Merry Christmas !!

So today is Christmas at least for the next 30 Min's that left... I say it was good too me... I got a bunch of things that i wanted and didn't have a clue i was going to get them... I was in the beginning of the day kinda down because it didn't feel like it really was Christmas but at the end of the day and during opening presents it did... I was kinda sad because at my house i was soo used to my grandmother here and a bunch of people showing up, basically your huge Cuban party with the left over pork from noche buena and black beans and rice with yuka and other stuff... Just a lot of people here is i guess what didn't make it feel too right, but when the few people that came over started opening gifts and talking and stuff it was rather better, not the same but better than what i thought... So lets see what did i get... Well Santa left me: A 30GB ipod black, Lacoste red dress t-shirt, Nice M. Jordan jogging jacket and paints, Green day T, Rocky Anthology, Pirates of the Caribbean 1 and 2, money and a few more items... So it was good to me... I had fun and didn't go out... Oh also since i was home i started to download the new Nelly Furtado CD... Its awsome i soo recommend you get it if you like her... its super good and I'm going to burn a few copy's to give out... Hell i might go crazy and buy her CD in the store... Its that good... Grate mix of lyrics and songs, Spanish songs too which i was in shock she actually did... I looked up some background stuff on her and wow is all i have to say... Well I'm going to go to bed early and might put a rocky movie since i now own them... Enjoy the Nelly Furtado Video i put up... I think its one of the best songs on the album...

LILMAN X

Its hard after so long... Old-Timer Stronger...

Well today i attempted to do what i like to call Rocky Training day... I got some gray sweat paints and a gray long sleeve shirt and jogged... Wow i thought i was going to die because it was hard as all hell... I was extremely out of breath by the time i made it once around my block, but i did it... Dammit i pushed my self until i almost could not any more... I will do it even if it kills me i will regain my Strong Legs and my upper body... Its not easy with all the stupid health problems and the PH i have too, But i can do it... Even if its just 10 mins or so a day, little by little... I will do it, When i get to the point i can do it with out feeling almost out of it i will step it up a little... It might take a wile but i will do it... I hate to feel old and out of shape... I hate to be skinny and stuff, i need to eat more... Gain some weight and turn it into something... I figure the way i will do it is, First one day jog, The next day i will have a book bag and just stuff it with heavy books, then do go twice around my block at a fast pace... Not to run or jog with the backpack but to just have something that will make my legs work with out getting my heart going too fast... Then the next day do a short jog and so on... It should work... I mean hell my legs hurt now from today's early run so i think its going to work... I just have to do it little by little and keep it simple i don't kill my self too bad... Hell if a 60 year old Sly can do it then i can do it... I feel old but today i felt a little more alive i guess you could say... Between the jog and a race i had vs a 350 z who i can say i kicked its ass, i think i could do it... One last time, get back into shape or some what... At least as long as i remain healthy... Going to bed so i can get up early, jog some and then visit lollipop peeps...

LILMAN X

Old timer thoughts... End of an era

Well today was a rather busy day, but also not that bad... but i had my thoughts... Today for some reason i was thinking back to how things used to be like a year ago, or 2 or 3 years ago, and soo much has changed... I am always a person who hates change... If its going good it should stay that way i think... Ive also met a lot of people in that time but i have also lost some people in my life and disconnected with others too... Why do things have to change? Why can't they stay the same and good as always and just keep it like that with out bad things happen... Its funny, its the little things you just don't notice change and then when you think, oh I'm going to, then your like wait, i can't its changed, or they aren't around anymore... Sad i guess is the way i feel, i mean this year was harsh, lots of changes and things that have happened that i guess i just didn't get to slow down until one day i look and notice the change... Some things are stupid but they mean a lot to me... Example, MCH was my home away from home, now its been almost 2 years or more since i was there last, its changed soo much... Some people are still their but a lot have gone or just changed around... Even the old hall ways which whisper so many memory's don't feel the same... Its like i could stand in one spot, and close my eyes real tight and remember something that happened their, at a moment some time past... I feel old for some stupid reason even if i still am young... Also i don't have a crew anymore like i used to, i see me always telling the same old story over and over like i am living in the past... Fine i mean i live for now but it looks like story's in the past were better than how things are now days, or at least lately... Nothing is as fun as it used to be, Some times i push myself and tell myself " dammit you can still do it " but sometimes i can't... I try to push myself like i used to but time seems like its catching up to me or something... Some things i try to do but i just can't anymore, why??? I guess its like i am still living my old glory days because Ive noticed i am always telling the same old stupid story's... My head is not as clear as it used to be also, its all foggy and just not the same free caring anything go's, i am going to do it because i can push my self and make it attitude... Its i guess an end of an era for me i guess, Hell i mean its getting to that point i think... Next week will be the final time i use the Pookie head outfit... The morgue is closing and then after that, what's the point, no more place to rave... After that i retire my pookie head image and wrap it in plastic until one day i may be able to take it out of retirement i guess... An end of an era...

LILMAN X

Figure my self out, why?

Why today has been a odd day for me... I fell OK, not my 100% best but w/e when am i ever 100% heath, that's just crap i try to bring up not to actually see what i am trying to figure my self out... Do i do this because i love to i guess hate my self? Or do i do this to drive my self crazy? I just don't understand the way i think sometimes and the worst part its me figuring out me... So what an uphill battle this is... I know what i want but i rather just think of other things to forget what i should do, say and speak my mind... Holding up all this crap inside myself and i just want to let it all out! But if i do what will happen? Who will i lose forever? Will i hurt people or will i care if i actually say what i am thinking? I just don't know what to do or what turn i should make... Its like this dream i had a few nights ago just before i got out of the hospital, Should i keep driving the same direction and just let w/e comes at me let it be or should i just turn off this road that leads to nowhere... i feel like this weight on my back that's heavy and i just keep dragging along and i don't know how much i could take of this... I would like to just stand up, say what i feel like telling people and then the end with it, but i can't. Why because i am way too nice and easy going, yeah sure need help no problem... I always try to make peace with people and let what happened pass and forgive but when should i stop doing this? Should i ever or should i just do it and screw what happens... My mind is like in a spin just thinking about all the stuff i want to get out in the open... Last time this happened i just wrote letters and then read them back to myself and then burned them not to show to the people they were meant to go out to... Screw it, i guess some things change but i can't i just cant be an asshole or a dick and be like fuck you here is what i think and take it or leave it... Ive done that way too much in the past and for that i have lost a lot of people... I just don't know anymore... Just going to bed and screw it...

LILMAN X >_<

Its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving..

Well its been a wile since i have been online and checked email and contacted the Internet world... I just got out of baptist hospital like yesterday and i was out with some people for a little wile today but i can't just do it, I had to come home after 30 mins out... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, i feel like i got hit by a train that was going 200 miles an hr. I don't know and cant figure out whats wrong.. I feel sick and crappy and weak and i haven't felt this bad in a long time... I fell like i am this old man just getting out of bed and attempting to get back into shape but all my joints hurts and my energy level is low and i feel just blah... I feel like an old Rocky going down and down... But I have learned that Rocky is back ! A new movie coming out will make me up-rise and make me back into me! ALEX AKA LILMAN X !! I NEED TO GET BACK INTO ORDER AND REORGANIZE WHATS GOING ON... ! I will make my best and before Rocky comes out i shall be back, starting tomorrow i will figure out what the hell is wrong with me! Make a doctors appointment and a full blood work, you name it and i will do it... It Time... Time to make a come back !!! Fist step is to gain what weight i lost, second i will eat and exercise to what i am able to, and then come the Hurt BOB time! Time to figure out who is there for me and who is not!! Watch out because you may be you~~!
LILMAN X >_<