December madness

December... The month of madness... Actually its more than you think to it... Sometimes you think a person can be absolutely perfect... Like the right one or some one you can relate to, maybe even date.. But then this person is more of a friend than someone you would go out with... It interesting how females minds work... The odd part is how one moment they give off a signal of left and then they turn right, I guess its like driving in the streets of Miami, no one really does what they indicate... Females have so much in there mind, like while they do something they are thinking about a million things at that moment wile men think one thing and that's about the only thing that they are thinking about... My days have been busy but str8.. Since IM not going to school I get to stay home a lot and just relax and work on PC's and then at night I get to go out with the guys or hang out with my female friends... I love the holiday time since its so nice out and stuff but I really wish I could share it with some one... Some times I would just like some one to hold or to comfort with... You know like that special some one or something.... Anyways IM rambling on and on and on... So.. Oh yeah there is this girl who's she so cool but she's just a friend... But damn she is fine I did notice but... I doubt that some thing will happen with her... Females hurt my head... Crazy shit but w/e I will write later about another female I know...

Update to the moment

So its been forever since I have written anything in my blogg... So sue me. It was madness in mch the entire time I was there was crazy. They made me go though so much crap, different meds and different formulas and stuff... I mean it was sickening, if it wasn't one thing it was another... So I am out of club hell now... Got a new phone, sorted out all the stuff I needed to with school. Set the world in order once agen... Superman (me) helped out my friends to get cars, got every one in the hood what they needed and ect... Now my only problem are 2 problems... One is my car is currently screwd up due to some stupid girl who slammed her brakes and I hit her car from the back.. So now my car is all messed up.. Well only on the drivers side. So I need a bit of body work on it and I might as well get it painted at the same time... So I guess I win something on that one, stupid bitch... After that I have to figure out the problem I have with a girl that I like but she just has too many problems. im not sure if she even likes me at all... Or at least in that way. I actually don't know what im going to do about it. Maybe I should just leave it alone, but if I do I don't know what will happen, should I make the push? Should I say something.. I just don't know what to do. I need a girl who can just appreciates me for me. kinda like that song (she likes me for me).w/e I don't get it and I guess I wont

Madness update from the front lines of MCH

So lets see its been a bunch of days since I have been able to write.. Well lets see now I am still here at mch, I have passed my second hurricane here in the hospital, like every major disaster I have had happen wile I have been in- house... I can't believe this shit... What is it with me and hell happening wile I am in this place? I mean I lost my phone, got in trouble for a bunch of stupid shit that didn't even matter but I mean wtf is wrong with the world since I have been admitted. Geez cant a nigga get a brake? I mean ok so I have to have some kind of control but I have had absolutely nothing since I have been here. The only thing I have controlled so far is my sanity but even that at times I louse. Ok venting done, lets get some updates to situations and events... Alain... Well he's doing good I mean so far he's in school managing to survive with out my insane self helping him out and stuff... The "crew" by the hood... UMM... Damm a lot of stuff has happened with the crew I hear stuff like people getting it on and shit is just breaking loose... Luis... If I had the power in me I would so help him out, first of all I would make sure that he is happy with the person that he would like to be with and I would also have him working a job that he would love to have, but I cant do anything but just try to talk to him... What worries me is this new interest of moving to Orlando and hanging out with "pinky".... WTF how the hell is he in the picture? Were did he come from all of a sudden and who's the influence in it. W/e out of my control I cant do anything about it... For the moment... So lets see oh ya I have a new friend her name is percilla and I met her here so w/e I haven't been able to hang out with her except for the time she was admitted but its all good as soon as I get out of here IM sure we can chill and hang out. School is still a problem and I think IM going to miss another semester and this is going to push my graduation back but w/e fuck it what can I do but just bitch and mone like a punk about it... dammit it and my fault. Trying to find a job here at Mch but its failing so far and it always has.. oooohh there is this real cool nurse here named amber who is or was dating some famous person witch I wont mention his name. I hope we can hang out when I get out.. Basically it has been crazy and stuff is out of control and stuff but IM trying to keep what is left of my world together... Got a replacement to my phone its the same exact one but different.. Need to hack it so it addaps to cingurlar singnal and stuff. I still don't feel well and I don't know what's going on with my body and I want to feel like I was when I was doing good. My situation with the opposite sex is w/e... No activity is the only way I can put it... HURRICANE UPDATE: The hurricane this time around was super crazy, but not as insane as last time. This time around at least people weren't camped out here for 72hrs and the sleeping situation was much better and a lot less leeching than last time. Basically my hurricane day was me here in my room playing house keeper and attending to my friends and stuff members, it was cool just haning out most of the night just chilling and eating shit. Oh the best part was hanging out by the ambulence bay were there was tables set up and people playind dominos and poker in the ER lobbly. This was super slack this time around people weren't as tence and stressed since they did it before and it was all sorted out from the last event. All I have to say is bacardi hurricane and the toast to the hurricane >_< . My plans for getting out of here are so meany and i dont know how im going to ajust to the same thing over and over every day, but dammit i need out of here its just getting too crazy and now im getting complications due to all the meds and crap they gave me... so much shit i have to do when i get out of here its crazy... Well i will try to write and update this as much as i can... im sure i will have plenty to write about, i know im always thinking of somthing new...

LILMAN X

Hell of the mch sespool

well so i am here at mch. sucks to be me. i hate this place because i am here board with no internetconnection and both my pcs here with me. its like a slow torture that creeps at me only because its lke the jacks are in the room and i know the internetconnection is there but they wont bother to hook me up. i hate this shit, w/e fuk it, what can i do. my life is like slowly falling appart because i am stuck in the 4 walls of this crazy place. well school is on hold so i had to take a leave of absence because other wise it would get counted agenst me, my car is sitting in the same damm place i left it befor i came to this spon of hell and i wish i could cruse around with my Basss blasting. i miss my car >_< . Oh ya... I LOST MY DAMM PHONE!!! FUCK !!! my phone with all my digi pics and all my numbers of girls i would pick up and stuff lke that. w/e i need to get out of here ASAP because im going nuts... i need some stabilitty in my life. Well so i dont know how this is going to end... i hope not bad but w/e. must go hiding a portable laptop that the nurses use to chart so i need to bounce keep you all updated on my hell of this life...... HELP


lilman X

Well so its been a hella long long time since i have writen in my blog. Well Alian is back in town and shit's going good so far. Still no girl but w/e the lonley stay soliter. Fine with me, its better than haveing a bunch of dramma and crap... So lets step back and take a look at how my life is at the moment.... No girl, Schools stressed me out because of my teacher is the same for the next 6 weeks, my social life suxs, people ignore me half the time, and any day now i will lose it and scream... so i guess im doing good. Some times i wonder what the hell has happend that i have fallen into this obliviouse pit of hell. I mean i went from being a popular alwalys getiing ringed up to ... "oh i need a favor" person, and the rest of the time its like w/e_ im just there. Dont know why i have been in a shitty mood but w/e "it dont fase me".


LILMAN X

Another boring day of my life...

Ok w/e So this weekend was my Birthday... (sarcastic scream) yay.. Ok Well it could of been better but I had a good day... Who the hell am I kidding I didn't do shit but stay home hang out with Joey and go drinking later that night witch turned out to be a Disaster. W/e the more time passes by the more I keep falling endlessly into this hole of nothingness... Damm not even a yr ago I was partying like crazy and getting all the hook-ups I wanted with all the hot chicks. If not I was getting calls from mad people asking what's going on tonight and stuff... Now its all gone.. Ya I know I wanted to slow down with the party's and the crazy life but I have gone from all that to nothing known, where did I go wrong. I mean im an active person I can only stay still and calm for a lil wile. I want to hang out like I used to and the circle of friends is gone and I can count all my friends on one hand I want to just go out and have a wild party every once a blue moon... w/e I have to do something and I will . Like they say no guts no glory, screw playing the Mr shy guy role... It's not getting me jack In the famous words some one once said... Return of the Mack
 
LILMAN X

The day and intro to the Indecisive female...

Well today I did't do much but stay here and let the world pass me by, make it short ... bordum... Nothing todo but sit here and oh ya lil ninja boy came by for a lil wile to hang out and use my PC to play ragna and get his email... Well lets get started on my interpretation of the bleak indecisive female mind... As I have observed the bleak mind of the female has no thought process but to always change her mind and never seems to go in the same direction for 3.2 seconds. Why is she always changing her mind? Can't she just go in one direction and keep that thought... Why must she always analyze every little step we "men" take? One thing that I have noticed is that when they decide something and say its final.. Its not final.. They change there mind so easy... Do they know what they want, but the true question is do any of us know what we want? Well I do, sort of and so do most guys. Females need to learn how to stop, cheating, mind playing games, indecisive, and stop messing with our minds. Think of one thing and just stick to it dammit. Is it so hard, that you all don't know what you want? Well who knows ...... MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!!

Lilman X

Sleepless mind wondering...

Welcome to chapter 368 page 5083... Today our hero has saved the world once agean... Tonight people can sleep in the valley of MCH thanks TO RAPMASTER ALEX spreading joy to all the children and making their day... Big deal... This hero can't sleep for some odd reason I don't know what the problem. I feel so sleepy like if I could fall asleep just standing up but when I lay down I can't go to sleep at all... Maybe its my stupidity of my mind getting the best of me. So many things I have on my mind that I have no one to tell or talk about... I mean I could tell some people but the only person I trust to tell the kind of things that are on my mind are either not talking to me or not in my life anymore... Why can't people be easy to deal with... This would just make life easyer... I guess I do sometimes try to control the world around me at times and I just can't have it my way I kinda get mad about it... Some times I feel like Superman or spyderman, "TIME TO SAVE THE DAY" or "ALEX TO THE RESUCE". I don't know what people expect from me at times but its kind of funny sometimes because when I am not needed people don't call me or don't even bother to think of me but when it come time to "OMG I NEED HELP" I am like the first one on speed dial. I hate it when they cry for super man and then they forget about him when they don't bother needing him... Lately its been me saving everyone's ass when it comes time to a favor or something. Well im going to attempt to sleep soo I leave all you lammers with a song,

I took a walk around the world to Ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
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I watched the world float to the Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something To do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end
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If I go crazy then will you still Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with My superhuman might...Kryptonite


LILMAN X (superman)

Catch up with me... Life is alright, but a pain

OK No posts in June... So what, I have a life and just deal with it cuz I haven't had time to write... I try but I cant ... Its like every one wants some favor from me. Is that all I'M good for asking favors? Shit what about me.. I have issues and problems in my life. I ask because I see something is wrong; do I hide my problems that well no one knows I have problems on my mind? Do I keep my Guard so high up that people and my so called "friends" are oblivious? W/E, Fuk it I say. I stress too much about stupid shit to worry about other peoples problems or being a help desk. That's what I feel like some times... A damm help desk. I don't mind helping with problems to do with relationship.. Hell I'M good at that, but stupid OMG its an emergency help me, and it turns out to be some stupid problem. OH ya ... I am not FUKING MAP QUEST OR YELLOW PAGES. If you need help finding some place and you know I am having a bad day... DON'T CALL ME... You can use that semi empty space in between your ears and right be hind your eyes. Its called a "BRAIN", if u use it most of the time it grows and develops so that you aren't stupid and you don't have to be bothering me... Also I am done with user's or leecher's. If you just call time to time or go along time with out saying hi and you call me to get info consider your self BLACK LISTED... I do not deal with people that use me anymore.. NO EXCEPTIONS! My true friends know who they are. See they call me even if they are "too busy" or what ever it may be. A simple hello by phone or you see me or even AIM is fine but months and weeks with out contact and then you ask a favor ... Oh no your going to get a straight no sorry and I will tell you why. Its over ... I am sick of being Mr nice guy ... fuk it. No more using of my resources. Think back of that nice Alex you all know cuz he officially died today and reborn into a straight in your face person. No more self comments, if I think something I am going to tell you.. Don't care about the consequences... In fact .. What ever happens.. happens.

LILMAN X

Long time, I know, get over it. Chilling and new stuff

Ok so it has been a wile agen since I have written. Get over it, school has me super busy with school and trying to figure out my life... Yes I know that will never happen but its my excuse.. Well school is grate, Getting A's 3.8 GPA, Woot! So that is the good thing that I have. Then we come to the issue of my health. (takes a deep breath) Well the liver transplant will soon happen I hope. Its not easy, just thinking about it makes me think about how it will be after and how different will be from now. Makes me worry some times too much so I just try not to think about it. Girls are well there, and not going anything IM no longer stressing it, screw it I say if it happens, it happens. Stressed over a person who made me happy and now not stressing that, stressed over a hottie in class now not stressing that so forget that issue. I have bigger stuff to worry about, like building my microwave computer >_<... must find one first. Well short update i will say more 2marrow. Bed time

LILMAN X

VENTING MY ANGER !!-Never try and be persistent, its not worth it

Well its been about a week since I have written last. Since I cannot have at least a week or a wile that time passes by that I actually have good times or feel healthy, this week its back to the crap life... Actually it started around Thursday when I got this bright idea to hey why don't I ask my sweety on a nice date just me and her dinner and take it from there... But No... I try and try but screw this keep trying to make plans..I know its not her fault but still it disappoints me. My grandmother is doing the worst she has been doing ever, my planning of doing my perfect "date" never happends, and I have a cold, I feel like shit and if that's not the worst of it, I also have some thing on the side of my face that started as a zit and now it hurts like hell, is infected and I can't sleep at night because of it. IM on antibiotics which screw up my stomach..... FU*KING SCREWD UP LIFE ... I HATE IT WHEN ITS THIS BAD AND NO ONE SUPPORTS ME... w/e maybe no one knows how bad it hurts cuz I put my self on some pain killers or I hide it well. The problem is I can't take them at night because I need to be awake to take them or else its bad if I sleep wile I take them... Fu*k it sick of this stupid life of limitations because of my illness. It is always something, and if I feel good its when I can't do anything because no one wants to do anything... I feel as if my life or my illness plans to make me feel sick when people are doing stuff like party's or w/e it may be and I can't go. Then when I feel fine I can't do shit cuz no one is doing anything... Fu*king a, its shit like this that just makes me think why the hell me? Perfect song for this is by the offspring-
Maybe life is like a ride on a freeway
Dodging bullets while you're trying to find your way
Everyone's around, but no one does a damn thing
It brings me down, but I won't let them

If I seem bleak
Well you'd be correct
And if I don't speak
It's cause I can't disconnect
But I won't be burned by the reflection
Of the fire in your eyes
As you're staring at the sun

When I ran I didn't feel like a runaway
When I escaped I didn't feel like I got away
There's more to living than only surviving
Maybe I'm not there, but I'm still trying

Though you hear me
I don't think that you relate
My will is something
That you can't confiscate
So forgive me, but I won't be frustrated
By destruction in your eyes
As you're staring at the sun


This is so much, I feel like just giving up some times but I don't and I never do, guess I am just hard headed and persistent on what I want to get done. I fee at time as I have all this stress and no way to share it with anyone but I also don't want to make some one else feel bad for me... I JUST NEED TO VENT. The only one that makes me feel better most of the time is my sweety, but she can't always come to the resucue cuz she has her own life and problems to deal with so I just have to deal with my own shit like I always have before. Guess it is going to be another crappy weekend of doing nothing, so I will just keep myself in my cave until some one comes and gets me out of here {ya right} until then I will just sleep and watch the time pass me by...

LILMAN X

CRazY Day with a chill on the side

What a day of emotions and just plane chilling like the old days with a twist of drama at the end. Ok so I expected this morning to just wake up and go over to kevins house and grab a few things and then hopefully go on a date with my baby... So much for that (like always). I swear my life is one big A.D.D or some compiled distraction. Instead of doing what I planed some how we got distracted and got into a pool and opening game cards. Dammit, this sucks how the hell do I get pulled into this crap that I enjoy and distracts me from my plans. DAMM me and being distracted easily. I need to learn how to say no I have plans I want to do "this". Since I am easygoing I just say ok and go with the flow... w/e some day I hope I will learn to say no. Eventually I will get to the plans I have for me and my sweety... I so wan't to do it too, first it was supposed to be a surprise but that didn't happen, then I set a day and told her what I was going to do but that didn't happen. Then today I got distracted again and yet nothing... I am just either going to just do it out of the blue or give up on my plans. Actually its kind of good I didn't do what I wanted to because it was raining and also she was not feeling too well which I guess it was not meant to be. Drama yet again comes to the happy group of "The Old Eagle clan" also known as The southwest group or The group. Dingdong boy and his wonderful issue come to play again, same story as always. He tries to be nice and human and she just keeps the point up that she wants nothing to do with him and he cant get it into his head that she wants nothing to do with him and so on... Ah "breath" To be honest with you ... I would just get over a person that wants nothing to do with me. I can take a clue, ok so you hate me and never want to see or talk to me ... Well FU*K U BI*CH AND GO TO HE*L. Duh I would like to know why but if in a certain amount of time I don't get an answer I will eventual for get about it... Guess some people don't forget or learn or both. Not my problem and I really don't care cuz I am sick of the same 6yr old drama.. Its getting old and pointless... GET OVER IT PLEASE! Well I spent a lot of time with my baby so I am happy about that. I love spending time with her it makes me forget about stuff that's on my mind, may it be stupid stuff or very important stuff it makes not difference when im with her. She makes me happy and it has been a wile since I have been feeling this happy emotionality or w\e you want to call it since about 2 yrs ago. Maybe my life is going to be more happy and will feel more meaningful as it did yrs ago when the good old days were happening. Some times I feel as I am trying to hard for most things I do but I will never know. Maybe I am maybe not... Well its late and I am still going to write more about my thought about relationships and Trust and when too much is too much. Maybe I will also write a prodiction... Who knows.. Till next time TTFN.

LILMAN X

Today's observations...

Today was an ok day I guess... Not the best but not the worst. Days like today I just felt like sleeping in all day but I have sh*t to do, so I got up around 10 not feeling well because I am comming down with a cold, and also on top off it all I think I have 2 zits coming out on my face.. Ok it is officially a crappy day. Woke up watched ER from 10 to 12 and then after that I went to go feed my grandmother... When I got there the care assistant had already fed her, so I wanted to know the progress of what's going on, I hate lazy nurses... How the hell can you be a nurse and take care of some one and not know if the doctor passes by or if she even had eaten lunch... Well she pissed me off and added to my bad day. Any one know what Alex douse to a lazy nurse that slacks off? Ah if you guessed report her to the nurse manager you guessed right. I see no reason for you no to know what doctor has come by or if she has eaten when the reason she is in the hospital is because she can't swallow or eat too well... They should fire her or put her in a lower position... NO EXCUSE!! So I just Sat there in the room next to her till about 4:30 because I could not take it anymore... So I came home and I really wanted to just relax and possibly see my sweety or talk to her a wile on the phone... Since my life is one big "NO" instead I got on my PC cuz every time I layed down the phone rang and I have to get up and answer it cuz every one in my house is a paraplegic and brain dead and can't get the phone so I just decided to say screw it to relaxing in my bed. Then my wonderful mother kept bothering me about some baseball game and was pissing me off because I guess I have TV Guide written across my face so she was asking me over and over and over what channel it was on and if we have that channel on our direct TV plan and so on... HELLO STUPID, am I paying for it? Or is she, she should know what we have and don't have. I am so sick of being sick... IF it's not Mono, its a cold, if not that then something else... Just give me a better day 2marrow.

LILMAN X

Alive and still kicking... Deal with it

Well ok so I haven't had time to write in the blog but I have been doing a lot of stuff to keep me super busy that I don't even have time to pick my nose. Deal with it, life sometimes makes you crazy and busy. Lets see update.. Since last time I have joined Florida Career College, cool school. I love it ! Planning on getting my A+ degree and My MCSE degree. So far so good, I was even sick like I became last time when I was going to Miami Dade but this time since I guess you can call this place cheers (where everyone knows your name and there always glad you came) I have had no problems keeping up with my classes and keeping my GAP at 3.9 Woot ! I guess every thing in life comes with a good and a bad. The good part is I'M doing awesome at school and I am enjoying my self also. Another good thing is that I actually have some one in my life who cares for me and likes to take care of me and worries about me like no other person has that is not blood related or long term friend ship, Duh I guess you can tell (girl-Friend). She is so sweet and I care about her so much because she actually likes me for me and can deal with my moods. Shocking yes I know, I know I am a difficult person to deal with and can be an ass most of the time. She has passes a major test that comes with me and my life that will occur many times in the future no matter what I can do in my power. Like I sed before the good comes with bad.. My grandmother is not doing too well, actually she is very sick and in the hospital. She is so bad that she can't get out of bed, feed herself anything and can barely move. I don't know if I am in shock or just scared that she will eventually die, we all must one day, but the thought of her just being so helpless and in a bed that she cant move or barely talk is just not regerstering at the moment. I can't even begin to understand it, My grandmother who was always so active, Cooked cleaned the house, Filled bags and bags daily of leaves that fell off the trees in my back yard not even 2yrs ago, and even it feels like if yesterday she was cooking something or in the back yard doing something or going to K-Mart. I am speechless... I don't know what's going to happen, I wish I could turn back time and just keep it as it was. The worst part is I can't do anything about it. School is grate also but it stresses me out too but not a big deal. I have a confession to make... I am worried about my liver problem, I fear that the situation is going to get worse but that's always my fear. I only have myself to blame and I can only point the finger at myself for not calling my doctor that I did all the test for and needed to see after I was done with them but I have had other problems and I also have just been delaying the long process that will occur if and when I do get the trasnplant. Guess the thought of taking out my liver and putting one that can be rejected and I could die if it happen scares me. Now I figure, Screw it... Why worry so much if I don't do anything about it, I will eventually be sick and get worse and die or I fix it with a new liver could work and if I didn't then oh well one way or another I'M screwed... I need a vacation between my grandmother and school (mild stress) and my health, I don't know what to stress over the most... Some times I feel like just disappearing for an entire 24hrs with no one calling me on my cell phone or IM-ing me or E-mailing me or asking me for a favor or w/e. Just me, maybe one other person with me and that's it. Cellphone off, No computer and a location I can not be bothered at. JUST GETTING AWAY! Hopfuly my plans for this weekend I can actually be accomplished and not put off to another day or just nothing happens. I am so sick and tired of my plans never going the way I wan't them to... Yeah right, that will be the day. I will write when I can, so if I write and then a wile passes and I write a wile after that DEAL WITH IT!

LILMAN X

NEW YR NEW STUFF NEW BEGINING

Well 2003 is gone and so is the bad times and good times I have had this year. Its strange how in only 365 days and 24hrs a day so much has changed, time is taken for granted, people take every moment as if it would never exist but it comes and goes faster than you can imagine. One major change that has happened is my friendship with a person who I thought we would get old and hang out a lot and know each other our entire lives has ended. It truly saddened me but what can I do about this situation. What happened has happened and I can't do anything about it. Time will tell what will happen in the future. This yr 2004 is a new yr new beginnings and maybe some ends that may come as the days pass by. Time is strange as it is here it is going somewhere else. Kind of like an event I was talking about to my friends dad, a galaxy far far away is emitting light to our current place and time but according to what the theory is that place in time is over done with not extinction... How strange how life, time, light works. I remember not even 6 months ago I was at some party with some girl I didn't even know and trying to get her number to perhaps date her.... What was I thinking at the time.... I guess I was in a position of alone but w/e times have changed and now IM going on a different path... Screw all that stupid party drink and screw life... Its not worth it. Well IM not interested that life, now what IM going to do is school and what I have to resolve with my health... Friends have been cut to a group that I trust and I keep close.