Lost of knowing what i did

Well the month of May so far is like a Whirlpool that sucked me into a unknown world... April was no better because i just don't know anymore what is going on in my life i guess you could say... the damnedest thing is that i was so happy with everything too before like mid April i would say... everything was the best it has ever been in my life. The year started off wonderful and perfect, then i had some drama and issues with my health and a lot of other bad shit happened but i haven't complained at all because i always talk about all the shit and bla bla bla but i never did. why because i was happy. i had it all i guess you could say. i had a girl who loved me ( i think ) and was by my side and just about supported me in every aspect. my friends were fine and i didn't have to go rescue anyone or any other bullshit or drama which every one knows always is an issue in my life but even that had no problem in my life... now... I feel as i am lost, or are in another world or just in an odd place. it all was fine and from one week to the next... poof i guess you could say all the shit blew up in my face and changed. its all changed for the bad. so i don't know if its something i did, or it just something that was building up to change on me or i don't even know what to think anymore... W/e I just feel lost... Pissed off and sad and upset and emotional and angry and something i just cant describe all into one emotion... i have no words. i have no thoughts. The worst part about loosing your mind in the matter of a way is.... I CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT!!!... AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

LILMAN X

God please...

Look i know i dont pray, i know i dont go to cherch or any of that, but god please. I don't want to loose her, i love her with all my heart, i lover her soo much i cant stand the idea with out her being in my life as my love my girl friend, some one that with me thought thick and thin. i dont want any one to have the same connection i have with her. she gives me hope, she gives me faith, she gives me a reason for doing better. everyone who knows me say she is the best thing that has happend in my life and alot of people know the hardships i have had. a lot of people know what things have happend. i cant loose her. it crushes me to think that. god please i would do anything too keep her by my side. back off, go out and do anything. i need her in my life. i dont want to be selfish but i love her. i met her for a reason. i know she is in my life for a good change. i have never met a girl like her in my life before. i had one good influence who did love me and we would of healed each other but i was stupid and i blame my self for not giving her a second chance, then you took her away from me. please don't take this one away. please god dont do this to me once more. she is not spoiled to the world she is still pure and can better my misrible life. i know i feel it deep in my sole when i am down, i pick my self up for her. i want to be stronger, i want to be healthy and she gives me a reason for fighting this big fight in my life. god, i do love her. dont take her away. i need more than a friend in my life, i have lots of them i thank you for giving me, but i know she is more than just a friend. i know i have my doubts, i know i have ideas of what might be happening behind my back or stupid things i think of, but they are just stupid ideas i manafest in my mind,only because you have done to me in the past. i know i have to forgive and forget. i know the past is gone but i would like to now trust and give hope. im stupid for thinking thoughts. god please dont take her away. i know i am not a strong man, i know my weakness is love, i know the only weakness i have is love. but why attack it.. have i done wrong.. god please... please god dont take her away, dont take her away ang give her to some one else who wont appreciate her love, her kindness, her beauty, her brain, her morals, her compation, her will. toss me another illness but dont take her away... pleas god please...