Merry Christmas !!

So today is Christmas at least for the next 30 Min's that left... I say it was good too me... I got a bunch of things that i wanted and didn't have a clue i was going to get them... I was in the beginning of the day kinda down because it didn't feel like it really was Christmas but at the end of the day and during opening presents it did... I was kinda sad because at my house i was soo used to my grandmother here and a bunch of people showing up, basically your huge Cuban party with the left over pork from noche buena and black beans and rice with yuka and other stuff... Just a lot of people here is i guess what didn't make it feel too right, but when the few people that came over started opening gifts and talking and stuff it was rather better, not the same but better than what i thought... So lets see what did i get... Well Santa left me: A 30GB ipod black, Lacoste red dress t-shirt, Nice M. Jordan jogging jacket and paints, Green day T, Rocky Anthology, Pirates of the Caribbean 1 and 2, money and a few more items... So it was good to me... I had fun and didn't go out... Oh also since i was home i started to download the new Nelly Furtado CD... Its awsome i soo recommend you get it if you like her... its super good and I'm going to burn a few copy's to give out... Hell i might go crazy and buy her CD in the store... Its that good... Grate mix of lyrics and songs, Spanish songs too which i was in shock she actually did... I looked up some background stuff on her and wow is all i have to say... Well I'm going to go to bed early and might put a rocky movie since i now own them... Enjoy the Nelly Furtado Video i put up... I think its one of the best songs on the album...

LILMAN X

Its hard after so long... Old-Timer Stronger...

Well today i attempted to do what i like to call Rocky Training day... I got some gray sweat paints and a gray long sleeve shirt and jogged... Wow i thought i was going to die because it was hard as all hell... I was extremely out of breath by the time i made it once around my block, but i did it... Dammit i pushed my self until i almost could not any more... I will do it even if it kills me i will regain my Strong Legs and my upper body... Its not easy with all the stupid health problems and the PH i have too, But i can do it... Even if its just 10 mins or so a day, little by little... I will do it, When i get to the point i can do it with out feeling almost out of it i will step it up a little... It might take a wile but i will do it... I hate to feel old and out of shape... I hate to be skinny and stuff, i need to eat more... Gain some weight and turn it into something... I figure the way i will do it is, First one day jog, The next day i will have a book bag and just stuff it with heavy books, then do go twice around my block at a fast pace... Not to run or jog with the backpack but to just have something that will make my legs work with out getting my heart going too fast... Then the next day do a short jog and so on... It should work... I mean hell my legs hurt now from today's early run so i think its going to work... I just have to do it little by little and keep it simple i don't kill my self too bad... Hell if a 60 year old Sly can do it then i can do it... I feel old but today i felt a little more alive i guess you could say... Between the jog and a race i had vs a 350 z who i can say i kicked its ass, i think i could do it... One last time, get back into shape or some what... At least as long as i remain healthy... Going to bed so i can get up early, jog some and then visit lollipop peeps...

LILMAN X

Old timer thoughts... End of an era

Well today was a rather busy day, but also not that bad... but i had my thoughts... Today for some reason i was thinking back to how things used to be like a year ago, or 2 or 3 years ago, and soo much has changed... I am always a person who hates change... If its going good it should stay that way i think... Ive also met a lot of people in that time but i have also lost some people in my life and disconnected with others too... Why do things have to change? Why can't they stay the same and good as always and just keep it like that with out bad things happen... Its funny, its the little things you just don't notice change and then when you think, oh I'm going to, then your like wait, i can't its changed, or they aren't around anymore... Sad i guess is the way i feel, i mean this year was harsh, lots of changes and things that have happened that i guess i just didn't get to slow down until one day i look and notice the change... Some things are stupid but they mean a lot to me... Example, MCH was my home away from home, now its been almost 2 years or more since i was there last, its changed soo much... Some people are still their but a lot have gone or just changed around... Even the old hall ways which whisper so many memory's don't feel the same... Its like i could stand in one spot, and close my eyes real tight and remember something that happened their, at a moment some time past... I feel old for some stupid reason even if i still am young... Also i don't have a crew anymore like i used to, i see me always telling the same old story over and over like i am living in the past... Fine i mean i live for now but it looks like story's in the past were better than how things are now days, or at least lately... Nothing is as fun as it used to be, Some times i push myself and tell myself " dammit you can still do it " but sometimes i can't... I try to push myself like i used to but time seems like its catching up to me or something... Some things i try to do but i just can't anymore, why??? I guess its like i am still living my old glory days because Ive noticed i am always telling the same old stupid story's... My head is not as clear as it used to be also, its all foggy and just not the same free caring anything go's, i am going to do it because i can push my self and make it attitude... Its i guess an end of an era for me i guess, Hell i mean its getting to that point i think... Next week will be the final time i use the Pookie head outfit... The morgue is closing and then after that, what's the point, no more place to rave... After that i retire my pookie head image and wrap it in plastic until one day i may be able to take it out of retirement i guess... An end of an era...

LILMAN X

Figure my self out, why?

Why today has been a odd day for me... I fell OK, not my 100% best but w/e when am i ever 100% heath, that's just crap i try to bring up not to actually see what i am trying to figure my self out... Do i do this because i love to i guess hate my self? Or do i do this to drive my self crazy? I just don't understand the way i think sometimes and the worst part its me figuring out me... So what an uphill battle this is... I know what i want but i rather just think of other things to forget what i should do, say and speak my mind... Holding up all this crap inside myself and i just want to let it all out! But if i do what will happen? Who will i lose forever? Will i hurt people or will i care if i actually say what i am thinking? I just don't know what to do or what turn i should make... Its like this dream i had a few nights ago just before i got out of the hospital, Should i keep driving the same direction and just let w/e comes at me let it be or should i just turn off this road that leads to nowhere... i feel like this weight on my back that's heavy and i just keep dragging along and i don't know how much i could take of this... I would like to just stand up, say what i feel like telling people and then the end with it, but i can't. Why because i am way too nice and easy going, yeah sure need help no problem... I always try to make peace with people and let what happened pass and forgive but when should i stop doing this? Should i ever or should i just do it and screw what happens... My mind is like in a spin just thinking about all the stuff i want to get out in the open... Last time this happened i just wrote letters and then read them back to myself and then burned them not to show to the people they were meant to go out to... Screw it, i guess some things change but i can't i just cant be an asshole or a dick and be like fuck you here is what i think and take it or leave it... Ive done that way too much in the past and for that i have lost a lot of people... I just don't know anymore... Just going to bed and screw it...

LILMAN X >_<

Its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving..

Well its been a wile since i have been online and checked email and contacted the Internet world... I just got out of baptist hospital like yesterday and i was out with some people for a little wile today but i can't just do it, I had to come home after 30 mins out... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, i feel like i got hit by a train that was going 200 miles an hr. I don't know and cant figure out whats wrong.. I feel sick and crappy and weak and i haven't felt this bad in a long time... I fell like i am this old man just getting out of bed and attempting to get back into shape but all my joints hurts and my energy level is low and i feel just blah... I feel like an old Rocky going down and down... But I have learned that Rocky is back ! A new movie coming out will make me up-rise and make me back into me! ALEX AKA LILMAN X !! I NEED TO GET BACK INTO ORDER AND REORGANIZE WHATS GOING ON... ! I will make my best and before Rocky comes out i shall be back, starting tomorrow i will figure out what the hell is wrong with me! Make a doctors appointment and a full blood work, you name it and i will do it... It Time... Time to make a come back !!! Fist step is to gain what weight i lost, second i will eat and exercise to what i am able to, and then come the Hurt BOB time! Time to figure out who is there for me and who is not!! Watch out because you may be you~~!
LILMAN X >_<

On the 5th day of hell I...

Well its been one hell of a 5 days... Today i finally feel good enough to get up out of bed and write some and check my email and stuff... Since i think Thursday midday or so i have felt like hell its self... I was at my cardiologist on Tues and he sent me some meds that lowered my blood pressure because due to the PH or pulmonary hypertension that i recently found out i had about 6 months ago or so, the pressure has not improved or actually has gotten worse due to my recent activity called work... Yeah i know how much worse could my life get... W/e screw it, like everything i always deal with it and do what i have to... So any ways what happened was with the other medication I'm taking on top of that he sent me some other one... Now i was warned that i might be a little dizzy for a day or two at the most but what happened the next 4 to 5 days was hell on earth for me... After Wed i got out of work and had to deliver bad news to my boss that i could no longer do the physical work i was doing before because it would make my condition get worse, i rushed to baptist which is the only place they have the rare meds i take to go with this rare i'llness... Go figure >_< So w/e got them and i took the first one that night and the next day was Thanksgiving... So Thursday i woke up and took the morning one and the midday one and the one at night... I would say by midday i was already dizzy but fine because i was expecting that... Yea so, as the night went on i felt worse and worse and horrible... The next day i was to go to work and i can tell you i could not get out of bed i was in such bad shape... The room was like a puzzle that you scramble and mess up... The floor was like on the wall and the wall was like on the top of my room and i felt like some one took me for one hell of a ride and i was still on it... What happened was my blood pressure Plunged to like 100 over 50... That's low as hell for me... I am mostly around 115 over 70 or when I'm up and around 125 max over 89... So yeah and my pulse was super low... So i told my mother to call the doctor that this was not apart of it and i had to call my boss and tell him what was going on... So the doctor told me to stop taking it and i might have some side effects from stopping it like a migraine or a bad headache... Well OK so i did have that for 2 days including today but i feel much better today and at least the room stopped spinning... Yesterday it was spinning but today at least that stopped and my blood pressure is back to its normal range... What hell i have gone into... Oh yeah it gets better... Thanks to the world spinning on me and all that i have to now make an appointment with my GI doctor because my stomach is back to giving me problems and also on top of that now i have to contact the Liver transplant people and also my Immunologist... Yay for doctor appointments <~~~(shoot me)... So yeah good greef... At least my boss is cool and understands what is going on and is flexible with it... So w/e i have to do blood work tomorrow and other stuff so i am going to bed... Good night...

LILMAN X >_<

Rambling Thinking and more...

Yeah so its been a long week and its going to be a longer week coming up... my schedule has been like this, Monday and Weds i have class from 6-9:30 and Tuesday and Thurs i have class from 9 to 12:30. So Thanks to my boss i have been working from 12 to 4 or when i have day classes i work 5 to 9... I mean its 4 hrs but its like right in the middle of time i could be doing something else... I rather work like 5 to midnight 3 days a week and call it a day and work one day on the weekend.. You tell me... Would that make some kind of since? By the time i get home its like 9:30, I am dead tiered from working and school back to back and then i have no time to myself and i barely get to study... Fuck that... I need my time to study and shit... I mean work is not everything, i don't have to... I could do with out it and i have before... w/e i haven't a clue what to do so w/e... Also I've wanted to spend time with some one but i haven't called them and i was thinking about calling them this weekend to see what they are up to... Maybe i will give them a buzz later tomorrow or something... let see... Since i have no girl I've spent money on my car and Fixing it up and stuff... its looking better by the day.. I have Rims i got from a dealer and tail lights i got off of e-bay so its pimping... Hell if i don't have a girl i will spoil my self on my car i figure... Can't have one so i will have the other... I rather have the first choice but i don't so w/e... Boys will be boys as some one i know says all the time to me... Well its 11:30 and i am tiered as hell so its lights out for me...



LILMAN X >_<

SOME PICS OF MY CAR...

Morning Breakfast: 1 hard boiled egg, Cuban bread and coffee made just the way you like it..
Price: Mother yelling at you for getting up too early...

Fast Run: Going to the bank only to find out they are closed today and then get stuck in a traffic jam because some asshole decided to hit another car..
Price: Some Gas, aggravation and Time Wasted...

Washing Car: Vacuum rugs take out all the stuff inside the car, wash rugs and spend time to wash and wax your car and make it smell good so you'll look pimping at night to impress some one..
Price: 3 Hrs, a sunburn and some water...

Spending on yourself: 2 new tires, balancing, alignment, Put on your car so you have 4 nice looking rims on your car..
Price $180 something..

Time spent Driving around Miami and thinking to yourself wile your bestfriend rides with you
Price: Half a tank of gas and 5 billion Brain Cells killed..

To come home after trying to have a good day and failing miserably..

Priceless .... For every crappy Day Theirs Sleep... LILMAN X >_<

Tired of the same shit,,,

Well I have to go to work in a little wile, but I am soo sick of the same shit... Its always the same crap at work, do this do that clean this stock the shelves with this toy or fix the racks of cloths and shit like that... IM getting sick of the same crap as always... I think IM going to quit... I am also tired as hell and I don't feel like putting up with more shit at work.. I mean they could help from time to time and I barley get time of soo wtf is the point... And school, wow I don't even want to go there because its just I have so much work to catch up on and tomorrow is my last day so I don't know what the hell IM going to do... ahhhh!!!!!!!!
Sugar Ray Someday

Someday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
Just close your eyes and Ill take you there
This place is warm without a care
Well take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Somesay
Better things will come our way
No matter what they try to say
You were always there for me
Someway
When the sun begins to shine I hear a song from another time and fade away
And fade away
Just close your eyes and Ill take you there
This place is warm without a care
Well take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave and you reach for me
Someone said you tried to long
Someone said we got it all
Someone said we tried to long
Is there a place where I belong
So far so long
So far away
So far so wrong
So far away
Somday
When my life has passed me by
I lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I look around for another try and fade away
And fade away

LILMAN X

Catch up time... Work, school... Another week..

Well at least this time its going to be short blogg... Ok let me put it like this... On the weekend I was at the VT vs UM football game with a Friend and I had fun and I hope maybe we can do it again... I had lots of fun, all I have been doing is working and school and sleep and that's it... Super tired of the same shit so the change was good.. I hope my work schedule will not be as harsh as before but who knows.. I am supposed to get my next 2 weeks tomorrow so we will see... This week is finals and exams then the new term starts next week... Well I will write more when I get a chance... So until next time kids.. Remember crack killz...!!

LILMAN X >_<

HALLOWEEN CAN GO TO HELL ! I HATE THIS DAY !

Well today was the biggest let down and the day I hate the most to this point! What a fucking shit day I have had and its all over ! First let me start off with the fact I have not had a day off since about oh Friday of last week...! All I have done is work hard like a jack ass from 8 to 9 hrs a day and deal with stupid people getting costumes and stupid people asking me all day today if I was sure we didn't have more in the back... I officially hate this god forsaken day of Halloween... I hope next year the earth explodes and every can go fuck them selfs... 4 weeks of this shit I have had to put up with... Selling costumes and dealing with assholes and all this shit so I could enjoy my one day I have been waiting for so I could go out with some people and have fun maybe drink and celebrate its all over and no more idiots, but no, this day just got worse! After being at work from 12 to 8 and dealing with people that should of gotten some costumes on time, all I wanted to do was go to the grove, have some fun, hang out with some friends maybe, hell go trick or treating... No, nothing I spent from 10 pm to almost 12 midnight in my stupid car... Wonder why, well I will tell you why... BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES AND LOSERS AND PUSSYS WHO CHICKEN OUT AT THE LAST MOMENT!!!! First I ask person 1 what are they doing, this was early in the day wile I was at work... They told me hey we are hitting the grove wanna come... I sed sure I get off at 8, so when I get off at 8 I call this asshole and find out they are already in the grove because they wanted to go early.. Fine person number 2 who I also spoke to early today, told me they were going to the grove then to some club... Well they told me some stupid excuse and all this shit so basically I got screwed with them... Ok fine person number 3 was asleep because they were tired from work, What the fuck do you think I did all day long, sit here and play with my self asshole! Person number 4 who I called after person number 3 told me they were in the grove... Fine I sed what the hell I will pay for parking and all that stuff... Well I was in traffic 2 miles from the grove to get into the grove to park... I didn't even make it to grand or us one because I was in traffic for 1 hr and half in traffic... So I sed fuck the grove !!! Fine I called person number 5... Well I got lost going to the location were they were because by this time I was all pissed off and I was driving and I got lost because I didn't look at the street I was on.. So I ended up in the fucking ghetto and took some road that told me I-95 south but it was the north lane but I didn't notice until I got to north west 180th... I WAS SOO FUCKING PISSED OFF AT THIS POINT I COULD OF KILLED SOME ONE!!! After all that shit the person I was going to meet up with left wile I was almost there... So I decided to say "FUCK HALLOWEEN" and officially hate this day and it killed Halloween for me... I SWEAR THIS DAY IS HORRIBLE!!! I am going to bed and November better be good or else I don't know what I am going to do... FUCK HALLOWEEN AND ALL THAT BULLSHIT !!!

LILMAN X >_<

Killing me softly with work...

Well so today was yet another day at plaything Miami... Basically today I was told by the "girl's" that work with me to take down the book section and put it up, but to make sure I clean it and its dust free and it looks nice and all... Yeah yeah all bullshit so I can be their bitch... Well w/e between the stupid shoe room re-organizing it and the stupid mess they make every fucking day I have to clean up and do this and that and dump this and that I was so sick of all this its killing me... I mean health wise I cant take it... I cant sleep, or rest the amount I need to so my stupid retarded body can repair its self and shit and then also its way too much physical work too... I mean ok fine take the cloths and shit hang them walk here and back bla bla bla, fine... When they put me to work like lift this and bend down pick that up, pick this up do that move this, so sorry but did the stupid bitches forget I have a medical condition... I mean I haven't told them exactly what it is but shit its too much... That army girl can do it if she is sooo damm all about it... I mean if you want something done then the bitch can do it her self... SHIT I just wanna tell her to go to hell and be nice to me and that her attitude will get nothing done correctly because if shes a bitch to me expect me to be the same to her... This is not the ARMY BITCH !!! Well so I let out some frustration on that... So w/e I told my boss that for real I cant do as many hrs as I was doing... Ok cool they are paying me in cash and stuff so I don't work 40 hrs on paper but at least try not to kill me... I mean 5 days a week 8 hrs, I didn't have time for school or to rest up some... It was up in the morning do what I needed to do and work, come home, eat, sleep and work all over... Bullshit I can't do that... My body is all out of wack and IM all screwed up because of it... I come first then my job... For get this shit, its killing me slowly... Besides all that the store is awesome and I love my staff member's besides the army girl... I hope she will warm up but who knows... Well IM going to bed and I have to get up early so write your comments and stuff and I will see ya next time to update you all on job and school...


LILMAN X >_<

Shoot me IM tired...

Wow never in my life would I of thought I would be soo tired but so awake at the same time too... It seems all I do is sleep then get up and go to work... IM soo tired its not even funny... I feel like I could sleep 2 or 3 days and just never wake up and stay in bed... I am all sore and beat up from working and taking this and that and bla bla, Today I did my best to arrange the boxes of shoes that we have at the store and if Steph has something to say about it tomorrow she can do it her self... I am done with that shit because too much crap is in that back room to even think about making room or an order of things... The boxes are stacked as best as I can and that's that... All I know is I WANT to go out this Thursday because I am off and SAT I think I am also off... So you people let me know what's up... Going to bed.. X_X

Lilman x >_<

Intergalactic - Automatic - Playthings - Slims

So finally about time I got to dance up on some bitches and amongst my peeps! Last night was awesome! All I have to say is automatic slims was intergalactic crazy... Ok so I am listening to Beastie Boys but that's besides the point... It was crazy shit... That place is small but wow I didn't know that a big amount of people could be packed into a small place like that... I've been to automatic slims but never when it was that packed. They also added some kind of cold CO2 jet thing on the roof... Crazy shit what can I say... So the playboy models were there but w/e like I don't see a big amount of sexy girls at my work... I should of gotten this girls number last night I kinda insulted and thought she was older, but hey the way to get to know some chick at a club is insult her.. Oh yeah it works... Worked soo well I got her phone... LOL... Actually I found her phone on the floor and didn't even know it was her's... But I looked in the phone book and saw a few buddies numbers and I was like wow, I know this person... So w/e hey it works it works you know, just don't ask why and take it... Work has been awesome, but sometimes its tiring when bitches come to try on costumes and they try on every damm kind in the store, then they don't get any because its too sexy... What kind of fucking fool are you, I mean your walking into a store called playthings that sells toys and sex stuff... WTF do you think your going to find? For real are they that stupid?? So I finally got my rims... They are awesome and I have them but 2 of them need tiers and need to be balanced and stuff and that's like $300 to do that soo yeah I am going to have to wait a little wile before I do that... But they are so awesome and I know they will look good on the civic... Let me tell you peeps more about work... Basically what I do all day is stand in the back of the store when there are people trying on costumes and stuff and I open the dressing rooms and stuff and then I take the costumes back to the correct rack and hang them back... So the best part is, the girls come out and model for them selfs and ask me, " how do I look in this " Now I am honest, I tell them " oh looks awesome " or I tell them " no, no way don't look good on you ". So yeah I get to see girls all day long in almost nothing all sexy and stuff... I love it, half naked girls trying on costumes and looking hot... What more could I ask for, oh yeah I get payed for it too... Sometimes I do admit I get sick of it, but only when I know they waste my time by trying on costume after costume and they don't come out of the fitting room and they just tell me to put them all back, but that's not too often... Now lets see, my only goal is to maybe find some chick and get with her... Who, that I don't know but I am looking and I rather have a relationship then a fling, because that's just who I am... So I have work today at 3 until 11 and then IM not sure if IM going to do something after work but who knows... I also work all next week Monday -Thursday 4 to midnight so its going to be a long week... So to keep me some what sane call me and check up on me or send me something so I don't go nuts...

LILMAN X >_<

Mr. Brightside

Well I just got home a little wile ago; I didn't want to stay home so I hit the grove... Just walked around and thought to my self about a few things and eat shit... No one wanted to go out tonight, but w/e I called up an old friend and asked them if they wanted to walk around and eat shit like back in the day how we used to... So w/e stayed only for like an hr or 2 and then home and got dropped off... Now I am here thinking to myself about a few things... First is first, I have work 2marrow and all next week until Thursday so w/e... by next Friday I will have some cash so I can get the rims I want for my car and it will be awesome and I shall be pimping, don't worry I will post pics up... So besides that I need some stuff also done to my car, but I have some income now so it shall be done soon... All before November too! Awesome! So yeah, next weekend I hope I don't work but I want to go out real bad too... So yeah we will see how it will go, for now all I have to do is sing myself the song Mr. Brightside and everything shall be alright and good to go... So yeah 2 songs come to mind The Killers- Mr. Bright side and Evanescence - Bring Me To Life ... Good greef I hope I survive the week >_<


LILMAN X >_<

P.S. Playthings RULES!!

New JOB !!! PLAYTHINGS !!!

Ok I have to say the best job I have had to date is this one... Ok let me rewind some first... A few weeks ago I was looking for a job because my funds are running low due to the stock market being sucky and other stuff... So w/e I've applied at like 10 different places, so I stopped by playthings; Playthings is a Adult store that's not like your usual adult store... It's cool because its like pleasure emporium and condom USA and Victoria secret all in one... Its like when you walk in its got sexy cloths and stuff like that with oils and other stuff and in the back its a XXX store too... They have your vibrator and "fun sticks" and all kind of DVD's blow up dolls and other stuff... So I was talking I think it was Tim, and I was like man to find a job sucks no one is taking me hive applied at 100 places and no one has called me back. So w/e we were talking about his bike and told me hey look fill this out so we have your information... I was like this is an application, he was like yeah, and, fill it out... I was so excited and shocked too so w/e... I filled it out and stuff and too weeks to this past Monday and I got the job... I love it over there... Its awesome and soo not the job I was ever think I could get... But I got it!!! The only bad part is there's a lot of walking but I don't care, I will get used to it.. My only problem is that IM going to have to switch to SAT lollipop or just quit... I love it and IM ganna keep it as long as I possibly can... I work Sunday to Thursday 4-midnight and let me tell you its perfect for me, well almost but w/e I can make sum changes to adapt but w/e screw it I love it and that's that... The best part I think is I learn a lot about I guess sex stuff and also I get discounts, OH YEAH... Also I get payed very well... Another plus is I get to see some Fine looking Girls and let me tell you some Hot girls come in, I am very professional about what ever they need but still I enjoy a sexy face... Now let me tell you its all good working there but still I rather have a relationship then have 1 billion sexy faces and all that stuff... Well its like 3pm and I am going to get ready to leave because I have work at 4... SO peace bitches!!!
LILMAN X >_<

Standing poem...

Well today... Nothing happened except I found out soon I will be working at an awesome place.. yay... Besides that nothing else is going on... IM going to write a poem and go to bed...

Standing:

I stand in my spot.
the same old place.
I take a step forward.
but IM walking on a space.

A space that's the same.
no matter what I think.
To just move forward.
is just an imaginary space.

To try to jump in front.
To try to jump a head.
To freely move a step ahead.
Is just the same old place.

I think IM getting ahead.
I think IM moving again.
I want to move just maybe.
one or two steps of space.

If I stand longer here.
in the same old place.
I never will know.
any other space.

But I try so hard.
and I try so much.
if I ever do move.
That will be my happy place.

For now I see.
I haven't moved ahead.
even if I try hard.
its always the same old space.

Crispy Red With The Doctors Orders And Burnt Out...

So today was a day of not much going on... I woke up, went to the doctors and decided to stop by chrissy's house and come home after... I got up like at 10 and then I had my usual breakfast and stuff and I went to the doctors at 2 because I had my check up and stuff... So w/e I did the same thing, how am I doing, tell him all the things I need fixing and that's about it... So after that I got out like at 5 because I had to wait for the Rx and stuff to be written and labs copied... So after I went to chrissys house to hang out and eat shit and have some water... I was not about to deal with traffic at that hr so I found a spot I could chill until it died down... So I was their for a little wile and then I took the turnpike home and picked up my new shoes I had altered and that was about it... After that I just took a power nap and woke up around 8 or so... Then I called alexa and asked her what she was doing on Wed and she told me nothing so I suggested maybe we can go to the mourge and hang out and stuff... So she sed sure and then after I called mark so he can come with us and stuff... Mark and I chatted for a wile and then I watched some T.v. and then I talked to chrissy updating her on stuff and now IM writing and that it folk... The weekend was good... All I did was Sat I was hanging out with mark and alexa and chrissy at a pool hall because dio was busy after we chilled and then Sunday I got burnt to a crisp in the sun doing parking and stuff for the fair... So right now IM nice and red but I shall get a good tan out of this when my burnt comes off... Well IM super tired and IM going to go to bed... My thought process is gone by now so good night

LILMAN X >_<

Nothing But Anime ^_^

So today I didn't do much of anything because all I did was basically watch anime ^_^ ... I love to watch anime its all I do basically when I don't do anything as in going out and stuff... Thanks for the anime to Luis... He's the man when it comes to anime and stuff... If you need an anime or w/e, Luis is the man to go to... So yeah, I was watching "Dual! Parellel Trouble Adventure" awesome anime btw I love it... So w/e its 13 episodes long and one extra episode which is the best so yeah just watched that all day and I also got my handicap sticker renewed... Besides that I didn't do much of anything... I was thinking maybe going out or hanging out somewhere later but I was like nah and Luis was tired and he didn't want to go out so I was like forget it... Lets see anything else's I would like to say... (Thinking...) Well yeah I was thinking about this girl I met, only have seen her like once but I would like to maybe go to the movies or something with her... I dunno maybe, I mean its just a thought but IM not sure how the hell to ask her... It has been a long time since I've been on I guess you could call it a "date"... Even if my last date was unsuccessful and it turned out to be just a big disappointment but w/e... I guess I will work up the guts eventually but I hope not too late because I don't want my opportunity to pass me by... I have my human guide to help me and some inside help on her I hope and maybe with that I can achieve my goal... Its not like IM invading Poland or something... Yeah well so its a few hrs of online then to my room to watch some more anime wile I clean my room...

LILMAN X >_<

Sick, Pissed Off, Disappointed and Awake!

Its 1:30 AM and I am awake and Pissed off and Sick... I am sick with a stupid cold because I got this thanks to a girl I shall call Jane... Thanks to Jane I am sick with a nasty cold and I haven't felt like this in a long time... On top of all that I have had a shitty weekend because after Thursdays nice awesome outing, I haven't done shit... I thought maybe Sat we were all going to hang out and maybe do something and party and I was going to get a chance to get out of the house... Well no Turns out Since Jan didn't know what the hell she was doing her friend and her didn't plan anything so we ended up doing nothing but I don't care because at the end of the night I would of been so sick anyways I would of probably done nothing... Sat all day I stayed home until about 5 or 6 pm and I went to Luis's job to apply as front desk and see if I might get the job there... That would be awesome because then at least I have a steady income and stuff but even then I was forced to leave because I felt so shitty that I could not take it and I had to go home... Today I did nothing... I wanted to clean my room and do some stuff but I had to almost sleep half the day and stay in bed because I had a fever of 102 and I was all stuffed up... So Jane at 12 something or 11 something called me to tell me to get some of her stuff that I have and put it outside the door and to look for it... After she gave me this fucking cold and I feel like shit she calls me super late to tell me that stupid insignificant shit... Fuck that she is out of her fucking insane mind... I feel like shit ok... I know you are reading this and I am now awake thanks to your stupidity of your narcissistic boyfriend and you trying to fucking prove a point to his stupid ass... WTF are you thinking... I now am awake pissed off because I have to wait 1 hr or more for the nyquil and other 2 things I took to kick in and put me to sleep... Other words I will be awake all night long and tomorrow I cant do the things I need to do... Fuck, have some consider ation and don't give a fuck what that jack-asses opinion is... Fucking think for your self and get a hold of what you give a damm about... I had 10 missed calls today and I know almost all of them are from people wanting something from me... I only picked up 4 out of 14 calls total I had today... shit... You know why I have it how I have it... Because I don't give a fuck about anyone's opinion and persuasion on me... That's why I get so far... If you don't care they can't harm your feelings and thoughts... People need to learn that... So fuck the bullshit IM going to bed or at least try to... So thanks For waking me up Jane...

LILMAN X >_<