How and why

I don’t get it sometimes, how I can get something so good sometimes and I don’t deserve it at all… Christina is the most wonderful person I have even been with, I can’t explain why I love her so much, but I will try. First off, I don’t know how she can be so nice sometimes, I mean I know people are nice but she cares so much about people. Also about people she loves… I hope she truly loves me as much as she says… In my past I haven’t had much luck with love or girls who care about me in the same way she loves and cares about me. The odd part is I’ve known her since about late December and it’s now March 6, 2008. I only have known her for three months total… We are dating and happy, at least I am and I hope she is too. I have only felt this way about someone else, and that person is gone from my life. Love is not something you can just walk into CVS or Wal-Mart and just buy… Not even people that are married and have lived together for years find love. It’s a hard thing to find, not only because it’s rare. People don’t know what love is. Yes there is a definition for it but what good are words if you can’t describe feelings. When you feel something it’s just undescribable and can’t be duplicated or imitated. That’s why you will never be able to find a machine that can feel love. Love comes from the soul and only can be felt within. Christina is so smart and she is so beautiful. How do I get so lucky to have a person like that in my life? Not everyone can find that. She’s also so understanding too, I mean I am complicated. Not only because of my medical conditions, but also I have some minor other issues I know most people won’t put up with. I mean I don’t know many people that will sit by your side while you’re sick in the hospital and being a pain in the ass… I know eventually if she was going to end up my girlfriend she would have to deal with it somehow or sometime. I just never thought it would be when I was my sickest and my worst I have ever been. She had the patience to sit by me, while no one knew how it was going to turn out. I mean it was serious, I bled out of my lungs and it was a main vessel. She told me after all this happened she knew I was going to be ok and I am strong and I was going to make it… I myself was not too sure. I honestly at one point when I was in the E.R. thought I was going to die. I told my mom and dad I love them and to tell my friends I love them too. I also thought to myself, well for once in your life you are happy and content and at least you can die in peace. I didn’t want to though, I wanted to live, so I could be with the people I care for, and I also thought about her too. I thought I just met her and I have so much strong feelings for her I want to keep feeling this way for the rest of my life and I want to live to see it happen. I thought all about this in the few minutes before they put me under and took me to surgery. I didn’t know at the time what was going to happen or if I was going to wake up at all or wake up all messed up. I may not be a religious person, but I do thank god I found her and that fate has brought us together. I will do whatever I have to in my life to keep her by my side. I will do anything because I don’t want things to change ever. If any change were to happen, it would be the good change like our love for each other grows stronger to the point that we are happy. Sometimes I remember as a kid I would see old couples together holding hands and just looking at each other in delight. That’s how I would like it to be, that few small amount of happy people in the world who grow old together and are just happy and content. I don’t know what the future may hold but, I do hope the bad parts of my life are over. The bad relationships. The bad people who crossed me. The bad people who used me. The bad things that happened because I was so stupid to go along with it and I thought it would all work out in the end. The people who stressed me to the point I would get sick. I had no reason in the past to truly look forward to anything except for a career one day. A lot of good a career will do besides money and luxury. You can’t buy love. That saying is so true because you can just about get anything besides love. I love Christina and I can’t stop thinking about her sometimes. This is why I had to write this blog. Not only to get it out of my system, but to let the world or whomever reads this how I feel. No one can harm me while I am happy, not only am I superman but I am now on overdrive. No one can harm me or her! Wow I wrote a lot… Well I am currently in the car driving to Orlando so I thought I would write my mind out, now its megacon time and anime time….

LILMAN X >_<

Christina and I and the world should know... Part 1

Well i guess the news is out... and if you didn't know, i am off the market and i hope for good... That's right girls, i have a girlfriend and i no longer am single... I have a girl in my life for once that loves me for me, i don't have to impress her, or do any crazy stuff... She just enjoys me and who i am... no matter what... Its kind of funny because since i met her, I've always thought she was cute and looked good and was smart... So i figured, although i knew she didn't want a B/F at the time, and didn't want anything at the time... i kept and kept trying my hardest until i chipped away i guess you could say, at the hard brick wall she put up... I know others tyred and could not get by that wall... But as most of you know me i keep trying as long as i don't get a get lost or straight rejection in my face... I am hard to convince to give up and when i know it is something good and its a once in a life opportunity i will not pass it up and try until i succeed... I am so happy with her, I mean wow if you think about it... It is super hard to first find someone who has a brain, and a real smart person with a good smarts... Also some one who has real good looks and is a hottie... Then if you find both rare quality's then you add good parents who a similar to your up bringing and morals that both have been shown since little... Then if the 3 match up its even more rare to find some one who understands you so much, no matter may it be health problems, or problems with what ever may happen, she stays by your side... Then the only arguments are about stupid stuff like if you take care of your self or about school and spending too much time with each other and not focusing on other things that need attending... Well i will get into a bit more detail... about how things happened and stuff but for now just want to let the world know i am off the market and i love Christina sooo much....

LILMAN X :-)

P.S. If you look under this blog, i wrote one on the 21 i never published until i wrote this one...