empy void of nothingness

Its theat time or the yr agen when people come for the holidays and x-mas and stuff but even still it times like this that i miss my best friend the most. i remeber last yr i would ask him to come with me on stuff i would have to do around toen. i deepy miss him and i feel a void in my life. My other betrated fried friend i also miss. some times i think back on stuff we used to do, now my life has changed and i cant afford to have another problem to help. i have meany things this comming yr that i must solve befor i can go back and fix my past. I sometimes withs i still was in the past like for example 2001 or 2002 even if most of 02 i was in the hospital, i still had my group, my crew, my truest friends wich i could ask anything. I would wish for myself come next yr that at least i can go back to some way or matter of how it used to be but this i do not know when, My past was the best but also the worst. It was like a bad dream that i was awake but was also asleep. now that i have the bigest problem on my sholders i have awakend and now i must wake up from this dream and face the real world. Its funny how as time whent by my health was getting better but my soclal life seems to be getting worse, its kind of like i had bad to horribale health and perfect friends and grate socal enviroment and now its like the tables have turned. now im healthy but lonley. its like what is the point? why now give me the feeling good when i have no one to share it with? Its like this anime that T showed me once and now i am hooked on because its so scary its so much like real life called cowboy bebop. BANG!

LILMAN X

Life of the nothingness hell life...

Well every day that passes by is like a hell of an inferno that burns like the fires of hell that was set to maximum heat and the heater truned to 1 million... I hate the way my life is falling apart like a fresh cookie out of the oven that hasent been baked properly... The last week or so i have been to the point of insanity or the point of madness... people in this world only care about them selfs or about the social "click" they hang out with... i guess high school or collage is still the same... always the bully always the click and always the one who hates you and fucks you over... I think we really have to go beyond collage and beyond other stuff... maybe when you get married and have kids then you wont have the stupid inmature shit... People some times want to pick a fight and want to start shit... for the ones who do i stand up and wont take shit from no one... i have seen shit that will make anyones skin craw... i have had more pain than person has had and not by choice but by force and need.. I have no fear, i only fear death. Thats just the only fear i have, to die, to face the cold frosty face of death, i have faced it but yet i have comfronted it and i fear nothing after... yet i will face it agen someday... Hell is the location, inferno is what my social life is like and emptyness is what my love life is like....

LILMAN X

Another day passed by

A void; A waste; Another day has come and gone and yet nothing done, nothing acomplished, and a void still growing as the days pass by... Empty, no girl or close friends i can hang out with or do somthing... nothing done.... it will be sunday when i wake up and a new day so i will acomplish somthing. I will not just sit in my room in sorrow or pitty for my self of all the losses i have sufferd. I will start by my room leading out twards my social life, I will Rearrang my room by getting rid of old stuff i dont use or have no use for... Next week is a diffrent week for me i will take no ones crap or let no one stand in my way of my social life... If they choose to confront me i will simply confront them, alone or not i dont care i will do what is needed to move on. Maybe after all i did acomplish somthing today... I made up my mind to take no ones shit or stupidity and to move on and change my life 360 degrees from how i have lived it before..

LILMAN X

hate, sadness, alone and angry...

Well i dont know exactly what to say... right now at the moment i am kind of pissed off but not becasue i know the state of mind of this indavidual... so i cant really blame them but still it was stupid move and a big mistake... Some times i just wish i could rase my hand wish for somthing and it would happen... Well we all know no one has this abilitty so i must resort to other tactiks. Times like this i am alone... i have no one i can trust or truly tell how i feel, only becasue either they are connected to someone i know or dislike or someone i just know that has a big mouth or i just dont have faith in them... seems like i have no faith in anyone lately... i dont know why or a reson for this but i just feel like it... I just need my best friend here so he can just tell me i got your back or somthing like that...i guess the only one i can trust is terrell.. i just wish he was here.. seems to me times like this i need him the most and well i guess i am alone... Well ya i know i have other friends but still i dont have that trust or connection like i have with him... Some times im actualy scared with out him ... i felt safe, protected, like if some was guarding my back all the time... Now i feel like i have to watch my back watch were i go, what i do... I miss most just hanging out with him or like the times we just chilled for the hell of it at U.M. I also have a big void in my life, not only of my best-friend but of a girl... a girl to care for me, love me, and share all the feelings we would have in a relationship.. mostly i write to clear my mind, to ease my thoughts all sqwoshed up in my head.. writing i have found to be a way i vent all my thoughts that are all stored up in my head, i have over 1000 thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and emotions that i just dont write about because i dont want the world to know. What i write is what i feel. I think the best is to write out what you feel and need to get out but you have no one to tell...

LILMAN X

Little Ninjas {>_<} / Mission inposible (>_<)

What can i say but (LITTLE NINJAS....) {>_<} Well i had a fun night, i thought it actualy was going to be the worst and most shitty ass night in the world, but when the rain stoped and the street got drained of all its water, it was an awsome night. The day started out with it raining and raining and so on. I knew i had to go to Gigi's party and i wouldent miss it, but the stupid rain did not stop and the damm streets where flooded... I was thinking of how i would get to her party. I know it started at 7P.M. but how was i going to get there with all the rain and my low car in flooded streets? Well i just had to wait, so i did and by the time it all stoped and the streets where dry it was about 10P.M. Well it was late but i still wanted to go but i hate to drive at night alone... So i called for my nabore ( we can call him AGENT A ) agent A. Well he came over but he told me his grandmother told him to be home at 1A.M (she didnt know he was going out with me becase he didnt tell her) So we had to play like little ninjas and get in my car and take it out with out her knowning... So we did and whent to the party and had a grate time and all the time i was looking at my clock to make sure we had time to drive from the party to my house and stash the car where it was... Well it all worked out becase Gigi had to close the place she had the party at around 12:30... Well so after that i quickly whent to a gass station to vacume all the stupid water that was inside my car and hall ass to my house on time... Well the vacuming took a little too long but i hat 10 mins to get to my house... Lets just say i did about 60 on coral way... As we aproched my house i turned off my lights on the car and parked it just like befor wile agent A was inside changeing back to his cloths that he had on befor... Perfect operation done by the little ninjas.. {>_<} (i owe thanks to the Big Black aka negro susio Ninja for teaching me the way of the Little ninjas)

BOO! HALOWEEN!

What a day... well i made a costume and it was an awsome one. i took the stuff that i got from that small lil shop and put it togeather and it looked awsome, soon i will post pictures of it on my pic site.... well basicly it was me car her hubby and 2 sexy fine ass girls from nyc that came to miami for a day becase the next day they had a cruse... Since they where in miami they called up caros hubby and wanted to find out what was cracking that night so we took them with us... well south beach was a blast walked and danced drank and all that you would do and more then after that it was to the grove and that was fun too... basicly long day of partying. It took me most of the day to make my costume.. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT..!!

Sucky rain blues / Rachel's party

Damm what was up with people today, its like every one was in a bad mood and pissed off and tierd or in some other mood besides happy or hyper... i noteced this was only happening after it rained .... as soon as it started to rain i saw all kinds of attitudes... Even as i was driving i saw people angry in there cars and acidents on the rode... What the hell is wrong with every one today... In radio lollipop people where all in crappy moods, its our job to be happy, peppy, hyper and act all crazy... why all of a sudden where we all in a crappy mood?.... w/e I BLAME IT ALL ON THE RAIN !

Well rachel's party was awsome... what a good time i had there... Well it was me luis 4 of her Kappa girls and a few others... umm well i do have to say the first thing that i had my eye on was rachel lil sis... wow shes so cute, shes like the shy quiet stand alone type. Or at least that night she was... i was hopeing she would dance when we all got up and danced at benigens... Rachel loved her gift card that i got her... now she can buy all the cool stuff she wants at hot topic... after we all did the dinner thing it was back to the aprt... the movie of choice was some weard 70s halloween movie ... umm didnt like it but we all did have jello shots so that was cool... i had 3 :0)

LILMAN X

Im back...!

Ok so its been forever since i have written and done some blogging... well its not my fult ... its all the stupid assholes in this world's fult. Well let me tell ya why. The day after the last time i wrote somthing happend with a friend of mine Mr k we will call him... his brother, Mr B; my friend got out of controll and started to have a fit... well story gos mr B got real pissed off for some reason at his mother and then hit his brother mr K and just started hell in his house... He broke down the door and took his mothers car when she didnt notice that night and i got a call from Mr K the next day asking me if i knew where his brother was, MR B. well i didnt know where he was or actualy what the hell was going on, so i whent over to his house to see what was going on because i know what has happend in the past with theese people befor... so i go over and i learn that caused hell and they are looking for the car so i thought i would help by talkin to mr b's girl and tell her what i heard and what her story is... so i did and w/e on thing to the other and the car showed up with out mr B in it but it was his friend who brought back the car so... w/e i whent out with Mr K so i could take his mind off of what had just happend and let his mother rest well we where out late and w/e it was all good so then i came home and thought nothing of what happend... next day i got up did some things around the house and had to go to my car to get somthing and i noticed the door was kinda open and then i get closer and i see my glass is smashed both doors are open and the bag i had inside is gone... in that bag i had a PS2 and 2 of my games ... dot-hack and my fav of all final fantasy 10, along with 2 controllers and every thing you need for the ps2 was in that bag... i look in my trunk and they also took my amp... i didnt know to cry yell or scream and pull out my hairs.. i was going insane or syco i didnt know what to do... i started to think how, why, who, when... so then i was like it had to be MR B becase i know from the past when i used to hang out with him the crazy sh*t he would do. Well i thought and still have my suspitions it was him or some one who he told to do it... well my inshurence covers nothing... PS2, 800 watt amp ... all gone to whom ever did it ... but like i sed at the begining ... Im back, i got a 850 watt amp that im making thick 1/4 steel brakets so they cant take them and mounting for the speakers and all ... let them assholes try now! bring a Plasma cutter or try to take my car wich now has a kill switch to take my sh*t now ... hell ya im one pissed off mother fu*ker that put in some crazy sh*t that cannot be taken! Now all i have to do is fix my winshild and rear window and im cool and cruzing...

LILMAN X

My thoughts for the past 2days...

Ok for the last 2days eather by infulence or by encounters of my own i have been thinking about relationships, as in being in love or haveing a girl friend... For exsample their is a girl i know .. lets call her mis X well she has a b/f that she cares about and he cares about her, but mis X also is atractid to another man. now the other day she was asking me what she should do and the guy shes atractid to has a girl of his own to, so basicly 2 people are attracted to eachother but they are both in a relationship that are conmfterble but have doubts about the people they are with. Ok i understand that your attractid to some one else its only natural, but that dusent mean leave what you have, people think thats what you should do, or maybe it means your not fulfilld with what you have? I don't know what the right thing to do would be. I do know how i would want to be treated and how i would treat my girl.. I would show her how to be loved, take her out to dinner, or just stay home and watch a move just the two of us, make dinner at home, cuddle hold eachother closely, kiss and get the feeling of caring for the person. Afection is the one thig i want the most. Its funny how your friends tell you to go and screw some girl you never met, but when they are in a relationship and you tell them that there getting sex when there partner comes over they get insulted... why ? Is it because now they care about that person, and its just not some one night stand? Heres another one i always wonder about. Why is it that a person stays in a relationship when it is abusive. For example, they cheat on you; or they verbaly abuse of you, just plan treat you like sh*t. Why ? What is it that keeps them going back to that person, are they stupid ? Maybe they don't know what it is to be with another person that treats them good. Maybe they are afrade that they wont find another person? Maybe they are masokist and like it... who knows what it is, I do hope when the time comes i can keep that person and show that girl that i care for her and maybe she will care for me the same way too.

LILMAN X

Long day...

What a long long day.... didnt get up too early but it was like 11 more or less so then after that i picked up brian at 3 and took him to do some stuff and after that i came home burnt some cd's and then kariokie, oh ya and befor kariokie i talked to the girl that i care about so so much call her mis X. shes far far away but eventualy i will see her and hopefuly somthing will happen between us (wishfule thinking) but i dont know that so only time will tell. I really do like her alot and i haved since the first time i met her, ironicly she had a B/f at the time but he was far away and she was close to me untill she moved far away.... I SWEAR I WILL GIVE IT MY ALL WHEN I SEE HER NEXT TIME. Love is hard to find and i need some type of it in my life. I feel empty with out it. Who knows whats going to happen, i think im just going to lay low... 2marrow i have a super long day... Screw it who would care for me anyways... Love... STANDS FOR (LONLY OF VALUE EMOTIONS) SCREW IT ... i think i will be mr dick head ass from now on... :)

LILMAN X

Slow, fun,boreing but good and diffrint day

Eh w/e it was a good day after all.. So it was another rainy day in miami ... yuck i hate the rain... Oh the leek that i thought i fixed in my car is still there, found out the hard way too. I needed somthing from my car so when i opend the door i saw it was all foged up inside and i wonderd why, so when i look in the back seat i see this huge puddle of water just sitting there. "Wonderfule" i thought, so got the mop cloth and started to take the water out, took a wile but i did it. So then i was with nothing to do because the Direct Tv gos out when it rains so i had to do somthing, my nefuew left me his pygme rabbit to take care of for a week. So i picked him up and played with him for a wile and waited for the rain to stop. So it stoped agen and agen the stupid car inside was flooded.. YAY mop time... cleand it up and after that watched tv and waited till it was time to go to kariokie, so i did... Well the regulars came as alway rolly, brian, nick, kevin AKA (holla), and the others. I was like oh hell do a new song, oh ya another thing that crazy girl was there agen so i was like ok a song for her, i didnt know what but something evil... I picked "she f*cking hates me by puddle of mud... perfect, but she left oh well did the song anyways and then the others, nookie and faith. After that they guys wanted to head to the starlight diner... I had no clue where that was at so i told then i was going to follow them, well the car i was following was going so fast that i hit 90 at one point that i couldent keep up and lost them.. so i called rolly and he told me more or less, found the place and chilled there playing some trivia game till about 3 then i had to go home, i was super sleepy. Well i got home and i guess got my second energy boost especaly when i saw marian's IM on the screen... I was like dammit i can't belive i just missed her... I really like her alot even if she is super far away, i don't care... the only thing that worrys me is if she likes me in return, who knows if she has some guy where she is or if im not her type. You know i may be a guy but i have my insecure times to worrying about stuff like this, i guess its human or normal, im sure most of the guys would be like " oh stop being a pu*sy and just bang her" or "get layed with some chick or any chick"... I'm not like that at all, i can't just f*ck any girl or just do anything with out thinking first. I am the type that i actualy have to feel somthing for a girl or like her and know somthing about her, I have to love the girl in some way. i guess thats why im not like the rest of them that show up with a diffrent girl every week or meet a new one, some atraction has to be there. I am not a horny oh ya lets screw right now or jump into this right now type. Right now the girl i would like to date would be her but shes million miles away and i cant do a damm thing about it. unless she comes to miami, all i can do is wonder and hope for the best. I bet that all the peeps that are like oh ya time to get some are going to be like eather the kind that get married and divorce later, or are going to be lonly and tierd of not truely loveing some one.. i guess im more mature than i act but hey when in rome wear a toga... :)

LILMAN X

P.S. I'm going to write an email telling her how much i miss her and want her to come to miami and whats the first thing im going to do when she gets here, IN SPANISH!!!

Rain, no Tv and emotions..

Its raining ... so that means no Tv because i have direct tv... wonderfule so what to do wile i wait for it to stop i just sit here and put on some music on my pc... Well i sit here and put on music and think of stuff i have on my mind... One of the things i mosty think of, is one of the meany times terrell, luis, kevin and me hung out back in the days; Mostly i just think about terrell. how i used to just hang out with him and have fun and how good it was. how sometimes we used to just hang out and do stuff like D&D, luis myself kevin and terrell... some times i just think about last feb and march 2002 when it was the best time in my life, and the group, all hanging out, getting crazy around UM... some times just chilling because we all needed a brake from our homes so we would all pile up in luis's car and go to UM and sit on the steps by lake or just chill on the stage.. or how i had it so good with the gang, and my girlfriend at the time rachel and how grate it all was and how happy i was ... Well things change people split up or remain friends and now i just find myself alone going to UM sitting on the same steps where we all used to hang out and think about how much fun it was, most of the times i just get my self all worked up, i cry sometimes, others i LOL but most of the time i just sit there in sadness, knowing how its never going to be like that, knowing how my freind is gone from miami, how he's 500 miles away and posobly never coming back. I really miss terrell, but i never knew how much i do. untill i found out he just moved up north. I never thought it would be like this, so alone, so much thinking about the past, so much sorrow. A lot of things would not be possible if i would of never met terrell... i probly wouldn't know so much about computers as i do, probably never would of found out about anime or bebop or D&D or Final fantasy or had my computer taken to the hospital or gone to the places i have been or know how to pimp it how i do or met rachel or even have anything about UM or even driving... hell i remeber he was the first person ever to jump in the car with me when i started driving and he showed me how to be calm on the express way when i was pannicing, most of all i miss him just talking to him about my problems and just other stuff, i would give anything to just hang out with him... i give up my Computer or even tuching a PC for life or my car or even my soul to have him back in miami and have it be like it was... I have never in my entier life cryed over loseing a friend but for some reson i feel like he was blood to me, Family. I do miss him, and i know i will never for get how much i do miss him. Every where in miami or even tv or my computer or my car im reminded of him. I try to not think about him but i just cant help it, when im reminded of him i start to think about fun times and then sadness sets in..

LIL MAN X

What's the deal... am i dreaming or am i living

ok so i woke up this morning like in sweting for some reson. What a dream i had, ok well its like im at some party and im chilling there with some hot chick witch i feel i know her and have known her for a long time so then like w/e im just chilling on some large swing chilling with my girl making out and talking about her fam and how she graduated and i want to get married with her, so it just like jumps from that to we got married but then its like weard because we dont live togeather so i was like ok were married but not living togeather but we still sleep togeather... how much weiarder can you get in a dream... ok but i mean its like this girl in my dream was hot ... damm hot .. get low hot... bang her brains hot... like wow... but what the hell was her name? Last week was crazy between classes and haveing to go to the doctor and then radio lollipop making cd's for people... so much stuff!!! I NEED A BRAKE ! so i was like i need to go out! friday night was a failire, didnt go out did nothing.. Sat moring was my class for the (clast) test, after class i was like it's the weekend time to party but before i made a move i had to get some stuff done... so i went to office depot to get some red folders for radio lollipop then after that i took them to MCH droped them off and visited genine in the hospital... wile i was chilling with her i got a call on my cell, it was caro, that her dad was in the hospital and she asked me if i wanted to see him and i was like sure i would so i came home got somthing to eat and then jumped in the shower and got dressed in my white riped tommy shert with some old school jeans and my viser. Got to the hospital and every one was there caro her sister, mother, tias, cusons and all. so i talked to oscar cheerd him up a bit and then whent back to her house.. well w/e we chilled there for a wile and i was like oh i wanna go out this and that so w/e she told me about some party up in NorthWest somthing i was ok cool lets go.. so i found out whos party it was ... it was her damm sexy freind Jess so i was like true but we had to play it off as if i was takeing her and not staying so w/e worked out because brian had called me to a party that john was having ... damm john having a party oh hell ya thats always a crazy party... so the plan was to go to her party to my boys party... ok true ture... so we are driveing and she tells me where it is i was like WTF its where ... well i drove all the way to pompano... damm it was far as hell sh*t i thought we would never get there...well we got there and it was a small jam but good so we had fun and i was like look i know its late but lets stop by john's party so we did... damm let me tell you how she was dressd first well this girl likes to dress veary sexy she had some jeans with like holes going down the side of her leg and the top well... damm it was like split with lots of cleavege... so w/e when we got there and i got out of the car brian was outside with his chick just chilling and i was like wheres the party at well guess we got there a lil bit late because it was like his fam a few friends and that was about it food was gone and no girls so w/e oh and john and his boys where like damm whos this girl... so i kinda made it look like if she was with me but not... so i got a kick out of that so then after that i took her home... you would think it was an easy task after all that no... she gets in the car and befor we got there she was like falling asleep and i was sleepy because i woke up at like 7am.. but no she put on the cd i had and started blasting big booty ho's omg it was crazy she was like moveing all crazy and i was like trying to drive wile shes like danceing all sexy and omg it was something .. she was like ha i know it i made you swet i was like naw i was fine ... ya right... well that was my crazy weekend who knows whats next ...

LILMAN X

Dream and missing some one...

Woke up and i know i just had to write this or it was going to bother me all day long. Well i had a dream i was hanging out by the old spot where we used to hang at U.M. It was me luis kevin and terrell... it was all cool the usal stuff we do when we go there but it was diffrent because even if i saw terrell there i knew deep inside this was a dream and not real... because i know the truth is he is gone and mad at me and wont talk to me... You have know idea how much that hurts that i cant talk to him... Terrell is my best friend and i cant even get in contact with him because i have no way... To far to travel and i dont know if he will even talk to me... It hurts so much i wish it would all me the same agen... some days go by and i think how he used to make me laugh so hard when i felt like sh*t or even when he would some times go out of his way to bring me my Pc to the hospital when i was sick.. I miss terrell so much ( I JUST WISH IT WAS LIKE THE OLD DAYS) or wish he would come back .. i dont know if hes mad at me ( if he was i would give anything for him not to be) (even my computer if it takes that i dont care) Pain is a horrable feeling sadness is too but the worst of all is louseing a frend that you realy cared about thats why i try not to louse any more becase i not only feel sad but i feel like i lost a part of me... I wish i could change the past and make the future better but i wish to bring my best friend back to the way it was...

LILMAN X

DAY HAS GONE TO HELL!!!

Crap day ... no, Bullsh*t day ... NO, A WASTE OF MY LIFE TO DAY WAS MORE LIKE IT.. What crap today was, Ya ok fine so yesterday night i stayed out till about 3 am at toms bar for kariokie; so what i had to get up at like 10 am to go do test at Mch who cares its my life stop bossing me around i do what i feel like it... I hate it when people push me and tell me what to do when i make my mind up... W/E ... So i got up late to go there ITS MY PROBLEM... So i get dressed and then after that i go and drive to MCH, well its not that far from my house but still its traffic and bla bla bla... so then after that i get there see my friend jess and i talk to her telling her the story about that crazy night... so after that i go to radiology and tell them ( look my doctor gave me this paper its a referal and i need to do theese test. ) Well little do i know she tells me ( Oh im sorry they are all expierd, you need to get new ones..) I was like WHAT?? So w/e kinda pissed that i wasted my time to go all the way over there when i could be in bed or doing somthing to my car. So i drive home its about 3pm (SCHOOLS ARE OUT) (TRAFFIC) Crap im stuck in bumper to bumper traffic... I hate School traffic.. because you have the stupid people trying to get right to the side of the side walk then the dumm ass kid is like talking to there friends the person is honking the horn and your trying to pass them but no you can't because they have an oversized SUV so you just have to sit there an waste gas wile the kid is like oh my ride is here ok let me attemt to get in the car ... so then they get in the car and for some reson wont go becase they are too stupid to say "hi how was you day at school" AND DRIVE... Its too hard for most of the drivers in miami.. so then i get home ok cool... oh its thursday... radio lollipop.. grate.. get dressed in the uniform get back in the car drive all the way back to mch.. well radio lollipop was good fine no problem there... But after i was suposed to go and do something with a friend of mine but we could not hook up my damm playstation so that whent to sh*t i mean we tryed everything but no nothing worked... so then after that crap ... i came home and looked at my tv and remeberd i forgot i had to switch out my mothers novela tape for the tape i had in there wich was my tape for recording cowboy beop wich im trying to record all 26 in a row but no what happend it recorded over the episode i taped yesterday and screwd it all up... you know when you just can't win and today was just one of those days... Oh and i wanted to go out... But no not even that what a sh*ty day.. FU*K THE WORLD TODAY IM GOING TO BED ... HERES SOME LYRICS TO LIVE BY.... LIMP BIZKIT (BREAK STUFF)
It's just one of those days
When ya don't wanna wake up
Everything is fu*ked , everybody sucks .
You really don't know why
But you wanna justify rippin someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfu*ker !
It's just one of those days !

JUST HAD TO WRITE ABOUT TODAY

OK i know i havent had time to write my blog but i have been super busy and dong lots of stuff... well today i just had to sit down no matter how late it was and tell about my day. Well like every day started off the same stuff as always me getting up late as i always want to get up early but w/e got up anoyed my granmother like always and helped my other grandmother... bla bla bla it wasent till about 10 pm it got good.... well as always i go to tavern this place on (112 and coral way) i always go there cuz thats the hangout i guess and w/e so then after i get there im chilling with the usal peeps nick, rolly brian and usaly if he has a chick with hime and the rest. so then im stiing there trying to see if anyone else is around that i know and i notice a blond girl just sitting there waving at me... i was like (umm ok shes calling me?) so i go over and tell her hi and she tells me that she has seen me before there and i was like " ya im here every tues night". So its all good i ask her what her name was and she told me jeanna and i didnt hear her too well over the music and i make the excusee of short term memory (also i kinda didnt know how to pronouce it) so she told me agen and ok cool. So she starts telling me how she was raised in hispanloa and how educated she is and this and that and im like cool, so then i tell her well let me tell you somthing about me she shes like oh the past dousent matter and im like ok, but let me tell you somthing about my self so shes like agen "the past dousent matter" and that the important thing is what i can do for her and what will happen in the future is better and on and on. So i was like ok.. thinking to my self all this stuff shes telling me and how the past is the past and telling me not directly to get her a drink but in her own words " im a woman and im perfectly capable of getting one but if you got one for me that would be nice " {So here i am all wearded out like wtf is she saying and what is her pattern of thought and what is she doing in life} getting her a drink so i go back shes like acting all weard and crap and this and that so finaly i can't take it.... i feel like i was about to eather just lose all hope of thinking or i had to go outside and scream or somthing i was so confused i felt like a nut.... (so i told her i will be right back) I steped outside and just had to do somthing so then every one outside was like damm that girls all over your dick... I'm thinking ( I DONT CARE SHES DRIVEING ME CRAZY SAYING ONE THING AND MEANING SOMETHING ELSE AND DOING ANOTHER.) So they keep telling me shes all over you and she wants you so bad and the chick is asking to be F*cked and shes all over you.... ( I COULD CARE LESS I WANT MY OWN MIND BACK, SINCE WHEN DID I LOUSE IT TO THE THOUGHTS OF OTHERS !!!) So between me trying to think and my friends telling me one thing and my other side saying ok easy lay ... I have to do somthing... ( I Decided to go and take her home early and get to know her as a person and not think with the man below) well i get back and shes kinda flerting with this italian girl and keeps on im trying to tell her somthing and shes all about oh this and that and how butifule and bla so then some how 3 girls sit infront of us and shes talking to them wile im enjoying the music and singing i turn back towards her and she 3way kisses them .... I was like ( WTF ) (this is not happening, well just one kiss its over back to talking to her) But it did not stop ... im like this is not happening to me im dreaming or i took somthing damm... but when i look back out of shock she moved to the table with the 2 other girls... i was like ( OK WHAT HAS HAPPEND THAT IM LOSING CONTROLL!!! ) so then all the guys around start flocking around and start to hover over all this like flys to raw meat... I was like ok w/e just horny fools trying to get some but its not going to happen... well some guy tryed to move in and i told him to back off hes like get out of here shorty... i told him no you get out so he did and the rest i was like ok shows over so then after that i told her look lets go i need to leave and i will take you home, well she told me no im leaving with her ( the girl that she was making out with ) i told her no im taking you home so its taken outside and im pissed and im so pulled in meany directions that i cant take it, so mr temper takes over im like thats it all thouse guys im going to stick them.. so a fight almost happens and shes talking to the girls and this and that every one trys to get a part of her and im trying to leave and make sure shes ok and leaves with me or some one who is not going to take her home and maybe have there way with her so she finaly decids to go home with alejandro ( good freand of mind, hes a sammy brother too known him for a wile) so im like ok cool .... well this guy phelipe says "oh i have to take her" "i know her uncal" and this and that i have to make sure shes ok and i was like look shes leaving with some one who i trust , and i trust few people with girls... so w/e she left with him and i guess they got home ok .... god what drama. its like it follows me or somthing i just dont know what it is about me ..... WHY ALWAYS ME!!! WHY GIVE ME THE DRAMA!!! hell all the crap i have gone though is plenty of drama ...

ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER ONE THAT PASSED BY ...

LILMAN X

Today's adventure and thurills...

WOW WHAT A DAY... Well today i whent to rapids water park. I had lots of fun.. All i have to say is for sure its super recomended ... it might be expencive well the food that is, but it was worth it and i got a free pass to go back for another time so its all cool. Im so tierd its not even funny, i got up at 10 because we where all suposed to meet on the parking lot of MCH and then it turned out colleen woke up late because she was up till like 5 or 6 and she slept in, so what i whent to bed at 4-somthing because i was watching tv and talking to peeps till like 3 so w/e NO EXCUSES!! so then we all met up and it was just basicly reachel,(the one who wants to be a cop) colleen me and some guy colleen wanted to take i guess to get my opinon on so i did nice guy i like him so hes not on my death list.. well unless he messes up and i have to do somthing about it so w/e. then the first ride was the big green i call it. You get in a big raft with up to 4 people and you go down a big water slide, i thought it was super awsome. So then after that one it was big red, oh and the lazy pool was cool too. The lazy pool is like a big 3feet deep chanal where you just chill on a raft and go with the flow so it was good after the crazy rides. At lest rachel behaved her self, she was nice to me and i was nice to her so it was all good. Next time she needs to plan this much better then how she did it this time. I got a feeling it was going to be just like 3 people max 5 but as always she thinks people are like ya i'll go for sure, umm wake up its not high school anymore if you make plans comferm them and make sure people go dammit, w/e next time i will help and it will be much better. Well that was my day and now im going to bed. I will write 2marrow and every day that i can remeber....

LILMAN X

bla bla bla

Another day another radio lollipop event ... what a day ok started like this, first of all i felt like shit wakeing up from a day that i got all my stupid imunisation shots, tetanouse hepitites A and B, flu, mumps, chicken pox, and god knows what else was in that cocktail... so then that night i got a nice oh 101 feaver and felt like i had a nice heavy cold... what crap ... so then i woke up like if i had a bad hangover form a bad night. Well after that i found out it was raining so, i was like screw it and whent back to bed after getting up at 10 AM. slept till like 1pm then after i got up, and did what i had to do. watched tv, had to put up with the daily crap and then after that got in the shower and jumped in the car and drove to radiolollipop. Well radiolollipop... w/e i have my comments about it but i rather save them for my own bi*ching. I did want to go out after i got home but colleen my friend told me it was off so i was like w/e; got in my pj's and watched the vma's on mtv and chilled ... then i wanted to make a DIARY but i found this wich is better and free.. so thats about it, now im just watching cowboy bebop wich is the best and thats all for now


LILMAN X