Today is one of the worst days I have had in the longest time I can last remember... To be honest, I think its just a extreme bad dream that I will wake up from, and it will all be fake... Today a extreme close friend of mine Passed away.... I don't know what to say because its like I talked to her and now she will never be able to talk ever.... Its unreal to me because I saw her in the hospital room as I usually do, but this time was unreal... I was expecting her to get out of this like every single time she is sick, then I yell at her for not doing what she should of and then she takes the turn on doing the same to me.... I can't conceive this... Its not happening that she is gone, its like she was and now she is not, I tried to give my advice, I prayed, something I haven't done in a wile because I was and still am mad at the big man because of what has happened in the last 3 months... I feel as my life just keeps going down the drain and this drain won't end or at least see some light at the end... Its just getting deeper and more dark and I cant get out because IM still falling.... Some times I think maybe if I moved away somewhere else or my karma or its just my luck... I mean I do want to be positive and honestly be happy but I just feel its like this one moment something small or average happends and IM happy then something twice or more happends to be worse than the positive.... Its an observation I've noticed with in the last 3 or so months.... I mean I could write a list or even balance checkers of the bad.... For example, red checker for good and black for bad.... My average would be one king and a few regulars in red and black would have 2 or 3 kings and 3 regulars so I don't get it.... Why her, why did she have to pass on so young... I mean 22 years old, and half spent in the hospital, why could of not it had been some sudent event or at least something with a reason.... Death must have at least closure or something to it, I don't get it.... I wish I could have a convo with her for at least 10 mins, I would give 10 years off of my life to do that.... I knew her for 7 or 8 years, hospital buddy's we met and then we grew on each other.... God why is it always heavy-hearted or hurtful news you bring to us? When will be have something from you besides the gift of life that is joyful or vivacious??
To genine: Genine I love you with all my heart and I always did and will do... I thank you for the greatest gift of having to met you and your family, your mom misses you and every one else who you got to meet... I would give 10 years but you would probably not let me because you would be mad at me... You will always have a place in my heart... I can never forget you and I sure cant go in the hospital or eat a cracker with out thinking of you... Miami children's will always be our place and room 361 will always be our first "dinner" date with the fake flowers which I still have... I hope God and his angles take care of you as good as I tryed to... I love you........
alex
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