Crashing...AHH... and burning... AHHH... And yet you would still think I would Sit still !!

Well all I have to say in the famous words of Green day... I am a walking Contradiction... Yes I feel semi shibby(shitty) Yes I have been doing hard labor in my back yard cutting trees, Yes I Should be in bed relaxing... But am I....................................? NO! Why because I never learn my lesson... Yes that's right for the one reading this and knows me, you ask why aren't you in bed, why aren't you relaxing, sitting back and taking good care of your self so you don't end up back in club hell... Well all I have to say is... I Love you :) But I am a hard head... Only way to keep me there is one.. Keep on my ass and make sure I am, very little people do that.. Two, threat me with I will never do anything with you and I will be eternally pissed off at you, or three... Tie me down or know my weak spot... HA not too many people know that one... (looks around)..... So my day... Lets see, cutting trees, cutting trees, oh yeah band-aid's... umm cutting and hulling some more trees... And food... Oh tonight is kariokie at tavern so yeah looks like IM going to that... And lets see anything else.. Oh I miss hottie.. Its been a wile since I've seen her... I wonder if she misses me too...?... I love hanging around her, and just being around her makes me so happy because I think we both entertain each other... Like most girls I like usually just Sit there and I have to be the entertainer or they just don't like my (semi crazy mix) friends... Actually they just don't like them, but she loves hanging out with them, and that means a lot for me... Another thing is that she understands a lot about me and were I come from and my health problems which is a lot and a super big deal for me, most girls run when I tell them, I mean yeah its a lot but I don't expect them to run just semi understand.. Hottie just understands 100% and is totally cool with it, so that's 25% there... She is super, super book-smart... I love a nerd at heart... I am one too, sorta but more undercover... ( well not anymore now that you've read this) I love her smile, her smile is like a light of sunshine on my face in a field of flowers in spring time with that hint of flower smell in the air.. (cheers me up) Her attitude is excellent, especially for me who has such a pessimistic look towards everything, but IM trying to improve for her (and me too)... I have something real special planed for her soon... I was going to do it sooner but thanks to this stupid hurricane that messed everyone up I had to delay it... Hopefully everything will be just right when IM done... Well we will see... I just hope her heart is into it and is thinking clearly... (Yes I want your full attention) Good now that I have it, btw its at 8pm Tuesday night and later desert... So lets see oh its time to be eating and going out... Catch me if you can... HAHAH~!!!

LILMAN X

Storm, Recovery and power, feeling a bit better somewhat...

Wow The last 24 almost 48 hrs has been crazy... I thought that hurricane was going to be this little crap... hellz no i was way way wrong... My back yard is a mess, total mess actualy... I just got power about an hr ago so it was like 27 hrs total with out power... What a nightmare... The little shed we have in the back got smashed by this big pine tree... So yeah i did a lot of landscapeing today... Eh... i knew i shouldent of but i had to help out my dad some what... We also had a genarator so i also had to keep an eye on that too so that i mostly tryed to do since i was feeling kinda ok but still shibby.... Oh yeah i tryed and tryed to get my money back for the green day concert but i didnt feel like going and you would think with a disastor like this they would be like ok yeah no problem... Yeah right no way in hell they would give me my money back so i thoguht of people to tak and almost everyone couldnt go because of duh the problems caused by this stupid strom... so i finally called marcina and she was like yeah sure no problem... so she was the only one able to go... i would of loved to take hottie but she couldent go... Wow what devistation there was ... I mean trees down power lines down o mean total losses i dont even know plans for 2marrow... I would like to just sleep in and forget the rest but we will see... i dont also want to get sick, but i have to do what i have to do, be a man and i guess just bite it and take it... Or i can just laydown and try too feel better, between cutting and the concert i am beat... Im just going to make it short tonight i will have more 2 say im sure 2marrow or another day ... so just look at some pics of the devistation in my back yard and tell me what you think...

LILMAN X

School, Here, Not Feeling 100%, WTF HURRICANE

Well so today I was at school, duh its a weekday I go to school other wise im a bum... Or my mom would kick my ass one of the above... So w/e I stayed awake in Vincent's class because anyone that has had him knows that yeah he talks and talks and bla bla bla even when I try to amuse myself by participating and some times coming up with conflicting dictions... Cuz anyone that knows me knows im a smart ass, lol... So w/e there was that, oh Yeah im not feeling too well, but w/e im dealing with it... I don't know if any of my friends have noticed it, been going on since like Sunday more or less but w/e, anyone who knows me, can tell and the rest I hide it from them so no one will know but w/e hopefully it will pass soon... I was happy yesterday because I got to see hottie, not for long but I had to return later that day to see her because I love spending time with her, even for a little bit I am happy... I love to hear her voice, and when she corrects me, which she often dose (I don't mind) I pretend to be frustrated... Some times I really am but its good to have some one keep me in check. She keeps me on the ball and shies sharp about stuff so I really can't fool her (most of the time) :)... (love you). I Guess things are going good with her I would say I haven't gotten any indications otherwise so... I would hope she would be honest and tell me because I know I would do the same for her... Actually I have been since the day that I met her... Which is unusual because im not really secure with people for a little wile but shies different... Oh yeah... WHERE DID THIS FU*KING HURRICANE COME FROM? I mean I don't mind it because they canceled classes for school 2marrow and Friday but it still might ruin other plans that I have... Also I don't feel like putting up shutters or putting up the protectors in the bat cave so my car is protected... Too much work... It was just supposed to be a little rain some wind and boom done... No the damm thing had to turn and say " Yeah its miami's turn now Bitch" W/e ... If its not bad im going out and having fun... You know... Well lets see anything else I would like to add... Nope... Look behind you... HURRY!
LILMAN X
P.S Made you look >_<

Much to think about and back to school..>_<

Well its Monday and IM once agein in school and this sucks... My classes are boring and point less... I hate theese classes because its about secturity... Big deal I do this all the time when I set up a PC... I always lock my pcs down tight but w/e... Oh yeah I saw Sofia and " my replacement" the dude who took my position when I got sick and had to leave.... Hes ok but w/e I think I did more but w/e... I want to ask for my job back because I could use the $$ so I can keep my assets level and not have to work double to replace for my investments but w/e I guess I will have to do the same thing I always do... So yeah same shit different day.... Well so a lot of stuff has been going on... Mostly my time has been spending time with someone... This "someone" who will remain nameless, is the most wonderful person that I have met in a long long time... They are truly genuine... Its incredible there are still people on this earth that still think like that... Most people I have found to be materialistic or more interested in superficial things... Ok so I don't make this super confusing lets give this some one a temporary name: hottie, obviously its a girl for most of you that know I talk a lot about my girl problem here but w/e I know this person might read this but I have nothing to hide... Well hottie is awesome... She is almost perfect but there are a few things that bother me about her... I wont say what but if she reads this maybe she can figure it out(CLASS IS ENDING CONTINUE WHEN I GET HOME 11:50).... Ok well IM home now.. So I will continue... I am and have always been the hopeless romantic... Its just my nature, I don't know if its I love to love, or I want to just have a special some one, but w/e I think hottie is the mose beautiful person I have met in a long long time, not only physically is she beautiful but also spiritually and personality wise. She's just the most cheerful, happy, positive, sweet, honest,loving, big hearted girl that just looks for the right things in people and never judges people by looks or by anything that other people from this walk of life assume... I really hope and pray that life is good to her because there are such evil and cold people it this world that love to look for the innocent and big hearted people and ruin there mentality so that it changes there way of being... I know, because I used to be a lot like her... I know I have a lot of anger and IM like aggressive because I feel the need to defend myself because first my size and second because I was hurt real bad a few times before because of a person that was cold and it changed my mentality a lot... I was very loving and never saw anything wrong with anyone then after my experience I did become more aggressive, but when IM with hottie; I want to still be my spiffy self but I don't feel the need to because I can feel the good from her and I am more calm. I really do like her. Love>? Love is a strong word and I don't like to use it much because I used to use it a lot but yes I do have intentions to love her but I don't wanna say it... I know I am attached to her and I tried and tried to not be but, my "hard shell" that I developed from being Screwd over has broken and I personally thought it would take along time for me to find some one I care about which is kind of true because it has been3 yrs but I think I am starting to care once agein... I know She cares about me and I know she is attached but she has her doubts or just is not ready to ecknolege it but I wish she wouldn't fight that feeling... Maybe she will come around eventually one day... Soon or a wile from now... Will I be hurt from her not coming around now? No not really yeah I will feel something but I am a strong person, I have dealt with worse, but I have a good feeling about her... Only time will tell... I just hope she wont ignore me or distance her self from me because... 1 she's read this and it scared her... 2 she hates me because I am trying to make her realise she cares and to stop fighting her self on that issue.. I know what it is to be free and to want to date around but when a match is good and you know that person is genuine you should Listen To Your Heart..

LILMAN X

4am no sleep...

Its like 4 am and I cant sleep... blast me and my wonderful brain... I hate this high I.Q. b/s, it drives you mad when you have a problem to solve or an issue or something on your mind your brain wont let you sleep at all... I hate that but what can I do... Well today I helped a friend move in to the U.M. Doarms and it was awesome, now they have a place all to them selfs, well not really im sure they will have a room mate but hell it couldn't be too bad... At least this person is closer to me than before when I had to drive like hell to go to there house... I had lots of fun today is about all I can say... I also would like to add the keys don't fit under the door anymore but lets not even go there... I have found there is trust and there is Trust, What trust I don't know but im sure curious who or why would some one trust some one so much and feel so comfterbale with them if they have only known them a short time, and also given the knowledge of the past they have had but know they have learned from them yet they still trust... Its funny how some people are innocent minded like that but hey, I hope they are strong willed or at least strong at heart to make the right choices. I have done a study once again. I have noticed when people are trying to live differently from there ordinary lifes they change habits and also change there thoughts... But the contrary part of this is in them truly deep inside they astray and want to be changed back to the way they were.. Now theory If they are pushed back into that loop is it because they decited to go with it or because of pressure?... Well thats just my thoughts for now... oh yeah i didnt write about my Date... WEll thats another time, i guess youll just have to keep on checking up...

LILMAN X

Cant Sleep, TOO NERVIOUS

Well its like 3 am... gee... lets see i got home around 2:30 was in bed and i couldent sleep... Well why must you ask i couldent sleep ... Could be that i have a date 2marrow who i really like but i have no clue in hell if they like me back or even if they see this as a "date" date, you know what i mean? Well also i mean i havent done this in a long time... i mean come on who am i kidding i mean, since like at least 2 yrs so w/e i just dont remeber what to do or im temporarly forgeting what to do... ( sigh) ... Who knows if im like blowing this up more than it is... I mean im confident and stuff... Yeah, right.. as much as a chicken in a KFC farm is of being eaten... I wish i was as confident as i want to be its just rejection that worries me the most.. see i dont usaly say it but what the hell who cares, i will say it this time... I mean katie and a few others told me she looked like she was intrested so who knows, maybe its just me thinking stuff up. Well w/e im going to attempt to sleep i do have to go and take care of some stuff befor the date.. movie and dave and busters so it should be good... Well... HERES TO AN ULCER and a good time :) >_< (ahh)

LILMAN X

Sleep no more under the tech....

Well today was calm compared to yesterday or I should say the day before today "Friday". Gaby asked me to go fix her PC and wow I was expecting a old Pentium 3 or w/e but hey at least she had windows XP and it was like a 1.8 with 512 ram.. So w/e it works cuz god knows ive pulled crazy shit with a slower computer so w/e cake!... So I just saved all her files and stuff to a portable HD I have and then wiped her system clean... So it was simple... Her dad was there the entire time I was at her house fixing her computer which was fine by me but kinda got a little bit but just a little too much of him there but w/e it was cool I talked to him about cars and computers and the stock market so it was awesome... Oh me and gaby, well she invited so I was like awesome, it was a long time since I was at that place I love that place so w/e it was awesome me her and abunch of her friends, so yeah I had my time with gaby but not alone but hey... I couldn't ask for more because I have a date with her on Monday.... Yeah my stomach started freaking out on me i got all messed up when she was like yes sure... i hate that my body always gets bent out of shape and stuff when im super nerviouse... w/e... So i must figure out were i should take her but i have all day 2marrow to do so and kariokie so im going to bed or at least try because i know im not going to get any sleep thinking about monday...

LILMAN X

PS... WOOOOOOOOHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Crash and BURN! and other stuff....

Well... So i was a little bit right about Crash and burn... Boy did i ever crash and burn... i know its been along time since i wrote so lets see if i can remeber all that happend... I had to take another leave of abcence from school because i ended up in the hospital... What happend was i had a bad cold so we tryed to treat it here at home with arisol and antibiotics so it wouldent turn into nemonea, well alot of good that did i ended up taking a antibiotic called Biaxcen... Ook fine it took all that bad conjestion away but... When it took all that crap away it triggered my stupid Crohn's attack... you know its like, if its not one thing its another... Well so w/e that happend and i had to go into the hospital so we can play the "lets see how we calm the flarup" game... Bla bla bla medication later fine i was out by the end of jun, well since i had to be out of school all that time i (almost sure) lost my job, well maybe not but since i am not in school i cant work because its a student work study program, so w/e a grate job paying $10 an hr so i could do 30 hrs a week and get a nice paycheck bi weekely... w/e so thats gone to hell... Girls... well 1,2,3,4... gone... i am only trying to talk to one because that was driving me crazy and the person that was supposed to come to miami to visit me... CAN'T, so that whent to hell too... Now im just trying to take it easy... Ook B/S who am i kidding, ive been going out alot with my [pop Crew] if you know who they are then good you know most of it, if not ask me... Its been fun hanging out with them because its and older and younger group and at least we are doing stuff i love to do... EX: Partys clubs, Bars, Dancing and so on... i also still hang with the hood team.. AKA julian, jj, j, Xec, carlos and the rest of the crew. So yeah i still go out alot but i so so want to go back to school i feel as im wasting away at my brain and just taking in stuff thats not going to get me intelectualy challanging... I was thinking today about turning on my pc because i have been useing my parents ever since that hard drive died on me and i lost all my pics and some files i think... w/e i guess i will just have to rebuild from scratch... or i will contact ramon and see if he still has my HD... i doubt it and i doubt he fixed it too like he told me but hey maybe i will get lucky... with all the bad luck i have had i might just win this one but you know me i am always a pesamist... now a change of subject... as all of you know i write and alot is about the other sex... GIRLS.... Well here is my delema wich im sure it will change by the next time i write... There is this girl i like.. well ok w/e 2 of them i really like the rest i dont care about... Now Girl 1 is always busy and she kinda lives far but she is a grate student and i really havent been able to hang out with her outside of school but i have like once or twice now girl 2 I also like maybe because i met her not too long ago but w/e shes awsome... super smart and wow what a figure bit tall but so are most of the girls ive always gone out with or w/e... So Now girl 1 i knowen for longer but i dont know if she is going to hang out with me as much as girl 2 can (i think) so im not sure what to do also i havent talked to girl 1 in a long time( 4 days) but i talk alot with girl 2.. SO... yeah my brain is friyed... Well maybe i will find my self some way to pre occupie my self some other way... Well thats about all i have to write about... I dont think anything else exciting has happend.. but hey who knows school starts AUG 22 and i will try to get my job back... "try"

LILMAN X
Oh yeah check out myspace http://www.myspace.com/lilmanx