Rain, no Tv and emotions..

Its raining ... so that means no Tv because i have direct tv... wonderfule so what to do wile i wait for it to stop i just sit here and put on some music on my pc... Well i sit here and put on music and think of stuff i have on my mind... One of the things i mosty think of, is one of the meany times terrell, luis, kevin and me hung out back in the days; Mostly i just think about terrell. how i used to just hang out with him and have fun and how good it was. how sometimes we used to just hang out and do stuff like D&D, luis myself kevin and terrell... some times i just think about last feb and march 2002 when it was the best time in my life, and the group, all hanging out, getting crazy around UM... some times just chilling because we all needed a brake from our homes so we would all pile up in luis's car and go to UM and sit on the steps by lake or just chill on the stage.. or how i had it so good with the gang, and my girlfriend at the time rachel and how grate it all was and how happy i was ... Well things change people split up or remain friends and now i just find myself alone going to UM sitting on the same steps where we all used to hang out and think about how much fun it was, most of the times i just get my self all worked up, i cry sometimes, others i LOL but most of the time i just sit there in sadness, knowing how its never going to be like that, knowing how my freind is gone from miami, how he's 500 miles away and posobly never coming back. I really miss terrell, but i never knew how much i do. untill i found out he just moved up north. I never thought it would be like this, so alone, so much thinking about the past, so much sorrow. A lot of things would not be possible if i would of never met terrell... i probly wouldn't know so much about computers as i do, probably never would of found out about anime or bebop or D&D or Final fantasy or had my computer taken to the hospital or gone to the places i have been or know how to pimp it how i do or met rachel or even have anything about UM or even driving... hell i remeber he was the first person ever to jump in the car with me when i started driving and he showed me how to be calm on the express way when i was pannicing, most of all i miss him just talking to him about my problems and just other stuff, i would give anything to just hang out with him... i give up my Computer or even tuching a PC for life or my car or even my soul to have him back in miami and have it be like it was... I have never in my entier life cryed over loseing a friend but for some reson i feel like he was blood to me, Family. I do miss him, and i know i will never for get how much i do miss him. Every where in miami or even tv or my computer or my car im reminded of him. I try to not think about him but i just cant help it, when im reminded of him i start to think about fun times and then sadness sets in..

LIL MAN X

What's the deal... am i dreaming or am i living

ok so i woke up this morning like in sweting for some reson. What a dream i had, ok well its like im at some party and im chilling there with some hot chick witch i feel i know her and have known her for a long time so then like w/e im just chilling on some large swing chilling with my girl making out and talking about her fam and how she graduated and i want to get married with her, so it just like jumps from that to we got married but then its like weard because we dont live togeather so i was like ok were married but not living togeather but we still sleep togeather... how much weiarder can you get in a dream... ok but i mean its like this girl in my dream was hot ... damm hot .. get low hot... bang her brains hot... like wow... but what the hell was her name? Last week was crazy between classes and haveing to go to the doctor and then radio lollipop making cd's for people... so much stuff!!! I NEED A BRAKE ! so i was like i need to go out! friday night was a failire, didnt go out did nothing.. Sat moring was my class for the (clast) test, after class i was like it's the weekend time to party but before i made a move i had to get some stuff done... so i went to office depot to get some red folders for radio lollipop then after that i took them to MCH droped them off and visited genine in the hospital... wile i was chilling with her i got a call on my cell, it was caro, that her dad was in the hospital and she asked me if i wanted to see him and i was like sure i would so i came home got somthing to eat and then jumped in the shower and got dressed in my white riped tommy shert with some old school jeans and my viser. Got to the hospital and every one was there caro her sister, mother, tias, cusons and all. so i talked to oscar cheerd him up a bit and then whent back to her house.. well w/e we chilled there for a wile and i was like oh i wanna go out this and that so w/e she told me about some party up in NorthWest somthing i was ok cool lets go.. so i found out whos party it was ... it was her damm sexy freind Jess so i was like true but we had to play it off as if i was takeing her and not staying so w/e worked out because brian had called me to a party that john was having ... damm john having a party oh hell ya thats always a crazy party... so the plan was to go to her party to my boys party... ok true ture... so we are driveing and she tells me where it is i was like WTF its where ... well i drove all the way to pompano... damm it was far as hell sh*t i thought we would never get there...well we got there and it was a small jam but good so we had fun and i was like look i know its late but lets stop by john's party so we did... damm let me tell you how she was dressd first well this girl likes to dress veary sexy she had some jeans with like holes going down the side of her leg and the top well... damm it was like split with lots of cleavege... so w/e when we got there and i got out of the car brian was outside with his chick just chilling and i was like wheres the party at well guess we got there a lil bit late because it was like his fam a few friends and that was about it food was gone and no girls so w/e oh and john and his boys where like damm whos this girl... so i kinda made it look like if she was with me but not... so i got a kick out of that so then after that i took her home... you would think it was an easy task after all that no... she gets in the car and befor we got there she was like falling asleep and i was sleepy because i woke up at like 7am.. but no she put on the cd i had and started blasting big booty ho's omg it was crazy she was like moveing all crazy and i was like trying to drive wile shes like danceing all sexy and omg it was something .. she was like ha i know it i made you swet i was like naw i was fine ... ya right... well that was my crazy weekend who knows whats next ...

LILMAN X

Dream and missing some one...

Woke up and i know i just had to write this or it was going to bother me all day long. Well i had a dream i was hanging out by the old spot where we used to hang at U.M. It was me luis kevin and terrell... it was all cool the usal stuff we do when we go there but it was diffrent because even if i saw terrell there i knew deep inside this was a dream and not real... because i know the truth is he is gone and mad at me and wont talk to me... You have know idea how much that hurts that i cant talk to him... Terrell is my best friend and i cant even get in contact with him because i have no way... To far to travel and i dont know if he will even talk to me... It hurts so much i wish it would all me the same agen... some days go by and i think how he used to make me laugh so hard when i felt like sh*t or even when he would some times go out of his way to bring me my Pc to the hospital when i was sick.. I miss terrell so much ( I JUST WISH IT WAS LIKE THE OLD DAYS) or wish he would come back .. i dont know if hes mad at me ( if he was i would give anything for him not to be) (even my computer if it takes that i dont care) Pain is a horrable feeling sadness is too but the worst of all is louseing a frend that you realy cared about thats why i try not to louse any more becase i not only feel sad but i feel like i lost a part of me... I wish i could change the past and make the future better but i wish to bring my best friend back to the way it was...

LILMAN X

DAY HAS GONE TO HELL!!!

Crap day ... no, Bullsh*t day ... NO, A WASTE OF MY LIFE TO DAY WAS MORE LIKE IT.. What crap today was, Ya ok fine so yesterday night i stayed out till about 3 am at toms bar for kariokie; so what i had to get up at like 10 am to go do test at Mch who cares its my life stop bossing me around i do what i feel like it... I hate it when people push me and tell me what to do when i make my mind up... W/E ... So i got up late to go there ITS MY PROBLEM... So i get dressed and then after that i go and drive to MCH, well its not that far from my house but still its traffic and bla bla bla... so then after that i get there see my friend jess and i talk to her telling her the story about that crazy night... so after that i go to radiology and tell them ( look my doctor gave me this paper its a referal and i need to do theese test. ) Well little do i know she tells me ( Oh im sorry they are all expierd, you need to get new ones..) I was like WHAT?? So w/e kinda pissed that i wasted my time to go all the way over there when i could be in bed or doing somthing to my car. So i drive home its about 3pm (SCHOOLS ARE OUT) (TRAFFIC) Crap im stuck in bumper to bumper traffic... I hate School traffic.. because you have the stupid people trying to get right to the side of the side walk then the dumm ass kid is like talking to there friends the person is honking the horn and your trying to pass them but no you can't because they have an oversized SUV so you just have to sit there an waste gas wile the kid is like oh my ride is here ok let me attemt to get in the car ... so then they get in the car and for some reson wont go becase they are too stupid to say "hi how was you day at school" AND DRIVE... Its too hard for most of the drivers in miami.. so then i get home ok cool... oh its thursday... radio lollipop.. grate.. get dressed in the uniform get back in the car drive all the way back to mch.. well radio lollipop was good fine no problem there... But after i was suposed to go and do something with a friend of mine but we could not hook up my damm playstation so that whent to sh*t i mean we tryed everything but no nothing worked... so then after that crap ... i came home and looked at my tv and remeberd i forgot i had to switch out my mothers novela tape for the tape i had in there wich was my tape for recording cowboy beop wich im trying to record all 26 in a row but no what happend it recorded over the episode i taped yesterday and screwd it all up... you know when you just can't win and today was just one of those days... Oh and i wanted to go out... But no not even that what a sh*ty day.. FU*K THE WORLD TODAY IM GOING TO BED ... HERES SOME LYRICS TO LIVE BY.... LIMP BIZKIT (BREAK STUFF)
It's just one of those days
When ya don't wanna wake up
Everything is fu*ked , everybody sucks .
You really don't know why
But you wanna justify rippin someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfu*ker !
It's just one of those days !

JUST HAD TO WRITE ABOUT TODAY

OK i know i havent had time to write my blog but i have been super busy and dong lots of stuff... well today i just had to sit down no matter how late it was and tell about my day. Well like every day started off the same stuff as always me getting up late as i always want to get up early but w/e got up anoyed my granmother like always and helped my other grandmother... bla bla bla it wasent till about 10 pm it got good.... well as always i go to tavern this place on (112 and coral way) i always go there cuz thats the hangout i guess and w/e so then after i get there im chilling with the usal peeps nick, rolly brian and usaly if he has a chick with hime and the rest. so then im stiing there trying to see if anyone else is around that i know and i notice a blond girl just sitting there waving at me... i was like (umm ok shes calling me?) so i go over and tell her hi and she tells me that she has seen me before there and i was like " ya im here every tues night". So its all good i ask her what her name was and she told me jeanna and i didnt hear her too well over the music and i make the excusee of short term memory (also i kinda didnt know how to pronouce it) so she told me agen and ok cool. So she starts telling me how she was raised in hispanloa and how educated she is and this and that and im like cool, so then i tell her well let me tell you somthing about me she shes like oh the past dousent matter and im like ok, but let me tell you somthing about my self so shes like agen "the past dousent matter" and that the important thing is what i can do for her and what will happen in the future is better and on and on. So i was like ok.. thinking to my self all this stuff shes telling me and how the past is the past and telling me not directly to get her a drink but in her own words " im a woman and im perfectly capable of getting one but if you got one for me that would be nice " {So here i am all wearded out like wtf is she saying and what is her pattern of thought and what is she doing in life} getting her a drink so i go back shes like acting all weard and crap and this and that so finaly i can't take it.... i feel like i was about to eather just lose all hope of thinking or i had to go outside and scream or somthing i was so confused i felt like a nut.... (so i told her i will be right back) I steped outside and just had to do somthing so then every one outside was like damm that girls all over your dick... I'm thinking ( I DONT CARE SHES DRIVEING ME CRAZY SAYING ONE THING AND MEANING SOMETHING ELSE AND DOING ANOTHER.) So they keep telling me shes all over you and she wants you so bad and the chick is asking to be F*cked and shes all over you.... ( I COULD CARE LESS I WANT MY OWN MIND BACK, SINCE WHEN DID I LOUSE IT TO THE THOUGHTS OF OTHERS !!!) So between me trying to think and my friends telling me one thing and my other side saying ok easy lay ... I have to do somthing... ( I Decided to go and take her home early and get to know her as a person and not think with the man below) well i get back and shes kinda flerting with this italian girl and keeps on im trying to tell her somthing and shes all about oh this and that and how butifule and bla so then some how 3 girls sit infront of us and shes talking to them wile im enjoying the music and singing i turn back towards her and she 3way kisses them .... I was like ( WTF ) (this is not happening, well just one kiss its over back to talking to her) But it did not stop ... im like this is not happening to me im dreaming or i took somthing damm... but when i look back out of shock she moved to the table with the 2 other girls... i was like ( OK WHAT HAS HAPPEND THAT IM LOSING CONTROLL!!! ) so then all the guys around start flocking around and start to hover over all this like flys to raw meat... I was like ok w/e just horny fools trying to get some but its not going to happen... well some guy tryed to move in and i told him to back off hes like get out of here shorty... i told him no you get out so he did and the rest i was like ok shows over so then after that i told her look lets go i need to leave and i will take you home, well she told me no im leaving with her ( the girl that she was making out with ) i told her no im taking you home so its taken outside and im pissed and im so pulled in meany directions that i cant take it, so mr temper takes over im like thats it all thouse guys im going to stick them.. so a fight almost happens and shes talking to the girls and this and that every one trys to get a part of her and im trying to leave and make sure shes ok and leaves with me or some one who is not going to take her home and maybe have there way with her so she finaly decids to go home with alejandro ( good freand of mind, hes a sammy brother too known him for a wile) so im like ok cool .... well this guy phelipe says "oh i have to take her" "i know her uncal" and this and that i have to make sure shes ok and i was like look shes leaving with some one who i trust , and i trust few people with girls... so w/e she left with him and i guess they got home ok .... god what drama. its like it follows me or somthing i just dont know what it is about me ..... WHY ALWAYS ME!!! WHY GIVE ME THE DRAMA!!! hell all the crap i have gone though is plenty of drama ...

ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER ONE THAT PASSED BY ...

LILMAN X