empy void of nothingness

Its theat time or the yr agen when people come for the holidays and x-mas and stuff but even still it times like this that i miss my best friend the most. i remeber last yr i would ask him to come with me on stuff i would have to do around toen. i deepy miss him and i feel a void in my life. My other betrated fried friend i also miss. some times i think back on stuff we used to do, now my life has changed and i cant afford to have another problem to help. i have meany things this comming yr that i must solve befor i can go back and fix my past. I sometimes withs i still was in the past like for example 2001 or 2002 even if most of 02 i was in the hospital, i still had my group, my crew, my truest friends wich i could ask anything. I would wish for myself come next yr that at least i can go back to some way or matter of how it used to be but this i do not know when, My past was the best but also the worst. It was like a bad dream that i was awake but was also asleep. now that i have the bigest problem on my sholders i have awakend and now i must wake up from this dream and face the real world. Its funny how as time whent by my health was getting better but my soclal life seems to be getting worse, its kind of like i had bad to horribale health and perfect friends and grate socal enviroment and now its like the tables have turned. now im healthy but lonley. its like what is the point? why now give me the feeling good when i have no one to share it with? Its like this anime that T showed me once and now i am hooked on because its so scary its so much like real life called cowboy bebop. BANG!

LILMAN X

Life of the nothingness hell life...

Well every day that passes by is like a hell of an inferno that burns like the fires of hell that was set to maximum heat and the heater truned to 1 million... I hate the way my life is falling apart like a fresh cookie out of the oven that hasent been baked properly... The last week or so i have been to the point of insanity or the point of madness... people in this world only care about them selfs or about the social "click" they hang out with... i guess high school or collage is still the same... always the bully always the click and always the one who hates you and fucks you over... I think we really have to go beyond collage and beyond other stuff... maybe when you get married and have kids then you wont have the stupid inmature shit... People some times want to pick a fight and want to start shit... for the ones who do i stand up and wont take shit from no one... i have seen shit that will make anyones skin craw... i have had more pain than person has had and not by choice but by force and need.. I have no fear, i only fear death. Thats just the only fear i have, to die, to face the cold frosty face of death, i have faced it but yet i have comfronted it and i fear nothing after... yet i will face it agen someday... Hell is the location, inferno is what my social life is like and emptyness is what my love life is like....

LILMAN X