Merry Christmas !!

So today is Christmas at least for the next 30 Min's that left... I say it was good too me... I got a bunch of things that i wanted and didn't have a clue i was going to get them... I was in the beginning of the day kinda down because it didn't feel like it really was Christmas but at the end of the day and during opening presents it did... I was kinda sad because at my house i was soo used to my grandmother here and a bunch of people showing up, basically your huge Cuban party with the left over pork from noche buena and black beans and rice with yuka and other stuff... Just a lot of people here is i guess what didn't make it feel too right, but when the few people that came over started opening gifts and talking and stuff it was rather better, not the same but better than what i thought... So lets see what did i get... Well Santa left me: A 30GB ipod black, Lacoste red dress t-shirt, Nice M. Jordan jogging jacket and paints, Green day T, Rocky Anthology, Pirates of the Caribbean 1 and 2, money and a few more items... So it was good to me... I had fun and didn't go out... Oh also since i was home i started to download the new Nelly Furtado CD... Its awsome i soo recommend you get it if you like her... its super good and I'm going to burn a few copy's to give out... Hell i might go crazy and buy her CD in the store... Its that good... Grate mix of lyrics and songs, Spanish songs too which i was in shock she actually did... I looked up some background stuff on her and wow is all i have to say... Well I'm going to go to bed early and might put a rocky movie since i now own them... Enjoy the Nelly Furtado Video i put up... I think its one of the best songs on the album...

LILMAN X

Its hard after so long... Old-Timer Stronger...

Well today i attempted to do what i like to call Rocky Training day... I got some gray sweat paints and a gray long sleeve shirt and jogged... Wow i thought i was going to die because it was hard as all hell... I was extremely out of breath by the time i made it once around my block, but i did it... Dammit i pushed my self until i almost could not any more... I will do it even if it kills me i will regain my Strong Legs and my upper body... Its not easy with all the stupid health problems and the PH i have too, But i can do it... Even if its just 10 mins or so a day, little by little... I will do it, When i get to the point i can do it with out feeling almost out of it i will step it up a little... It might take a wile but i will do it... I hate to feel old and out of shape... I hate to be skinny and stuff, i need to eat more... Gain some weight and turn it into something... I figure the way i will do it is, First one day jog, The next day i will have a book bag and just stuff it with heavy books, then do go twice around my block at a fast pace... Not to run or jog with the backpack but to just have something that will make my legs work with out getting my heart going too fast... Then the next day do a short jog and so on... It should work... I mean hell my legs hurt now from today's early run so i think its going to work... I just have to do it little by little and keep it simple i don't kill my self too bad... Hell if a 60 year old Sly can do it then i can do it... I feel old but today i felt a little more alive i guess you could say... Between the jog and a race i had vs a 350 z who i can say i kicked its ass, i think i could do it... One last time, get back into shape or some what... At least as long as i remain healthy... Going to bed so i can get up early, jog some and then visit lollipop peeps...

LILMAN X

Old timer thoughts... End of an era

Well today was a rather busy day, but also not that bad... but i had my thoughts... Today for some reason i was thinking back to how things used to be like a year ago, or 2 or 3 years ago, and soo much has changed... I am always a person who hates change... If its going good it should stay that way i think... Ive also met a lot of people in that time but i have also lost some people in my life and disconnected with others too... Why do things have to change? Why can't they stay the same and good as always and just keep it like that with out bad things happen... Its funny, its the little things you just don't notice change and then when you think, oh I'm going to, then your like wait, i can't its changed, or they aren't around anymore... Sad i guess is the way i feel, i mean this year was harsh, lots of changes and things that have happened that i guess i just didn't get to slow down until one day i look and notice the change... Some things are stupid but they mean a lot to me... Example, MCH was my home away from home, now its been almost 2 years or more since i was there last, its changed soo much... Some people are still their but a lot have gone or just changed around... Even the old hall ways which whisper so many memory's don't feel the same... Its like i could stand in one spot, and close my eyes real tight and remember something that happened their, at a moment some time past... I feel old for some stupid reason even if i still am young... Also i don't have a crew anymore like i used to, i see me always telling the same old story over and over like i am living in the past... Fine i mean i live for now but it looks like story's in the past were better than how things are now days, or at least lately... Nothing is as fun as it used to be, Some times i push myself and tell myself " dammit you can still do it " but sometimes i can't... I try to push myself like i used to but time seems like its catching up to me or something... Some things i try to do but i just can't anymore, why??? I guess its like i am still living my old glory days because Ive noticed i am always telling the same old stupid story's... My head is not as clear as it used to be also, its all foggy and just not the same free caring anything go's, i am going to do it because i can push my self and make it attitude... Its i guess an end of an era for me i guess, Hell i mean its getting to that point i think... Next week will be the final time i use the Pookie head outfit... The morgue is closing and then after that, what's the point, no more place to rave... After that i retire my pookie head image and wrap it in plastic until one day i may be able to take it out of retirement i guess... An end of an era...

LILMAN X

Figure my self out, why?

Why today has been a odd day for me... I fell OK, not my 100% best but w/e when am i ever 100% heath, that's just crap i try to bring up not to actually see what i am trying to figure my self out... Do i do this because i love to i guess hate my self? Or do i do this to drive my self crazy? I just don't understand the way i think sometimes and the worst part its me figuring out me... So what an uphill battle this is... I know what i want but i rather just think of other things to forget what i should do, say and speak my mind... Holding up all this crap inside myself and i just want to let it all out! But if i do what will happen? Who will i lose forever? Will i hurt people or will i care if i actually say what i am thinking? I just don't know what to do or what turn i should make... Its like this dream i had a few nights ago just before i got out of the hospital, Should i keep driving the same direction and just let w/e comes at me let it be or should i just turn off this road that leads to nowhere... i feel like this weight on my back that's heavy and i just keep dragging along and i don't know how much i could take of this... I would like to just stand up, say what i feel like telling people and then the end with it, but i can't. Why because i am way too nice and easy going, yeah sure need help no problem... I always try to make peace with people and let what happened pass and forgive but when should i stop doing this? Should i ever or should i just do it and screw what happens... My mind is like in a spin just thinking about all the stuff i want to get out in the open... Last time this happened i just wrote letters and then read them back to myself and then burned them not to show to the people they were meant to go out to... Screw it, i guess some things change but i can't i just cant be an asshole or a dick and be like fuck you here is what i think and take it or leave it... Ive done that way too much in the past and for that i have lost a lot of people... I just don't know anymore... Just going to bed and screw it...

LILMAN X >_<

Its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving..

Well its been a wile since i have been online and checked email and contacted the Internet world... I just got out of baptist hospital like yesterday and i was out with some people for a little wile today but i can't just do it, I had to come home after 30 mins out... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, i feel like i got hit by a train that was going 200 miles an hr. I don't know and cant figure out whats wrong.. I feel sick and crappy and weak and i haven't felt this bad in a long time... I fell like i am this old man just getting out of bed and attempting to get back into shape but all my joints hurts and my energy level is low and i feel just blah... I feel like an old Rocky going down and down... But I have learned that Rocky is back ! A new movie coming out will make me up-rise and make me back into me! ALEX AKA LILMAN X !! I NEED TO GET BACK INTO ORDER AND REORGANIZE WHATS GOING ON... ! I will make my best and before Rocky comes out i shall be back, starting tomorrow i will figure out what the hell is wrong with me! Make a doctors appointment and a full blood work, you name it and i will do it... It Time... Time to make a come back !!! Fist step is to gain what weight i lost, second i will eat and exercise to what i am able to, and then come the Hurt BOB time! Time to figure out who is there for me and who is not!! Watch out because you may be you~~!
LILMAN X >_<

On the 5th day of hell I...

Well its been one hell of a 5 days... Today i finally feel good enough to get up out of bed and write some and check my email and stuff... Since i think Thursday midday or so i have felt like hell its self... I was at my cardiologist on Tues and he sent me some meds that lowered my blood pressure because due to the PH or pulmonary hypertension that i recently found out i had about 6 months ago or so, the pressure has not improved or actually has gotten worse due to my recent activity called work... Yeah i know how much worse could my life get... W/e screw it, like everything i always deal with it and do what i have to... So any ways what happened was with the other medication I'm taking on top of that he sent me some other one... Now i was warned that i might be a little dizzy for a day or two at the most but what happened the next 4 to 5 days was hell on earth for me... After Wed i got out of work and had to deliver bad news to my boss that i could no longer do the physical work i was doing before because it would make my condition get worse, i rushed to baptist which is the only place they have the rare meds i take to go with this rare i'llness... Go figure >_< So w/e got them and i took the first one that night and the next day was Thanksgiving... So Thursday i woke up and took the morning one and the midday one and the one at night... I would say by midday i was already dizzy but fine because i was expecting that... Yea so, as the night went on i felt worse and worse and horrible... The next day i was to go to work and i can tell you i could not get out of bed i was in such bad shape... The room was like a puzzle that you scramble and mess up... The floor was like on the wall and the wall was like on the top of my room and i felt like some one took me for one hell of a ride and i was still on it... What happened was my blood pressure Plunged to like 100 over 50... That's low as hell for me... I am mostly around 115 over 70 or when I'm up and around 125 max over 89... So yeah and my pulse was super low... So i told my mother to call the doctor that this was not apart of it and i had to call my boss and tell him what was going on... So the doctor told me to stop taking it and i might have some side effects from stopping it like a migraine or a bad headache... Well OK so i did have that for 2 days including today but i feel much better today and at least the room stopped spinning... Yesterday it was spinning but today at least that stopped and my blood pressure is back to its normal range... What hell i have gone into... Oh yeah it gets better... Thanks to the world spinning on me and all that i have to now make an appointment with my GI doctor because my stomach is back to giving me problems and also on top of that now i have to contact the Liver transplant people and also my Immunologist... Yay for doctor appointments <~~~(shoot me)... So yeah good greef... At least my boss is cool and understands what is going on and is flexible with it... So w/e i have to do blood work tomorrow and other stuff so i am going to bed... Good night...

LILMAN X >_<

Rambling Thinking and more...

Yeah so its been a long week and its going to be a longer week coming up... my schedule has been like this, Monday and Weds i have class from 6-9:30 and Tuesday and Thurs i have class from 9 to 12:30. So Thanks to my boss i have been working from 12 to 4 or when i have day classes i work 5 to 9... I mean its 4 hrs but its like right in the middle of time i could be doing something else... I rather work like 5 to midnight 3 days a week and call it a day and work one day on the weekend.. You tell me... Would that make some kind of since? By the time i get home its like 9:30, I am dead tiered from working and school back to back and then i have no time to myself and i barely get to study... Fuck that... I need my time to study and shit... I mean work is not everything, i don't have to... I could do with out it and i have before... w/e i haven't a clue what to do so w/e... Also I've wanted to spend time with some one but i haven't called them and i was thinking about calling them this weekend to see what they are up to... Maybe i will give them a buzz later tomorrow or something... let see... Since i have no girl I've spent money on my car and Fixing it up and stuff... its looking better by the day.. I have Rims i got from a dealer and tail lights i got off of e-bay so its pimping... Hell if i don't have a girl i will spoil my self on my car i figure... Can't have one so i will have the other... I rather have the first choice but i don't so w/e... Boys will be boys as some one i know says all the time to me... Well its 11:30 and i am tiered as hell so its lights out for me...



LILMAN X >_<

SOME PICS OF MY CAR...

Morning Breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg, Cuban bread and coffee made just the way you like it..
Price: Mother yelling at you for getting up too early...

Fast Run: Going to the bank only to find out they are closed today and then get stuck in a traffic jam because some asshole decided to hit another car..
Price: Some Gas, aggravation and Time Wasted...

Washing Car: Vacuum rugs take out all the stuff inside the car, wash rugs and spend time to wash and wax your car and make it smell good so you'll look pimping at night to impress some one..
Price: 3 Hrs, a sunburn and some water...

Spending on yourself: 2 new tires, balancing, alignment, Put on your car so you have 4 nice looking rims on your car..
Price $180 something..

Time spent Driving around Miami and thinking to yourself wile your bestfriend rides with you
Price: Half a tank of gas and 5 billion Brain Cells killed..

To come home after trying to have a good day and failing miserably..

Priceless .... For every crappy Day Theirs Sleep... LILMAN X >_<

Tired of the same shit,,,

Well I have to go to work in a little wile, but I am soo sick of the same shit... Its always the same crap at work, do this do that clean this stock the shelves with this toy or fix the racks of cloths and shit like that... IM getting sick of the same crap as always... I think IM going to quit... I am also tired as hell and I don't feel like putting up with more shit at work.. I mean they could help from time to time and I barley get time of soo wtf is the point... And school, wow I don't even want to go there because its just I have so much work to catch up on and tomorrow is my last day so I don't know what the hell IM going to do... ahhhh!!!!!!!!
Sugar Ray Someday

Someday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
Just close your eyes and Ill take you there
This place is warm without a care
Well take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Somesay
Better things will come our way
No matter what they try to say
You were always there for me
Someway
When the sun begins to shine I hear a song from another time and fade away
And fade away
Just close your eyes and Ill take you there
This place is warm without a care
Well take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Someone said you tried to long
Someone said we got it all
Someone said we tried to long
Is there a place where I belong
So far so long
So far away
So far so wrong
So far away
Somday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
And fade away

LILMAN X

Catch up time... Work, school... Another week..

Well at least this time its going to be short blogg... Ok let me put it like this... On the weekend I was at the VT vs UM football game with a Friend and I had fun and I hope maybe we can do it again... I had lots of fun, all I have been doing is working and school and sleep and that's it... Super tired of the same shit so the change was good.. I hope my work schedule will not be as harsh as before but who knows.. I am supposed to get my next 2 weeks tomorrow so we will see... This week is finals and exams then the new term starts next week... Well I will write more when I get a chance... So until next time kids.. Remember crack killz...!!

LILMAN X >_<

HALLOWEEN CAN GO TO HELL ! I HATE THIS DAY !

Well today was the biggest let down and the day I hate the most to this point! What a fucking shit day I have had and its all over ! First let me start off with the fact I have not had a day off since about oh Friday of last week...! All I have done is work hard like a jack ass from 8 to 9 hrs a day and deal with stupid people getting costumes and stupid people asking me all day today if I was sure we didn't have more in the back... I officially hate this god forsaken day of Halloween... I hope next year the earth explodes and every can go fuck them selfs... 4 weeks of this shit I have had to put up with... Selling costumes and dealing with assholes and all this shit so I could enjoy my one day I have been waiting for so I could go out with some people and have fun maybe drink and celebrate its all over and no more idiots, but no, this day just got worse! After being at work from 12 to 8 and dealing with people that should of gotten some costumes on time, all I wanted to do was go to the grove, have some fun, hang out with some friends maybe, hell go trick or treating... No, nothing I spent from 10 pm to almost 12 midnight in my stupid car... Wonder why, well I will tell you why... BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES AND LOSERS AND PUSSYS WHO CHICKEN OUT AT THE LAST MOMENT!!!! First I ask person 1 what are they doing, this was early in the day wile I was at work... They told me hey we are hitting the grove wanna come... I sed sure I get off at 8, so when I get off at 8 I call this asshole and find out they are already in the grove because they wanted to go early.. Fine person number 2 who I also spoke to early today, told me they were going to the grove then to some club... Well they told me some stupid excuse and all this shit so basically I got screwed with them... Ok fine person number 3 was asleep because they were tired from work, What the fuck do you think I did all day long, sit here and play with my self asshole! Person number 4 who I called after person number 3 told me they were in the grove... Fine I sed what the hell I will pay for parking and all that stuff... Well I was in traffic 2 miles from the grove to get into the grove to park... I didn't even make it to grand or us one because I was in traffic for 1 hr and half in traffic... So I sed fuck the grove !!! Fine I called person number 5... Well I got lost going to the location were they were because by this time I was all pissed off and I was driving and I got lost because I didn't look at the street I was on.. So I ended up in the fucking ghetto and took some road that told me I-95 south but it was the north lane but I didn't notice until I got to north west 180th... I WAS SOO FUCKING PISSED OFF AT THIS POINT I COULD OF KILLED SOME ONE!!! After all that shit the person I was going to meet up with left wile I was almost there... So I decided to say "FUCK HALLOWEEN" and officially hate this day and it killed Halloween for me... I SWEAR THIS DAY IS HORRIBLE!!! I am going to bed and November better be good or else I don't know what I am going to do... FUCK HALLOWEEN AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT !!!

LILMAN X >_<

Killing me softly with work...

Well so today was yet another day at plaything Miami... Basically today I was told by the "girl's" that work with me to take down the book section and put it up, but to make sure I clean it and its dust free and it looks nice and all... Yeah yeah all bullshit so I can be their bitch... Well w/e between the stupid shoe room re-organizing it and the stupid mess they make every fucking day I have to clean up and do this and that and dump this and that I was so sick of all this its killing me... I mean health wise I cant take it... I cant sleep, or rest the amount I need to so my stupid retarded body can repair its self and shit and then also its way too much physical work too... I mean ok fine take the cloths and shit hang them walk here and back bla bla bla, fine... When they put me to work like lift this and bend down pick that up, pick this up do that move this, so sorry but did the stupid bitches forget I have a medical condition... I mean I haven't told them exactly what it is but shit its too much... That army girl can do it if she is sooo damm all about it... I mean if you want something done then the bitch can do it her self... SHIT I just wanna tell her to go to hell and be nice to me and that her attitude will get nothing done correctly because if shes a bitch to me expect me to be the same to her... This is not the ARMY BITCH !!! Well so I let out some frustration on that... So w/e I told my boss that for real I cant do as many hrs as I was doing... Ok cool they are paying me in cash and stuff so I don't work 40 hrs on paper but at least try not to kill me... I mean 5 days a week 8 hrs, I didn't have time for school or to rest up some... It was up in the morning do what I needed to do and work, come home, eat, sleep and work all over... Bullshit I can't do that... My body is all out of wack and IM all screwed up because of it... I come first then my job... For get this shit, its killing me slowly... Besides all that the store is awesome and I love my staff member's besides the army girl... I hope she will warm up but who knows... Well IM going to bed and I have to get up early so write your comments and stuff and I will see ya next time to update you all on job and school...


LILMAN X >_<

Shoot me IM tired...

Wow never in my life would I of thought I would be soo tired but so awake at the same time too... It seems all I do is sleep then get up and go to work... IM soo tired its not even funny... I feel like I could sleep 2 or 3 days and just never wake up and stay in bed... I am all sore and beat up from working and taking this and that and bla bla, Today I did my best to arrange the boxes of shoes that we have at the store and if Steph has something to say about it tomorrow she can do it her self... I am done with that shit because too much crap is in that back room to even think about making room or an order of things... The boxes are stacked as best as I can and that's that... All I know is I WANT to go out this Thursday because I am off and SAT I think I am also off... So you people let me know what's up... Going to bed.. X_X

Lilman x >_<

Intergalactic - Automatic - Playthings - Slims

So finally about time I got to dance up on some bitches and amongst my peeps! Last night was awesome! All I have to say is automatic slims was intergalactic crazy... Ok so I am listening to Beastie Boys but that's besides the point... It was crazy shit... That place is small but wow I didn't know that a big amount of people could be packed into a small place like that... I've been to automatic slims but never when it was that packed. They also added some kind of cold CO2 jet thing on the roof... Crazy shit what can I say... So the playboy models were there but w/e like I don't see a big amount of sexy girls at my work... I should of gotten this girls number last night I kinda insulted and thought she was older, but hey the way to get to know some chick at a club is insult her.. Oh yeah it works... Worked soo well I got her phone... LOL... Actually I found her phone on the floor and didn't even know it was her's... But I looked in the phone book and saw a few buddies numbers and I was like wow, I know this person... So w/e hey it works it works you know, just don't ask why and take it... Work has been awesome, but sometimes its tiring when bitches come to try on costumes and they try on every damm kind in the store, then they don't get any because its too sexy... What kind of fucking fool are you, I mean your walking into a store called playthings that sells toys and sex stuff... WTF do you think your going to find? For real are they that stupid?? So I finally got my rims... They are awesome and I have them but 2 of them need tiers and need to be balanced and stuff and that's like $300 to do that soo yeah I am going to have to wait a little wile before I do that... But they are so awesome and I know they will look good on the civic... Let me tell you peeps more about work... Basically what I do all day is stand in the back of the store when there are people trying on costumes and stuff and I open the dressing rooms and stuff and then I take the costumes back to the correct rack and hang them back... So the best part is, the girls come out and model for them selfs and ask me, " how do I look in this " Now I am honest, I tell them " oh looks awesome " or I tell them " no, no way don't look good on you ". So yeah I get to see girls all day long in almost nothing all sexy and stuff... I love it, half naked girls trying on costumes and looking hot... What more could I ask for, oh yeah I get payed for it too... Sometimes I do admit I get sick of it, but only when I know they waste my time by trying on costume after costume and they don't come out of the fitting room and they just tell me to put them all back, but that's not too often... Now lets see, my only goal is to maybe find some chick and get with her... Who, that I don't know but I am looking and I rather have a relationship then a fling, because that's just who I am... So I have work today at 3 until 11 and then IM not sure if IM going to do something after work but who knows... I also work all next week Monday -Thursday 4 to midnight so its going to be a long week... So to keep me some what sane call me and check up on me or send me something so I don't go nuts...

LILMAN X >_<

Mr. Brightside

Well I just got home a little wile ago; I didn't want to stay home so I hit the grove... Just walked around and thought to my self about a few things and eat shit... No one wanted to go out tonight, but w/e I called up an old friend and asked them if they wanted to walk around and eat shit like back in the day how we used to... So w/e stayed only for like an hr or 2 and then home and got dropped off... Now I am here thinking to myself about a few things... First is first, I have work 2marrow and all next week until Thursday so w/e... by next Friday I will have some cash so I can get the rims I want for my car and it will be awesome and I shall be pimping, don't worry I will post pics up... So besides that I need some stuff also done to my car, but I have some income now so it shall be done soon... All before November too! Awesome! So yeah, next weekend I hope I don't work but I want to go out real bad too... So yeah we will see how it will go, for now all I have to do is sing myself the song Mr. Brightside and everything shall be alright and good to go... So yeah 2 songs come to mind The Killers- Mr. Bright side and Evanescence - Bring Me To Life ... Good greef I hope I survive the week >_<


LILMAN X >_<

P.S. Playthings RULES!!

New JOB !!! PLAYTHINGS !!!

Ok I have to say the best job I have had to date is this one... Ok let me rewind some first... A few weeks ago I was looking for a job because my funds are running low due to the stock market being sucky and other stuff... So w/e I've applied at like 10 different places, so I stopped by playthings; Playthings is a Adult store that's not like your usual adult store... It's cool because its like pleasure emporium and condom USA and Victoria secret all in one... Its like when you walk in its got sexy cloths and stuff like that with oils and other stuff and in the back its a XXX store too... They have your vibrator and "fun sticks" and all kind of DVD's blow up dolls and other stuff... So I was talking I think it was Tim, and I was like man to find a job sucks no one is taking me hive applied at 100 places and no one has called me back. So w/e we were talking about his bike and told me hey look fill this out so we have your information... I was like this is an application, he was like yeah, and, fill it out... I was so excited and shocked too so w/e... I filled it out and stuff and too weeks to this past Monday and I got the job... I love it over there... Its awesome and soo not the job I was ever think I could get... But I got it!!! The only bad part is there's a lot of walking but I don't care, I will get used to it.. My only problem is that IM going to have to switch to SAT lollipop or just quit... I love it and IM ganna keep it as long as I possibly can... I work Sunday to Thursday 4-midnight and let me tell you its perfect for me, well almost but w/e I can make sum changes to adapt but w/e screw it I love it and that's that... The best part I think is I learn a lot about I guess sex stuff and also I get discounts, OH YEAH... Also I get payed very well... Another plus is I get to see some Fine looking Girls and let me tell you some Hot girls come in, I am very professional about what ever they need but still I enjoy a sexy face... Now let me tell you its all good working there but still I rather have a relationship then have 1 billion sexy faces and all that stuff... Well its like 3pm and I am going to get ready to leave because I have work at 4... SO peace bitches!!!
LILMAN X >_<

Standing poem...

Well today... Nothing happened except I found out soon I will be working at an awesome place.. yay... Besides that nothing else is going on... IM going to write a poem and go to bed...

Standing:

I stand in my spot.
the same old place.
I take a step forward.
but IM walking on a space.

A space that's the same.
no matter what I think.
To just move forward.
is just an imaginary space.

To try to jump in front.
To try to jump a head.
To freely move a step ahead.
Is just the same old place.

I think IM getting ahead.
I think IM moving again.
I want to move just maybe.
one or two steps of space.

If I stand longer here.
in the same old place.
I never will know.
any other space.

But I try so hard.
and I try so much.
if I ever do move.
That will be my happy place.

For now I see.
I haven't moved ahead.
even if I try hard.
its always the same old space.

Crispy Red With The Doctors Orders And Burnt Out...

So today was a day of not much going on... I woke up, went to the doctors and decided to stop by chrissy's house and come home after... I got up like at 10 and then I had my usual breakfast and stuff and I went to the doctors at 2 because I had my check up and stuff... So w/e I did the same thing, how am I doing, tell him all the things I need fixing and that's about it... So after that I got out like at 5 because I had to wait for the Rx and stuff to be written and labs copied... So after I went to chrissys house to hang out and eat shit and have some water... I was not about to deal with traffic at that hr so I found a spot I could chill until it died down... So I was their for a little wile and then I took the turnpike home and picked up my new shoes I had altered and that was about it... After that I just took a power nap and woke up around 8 or so... Then I called alexa and asked her what she was doing on Wed and she told me nothing so I suggested maybe we can go to the mourge and hang out and stuff... So she sed sure and then after I called mark so he can come with us and stuff... Mark and I chatted for a wile and then I watched some T.v. and then I talked to chrissy updating her on stuff and now IM writing and that it folk... The weekend was good... All I did was Sat I was hanging out with mark and alexa and chrissy at a pool hall because dio was busy after we chilled and then Sunday I got burnt to a crisp in the sun doing parking and stuff for the fair... So right now IM nice and red but I shall get a good tan out of this when my burnt comes off... Well IM super tired and IM going to go to bed... My thought process is gone by now so good night

LILMAN X >_<

Nothing But Anime ^_^

So today I didn't do much of anything because all I did was basically watch anime ^_^ ... I love to watch anime its all I do basically when I don't do anything as in going out and stuff... Thanks for the anime to Luis... He's the man when it comes to anime and stuff... If you need an anime or w/e, Luis is the man to go to... So yeah, I was watching "Dual! Parellel Trouble Adventure" awesome anime btw I love it... So w/e its 13 episodes long and one extra episode which is the best so yeah just watched that all day and I also got my handicap sticker renewed... Besides that I didn't do much of anything... I was thinking maybe going out or hanging out somewhere later but I was like nah and Luis was tired and he didn't want to go out so I was like forget it... Lets see anything else's I would like to say... (Thinking...) Well yeah I was thinking about this girl I met, only have seen her like once but I would like to maybe go to the movies or something with her... I dunno maybe, I mean its just a thought but IM not sure how the hell to ask her... It has been a long time since I've been on I guess you could call it a "date"... Even if my last date was unsuccessful and it turned out to be just a big disappointment but w/e... I guess I will work up the guts eventually but I hope not too late because I don't want my opportunity to pass me by... I have my human guide to help me and some inside help on her I hope and maybe with that I can achieve my goal... Its not like IM invading Poland or something... Yeah well so its a few hrs of online then to my room to watch some more anime wile I clean my room...

LILMAN X >_<

Sick, Pissed Off, Disappointed and Awake!

Its 1:30 AM and I am awake and Pissed off and Sick... I am sick with a stupid cold because I got this thanks to a girl I shall call Jane... Thanks to Jane I am sick with a nasty cold and I haven't felt like this in a long time... On top of all that I have had a shitty weekend because after Thursdays nice awesome outing, I haven't done shit... I thought maybe Sat we were all going to hang out and maybe do something and party and I was going to get a chance to get out of the house... Well no Turns out Since Jan didn't know what the hell she was doing her friend and her didn't plan anything so we ended up doing nothing but I don't care because at the end of the night I would of been so sick anyways I would of probably done nothing... Sat all day I stayed home until about 5 or 6 pm and I went to Luis's job to apply as front desk and see if I might get the job there... That would be awesome because then at least I have a steady income and stuff but even then I was forced to leave because I felt so shitty that I could not take it and I had to go home... Today I did nothing... I wanted to clean my room and do some stuff but I had to almost sleep half the day and stay in bed because I had a fever of 102 and I was all stuffed up... So Jane at 12 something or 11 something called me to tell me to get some of her stuff that I have and put it outside the door and to look for it... After she gave me this fucking cold and I feel like shit she calls me super late to tell me that stupid insignificant shit... Fuck that she is out of her fucking insane mind... I feel like shit ok... I know you are reading this and I am now awake thanks to your stupidity of your narcissistic boyfriend and you trying to fucking prove a point to his stupid ass... WTF are you thinking... I now am awake pissed off because I have to wait 1 hr or more for the nyquil and other 2 things I took to kick in and put me to sleep... Other words I will be awake all night long and tomorrow I cant do the things I need to do... Fuck, have some consider ation and don't give a fuck what that jack-asses opinion is... Fucking think for your self and get a hold of what you give a damm about... I had 10 missed calls today and I know almost all of them are from people wanting something from me... I only picked up 4 out of 14 calls total I had today... shit... You know why I have it how I have it... Because I don't give a fuck about anyone's opinion and persuasion on me... That's why I get so far... If you don't care they can't harm your feelings and thoughts... People need to learn that... So fuck the bullshit IM going to bed or at least try to... So thanks For waking me up Jane...

LILMAN X >_<

A Wild Night On The Tootsie's Side...

Well what a wild night tonight was... Lets just put it like this, I've Gotten: Drunk, Shaken Hands With a famous Porn Star, Danced With Strangers, Got rubbed up on by a friend and saw naked girls, all in one night... Well so it started out like this we were at Sand bar after we got out of lollipop and we all decided to go out... Well its the group together all over again... Lets Call them: May,Sue,Alf,Me and Jon. Well so all of us were chilling at sandbar having a few drinks and enjoying our selfs... Well every one knows I have the biggest balls to do anything and go up to anyone, why because I don't care... So I was being pressured to talk to some chick there w/e.. In the end the bitches are stuck up ( as usual) and May decided to get me the one drink that would get me drunk in 2 shots... So w/e she was like oh I wanna see you drunk, I've never seen you drunk and bla bla bla... So Alf, Jon, sue, and may all gang up on me so w/e I also wanted to get wasted so I had a double shot. Well that was that... I remember the room being all wavy and crazy and before I knew it, Jon told every one hey allycat's or tootsie's... So I was like no forget it I don't wanna and bla bla bla... So w/e After once more of Jon saying tootsie's, I was like ok tootsie's it is... So we all went in Sue's car and Alf drove... So wile on the drive we take Some crazy pic's in the back because May is the one taking them and she's good and buzzed and Me being still Buzzed I was like ok w/e... (Still thinking if I should post them...) So we get to tootsie's and walk in and w/e what a night wile we were there... OMG I saw my first Live Lez Porn show For the First Time in my life... 2 girls who I think were at sand bar with us... Were on stage eating each other out and getting nude and all crazy shit... Wow it was awesome... Next time IM taking some Cam that will take photos so I can post them... But it was crazy... Sue by this time was super drunk and she was talking to me in gibberish and may was a little sober but still not yet... So w/e... Wile me Jon and Alf were chilling the girls were dancing up a storm and Ron Jeremy came over and shook my hand... I could not believe I met Ron Jeremy the biggest "Porn" star in the world.. I mean I don't think you can get above that man's status... So w/e, by this time Sue was talking to Alf and Alf was like yo, we need to take her home and she's drunk and is not in the best of mind... Mind you Alf and Sue once had a little thing going but I was rather shocked that Alf didn't take advantage of Sue's state of mind... She was rather influential by being drunk but Alf being himself was a true gentleman and told her no your drunk and told her to sit down... So on our way driving back home Sue was passed out in the back seat and half way home at least May was sober to drive and We dropped off Jon on the way to pick up the cars... What a crazy night... Well go figure when the 5 of us get together its always crazy...

Lilman x >_<

The End Of... But it is all a lie...

Well so today I didn't do much of nothing... Just was another day of nothing... Besides minor crap and stuff that I had to do it was rather dull... The only best and worst part was watching the Hurricane game on TV because it was sooo close and exciting even if we lost... Yes I know we lost but you know what it was a good game... That new freshmen lost it for us but w/e we will win next year... Besides that I vacuumed my car, made it smell good and that's all... So laborday is over and they say its the last day of summer after laborday is over but its all a lie... IM telling you Summer is never over here in Miami... Dammit its spring Summer and winter.... Fall is soo short here its like none-excist here... I think fall starts after Halloween and winter starts at the end of November... IM telling you its all a lie to make people think that... Since we all must fallow this thought the north has we should too... No way... Its our rules down here... Hell if a hurricane can form in fall then its still summer... Dammit I am mad I didn't do anything exciting this long weekend but w/e, story of my life... I wonder what everyone else did... I called a bunch of people to see what they were doing but no one called me back... I called Jose-(with the supra's) Fred, Marcina, colleen, katia, kevin and nothing no one got back to me... I wanted to go out and party, drink a little bit and maybe make some new crazy ass impressions in my mind (memories for the stupid people) but nothing... W/e oh well theirs always next weekend, I have 140 friends here on myspace... I know at least more than half of you bastards have my number... Dammit... w/e, always next weekend... So w/e IM ganna shower and school 2marrow... Fun... At least the thing I had on my eye is gone thanks to my new doctor and some stuff he sent me... Brain stew time.. Night...

LILMAN X >_<

P.S. Thinking of some one.... Hence the Song: A Thousand Miles By Vanessa Carlton

Cruel intentions... The book

Well I don't have much to write about today... I was a bum all day long because I didn't feel like doing anything, I was kinda tired and out of it for some reason... Short of breath too.. So w/e... I basically have been watching my house DVD's that my mom got me... All of season 1 and season 2... So far I am up to DVD 2 of season one side B since its dual sided... Well I have an idea... If anyone has ever watched cruel intentions and seen it a lot, they find out that the bad girl writes in a little book she has I guess its a dairy and she puts peoples picture and writes about them... Well I think I might just do something like that online but keep it too my self... I think it would be way too harsh for most everyone I know and what I think... Remember the truth is the worst opinion you could tell some one... That's why we all lie and say something else logically... And don't try to say, oh but I am always honest... You know its bullshit so admit it, no one is perfect but we would all like to think that we are... I doubt you haven't looked at some one you've known for a long time and thought the opposite of what your telling them... Well w/e that's all I have to say... Going to bed to watch more house... Who knows until what time...

LILMAN X

Black Checkers VS. Red Checkers... Who Wins?

Well, another day.... Today I did the usual thing I do every Thursday, School in the morning, hang out with a few friends at school, go home and eat, hit the streets once more and then come home... The only thing I didn't do today was radio lollipop and that was due to an eye infection that I might have, which IM going to go get checked out asap... Ok so I was thinking to myself today well I have to put my life in a status... Look at it from the 3rd person point of view or 4th... What is going good and what is going wrong... Red checkers is good stuff And Black is bad stuff... First My health issues... I am on the liver transplant list and have not been taken off but inactive so that cancels each other out... I was diagnosed with something new (One Black)... I have 3 chronic diseases 2 that are incredible (One Black)... I currently have no doctor at the moment due to the pussy asshole I had didn't want me anymore (One Black)... I feel healthy (One Red)...
2 Other things are wrong with me that I don't want to say (One Black)... Now personal issues... I have a wide variety of friends (One Red)... I can count on at least a few of them for sure if I need something (One Red)... I have no steady employment... (One Black) I have some money I gain back every now and then (One Red)... I have a car that's hot (One Red)... I currently have no girlfriend (One Black)... I've tried to get a steady G/F but failed (One Black)... I meet a lot of girls (One Red)... IM a realest most of the time or pessimist (One Black)... I have some horrible luck for most things (One Black)... If I work my ass off to something that I want I get it rarely (One Red)... My room sucks and I could never bring a chick back to my place (One Black)... Haven't gotten any in a real long time (One Black)... I am almost never home because I am busy doing what I want (One Red)... I'll probably look young for a long time in the long run (One Red)... I currently look too young now and it works against me sometimes (One Black) I some times use my young look to my advantage for cheaper stuff (One Red)... I am sick of the battle of the every day rutieen (One Black)... I am fed up with stupid bullshit I have to save some people sometimes(One Black)... I love my school because its easy and fun (One Red) I get harassed constantly because of how old I look (One Black)... I hate that some people call me for only favors when its just for that and nothing else the rest of the time (One Black)... That all I can think of off the top of my head... Well lets see how we did... I have 16 black and 11 Red... Well So I did just as I thought... Just Wonderful... W/e Fuck it I am going to bed and I don't give a shit... At least until tomorrow...

>_< LILMAN X

Home study, Long time no spleechies?

Well so today I was back at school but not for too long because it was a short day due to its only an independent study class... So w/e get the work say hello and bounce... So basically its awesome but not because I have to do everything my self.. Besides that I didn't do much... Oh I did take the winshild wipers off my car painted them and they look awesome.. I did that on the weekend... So yeah nothing much to tell.. Oh One big thing I was super happy was to hear from roxy... I so missed talking to her on MSN... Its been forever since I talked with her because her internet is only on a here to there basics due to she's in Peru and waiting to come to the US... Stupid visa residentcy stuff... But besides that she should be here soon since everything was started in JAN... So we all know how slow our lovely Government is.. Jack asses ... So when she gets here to Miami, wow I don't know were to begin... I think I might need help from some one on an issue but w/e that's eventually... I hope when she gets here we can hang out and all that stuff... Fake id must be because its going to be hard to get her into unknown places... The mourge should be easy but as for the rest... I don't know... I hope she will live close to me, but w/e I got a car, I drive fast so w/e no problemo... Well I am getting sleepy.... I do have class and I have to get some rest for that EEG in the morning... IM outta here... >_<

LILMAN X

Middle Of The Day ANT HILL BURN!!!

Just a thought I was thinking I should share... Because it seems every time I am looking for something I cant find it... I feel as if god is looking down at me with a magnifying lens and using the sun to burn off my feelers and then eyes and then leg by leg... Slowly driving me crazy... H first starts by putting water over my sent trail so I cant find my way back to that ant hill and then just mash me with a finger so half my legs are broken and IM stumbling around all screwed up... Then he burns my feelers off so I cant feel the ground and just slowly craw around... Then burn off a back leg, then one by one burn the rest off and then my torso until just my head is left until I die... HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! FUCKING PISSED OFF ....

LILMAN X >_<

The end of this week... Good Riddance!!!

Well its Friday and thank god this week is over... What a peace of shit it has been so far... It has not gone well at all and today I guess was the iceing on the cake... I have had it with building and fixing Computers because I think my now 4 day head ache has stayed because I still am trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with that shit... W/e at least I haven't drove all the way down to hell to take a look at it... My god every time I have to travel down to homestead so I can just get aggravated with that shit so then I cant do jack about it... So w/e fuck that also I have applied for work at some place and the damm place hasn't called me back so w/e fuck them too.. So lets see that's 2 strikes so far.. What a lovely week... Oh yeah so I met a girl at the mourge who I thought was sexy and super nice but just a minor draw back... She's not looking for anything just wants to have fun... Ok no problem with me.. But here's the real draw back... She douse not live in Miami so w/e, I can't win... Strike 3 BTW... Then I also was arguing with my doctor and the bastard is so fucking immature because he doesn't want to see me anymore because my case is soooo complicated... WTF... I don't get this shit, ever since I passed out had that seizure in the hospital and had a nervous break down he has been a real jerk and hasn't wanted to see me any more... Well fuck that son of a bitch immature asshole who should get his MD taken away because he cant handle my case.. I told that fuck face bastard that I was complicated and I would help him out because I know myself and I know what goes on... Fuck you, jack sucking dick fucker bastard form whose mother was a whore... Soon he is going to have 7 or more patient's with draw because I have that power.. He wants war, fine you got it... He has no idea the people he was going to get... Now suffer and loose money you son of a bitch... So that's strike 4.... Lets see oh yeah I was sitting today at starbucks and just relaxing when something hit me like a plain in the are hitting a bird flying down for the winter... I am single, not happy with it and also sad because I have jack shit girls to show for it... I am sick of this life... Time to go hunting I guess you could say or maybe if you are reading this, you can hunt my ass down and get me.... I don't care which way it goes, just need some thing to bring back to camp... Wow I love how I make analogies... So w/e what a shit week... Oh yeah Monday I start school so w/e maybe next week shall go better... w/e I doubt it but hey its the weekend now and then back to hell next week... I mean yay another week... Yeah w/e you know how much I love to bullshit so... blah >_<

Lilman x >_<

P.S. say something stupid and be crucifyed for it!!!


I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she was gonna meet her connection
At her feet was a footloose man
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need
And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, were gonna vent our frustration
If we dont were gonna blow a 50-amp fuse
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need
I went down to the chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standing in line with mr. jimmy
And man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavor, cherry red
I sung my song to mr. jimmy
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was dead
I said to him
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need
You get what you need--yeah, oh baby
I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need

Try Something New And Steady

Well today was something... All I must say is if all was as well as it was today then tomorrow should be the best... I plan to write about it but not until its a for sure thing... It was raining all day long and I was hanging out with Luis and jess because its been for ever since we chilled the 3 of us... Played Kill all humans on the PS2 and well that's about it... I am not going to write much because I have something important tomorrow at 10 or 11 A.M. until about 1P.M. So leave me alone or I shall ignore you and then after I am done, I shall yell at you about calling me... I am Off to bed for once before 1 A.M. Night~!

I Just got home from computer hell 5 AM, fuck this shit of giving...

Well its 5 am and I just got home not 10 mins ago and I had left here at 9 something this morning to go to lollipop, its a good thing too because it took for ever to get things started, but that's another story... So w/e the rest of the damm day I have been going to homesead to the same person's house to fix her computer... The worst part is since IM such a nice guy and I feel bad that she's almost blind and she's gives me food, I barely charged her what I should... Its such bullshit because, that Dell computer she has is like almost impossible for it to work, I mean I tried every damm trick I had and a lot more, until I had no choice to give up and say I have to take it with me to look at it... Well I left her house at 4:30 something and I had gotten there around 3... It was supposed to be soo simple, because dell sent me the driver CD and w/e simple install right...? Wrong, it took me 7 hrs of fighting with that thing until I set screw it I give up on this today... Then the other computer that is her little girls, well that was a screw up too... I installed windows and w/e it was fine and then after it got all messed up because of stuff she needed to look at.... Now I have tons of spam on that PC and I had a fight with it until 4:15 and told her I need sleep... Well as I should of done, I should of told her... Its going to be 40 for today's 16hr day... I mean that was crazy... AHHHH!!! I only asked for 10, just barely to get gas and that was it... fuck this day its already the next day and the sun is rising so IM hitting the bed... Or at least try to... fuck that shit... Greenday put it best : "Nice guys Finish Last"

GREENDAY - Nice guys finish last. You're running out of gas. Your sympathy will get you left behind. Sometimes you're at your best, when you look the worst. Do you feel washed up, like piss going down the drain Pressure cooker pick my brain and tell me I'm insane. I'm so freaking happy I could cry. Every joke can have its truth and now the joke's on you. I never knew you were such a funny guy. Oh nice guys finish last, when you are the outcast. Don't pat yourself on the back, you might break your spine. Living on command. You're shaking lots of hands. Kissing up and bleeding all your trust, taking what you need. Bit the hand that feeds. You kill your memory


LILMAN X

7 no sleep... Don't Want time to pass...

Well its 7 am and IM still up... No I have not slept since 10 am yesterday... I cant sleep because I know what today is... Its the most horrible and hardest day I've had in a long time... Today I have to face the fact, she is not here, she has passed on, there is no more in this realm of what we see as life... She is and always will be alive in my heart but sad that such a wonderful person has passed on... It still hasn't hit me truthfully that she is gone... I guess I just want to deny it or pretend its not real... In the last day and a half I haven't thought about it or even worried or got sad... I keep telling my self she is going to call and yell at me or something... Or just tell me hey IM at the hospital and IM board with nothing to do... Maybe complaining about some retarded nurse who just got out of school and she's lost in giving the complex meds or get used to how we like it... It cant be, its just not clicking that its real... I fear it will hit me today and I know I will have to face it but I still hope its not real... I know its stupid thinking this way but its easier on myself to be like, well w/e its all not real... I read the obituaries online and it was wonderful... I shall paste it at the end of this blog to remember her Digital wise... Like I always say, its better to be online and have a record that way your never erased, (unless the matrix or terminator hapends) I guess I will give all the details about the entire event that goes on today... Maybe later tonight or tomorrow, that I am not sure... Well if I cant get sleep IM going to my bed and just lay down and watch some TV...

LILMAN X

HERNANDEZ, GENINE, 21, of Hollywood, passed Aug. 3, 2006, beloved daughter Neysa Silver Hernandez & Carlos Hernandez-Campo of Hollywood, cherished sister of Jennifer Hernandez of Boca Raton, adored granddaughter of Arnold & Lydia Silver of Aventura, loving niece of Cecile (Frank) Jacome & Irv David of NMB, dear cousin of Bruce &amp;amp;amp; Andrew Klepper of NMB, Brett & Brooke David of NMB. Our beautiful, sweet, loving little girl is now with God where she may rest in peace for all eternity. We will always love and miss you more than words can describe. In lieu of flowers, family suggests donations to the American Diabetes Association Phone (800) DIABETES or P.O. Box 1131 Fairfax, VA 22038-1131. CHAPEL SERVICES, SUNDAY, AUGUST 6, 2006 AT 2:00 p.m. AT LEVITT- WEINSTEIN CHAPEL AT BETH DAVID MEMORIAL GARDENS, 3201 N.W. 72nd Ave., Hollywood. UNDER THE DIRECTIONS OF BLASBERG-RUBIN-ZILBERT (305) 538-6371 To visit this Guest Book Online, go to www.herald.com/obituaries. Published in The Miami Herald from 8/5/2006 - 8/6/2006.

It's Getting Worse... Pound Away At Me, Please Just Wont Stop..

Today is one of the worst days I have had in the longest time I can last remember... To be honest, I think its just a extreme bad dream that I will wake up from, and it will all be fake... Today a extreme close friend of mine Passed away.... I don't know what to say because its like I talked to her and now she will never be able to talk ever.... Its unreal to me because I saw her in the hospital room as I usually do, but this time was unreal... I was expecting her to get out of this like every single time she is sick, then I yell at her for not doing what she should of and then she takes the turn on doing the same to me.... I can't conceive this... Its not happening that she is gone, its like she was and now she is not, I tried to give my advice, I prayed, something I haven't done in a wile because I was and still am mad at the big man because of what has happened in the last 3 months... I feel as my life just keeps going down the drain and this drain won't end or at least see some light at the end... Its just getting deeper and more dark and I cant get out because IM still falling.... Some times I think maybe if I moved away somewhere else or my karma or its just my luck... I mean I do want to be positive and honestly be happy but I just feel its like this one moment something small or average happends and IM happy then something twice or more happends to be worse than the positive.... Its an observation I've noticed with in the last 3 or so months.... I mean I could write a list or even balance checkers of the bad.... For example, red checker for good and black for bad.... My average would be one king and a few regulars in red and black would have 2 or 3 kings and 3 regulars so I don't get it.... Why her, why did she have to pass on so young... I mean 22 years old, and half spent in the hospital, why could of not it had been some sudent event or at least something with a reason.... Death must have at least closure or something to it, I don't get it.... I wish I could have a convo with her for at least 10 mins, I would give 10 years off of my life to do that.... I knew her for 7 or 8 years, hospital buddy's we met and then we grew on each other.... God why is it always heavy-hearted or hurtful news you bring to us? When will be have something from you besides the gift of life that is joyful or vivacious??


To genine: Genine I love you with all my heart and I always did and will do... I thank you for the greatest gift of having to met you and your family, your mom misses you and every one else who you got to meet... I would give 10 years but you would probably not let me because you would be mad at me... You will always have a place in my heart... I can never forget you and I sure cant go in the hospital or eat a cracker with out thinking of you... Miami children's will always be our place and room 361 will always be our first "dinner" date with the fake flowers which I still have... I hope God and his angles take care of you as good as I tryed to... I love you........

alex

4am Thoughts... No sleep...Once more... (Girls) >_<

Well another night IM up at 4 am and I can't sleep because their is something on my mind and some one... Well two things... First you never know what can happen to a person even when you don't speak to them... Some times you get news about them that you didn't even know and shocking things occur so w/e... All I can say is, I had a right but also I should of not been too much of an asshole, but also when am I an asshole... I actually think I am way, way, way too nice sometimes... Second Maybe girls like assholes or guys that ignore them or something to that degree... I don't know anymore.... Its like I go up and try to get in the game or at least attempt to do good in it but I always strike out or something is against me... I can't figure out where I go wrong or something... I wish some one would tell me or something... Then the other time's its like they like me but I just don't click with them or I just don't feel it... You know its all about feelings I guess you could say but I think to my self a lot... Where did I go wrong... Or what did I do... Do I stink or something (j/K), I mean I always have my doubts about everything... But w/e... I was reading this grate book I guess to get my confidence back or something, its just like I feel like saying " Ok I give up... What do you want from me..) putting my hand up in the air and screaming I surrender or w/e... I guess IM just frustrated because I see my best friend with his girl and then my other best friend... Well he is a different story but at least he is getting something... Me, Nada, Zilch, Nothing, Do not pass Go, Do not collect Shit... I mean I meet a lot of hot girls, but I don't get it... Is it my game, or my rap that I give to them or something... I don't know any of you have idea's... I would like feed back on this one please... Lots of it actually.... Maybe some one can ease my mind..

lilman x >_<

The BIG One.... Transplant ( disappointment)

Yeah so the The BIG One.... Transplant... Was nothing but a BIG disappointment, in a way but, also something good came out of it at the same time. ( If your one of the optimistic type) basically what happened was something like this... I waited until 2pm and then the time came to go into the Operating Room... Ok fine no problem I was ready and stuff and then I remember going under the lovely drugs they give you and I was out... Then I wake up in the O.R. with a tube in my mouth but I was expecting that and also other stuff like lots of drain tubes in my stomach and stuff and a nice big bandage covering everything... Well when I feel over that area I felt my bare stomach.. So I know they didn't do anything.. OH I was pissed off to the tenth power!!! They told me that they could not do anything because I had something wrong with a blood vessel that leads from the heart to the lungs, the pressure was too high to do anything, that I might die if they had gone ahead... Well you all know how hard headed I am so I was like " So dammit it was perfect, take the fucking risk you jack asses" and so on I kept telling them so w/e at the end of the day I was diagnosed with Pulmonary hypertension or PH.... Go figure its rare but it happens... Ahh I have all the luck for the rare shit... Rare liver disease, rare disorder lung or w/e and so on... Read about PH if you want but w/e.... i got it in time taken care of so im good to go.... Good greef what luck I have... Why in the hell I cant harvest this luck to get a girl or win some money... Shit its always the crap instead of the Good... BLAST!! So w/e 3 months I have to treat it and start all over... More pills and drugs... yay.. NOT... I will get it, but also,... I am not a person that always sees in optimistic ways... I am more like... House M.D. I guess you could say...



LILMAN X >_<

(Dr. Gregory House M.D.)

The BIG One.... transplant

Well it finally happened. The BIG decicision. The Big One. The transplant. Here at Jackson just waiting for the jackasses to pick me up at my bedside and take me into my operating room, take out the old liver (by the way I am keeping a piece of the old liver - cool!) and replace it with a new one. Yeah! Brand New Car! Kinda nervous but hell who wouldn't be getting a brand new organ... big stuff... well the outcome will be awesome. no more drinking the nasty stuff. Theoretically health improved and I will be able to go out more... YEAH! ... I also might be famous because I might come out in The Miami Herald thanks to my friend. So look out for me in The Herald... READ THE DAMN PAPER PEOPLE... The reason this all started was I was at the gym chilling with my boy Joe when I got a crazy phone call from Jackson. They told me I must hurry up and get over to the hospital because they had a brand new liver. I sure as hell didn't know what the hell to say and I was kind of scared and anxious. So I just did the me-thing that I always do... Haul ass in my car to my house, blast the music and just worry about it when I get there. Got home, packed, came over here (to Jackson) and now I have been waiting for almost 15 hours.... Good Grief it takes so damn long to get a liver. Geez, I don't even wait this long at McDonald's... JK!... So I know something about the liver. I can train it... >_< ...cool... and it's from a male "thank God no female parts" and it's four years old. So the only bad news about this entire thing is I probably won't be able to drink for a good 4 to 6 years, if all goes well. Now I am gonna go back to my idiot stinking room with my lovely neighbor (NOT) and wait...and wait... and wait ....

>_< lilman X

Writing my mind off...

Well what a hell of a week... Thank god its over and now its the weekend but oh yeah, I am screwed... I cant go out... You ask why, well I shall tell you... It all started with some stupid people deciding I needed to do a bunch of test and one of the test has screwed with my stomach and G.I. track... So now its not fun to be me, if you want my opinion its actually a painful and exhausting experience... On top of that I also have an infection, also I am tired, I have a fever and I feel like shit all the time... This has been now going on week 1 going into week 2 as of Monday... What crap the medical field is... I would go into the hospital but the point of that would be lots of confusion and waste of time because I would miss out on school and a bunch of shit until something would be resolved... I have a appointment for next week at my G.I. Doctors office and who knows... Maybe I will end up in the hospital after all... I don't know, it all depends on how he will see all of this... I hope he can take it as ok lets try treating it at home, but if not he's going to say "why didn't you call me sooner" or "wow this is bad how did it get like this" I will tell him, but I should tell him the truth in my opinion... I should say look your system for appointments suck and the health system sucks because I called you a month ago and your appointment bitch wanted to give me a date for late June... You should advise your retarded Spanish old girls staff that I am a case that when I say IM sick I need to see you ASAP before I get to the point of hospitalisation and crash... W/e IM sick of this shit... I didn't go out last weekend because I had the evil plague cold and this weekend because I feel like shit all feverish and also in pain... All I want to do is go out, have fun, eatshit w/e anything.... AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well w/e I cant do shit because I depend on a person who wasted 6 to 8 years in school to control when I can see him so "I" can tell him how to better my health and what needs to be fixed.... Maybe I should of done like my old former late G.I. doctor Dr. Rene Ruiz-Isasi, Treat your own condition and make friends in the medical community... I hate the medical community so much because of all the bullshit bureaucracy and all kind of crap I have had to deal with them... That's why I didn't become a doctor or didn't want anything to do with any medical crap... I do and never would be one of them... Oh I am sure you say "maybe if you joined them you could change them" Nope, sorry, the mind set of all of them is and has been the same since the 80's when the medical field took off... W/e fuck it, fuck them and IM going to go take a few Advil's (because that what the Doctor "jackass" Told me to do) watch TV and kill something on my PS2... Another lost fucked up week... DAMMIT >_<

LILMAN X

Out of touch, but not out of contact

Well so this weekend was rather blah... I didn't go to the beach, I just stayed home and the only time that I was out was about 30 mins ago that I went to go see X-men 3... Movie was good and I think another one will be coming if they chose.... Besides that most of the long weekend was spent in bed watching T.V. because since about WED I got some horrible cold plague.... So w/e because of that my weekend was shot and I didn't do jack but stay home... I wanted to go out and see the crazy Miami life but w/e another year gone, maybe next year.... I seemed to have so much time this weekend that I have filled my mind up with problems and questions and issues... I hate it when a mind like mines is at rest.... I always seem to find something wrong or something a bother with me.... Well I shall just deal with it as I always do and just work the problem out and then later maybe write about it.... Well I do have class in the morning and I should get some sleep so...

LILMAN X

Quick Blogg long day need sleep...

Well.. Yeah its been a long day.. All I need to say is: People are stupid, but if they would be some what smart we would never have any problems there for "Without Chaos order and nothing can exist"... Also my last word of advice is... "There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function." Long day... Going to bed...

LILMAN X

Its Only Tuesday And IM Tired Of This Week...

Well so I made it to Jackson, after getting up at 5 am and looking outside it was raining so much that I was like screw it I will wait it out... Then around 6 I finally left the house and got stuck in this stupid traffic on the 826... I mean it was bumper to bumper parking lot style... So w/e that was for ever until after the air port... Then it was smooth sailing until I got to the actual test done... Oh yeah I almost forgot about the stupid toll lady, when I was paying the 1.50 toll she was asking me how old I was and what was I doing driving and on and on, I was like look I am old just let me go, I am in a hurry... W/e... So then I valet my car and went first to do the Echo cardiogram, well I get there and the stupid girl tells me that IM too early because they don't open until 8:30... So I told her look Lourdes sent me for this time so w/e they found the papers and saw I was a special case so w/e they did that then I rushed over to the ultra-sound to get the other test done... The problem one was at 8 and the ultra-sound was at 8:30.. Now we all know its impossible to just go, get something done and go do another one... No there's always some complication or some stupid jack ass being lazy so it takes a wile.. So w/e I finished at 9:30 almost 10.. Then I ran over to ultra-sound and remembered the senile old woman took my ultra-sound paper to call them to let them know I was going to be late... Well I ran over to Echo grabbed the paper from her then ran over to ultra-sound and gave the paper in... At least that department was fast and in order... Not like the disorder echo was in... So w/e I got home at 11 and rushed over to class and told my teacher what was going on and how all this week its been Jackson-athon... So tomorrow I have clinic to see the doctor, tizakis, then Thursday IM not sure yet I shall have something to do, because they like to slowly screw with my head... Then Friday is the Stupid CT scan... So w/e between Jackson and the new school term starting in the same week IM going to loose it or just party my head off when IM in the calm.... Its only Tuesday, well actually Wednesday now and IM tired of this week already... Going to bed..

LILMAN X

Quickness Post, Jackson Adventure to be

Well tomorrow should be something, I have to go to Jackson hospital so I can do 2 test for the liver transplant people... Good greef what I do for them... I have to get up like at 5 am or something so I don't catch traffic and I can make it there on time and catch good parking... So w/e I was also told that one test is at 7:30 and the other is at 8 ... So how the fuck am I supposed to do that... I mean common one takes time and then run across to the other... Oh good greef... w/e I will write how it goes, also I have to let my teacher know so I haven't a clue what IM going to do about that... w/e time for sleep because I have to get up before the sun comes up... >_<

LILMAN X

Pop It Into First Then neural, Just Let It Ride

Lets update a little first off because last time I wrote I was a little, Crazy I guess you could say... I had a lot on my mind and a lot of things going on so yeah... So on Friday I didn't do much just visit a friend in the hospital and then I came home and had a lot of shit on my mind from this past week because its been one thing after another and bla bla bla... So what do I do when I have a lot of shit on my mind... Work on my car... So I took my dash apart because the lights in the gauges were all burnt out and dim and it needed to be cleaned... So that's what I did... It took me like 6 hrs or more to do it, lets just say by midnight was when I was done and test driving it to make sure it worked good... So yeah now its all awesome and it works perfectly... Basically the car is way better the when I got it, odd because cars should get worse as time goes by but not mines it keeps on improving because I work on it soo damm much... So next subject is, I am just going to go with the flow from now on, I don't care anymore about stupid shit about what I should do and worry about other people and try to help them and stress about all kinds of things... Screw that IM not going to make a mess of myself for something that is hopeless so IM just going to offer and if not, oh well... I will just sit back and let it ride... No need for that any more, if you see me write something like that tell me, hey just let it ride... So I am going to sleep and jam to my IPOD...

LILMAN X

Rambling

Restless mind I have going for me at the moment... I have so many things I think every day but sometime I don't feel like getting to them... I like to think I am in control of my life when it comes to a few things. Things like people I know that they are in a situation and I would like to help but I just know I can only go so far. Whatever I just don't get it some times, why some one would liked to be helped but they don't want to be... Thoughts just going in my mind at the moment I don't even know what to do... Sometimes I feel like I want to forget about everyone and just sit back by myself and pretend I am on a island called "solitude-dissipate-emancipate" or it could also be called "limbo" or best known as "Hades"... No matter what place I go to its always something... I never seem to find fraternization "Peace"... w/e I just have so much shit on my mind I think IM going to call it a night and sleep it off... What ever I don't sleep it off I will write I guess...

LILMAN X

Brain Dead X_X

Well it official... I feel 100% brain dead... I cant think right, my eyes are blood shot and IM super tired but I cant sleep... WTF is wrong with me... I have so much shit on my mind I cant even sleep... It just keeps circling in my mind and I cant seem to go to sleep... My only solution is to work my self to sleep by going out and getting tired to the point I cant do anything but sleep... Nights that I don't do anything, Ex tonight, I just cant sleep... IM going to have to watch some boreing thing or the BBC or something so I can sleep... GERRR... Blast this stupid insomnia... Dammit, IM going to force my self to sleep, put on some PBS or something...

LILMAN X x_x

Sit My Self Back To Think... Brain Always Working, Damm My I.Q.

Well today was a rather slow and boring day... I didn't go out, I didn't go to lollipop, I didn't do shit, but sit and think, rest and recover... Since most people that have a high I.Q. cant sit still and just relax and turn off the mind, I had to sit home all day with nothing but the computer and TV to keep me occupied... So in other words, I thought a lot about different things... Mostly one of them would be that subject I keep juggling in my head; girls... One of them has me thinking of her often, I've known her for a long time and I've always liked her... One thing I cant get out of my mind at this moment is that she is currently single and well I would make a move but she is not in the best position now to date I guess I should say... I am helping her in her situation but I don't know what the out come will be... Some times I think I should just forget about it and totally forget this crazy idea of me liking her but I've tried and its always been floating around in my head... I don't know what to do anymore about it, every time I get the bird brain idea of doing something like this I always get screwed but rarely it works... I don't know why I try but who knows... Maybe I should try this time and see what happends... Hell I don't even know how she feels for me, as if I was sure of it anyways... My one weakness is I could never tell how they feel, ever... Its like some unknown science I haven't learned or some unsolved mystery... Well I guess my plan of action would be: Support her for now in the situation she is in... Step two: Slowly or quickly ( I need to figure out which) Invite her out or go over to her house or w/e( Spend time) Step Three: Make the move... I guess that would be a good plan of action... Not sure, Blast this mind of mines... Why must it always be busy thinking of possiblilitys and outcomes... I wish some times I could just go with the flow and not think about it 3-billion times... Other wise I feel much better and I am going out tomorrow...

LILMAN X

A Limp Like House, Ouch !

What a day... Good greef I am in pain... My back hurts like hell and I cant even walk right... I feel like an episode of House... That show were the smart ass doctor that has a cane walks around with a limp... Yeah that's right IM walking around with a cane on my right hand because I cannot for the life of me put any pressure on my right foot because the pain is unbearable... It hurts soo much... I think its because were the bone-marrow was done it has something to do with my leg putting pressure on my pelvic bone or some shit like that... I think IM going to take a vicodin and go to bed or some shit I cant stand it... I am going to cancel on every one tomorrow because I just cant do shit with this pain in my back... Dammit and I wanted to go out and do stuff... Well I might wake up better who knows... Just call me Dr. House M.D.

Lilman X

News To The Public Jabroni's

Well today was good, I went to class and had my usual day at school... Tomorrow will be a different day, not the most pleasant day for me I must say, but its something I must do... Ok a little back ground history... First is first, most of you know that I go to the hospital a lot and its normal for me to be there and bla bla bla... Well tomorrow I must do a Bone marrow biopsy so that I may keep on with the study that I am in, all this is so I can continue to get a medication Called GCSF (BTW its not cheap) for free... Its not a bad deal, they take a little bit of bone marrow and I get this medication that cost the equal to buying a new Benz every 2 months for free... I think its fair... Now I guarantee that IM going to be one big un-happy bitch... I will be in pain for a few and pissed off but hey, that's nothing vicoden or something stronger cant fix :) So w/e I will be miserable for a few hrs until the next day... I will let you know how it goes...

LILMAN X

Blah... Another day

Well Today was rather nothing-less... I didn't do a damm thing all day long because I was not energized... I felt tired and last night my joints were all hurting I don't know why but w/e I took advil and crashed until about 11 this morning... Then I just layed in bed all day... Mostly relaxing and watching T.V... tomorrow I have school and the next day doc's Appt... Back to the grind... Well IM going to go take a shower and go to bed...

LILMAN X


Oh no, I see
A spider-web is tangled up with me
And I lost my head
And thought of all the stupid things I've said

Oh no, what's this?
A spider-web and I'm caught in the middle
So I turn to run
And thought of all the stupid things I've done

And oh, I never meant to cause you trouble
Oh, I never meant to do you wrong
And oh, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm

Oh no, I see
The spider-web and it's me in the middle
So I twist and turn
But here am I in my little bubble

Singing oh,
I never meant to cause you trouble
And oh, I never meant to do you wrong
Oh, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm

They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me

Events of Me and The Study Of Miami Effect..

Well so today was just a regular day besides the doctors visit to the hematologist... The guy is cool and he know his stuff and I like his idea's much more than the doctor I was seeing at MCH... I didn't attend school this morning because once more I could not sleep all night long and I was up until about 5 am or so... I got up rather late like around 10 or so, and I figured I would also prepare the papers for this doc... Now to the matter of My Personal Study On: Effects of Miami... I was out all weekend long from last Thursday until Sunday partying with my friends and having a lot of fun... Now I don't know if its just this city or any city with the atmosphere of "lack of a care" but an observation of mine has been that a lot of people are trying to fill their lives with something, May it be, one night stands or hooking up with people at "cultural Gatherings" also known as a club or a venue that a mass of people being all within the same age go to... I bet if a study was done on cities around the world Miami would fall under the top 10 if not the top 5 of single people seeking some one else or just seeking something to fill the emptiness.. I don't consider myself a typical Miami person, because I do not seek the need to fill my empty spot or feel the need to be greedy of material things. Now I am human and sometimes I do need that empty spot filled, but I don't seek it often.... Every one needs to sin, every once in a while but what is the true meaning of this word "SIN" how do we distinguish this, is it just not an active for Cultural standard? I think we seek to draw a fine line every day more and more thin on what is excepted and what is not... This weekend I met a person who was here on vacation and she and I discussed the differences in our countries... The Midwest I think is rather high on themselves and since the rest of the world is older than us I think they have a much better mature view on the aspect of life..

LILMAN X

$24 Bills Dance, Day One Of Sin Weekend...

Well I was thinking of usesing code names for the following people but I think I will exclude one person... Today at of Midnight is fred's Birthday, So we are having a weekend of Pure Party after Party; "Sin Weekend" I call it. Nothing too bad but not our usual going out or hanging out nights... It was Me My boy Dio, and two girls... Lets label the girls "cubana" and Ms. "Party" girl, Also Fred's Pal Jeramy was also hanging with us... So the plan was to go to Martini Bar at Sunset Place, Possibly the Grove after.... So we show up at Martini Bar and its almost dead... So w/e we had our own fun times and had a few drinks, Danced amongst our selfs and chilled... So since all we did was basically drink we were, good and juiced up and ready to go... So we thought of going to Senor Frog's... Well I don't know who it was, or who thought up of the idea to go to a Strip bar... So since we were in the mood for w/e, the girls were like umm okie, and you know the guys were like hell yeah... So we piled into the cars and drove to Alley Cat's... Well lets just say it was the first time Cubana has ever been in a strip bar... I think Party girl has but IM not too sure... Well All I know is I had Tits in my face, often and I don't know who it was the second time but I got a hell of a lap dance Twice and The first lap dance my boy dio hooked it up... OMG that girl was like all over me and shit.. She was like rubbing all up on my, Well you know and feeling me all up and I was feeling her all up.. Damm... Fred had a good time, I think he got more of a kick watching Cubana and party girl getting cuchie and tits in there face all the time... That was a trip... Wow... What a night and it wasn't expensive... Well IM sleepy and IM going to bed.. Who knows what Sin Day two will bring...

LILMAN X

P.S. I might write more tomorrow, And I have pics of the strip bar!

Non-Productive Day Of Lazy nada...

Well i didnt do jack shit today... Not proud of it... Well bullshit i am... I didnt do crap but stay in my pj's all day long and chill at home, i sorta messed around with the computer im building but w/e i didnt do much... Just started it up to see all the sexy light and watch it glow... Besides that nothing else was done... I was going to, Call my doctor, Clean and wax my car and then after that i was going to go look for a flat screen at tiger and pick up my room or i should say clean it more like it... Also wash cloths and stuff... But i didnt do jack... i dont know why but i just didnt feel like doing anything... Energy was gone and the erdge to do somthing was just Blah... Its just one of thouse days you just dont feel like doing anything but watch tv and lay around... Well tomarrow i must be productive... Falling behind on my stuff... Well going to bed...

LILMAN X

Must be your skin that I'm sinkin in
Must be for real cause now I can feel
and I didn't mind
it's not my kind
not my time to wonder why
everything's gone white
and everything's grey
now your here now you away
I don't want this
remember that
I'll never forget where your at
don't let the days go by
glycerine

I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
are you at one
or do you lie
we live in a wheel
where everyone steals
but when we rise it's like strawberry fields

If I treated you bad
you bruise my face
couldn't love you more
you got a beautiful taste
don't let the days go by
could have been easier on you
I coudn't change though I wanted to
could have been easier by three
our old friend fear and you and me
glycerine (repeat)
don't let the days go by
glycerine

I needed you more
when we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
it might just be
clear simple and plain
that's just fine
that's just one of my names
don't let the days go by
could've been easier on you
glycerine

Status: Brain OffLine... Reason: Unknown

Well today I had class and the worst part is its a class I have done or did partly... I was absent like the last 3 or 2 weeks and they failed me or gave me an incomplete... W/e IM fucking pissed off about it... I see it two ways, tomorrow IM going to argue with the dean, if he says there's no way out and I have to take this class then fine... A extreme easy semester and I do jack shit but learn the same crap I already know or get into a new class... For some reason I have felt just blah... I mean IM tired and not energized or just not myself... I don't know if my blood count is dropping or something is going on but w/e, IM going to try to do a few things to solve it... If its not working then I will seek other help, Aka doctor check up... I was not a productive one today at all... I came home from class slept one hr, then took the seat covers, the bunny with the panda and my steering wheel off tossed them in the washer and slept once more... Got up put them up to dry, got something to eat, slept some more, then I was watching TV until now... Damm I have to do something tomorrow, sick of being lazy, I must be productive >_< I need to clean my room, clean the car, build the badass pc and so on... So much stuff, but i lack the force to do it... Well w/e i will see what is going to happen tomarrow... So tierd i dont know why... going to messige some people check email and sleep... Who knows what time i will get up tomarrow...

lilmanx

Part 2 of what a day... / Today's thoughts

Well so I sed I would continue what I wrote about yesterday and I shall, some of it... So yeah I was at a gay bar thanks to my friends all girls wanted to go out yesterday and I ended up once more being dragged into something I didn't feel like going to... W/e so at least I knew some people at the place because its where the gothic place thing happens so its cool... Me and the Capitan were the only 2 guys who must of been straight, oh well yeah 2 others but they left early that night... We where there all night long... The Capitan and his "mate" me and my party girl and the Capitan's "Guest"... So since I was the skipper (second in command) I had to make sure it was all smooth, or at least the part the Capitan put me in charge of... Lets just put it like this... Most of the night I would say I was making sure the "guest" was ok because some, lets call them a Pirate was after the guest all night... So since I had to make sure the Pirate was behaving with the guest I was busy... First of all I was protecting myself because lets just say I was hit on by a lot of the flamers that were there that night... It was not pretty... Second my party girl was kinda tipsy and I made sure she was ok all night, then I was keeping watch after the guest and last making sure the Pirate was doing what he was supposed to... What a night... Change of subject... Well so today I didn't do anything because I just stayed at home all day long because I didn't feel like doing anything from being so tired from the weekend... Tomorrow I start my new class, so that should be fun... After school I have a list of stuff I have to get done so IM going to go to bed and rest for tomorrows Crazy day..

LILMAN X

What a day... Everything happened except my own "sastisfaction" Part 1

Well so I thought it was going to be a Sunday like everyother one except some small stuff... Well I was way wrong... Let me start off with I went to the beach today to hang out with a friend... So w/e I met I think most of her family if not all and I found out theres a 4 to1 girl ratio for them... So many were just girls, like maybe 3 boys in total... That's some crazy stuff... So I had fun, I didn't go in the water but I just was chilling most of the time... After that I decided to go to kariokie at titanic... Well same old stuff as always but a the difference was I was intrested and waiting for some one, that was the idea of me going... Or so I thought... Well it ended up turning out that I didn't get what I intended for... I actually kinda got shafted on this deal... So w/e I delta with it... After that I was going to go home, one of our friends told us hey there's a club called O-Zone... Well I know that place and let me tell you on Sunday night its gay guys and drag shows... So I told them what it was and they were like... "Oh lets go"... I was like um ok... So I got suckered in to all of this so about 8 people were at a gay club, and all where straight... So yeah... Well IM sleepy and IM going to bed... So if you want to find out more about what happened your going to have to wait until I write part2 of what happened... Sorry...

LILMAN X

Productive Night... Sleepy

Well so the rest of the night turned out to be good... I ended up going to the grove to hang with Anna and Tania and meeting them up at fat Tuesdays... It was a short chilling session but w/e it def made my night better considering the drama and crap that happened earlier... So yeah that's about all I have to tell... Going to bed because IM headed to the beach 2marrow

Lilman x

Oh yeah see anything different on my myspace?

Sat 11:58 X_X Fuck! >_< dammit....

Well its 11:58 and it sucks... dramma!!! this sucks i hate bullshit and crap that just should not be... I just got home right now and it late and i wanted to go out but i have to get up early like around 9 am... blast, car broke down, not mines my friends i tryed to help him out and now im screwd... fuck it im going out!!!

LILMAN X

Its 5AM And Im Still Awake

Well so its like 5 something almost 6 and I just got home like I walked in the door took off my cloths got in my pj's and I cant go to sleep... So I am writing on here because I just cant get no sleep... So tonight was good, it was the night of the improv and the silent ocction and it all whent well so w/e its all cool. After that event we all decided to go to Fat Tuesday's to hang out and have a few drinks, I had a Heine as always and then and the rest of the group got mixed stuff... So tonight I met a girl, very nice girl I must say, from out of town and she was here on vacation... So w/e we started talking and I think we had a nice time... So it was getting late and we all wanted to go home to sleep... Well someone who will remain nameless, decided to "talk" to his date I guess you could call her, for a extremely long time wile I was hanging out with the out of towner... She was good to hang out with but she was extremely tired and sleepy, also take into count she had a bunch of drinks in her... So w/e she eventually fell alseep and me, "Mr. Nice guys finish last" told myself that I would say with her until "Mr. Talking" was well "Talking". So w/e it endind up to be a long "conversation" and I came home at this time... I wanted to go to the mourge and see if anyone was there that I know but by the time I got out of the grove it was like 5:30 so w/e... Maybe next week if nothing crazy happens

Lilman x (sleepy)

Its all over and about time... Short Review

Well so the hell of the fair is finaly over, no more dealing with stupid people comming to have fun and they dont know were they are... No more, can i use your cellphone, no more wheres the bathroom, no more mothers telling there kids to peee in the corner bush, no more people jumping the fence becaue they are too cheep or broke to get into the fair, no more shit heads! I am sooo glad that damm fair is over... What a pain it was to go after school and work all day long in the hot sun and the cold night to then have to attend stupid people who cant help themselfs... Basicly thats what it looked like everyday i was there just a mess of people... it looked like a sea of people or i should say fools... its crazy shit... but it had its nice times when i could see the sunset and i got to see this... I loved the sunset because i usally was never interuped durning that time... Now i am sick with a stupid cold thanks to people spreading germs and the hot and cold nights and days... W/e Fuck it its over now its time to get back to norm and party relax and enjoy some "me" time... My friends must be wondering were i have been all this time... Well im going to bed...

Lilman x (no more Guard Joe)