hate, sadness, alone and angry...

Well i dont know exactly what to say... right now at the moment i am kind of pissed off but not becasue i know the state of mind of this indavidual... so i cant really blame them but still it was stupid move and a big mistake... Some times i just wish i could rase my hand wish for somthing and it would happen... Well we all know no one has this abilitty so i must resort to other tactiks. Times like this i am alone... i have no one i can trust or truly tell how i feel, only becasue either they are connected to someone i know or dislike or someone i just know that has a big mouth or i just dont have faith in them... seems like i have no faith in anyone lately... i dont know why or a reson for this but i just feel like it... I just need my best friend here so he can just tell me i got your back or somthing like that...i guess the only one i can trust is terrell.. i just wish he was here.. seems to me times like this i need him the most and well i guess i am alone... Well ya i know i have other friends but still i dont have that trust or connection like i have with him... Some times im actualy scared with out him ... i felt safe, protected, like if some was guarding my back all the time... Now i feel like i have to watch my back watch were i go, what i do... I miss most just hanging out with him or like the times we just chilled for the hell of it at U.M. I also have a big void in my life, not only of my best-friend but of a girl... a girl to care for me, love me, and share all the feelings we would have in a relationship.. mostly i write to clear my mind, to ease my thoughts all sqwoshed up in my head.. writing i have found to be a way i vent all my thoughts that are all stored up in my head, i have over 1000 thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and emotions that i just dont write about because i dont want the world to know. What i write is what i feel. I think the best is to write out what you feel and need to get out but you have no one to tell...

LILMAN X