Dizzy up the girl...

Ever heard of the song Sympathy by The Goo Goo Dolls? Let's look at the lyrics...

Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees

Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt

It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was

Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong

And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger than your sympathy stranger than your sympathy.

Well i was writing a apology to some one i had no clue i offended and they will remain anonymous and this song is perfect for them. A little bit of this song and the song Black Balloon by the same artist would be a perfect mix of both lyrics to describe this relationship we uniquely have... Its funny because i am rough and blunt and rather upfront. Also at the same time deep inside, and not many know i kind of think a lot day to day of my actions and people who i hang around with and who i choose as my friends. I might seem as i don't but the truth is i do. Also a lot of things i say and do is not what i think about deep inside. Its more of a defense i have gotten accustom to or have grown, so people cannot bust into my fortress and take me down. I have learned, "show your true self and let the wolves in for the feeding". So i must be smacked by my true friends time to time and told what were you thinking or reality smacked i guess. I don't know anymore honestly. Its like the lyrics say, my head has been filled with doubt but I'm filling my life with things i don't need. Well i hope this person gets the point of this part of the blog.

Well besides my apology, this past weekend was good, and then again it was also rather a mind filling situation. Let me try to explain this further. So i had a blast, danced, drank like a champ to the point i was not sober at all, had girls all over me at the bar. Met random people who's numbers i look at now in my phone and think i will never call them. Had a bartender offer to take me back to her house. Had the most wildest time in a long time, but i don't feel accomplished. I don't know why. I mean yea any guy would be like, Shit yea it was insane, but not me. It used to bring a lasting smile to my face way back when, but now its like "oh it was fun". I don't know to blame this on age, maturity, woman in my life, my self, or other things i don't know of... It makes me dizzy thinking about all this stuff... Good god i would just like to feel satisfied and contempt with things already... Why must things be so complicated. Stupid asexual cell's they have it too easy! We have it the worst!