Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head, I miss you... "thoughts"

Well so i got up a bit late this morning, not my usal up at 6am and out by 6:40 or 7. but w/e i didnt sleep last night much because i had a lot of stuff on my mind like relationships and stuff like that... Its been a wile since i have had a girlfriend or a girl to call my own, i feel like im left out in the cold when i see all my friends with there girls having fun and enjoying eachothers company... what i enjoy about it is not the physical or emotional connection but more like having some one i can talk to and tell my deep feelings and thoughts to... ive tryed looking but being me is not easy because i have a few challenges i have to over come befor i can have them be my girl... first challenge is i must be attracted to them some how... since im no built up muscle man i have to charm them and talk to them which actualy takes alot out of me mentaly... then after i over come that i have to find out if they like me and exactly how... as a firend as a possible b/f and so on... after that major challenge which i beleave is my biggest and hardest one to acomplish because even if i look like i have no fear and show no fear i feel so scared to be shot down but its not even that its that some times i just feel inferior to other good looking guys who get hot chicks and they are such assholes to the girls and here i am a nice guy somewhat good looking and i get put off to the side for a bigger looking piece of meat... (sigh) but what can i do, i just want some one who cares about me and i can connect with... thats mostly what has been on my mind lately... On a diffrent subject its been an ok day, i had a test and i passes it with an 83% so i got an awsome grade... well its like 11:30 and i am in class so im going to stop writing about my stupiditys and pay some attention... i work all day till 8 so yay fun for me...

LILMAN X

this song reminds me of my loveless love life...


Blink-182 lyrics
Song: I Miss You Lyrics

(I miss you, miss you)
Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in backround of the morgue
The unsespecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends We'll wish this never end

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime
And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spider
scatching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call youAnd hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonightstop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head

I miss you miss you

Screwed, Pissed off, drowning...

Well this weekend was ok... but kinda sucked. My brand new 200GB hd craped out on me on sunday... i was sitting at home and i transferd some info over to it and i had to leave because i got a call that a friend of mine had a problem with there computer so i come home around midnight and when i get there i hear a clicking sound... well it turned out to be the clicking sound of doom .... the hd died on me or is dieing on my... i asked a few teachers at school what i can do to recover the data.... one told me im screwd one told me im safe for a few and one told me to try some soft ware so we will see what happends ... i miss talking to roxy... i wonder how she is doing and if she misses me ... i know i miss her... i just want my pc fixed and ready to go... soon i will have it fixed and done ... i have to, well its time to go to work... if its a slow day i will come back and write more if not.. there is always 2marrow...

LILMAN X

Catch me if you can

Well so its been a busy week and its also been good too ... I love my job its super awsome and chill like, because i mean its easy for me because i know it and the material and stuff so its cool beacuse gorge is awsome... i love it because we all work togeather and coaparate as a team... Sofia is awsome... bit i would say moody or even pusshy but she is cool and i dont mind it, since i am used to it from doris( who i havent seen in years... but hey shes from newyork so its cool... i talked to roxy the other day and she loved the E-cards i sent her, since her school was giving her a hard time i thought it would be nice to cheer her up. i know what it is to be all stressed out becuase of school... just 2.5 months and we can hang out. since i have no one to spend my money on or just dont have firends to go out clubbing like i used to i can just save and spend later ... :) eh ... who am i kidding i am cheep, j/k.. gotta go to work .. write later

LILMAN X

Harsh days and work work work....

Wow it seems since i started working i havent had time for my self at all since like sunday. Its been super crazy because i am trying to do everything i can possible but im squeezing in hrs in my 24hr life... I am trying to do my max 30hrs so i can get payed my full paycheck.. well like my mom told me its money that i am getting in now that i didnt have befor... so i guess she is right.. i want to go out and relax like i did but hey i dont care i am getting payed and i guess i will save up for the weekends.... Time is but the past ... write more when i get a chance

LILMAN X

Another night another day and it will always be...

So its been a wile since i have written in my blogg... i know i am bad about writing in here it just has been one crazy week... Well first thing is first... i took my A+ exam, failed; but not by much... at least 2 stupid questions but w/e its a stupid test and i now know whats on it so w/e, it will be easyer next time. So w/e dissapointed about that but the best news of all is that i got a job! I work at my school with the head M.I.S. guy george, he is so cool i make my own HRs i work 30 hrs a week wich is part time and i get payed $10 an hr so i think thats damm good. So basicly at work all i do is fix pc's, network printers and do maintanince on what needs fixing and mess around with Patch5 cable to connect pcs to... So thats about all i can think of right now... im kinda burnt out from the crazy week i have had so i am going to sleep as much as i can... Roxy i miss you alot and i want to talk to you, soon i will have some free time, soon... hope your ok ...

LILMAN X

Freedom of the brain, or at least untill sunday....

Ok so my pc has been screwd for the past week... well shit it anit my fault... so my video card blew out... well more like was there and fried it self to a death basicly... the fan is not working at all and the basterds at MSI didnt want to replace it cuz its out of warranty... well so i got a good 3 years out of it... would of been nice just a little bit longer but w/e.... I might start working at FCC (school) part time wich would be cool because i get EXP and i gain a little more info on the way the school works but, who cares because i do know most of the dirty doos there so w/e... but it will be $$$ comming in... YAY FOR THAT... i dont know what i am going to spend my paycheck on but i will save i will tell you that.. i mean what expences do i have .... fule, eating out like Mc'eds and stuff like that .... depending on how much i get a week i will have the following by may : PSP, NEON or LED underglow on my car, and other little stuff on my car... Well wishful thinking... but hey i do have the moon in somthing or w/e lol i know how to spend basicly my astro chart tells me... so anyways i am going to bed because i need to get up early to help out katia... fun .... Who knows when i will fix my pc... maybe after i take my A+ core exam... no worries untill sunday... party party, and more party... :)

LILMAN X

ps roxy i miss talking to you but as soon as the madness passes i will contact you