me

I'd love to walk away
And pull myself out of the rain
But I cant leave without you
I'd love to live without
The constant fear and endless doubt
But I can't live without you

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When youd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have, all of me

Retarded Teachers of this world, or should I say Die!

Well I had the class which I hate, Basic Math (crap class). This teacher is the most retarded person that I have had in a class room.... When I say retarded I mean stupid, ignorant or w/e the point of this is She just cant teach... We did first grade fractions all day long for 4 hrs... Oh My God my I.Q. dropped from a 190 to like 10... It was Horrible, the worst part was I was doing all the right steps like simplifying them but nooo... She marked them all wrong because we were not doing that step yet.... I was like in shock... So I pretended and turned off my brain and acted stupid to please this dim-wetted fool of a teacher... Please if you choose to be a teacher and your this stupid... Don't, do your self a favor and get in a bath-tub and turn on a toaster and let it drop... It will be quick and painless and you wont be a burden to your students.... Besides that I went to the doctor earlier today and he was like "well so your ear is really bad and your probably in pain right?" I was like yeah, tell me something I don't know... So he sends me some antibiotic that should work because its strong as hell.... If that not going to kill it I don't know what will.... Well tomorrow is Ethics... I love that class by the way! IM going to take some advil and hit the bed...


LILMAN X

The Real Folk Blues Part 1 and some...

Well its been a hell of a long time since I wrote... Mostly because when I post I seem to get some negative reply or recoil from my thoughts but hey w/e you don't like what your reading then stop reading it and go to www.red.com and just look at it for 30mins... IM still not over this stupid cold or creepy flu or w/e the hell it is.. I cant figure it out... I have been sick since I don't know when I can last remember and its gone away and came back and then gone away and now its back with a vengeance... Blasted thing wont go away... I keep taking antibiotic and its fine but as soon as I stop the blasted thing comes back... WTF I don't get it... W/e IM going to the doctor tomorrow, My new doctor... He is super cool, I am going to miss my old doctor that was awesome and has known me basically since I was born... Yeah its a funny story, he did his residentcy with me at M.C.H. Then when he was done he opened up a privet practice and guess who was his first Patient... So yeah, we both have learned a lot over the years together and stuff but now I guess its time for a new Doctor and new hospital... As the beatles once wrote: To every thing, Turn Turn... But I approve of him. Earlier I was feeling real shitty before I took some advil and I called his office and the office girl told me to go over that second... I was in shock, usually adult doctors are assholes about seeing some one that same moment or even day... I had to tell her no, that if could go the next day, and she told me sure that at 1:45... So I was like cool... So yeah so far so good with this guy... I recommend him... If you know how judgmental I am about doctors you'll be shocked to know I approve of him... Now change of subject... New subject: social life, girls, My-self interests and adventures... First thing: Adventures, haven't had any real good ones... The most recent one was going to the beach and that was it basically... Social life: Its good, could be better but hell the people involved in it help some times but I might need a change or readjustment... My self interests: well not too many I can talk about or at least say here because I will open up Pandora's box and all hell will brake loose, but I have about 4 or 5 things I want to do... A simple one I can write about would be my car that is going to be kicking some ass when I get it the way I want it to look... Girls: wow, another Pandora's box... Damm I just have to get away from that subject... Quickly I have my idea's and thoughts about a few of them, now don't get mad folks because I spoke and told you a few, remember I am single and I have options... That is not saying I am paying attention to just one always but I attempt to spread myself evenly I guess you could put it... I might be interested in one more than the other or maybe not... Ahhh you'll never know because only I can know my thoughts... I at least try to make some sense in my mind of the chaos girls, Say, think, and do... Hey IM not perfect and I will never figure it out but I am not perfect you know... Now as a good student that I am.. IM going to sleep because I have school in the morning and IM not feeling too hot right now, or should I say I do feel hot... LOL anyways Night...

LILMAN X

Sick but still improvement and nothing to tell

Well IM still sick with this stupid creepy cold but w/e... I am improving slowly but I am much better thanks to the antibiotics the doctor gave me... Basically since Tuesday I haven't left my house to do anything or go anyway... All I have been doing is just in bed trying to feel better and getting better slowly wile I watch TV all day and try not to let the damm Cold Med's make me too loopy... Oh yeah, I am really pissed off... Its been about 4 to 5 days since a Cretan girl has called me, and she knows who she is... And not even a hello or how are you or w/e... Well I am not going to call her, because the least she could of done is call me even after Valentines day and check up on me and see how I am doing... I am 100% sure she knows I was sick and I had this creepy cold... If she cannot even bother to dial my digits to say hi or even check up on me then I wont lift a finger to call her back... I refuse to make any efforts if I don't see a slither of action to make an effort... W/e Fuck the bullshit, we are all adults and we have responsibilities and I think one of them would be at least to check up on friends or "so called" people we care for... Well IM going back to bed... I feel that cold med making me sleepy...

LILMAN X

Sick as a dog and crappy day blues...

Well today was a total pointless meaningless day of my life.... Not only I didn't do shit for Valentines day but I am also sick, I feel like crap because I got my mothers Cold/creepy bug... I really was hoping for a wonderful day that I would get to spend it with a certain some one but w/e... I called her only after I got some strength to get out of bed, but as usual she didn't pick up... IM sure she was pre-occupied... W/e at least a phone call would of made me feel better but like I was saying this day was pointless... Only one person and she knows who she is called me around 7 to wish me a happy valentines day... Thanks for calling me, you made my day... And yes SR71 rocks.. LOL... So yeah, I called my doctor today and told her that I really didn't want to bug her but I have a doctors appt in a week but that if she could do me this last favor and she under stood so she gave me something for this creepy cold... Wow I feel like shit, its not even funny... My head hurts, it feels as if its being compressed and pulled at the same time... My sinuses feel as they are full of crap, and my throat feels as if I can barely swallow... This suxs but w/e... So lets recap... I didn't get a phone call or even get to talk to the girl I like, The most unexpected person called me to wish me a happy valentines day and that made my day, I have a cold/infection/creeping crud... What a shitty day... Damm IM going to go to bed... Fuck this shitty day and all its crap...

LILMAN X

Valentines day, Blah, w/e just another day...

Well its that time of the year once more... Feb 14th and I hate it... This day always reminds me of a few things. First off IM single, I don't have a girl to call my own and it sucks... Second I met a real grate person about 4 years ago and she is still in my life and I am thankful for it... Third it sucks the big one when you love some one and you just cant have them because of that other person is not interested or they just don't know what they want in life so they are undecided... Some times this day I just wish I could sleep right into the next day as if I could just erase it from my calendar and forget it even exist... Hey I can't do that, I have to face realallity and face it until this day is over. Not all of my v-days have been bad, one year as I explained above I met a awesome person who I still talk to this day, funny part is we both grew apart for some time but we've grown together also.... I don't know how to explain it but w/e... This person is real special to me and I care a lot about them, IM not sure if they know but hey I do... I may not always show it all the time but I still care and wish they would just be happy and wonderful things would happen to them, They deserve it... Who knows what today is going to bring me... I Hope somthing good, if not, I am sure I will be writing about it... Well I have class in the morning and IM going to bed... I leave you with some lyrics for this "valentines day"

LILMAN X

Evanescence - My Immortal Lyrics

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

No effort, no worries, no solution

Well its been a very interesting week so far, and I mean it all started on last Sunday I guess you could say... A friend who will remain nameless asked me to go over to that person's house and hang out for a wile and chill, Well all I had to say is I had a lot of fun and I was hoping of repeating that event at least twice during this past week... Well that didn't happen, actually I feel as I've been putting effort into something that has no solution or is not going in any specific direction. I feel as I am a lion in a pack and I have to fight my way or make a huge effort to get something to eat may it be small or big... I've honestly always hated competition, may it be a race, or something to do with who's better at something, or just minor stuff, I've always felt as I have to try and put twice the effort in it, just so I can win or at least come close to it... I think that's why I just observe and sit quiet and look at things until I have to put in my two cents.... A wise saying is if you put effort into something that is not in existence then you have no worries because its not real... You know I agree with that, maybe I will just give up in this stupid rat race or something because I feel as IM in last place and all the effort I put in is pointless.... This is true for almost every aspect of my life.... Who cares anyways, well I do but IM going to "try" to be hard about it and not show anything to anyone because that how it should be, hell I have no worries and if I do you shouldn't know about it unless you really know me, or read this blogg.... Still I have a lot of problems besides the stupid "rat race" of life to do... If a certain person shows effort then hey, no problem, but if not... W/e I will be ok... I don't get it at times but its just all fucked up in the end for me because I care, IM too nice, and I should be more of an asshole but w/e.... Fuck it im going to bed and wake up 2marrow, Clean my car, take care of some things and then who knows...

LILMAN X (NO HUGS, IM PISSED)

Pod people and Party Drunken monkey :P

Well yesterday was awesome, I finally got a chance to relax and party it up and chilled with dio... Wow its been for ever since me and him chilled and partied like that... Ahh the good old days, Fat-Tuesdays and girls and drinks... So basically I did nothing except messing with my IPOD until about 9pm yesterday when dio called me around 7 and was like yo wanna party like we used to? I was like hell yeah I've had a stressful week lets go and party... So we left the house around 8 and then we hit up fat-Tuesdays and the funny part was everyone still remembered me and was like you lilman where have you been we haven't seen you in for ever and bla bla bla... I think its either cool or extremely sad that they know you at a Cretan place, that just means your a regular or a bad-ass.. I don't know what I fall under so I will leave it at that... So I had a Budweiser select which I love because its zero carbs and zero sugars so its as close to my diet and way IM supposed to eat as I can get with out feeling guilty... Fat-Tuesdays was kind of dead truthfully because usually its packed or full but it was kind of empty and the eye candy was just not doing any justice so I also remembered it was Gaby's birthday outing that night at Soho lounge so I told dio look lets go to soho and party it up.. Usually soho is awesome and full but wow... That shit was soooo packed it was like a sardine can inside but w/e I didn't care, a bunch of eyecandy to pray on so it was all good... We were in every single room, hiphop room, the Poppy rocker room, the retro/80's room, and the brake-beats/trance room... It was awesome, I was mostly just chilling out because lately I have been feeling real tired and I should go to a doctor about it and check myself out, but I have been lazy because I have to find a new primary doctor because IM too old to see the one I've had all my life and also he cant go to Baptist hospital so I have to find some that can work with me at the place I go to the hospital... Personally I think its all a big bullshit plan by insurance company's but w/e fukem I will do it my way as much as I can... I had a few heineken at soho but that was about it, no numbers, no hitting on any girls, but next time watch out... LOL... Yeah right, I don't want trouble anymore than I have... Yeah that's right you girls only bring problems.. I figure the girl that finds me or we find eachother will give me no problems so w/e, I still have some time to wait it out... Well its a beginning of a new week, lets see if its going to be crazy or dull...

LILMAN X

Not going to take it anymore..

Ok so far I was having a good day, until 5 pm and 3 phone calls happened in a row. One was from my brother having problems with his computer and him bitching at me wile I am a nice asshole and calmly help him out to solve his stupid computer minor problem that he was flipping out. The second phone call was from a friend about some drama and b/s with her man, w/e I deal with it and that was that but still it takes a lot out of me to help some one emotionally calm down and help them out about something... I am fucking sorry for having a soul, I wish I didn't have one some times... The third phone call was from one of my friends and they know who they are, a real random call getting loud, or maybe that's they way they are, about the stupid bullshit blogg I wrote. Sorry you took it into offence. You have no right to get loud or aggravate me because I did not mention your name at any time. If I really wanted to insult some one I would say names and point fingers, I have no shame and I will personally tell you and admit if it was meant for you... To anyone who knows me personally or knows me I have a lot of stress in my life and I don't need people aggravating me any more than I have to... ( In a Sarcastic tone) if you girls and boys want to know something, I shit blood sometimes because I have Crohn's disease and hey, anyone know why I shit blood? Its because of ulcers in your intestine and stomach and hey its extremely painful... Thanks to many people including my parents, school, teachers, activity's I do and friends (at times that stress me out) I get stressed out because I care and actually give a fuck... Wow.. Hey here is an idea, how about some one switch with me and find out how stressful my life is and then on top of that add a lot of health problems and oh yeah on top of that try to be productive about the future ( school) and also have fun at the same time... Hey I do it, how I ask my self I don't know but I do know this IM not going to take anyone's bullshit any more... IM going to not stress about what people think of me and what they say or what happened to them... Its me myself and I... And if you don't like it... Blow me, fuck you and kiss my ass because I don't care! THIS IS FOR EVERY ONE WHOS INSULTED. If you are insulted by this, ask your self why first because you should not have any reason to be unless you think you are guilty of it... You can only point the finger at yourself...


LILMAN X
P.S. I am going to go out, have fun and no worries,
hopefully get drunk so I don't remember much of
anyone or anything

Always some bullshit... High School kid bullshit

Well yesterday my entire evening was ruined by one of my friends or actually several events that happened that I, because I have a good heart canceled my plans and went to the rescue... Some bullshit... I always end up on the damm loosing side because I always am the one to solve everyone's problem because in my opinion I am the only damm person on this earth who thinks and is very rational and think things out and solve problems. I rarely flip out, or act childish or even just give problems to anyone. I see it like this, talk things out and think about them because we are humans and not animals and we aren't wild running like wolves or we can be like the wild animals and act stupid and childish... I hate people that act childish and yesterday was a day for that bullshit childish drama because Cretan people IM not going to mention names cannot think and just burst the first instinctive emotions and do stupid childish mistakes that maybe a little 9nth grader makes because they don't know any better... My thoughts to them is grow up and act your fucking age... Other wise please disassociate your self with me because I am 23 mature and I am very calm and none childish person... Everyone has there moments to act childish but when you are in college and you have responsibilities and are over the age of 18 I think you should at least relies you are not a little kid and should just talk and use that thing that's inbetween your ears and inside your skull... Hey it might actually work if you used it and didn't use the primitive part of your mind... Another subject is a hypocrite, I hate people that do that and act in that way... It pisses me off the most when you say something and you do that thing that you say you wont or will do, why in the hell do you go back on your word... WTF I don't get that, if I say something I stick to it... Every single person that knows me and that has known me knows I hate people that are hypocrite. I cant stand them and I despise them with all my hate. I think you should have a punishment for people that are hypocrites. The one person who pissed me off the most yesterday ( not going to say a name ) but they know who they are, needs to first look at them selfish and see the flaws, if they don't see any please come and ask me, I have no shame and I will tell you, second if you do not straighten out your self off of this one chance I give you then I will no longer help you because I give once chance to come correct as a friend of mine used to say and that's it. After that one chance screw up once more and the privileges and other stuff will be cut off. Yesterday my plans were ruined and all for a stupid childish occurrence that could of been solved by simply breathing and saying ok lets talk this out like mature adults, not flipping out... I say act your age or don't hang with me because I try to make sure my group of friends are diverse and mature and IM very selective of who I introduce you to and if I conceder you my friend or not. People need to relies in life, your born, you go to school for 12 years then you maturely grow mentally and then hussle of life begins and its work hard, live life a little and have some fun but mostly its made up of responsibilities that increases day by day...

LILMAN X

Annoyed, pissed off, Thoughts of my so called life...

Well its been a few interesting situations I have been in lately... People that I have met, People that I know and other shit that's just going on that's getting to me, and at the same time I just dust it off but it eats me inside at times... Example... I am not every one's savior... Ok if you need to be saved please go to a church and pray or talk to your local psychiatrist or something because this bullshit must stop or else one day the world is going to hate me... And what I mean by the world is every single person that has ever known me. May they be related to me or not they will know my wrath of Pissed off... All I am asking for is a few simple rules.. First, I will help you out but fucking-a how about you take a step out of your small insect world of problems and look at me for a second and see if I need some help or something like that, and IM not talking about talking or shit like that I mean other stuff... ( FIGURE IT OUT ASSHOLES!!!) Second, Instead of "my" or your relation ship drama bullshit how about hooking me up once and a wile and no, I just don't want any ho because if I did I would pick up my cell and call a few, how about a nice girl that has some sense of life and is good looking and actually wants something... Third and MOST IMPORTANT, I am not your bitch to be buying stuff and shit... All the crap I do like when I go out, EX: pay for entrance or food or w/e.. Hey its my money ok.. I am a fucking Finance wiz and I take my own money and make it work for me. So I make money, but I figure it for myself not tom, dick, and Jane... I do not like to pay for leeches.. I don't fucking care anymore who I hurt by this comment if you think it applies to your self then take offence or not I don't give a fuck.. GOT IT!... I am a independent person who is not employed, goes to school full time so I can make something out of myself, and I pay for my own stuff with my own money. I refuse to ask my mother who I know would be like ok no problem... But IM not like that, I pay for my own: Gas, Food, Drinks, entrance to Places, Dates, Ect... Here's what I ask myself almost 90% of the time when I go to bed, When the fuck is it going to be my turn... My time to be happy... You know when was the last time I was actually happy... Lets see, oh that's right I don't fucking remember its been that long... If I cant remember that means its been more than 4 years or so... I think little by little IM going to become a selfish person and just not give a fuck about anyone, think of myself first then possibly conceder other people into what IM doing or thinking... Yeah that sounds good because IM not getting shit out of this situation right now.. Maybe I should also speak my mind more often and tell people what I really think of them... Hey it sounds like a plan... Fuck it IM going to bed...

LILMAN X

Redundant thoughts of Females

Well so I finally got some sleep after like 48hrs of no sleep or if not it was more... I feel super well rested and relaxed... So today is Friday and I have no homework, well I do but I cant do it here so I will have to wait until Monday to do it :) yeah I know I like to put it off as much as I can... So yeah... Yesterday was just an average day, school, chilled, then after that Radio lollipop then I wanted to go see some girl that I like but she was not at her work... Blast! w/e what can I do... I got all dressed out and smelling all good of cool water and all in vain for nothing... Well I mean w/e it was a small toss into the lake that I totally missed but w/e... So today I don't know what IM going to do yet.. My thoughts are still or goal is to go see this girl but I don't want to seem like am all jocking her but I am sorta but w/e.. GRRR damm redundant thoughts of girls... Well I want to do something productive today so I will see what's going to go down today... (HOPING!!!) I will see some one, but we will see.. I might just chill with some friends and that's about it...

LILMAN X

Make this quick so I can sleep

Ok... Its Thursday... I haven't slept since about 7am WEDNESDAY!!! I am extremely tired.. I don't know what the hell has kept me up all this time but... The fuel is running on extreme empty at this current time... I will write 2marrow

LILMAN X ( SLEEPY )

Girls, The other Sex...

I think IM going to just write about girls and bitch and complain about them in this entry... So if you don't want to know my thoughts, Stop reading... I've been observing a lot lately girls or females or Women, w/e you want to call them... I have been seeing that some due tend to be easy going and some how end up just giving in to temptation and they also like to be kinda pushed around but also some don't... You cant categorize them at all because every single one is different or acts differently or is total opposite of the others that you know... Example: I know this girl, ok she easy going, none girlyish but yet some how is very attractive and some how gets the point across, The other one Subject 2 Is girlyish and also gets the same point across of getting a mate, or the opposite sex... My argument is how can they do this to us guys, Do they have some secret sense that tells them something or is it built in like instinct... Another observation is some are attracted to total assholes, and some like nice guys but some also at the same time like the nice guys but get the assholes so the niceguys loose some times so I don't get the direction they want to go... I would figure if I wanted a stable or sensible relationship I would go after the nice guy with a good head on his shoulder... Why would some one look for trouble or at least problems... Are they board of life that they would like to have issues and problems to make it more exciting? Or maybe they think they can change the person and help them out? I don't get this... Now the subject of the sex or sexual revolution... I will be honest... Its been some time since I have done the dirty if you get what I mean.. But its not like I need it often or crave it... I mean I do but there are some people that just cant go with out that? Why I don't get this... Or I also don't get the grand sexual craze or just why, why the need all the time or is it me that I don't get it all the time that I don't see the point of view other people have... Maybe if I was on that " sexual" revolution crase I would see the point from another perspective... I wonder who actually enjoys sex more, the guy or the girl? Maybe this is something I should put into study or at least find out. I admit I am not an expert at all in this subject, I also don't want to be but if the opportunity comes around I don't see why not... Well maybe so or maybe not... IM actually confused about this subject when it comes to myself, something tells me yes but at the same time I also don't want to.... Maybe an answer to this would be to figure out what a girl wants... I mean Every one has a different taste or flavor or w/e but there has to be a base model or something... I personally think I try too hard sometimes but also I guess I have to, may be I don't but I feel the need I do sometimes and so do a lot of other guys.. All I know is that IM extremely simple... I ask the following: Good personality, A some what good head on her shoulders and yes some kind of body to match also, and cares about me... That's it... Simple... Easy... Girls if you read this please Give me some input I would like to add it to my study of the other sex...

LILMAN X

What direction am I going now...

Well so w/e its another day in the life of me... So yeah today was fun I did a lot of stuff I was hanging with chrissy and chilled with some friends of her and i was happy because i got to see katie, I whent to Honda Monday and I showed off my new air intake and they were impressed by it and they gave me my props for it. Well so the fun is over... Now I start class but IM not sure what class I have because this morning I saw I had math and access and now it shows I only have access and they took out math so IM not sure what I have 2marrow... I know I have to show up and go to room 260 at 8 am so w/e... I will see what happends... Eh im sick of this IM going no were b/s because I want something I know that is steady... w/e now that school is starting I will be able to organize my schedule and figure out what IM going to when, with who, what IM going to do and ect... Anyways IM sleepy... School is early and I need sleep...

LILMANX

Tap, Pound, Bang, BOOM!, Squeeze, Explotion, suffocation, The Plague

Ok... I feel sick... Yeah I have the commen Plague, its called a cold, but no I don't get it like every tom dick and Jane, no I get the shit that almost kills you... Its all up in my nose, and my ears are well stuffed like a backed up pipe, I keep spitting out some green shit and that's not the only green comming out of me to give you some details... Yeah so its sick, who the hell do you think has to deal with this crap... You? I have to see it almost every 15 mins if not more often... So yeah w/e... IM sick with a cold and I feel like shit... If anyone has wondered why they haven't heard from me its because IM in bed with every medication from dayquill to musonex to you name it trying to get rid of this crap.. Ok I think I wrote so you all get the point... Good night and I will be back when this blasted Plague crap goes away!

LILMAN X

2006 and counting... New, the old and updates

Well I didn't bother to post anything in December, why well I don't know I didn't feel like wrtieing it was a shitty month it sucked, umm I don't know I just didn't write.. Got a problem..! Yeah thought so, anyways now its the new year and its Jan 2 and its like 8am, I cant sleep and I think I sleep only like one hr last night I don't know why but ive been having major brain stew, damm greenday... They must of known about me when they wrote that song, except I don't need the cocaine IM just naturally like that all awake and fried and stuff... So yeah life is, alright I guess, I have my civic, I just ordered a JDM air intake on it so I gain HP and save on gas... dammm oil company's, DIE!.. >_< anyways so yeah thats dont ive been doing a lot of hanging out not really party but just chill which is cool and i love to do that but im feeling the party oh hot girl over there let me go dance and have some fun with her stuff... you know.... so lets see my plans for 06, stay out of the damm hospital for one because i cant do this crap anymore i hate it because everything is put on hold when i go in and im suffering with school really bad so i have to get my crap togeather and my body need to start acting right and stop this freaak out b/s and str8en up... i guess one of the things i told my self is i tryed veary hard in 05 to find a girl and im like screw it if it comes so be it because im sick and tierd of trying, playing the game, then at the end getting screwd or i fail, so im just going to let it rid, my wing man or the capten i should say agrees with me and i think were going to play it the same way... I really would like a girl and money and pimp out my civic to the max but i cant have them all... so im going to work on the civic i guess ^_^ Oh yeah and im also going to find some little part time to make some money so i can splerg and save and w/e... i mean my accets are just fine but still i would like to aquier some stuff thsta not on my budget... Well we will see what happends and we will see when i wrtie onece more.... if i have the time...

LILMAN X >_<