School, Doctor, and doing nothing....

Well so today another day of going to school and learning... Well more like taking another test and going over it wich takes for ever for some reason... I had a doctors appt at 2 with my GI... Well good news and bad news... The good part is that i am doing so far so good with my meds the bad news is i have a strickture... (narrowing of the intestions) bummer i know, so they have to do some tests and stuff see if i might have to have an operation... Fun... W/e I am used to it by now and i have to deal with it... Well its almost 10pm and i so want to go out and i have no clue on what my peeps are doing so ... Duh i am stuck here at home with nothing to do... i hope some one calls me or i will just grab some junk food and be a lazy bum and do nothing as usal... So i was driveing today blasting a grate song .. Teenage dirtbag by WHEATUS i think im going to add it as my intro song to the site...

LILMAN X

WHEATUS - Teenage dirtbag

Her name is Noel

I have a dream about her

She rings my bell

I got gym class in half an hour

Oh how she rocks

In Keds and tube socks

But she doesn't know who I am

And she doesn't give a damn about me

Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby

Yeah I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby

Listen to Iron Maiden baby with me

not much but not at all...

So today yet another day that i didnt do much, just the usal i guess you could say... I am now really worried about my friend in lebanon i hope she is ok cuz i have been reading on the news shits kinda getting bad over there at times... So i picked up terrell and hung out with him and that was about it... we just whent to Elpinguino's house to chill and that was about it... Now im going to sleep i have a long day ahead of me... lots of home works and shit to do....

LILMAN X

scrub, wash and chill..

So today was w/e layed back i didnt do much just stayed at home and wased my car.... Since i havent wased my car in such a long time actualy its been about 2months since i have wased my car now that i remeber i gave it a good scrubbing... So it took me a wile to was the car and it came out awsome...
too bad it was almost sundown or it would of looked alot better and you could tell the true shine of it... Well i havent seen my friend from lebanon online in a few... i hope she is doing ok... i have been reading about stuff happining over there but i dont know whats going to happen.. so its like hella late and im super tierd im going to bed 2marrow i will ... might... maybe... probly not do some homework but who knows what im going to do for sure...

LILMAN X

Yesterdays adventures of drunken stupidness and relaxing

Well so yesterday was intresting.. It was 2 of my friends B-days, colleen and kevin So the day started off by getting my ass up hella early to do about 20 things... NOT... Actualy i was like up at 11am just because the day befor i was up till about 4 am as usal. So then i was just chilling all day and then at noight we were going to celibrate kevins 21'st b-day, duh we had to get his ass drunk off his mind. So we hit up the ALE HOUSE on kendall and well got him good and fu-bar-ed up. so then after that we had so much fun at Dave and busters collecting teckets to get some cool blowup hammers that we smacked the hell out of eachother with. That was the best part of the night because it felt like we were in highschool agen being all playful and goofy... i was loving it. So after the 5 of us hit eachother over and over with the blowup hammers we just split and i whent to see colleen at the Doral ALE HOUSE... Well it was me colleen some guy there that likes rachel with her and 2 other people... W/e stupid things happend like drunken people usaly do but w/e i dont care... i never drink to get drunk i drink for the flavor of it... After some drama broke out and i was like making sure colleen was ok i just came home and whent to sleep around like 5 or so... Today i just chilled at home relaxing because i have class and lollipop 2marrow and i might go out after that... Well thats about it, dont know why i keep updating this thing if no one really looks at it but maybe its my way of Venting my problems... Some times its good to write...

LILMAN X

Semi Charmed Kind of Life (BULLSHIT)

So like its been about a month since i have writen in here and so what... bite me because i havent had the time or the abillity to... umm lets see whats new with me... my pc is working agen... sorta... Ummm... my grandmother died wile i was in the hospital in feb for about 2weeks, i couldent go to the funarl, so that sucked... I still have no girl, school is giveing me greef because i am missing so much school because we all know how much i love to get sick and go to CLUB HELL (mch). So besides that... oh yeah i have some minor problems with my car that i have to fix but w/e least of my problems and then i also have a problem with the "transplant team" because now they want a new entier set of test and i havent a clue of how im going to get them all togeather, my doctors are all driving me crazy because some say i cant go to MCH any more but some do say i can go if i want to... then if thats not enough shit to deal with, my social life still sucks most of the time. i have too much stress for me to deal with.. but hey i always do somthing to pull me out... i feel like pulling my hairs out and screaming at the same time but, i stay cool most of the time.... Now to more inportant stuff as if what you just read wasent important... I have to finish My schooling or at least this end of it... reinroll with the school to get my Asociets, besides that my pc is still all scatterd and unorganized but hey it just matches the rest of my problems... At least im going to be moving my room into a little bit bigger room in this house and that should be fun or disastoriouse... i wish i had a girl who would take my problems away and be by my side.. (fat chance of that) So thats about all my problems for now... i think i have enough to deal with at the moment so w/e. My goil for this month is to have as much fun as i can and relax and enjoy myself and take care of all my problems too... so my friend in lebenon might be comming over which would be awsome but bad at the same time because that means shits bad over there, so... i dont know. Well its like 7 and im going to get dressed and go out and have fun cuz im not staying home tonight... Heres a song to live by

LILMAN X

Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life

I'm packed and I'm holding
I'm smiling, she's living, she's golden, she lives for me
She says she lives for me, Ovation, Her own motivation,
She comes round and she goes down on me,
And I make her smile, Like a drug for you,
Do ever what you want to do, Coming over you,
Keep on smilin', what we go through. One stop to the rhythm that divides you,
And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse,
Chop another line like a coda with a curse,
Come on like a freak show takes the stage.
We give them the games we play, she say,
I want something else,
to get me through this,
Semi-charmed kind of life, baby, babyI want something else,
I'm not listenin when you say,Goodbye?

MY PC IS DOWN FOR THE MOMENT >_<

FUCK, SHIT, DAMMIT, MOTHER FUCKER, HORSE SHIT, DIPPITY FUCKING A!.... My pc is not working due to no mouse working... im not sure if its the ps2 port or the mouse its self but im going to find out but i am not sure and it sure pissed me off... Well i am at terrells house for the moment and then i am going to go out tonight... 2marrow i am going to remake my system...


LILMAN X

MY PC IS DOWN FOR THE MOMENT!!

Triping the dream world, with twist of huh?

So i woke up this morning with this weardo trip dream, it was like the wierdest thing... I felt like i was taken back in time with me in it as when i used to do the clubbing thing... Like when i used to be big on the culbing thing, so w/e it was the old crew but with some new peoples sort of, like i think it was the old crew but they felt like new peeps that i knew or met... So i like woke up and whent back to sleep and it was the same thing but it was like now mixed with the past, like i was young but i had my car and it was all pimped out, so w/e i am shooting the shit with the club peeps and then it was chill i was with some chick and partying, danceing and stuff... weard i know but w/e. Oh yeah so my burnt day i had yesterday was like an insomia and... ok so i am bullshiting, what happend was the day befor i was out all day long, i woke up like around 7am on a sunday because katia wanted to go to the beach and it was fun so w/e i whent with her got a little burnt, ok so i got burnt on my back and then after i picked up terrell and alain and then we triped over to were julian (juliho - miami one) works, stoped by and then after we diped to just eat shit for about 2 hrs and then during our adventures in board-land we got the munchies and we whent to some Checkers were this nice girl working the window had to deal with alain and terrell... Ayyy so like alain as usal making his comments and stuff terrell doing his own thing so w/e it was so funny, i ws just in the car embarised thinking omg stop with the stupidity, but w/e it was funny... I think terrell got her name and # but im not sure, im sure one day we will go back one day... So besides that yesterday was fun yet another day of staying out late and doing stuff... Myself terrell and luis whent to kazola's the origanl awsome place to eat pizza, damm i havent been there since about the times i used to go clubbing in the grove, its been awile... The place has changed-somewhat but it still rules... So we chilled and had fun and whent to publix after and that was so much fun... lol i told terrell to grab the cart with the kid car in the front... Sick sad part is that i fit inside of it and also to add i had a damm good view of well you can imagen as they walked by... then after back to terrells then to katias house for a wile and then home around 3am... Well thats about it, just had to catch up and now im going to watch capten ron and chill and relax...

LILMAN X

Sleepy, board,tierd, burnt....

Ok so i am in class at the moment and i have the worst case of sleepy tierdness in the world... this so so sucks and i also have the worst keyboard in class... dammit i willcontiune this after class when i get home and nap for a wile...

LILMAN X

Slumber of the 5

Well so yet agen I cant sleep... dammit why do I have this insomniac so bad I don't know...W/E cant do shit about it but just stay up until I am sleepy and pass out... I only have 5 Hrs to sleep until I wake up I am sure by the time I go to sleep it will be 4... Katia wants to go to the beach 2marrow, its kinda too cool out to be going but hey what the hell why not... As long as I get to chill with her I am happy.. So I had a good day, didn't do much just chill at home and relax then go out with the guys witch was cool. Saw Julian, (from the hood) and hanged out at terrells house and then just chilled... Talked to a friend of mine from way east, so I was glad talking to her. It makes my day when I get a chance to talk to her, she's so cool, calm, and collective. Too bad she is not down here, but I know once she comes down for the summer we will hang... I hope... So anyways my eyes are dry, and I cant sleep... So I am going to attempt to sleep... Tonight's song is ... Common- The light

LILMAN X

Common- The Light

Yeah..Doo-doo-doo, mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm..Doo-doo-d-doo, diggy-doo YO..I never knew a luh, luh-luh, a love like this Gotta be somethin for me to write this Queen, I ain't seen you in a minuteWrote this letter, and finally decide to send it Signed sealed delivered for us to grow together Love has no limit, let's spend it slow foreverI know your heart is weathered by what studs did to youI ain't gon' assault em cause I probably did it too Because of you, feelings I handle with careSome niggaz recognize the light but they can't handle the glare You know I ain't the type to walk around with matchin shirtsIf relationship is effort I will match your work I wanna be the one to make you happiest, it hurts you the mostThey say the end is near, it's important that we close.... to the most, high Regardless of what happen on him let's rely There are times.. when you'll need someone..I will be by your side..There is a light, that shines,special for you, and me..Yo, yo, check it It's important, we communicate and tune the fate of this union, to the right pitch I never call you my bitch or even my booThere's so much in a name and so much more in you.Few understand the union of woman and man And sex and a tingle is where they assume that it landBut that's fly by night for you and the sky I write For in these cold Chi night's moon, you my light If heaven had a height, you would be that tall Ghetto to coffee shop, through you I see that all Let's stick to understandin and we won't fall For better or worse times, I hope to me you call So I pray everyday more than anything friends will stay as we begin to laythis foundation for a family - love ain't simpleWhy can't it be anything worth having you work at annuallyGranted we known each other for some timeIt don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine

There are times.. when you'll need someone..I will be by your side, oh darlingThere is a light, that shines, special for you, and me..Yeah.. yo, yo, check itI t's kinda fresh you listen to more than hip-hopand I can catch you in the mix from beauty to thrift shopPlus you ship hop when it's time to, thinkin you fresh Suggestin beats I should rhyme to At times when I'm lost I try to find youYou know to give me space when it's time to My heart's dictionary defines you, it's love and happinessTruthfully it's hard tryin to practice abstinenceThe time we committed love it was real good Had to be for me to arrive and it still feel goodI know the sex ain't gon' keep you, but as my equalit's how I must treat you As my reflection in light I'ma lead youAnd whatever's right, I'ma feed you ..Digga-da, digga-da, digga-da, digga-digga-da-daYo I tell you the rest when I see you, peace...

There are times.. when you'll need someone..I will be by your side..There is a light, that shines, special for you, and me..(I'll) take my chances.. before they pass.... pass me by, oh darling..You need to look at the other side..You'll agree..

I'm having trouble trying to sleep (GREEN DAY-Brain Stew)

>_< <~~~ Screwy day....

So my day was a long, and tiering one... Class was today, This was the friday when i was suposed to go to class, the make up day that my teacher screwd up last time. So w/e class as usal, bla bla bla linux and more usless stuff that will be outdated soon i am sure. then after i left to go hang with katia, she wanted to go shoping and do stuff since she was board and off and had nothing to do, nah j/k i am sure she just wanted to hang out so it was cool, we shoped, i picked out some stuff for her but she didnt like it because she is not a 100% girly girl... your typical miami girl if you know what i mean, so we compromised on jeans and she got it because it looked good and she knew she could not resist my taste... lol nah it was good on her so she got-em. So then after that it was about 4 so we jetted to her house to chill ( me fix problems on her pc and be abused by her picking at my face {long story} wile i scream) and see E.R. and hang... So we installed lisure sute larry and stuff so we ( I ) were a little too much into the game so we kinda lotst track of time so i got home like at 9 when i should of been home earlyer because i was tierd but w/e. I was also enjoying myself when we were driving, jamming to my music in the car, mostly it was greenday and one prodigy song, but it was fun blasting the music. So now its like 4AM, i cant sleep, i dont know why but w/e i am going to watch E.R. and atempt to sleep so here is somthing to go by.... NIGHT NIGHT

LILMAN X


(GREEN DAY-Brain Stew)
I'm having trouble trying to sleep
I'm counting sheep but running out
As time ticks by
And still I try
No rest for crosstops in my mind

On my own... here we go

My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
My face is numb
fucked up and spun out in my room

On my own... here we go

My mind is set on overdrive
The clock is laughing in my face
A crooked spine
My sense's dulled
Passed the point of delerium

On my own... here we go

My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
My face is numb
fucked up and spun out in my room

On my own... here we go

Death to the stupid one... (shampo voice) I KILL VINCENT

It was 7 am... A nice day and time to wake up... Took a long nice shower, Relaxed, then off to school... Walked inside... AND THERE WAS NO FUCKING SCHOOL! My stupid dum ass teacher who is a frekan Idiot told me to go to class today because monday was a holaday... Well the make up day is not till next week friday... I want to kill him i got up for nothing early this morening.... I HATE GETTING UP EARLY~! Well i am going to go take care of some stuff since i am up early for no reason.... damm the day... i am going to make somthing better out of it....


LILMAN X

Death to the stupid one... (shampo voice) I KILL VINCENT

It was 7 am... A nice day and time to wake up... Took a long nice shower, Relaxed, then off to school... Walked inside... AND THERE WAS NO FUCKING SCHOOL! My stupid dum ass teacher who is a frekan Idiot told me to go to class today because monday was a holaday... Well the make up day is not till next week friday... I want to kill him i got up for nothing early this morening.... I HATE GETTING UP EARLY~! Well i am going to go take care of some stuff since i am up early for no reason.... damm the day... i am going to make somthing better out of it....


LILMAN X

If I could have just a moment of you {} would I be wanting more? {} If I could have a taste of you {} would I be addicted? {} If I could have just A..

Thinking, sitting, playing, hopeing, wishing, wondering, thinking some more, and waiting.... Well so my thoughts the last few days have been about a girl mostly that I care dear for but I wonder what the out come would of been different if I would of instigated something rather than just sit back and take no action.... So as I am lisening to this song titled Lorna Vallings - Taste, The lyrics hit me to think what it could be like or what would of been... Who knows even if I would of had a chance, maybe I am making all this hard thinking in for nothing anyways... But I will never know for sure.... All I can do is think about what could of been or what could be or what can be or what could of never been or what will never be... None of I know... I don't know what to tell you, sometimes I look at her and I just feel like giving her a hug and kissing her and holding her tight close to me, were no bad can happen, no one can hurt or harm her, and I will protect her to my best ability. All I can do now is sit here on the bench and watch the game until its my turn to play, if the game is not over by the time its my turn... Well so the dreaded holiday is coming up soon V-day... AKA Valentine's Day. Yet another year that I am alone and cursed and screwed with no one... Oh well fuck it, time to just kick back and blow shit up in the game world... Halo,CS, vice-city and maxpayne... My opinion in my view is a Cretan person who is currently with this girl is doing a shitty or shabby job of protecting, helping, and a decent job of careing for her... But hey I cant be counted on because I guess what I cant see I cant judge. I would rather not know or see what happends with them but I do ask time to time just because I care for her and I don't want to see her hurt. I find it funny because I ask and she thinks its because I make fun of her or I hate him... im not sure of why she gets that idea but it sure is funny at times... Well I am going to kick it back for a few days of gaming and hanging with the guys... BTW the lyrics to the song..

LILMAN X

Lorna Vallings - Taste

If I could have just a moment of you
Would I be wanting more?
If I could have just a taste of you
Would I be addicted?
If I could have just a touch of you
Could I tear myself away?
I would pray to be the rain that runs over and in your skin
With no consequence
To be the liquid in your glass that falls around your lips and mouth
Swallow me
If I could have just a breath of you
Would you, could you infect me?
If I could have just a view of you
Would you leave your door ajar?
If I could have just a part of you
Let me drink of your tides
I would pray to be the rain that runs over and in your skin
With no consequence
To be the liquid in your glass that falls around your lips and mouth
Swallow me
And after would the silence thicken, stiffen?
Would I run home in the dark with something stolen?
Would you be slinking in my conscience, laughing?
Would this hunger ever cease?
You are the cliff that I'm walking
Lord help me if I fall
Are you more than my hunger?Baby. Babe
Lord help me if I starve
If I could have just a moment of you
Would I be wanting more?
If I could have just a taste of you
Would I be addicted?
If I could have just a touch of you
Could I tear myself away?
I would pray to be the rain that runs over and in your skin
With no consequence
To be the liquid in your glass that falls around your lips and mouth
Swallow me
And after would the silence thicken, stiffen?
Would I run home in the dark with something stolen?
Would you be slinking in my conscience, laughing?
Would this hunger ever cease?
You are the cliff that I'm walking
Lord help me if I fall
Are you more than my hunger? Baby. Babe
Lord help me if I starve
If I could have just a taste of you
Would I be addicted?

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why.. I got out of bed at all... The morning rain clouds up my window ...And I can't see at all ( Thinking...)

Well today I started school once again... Fun as always, same people, same teacher's, so on... I have Unix/Linux class, which I have been waiting for so I hope it should be fun... Funny thing the more school changes the more it all stayed the same. Oh yet once again my mind has gotten a grip on my thoughts, so I was thinking about that girl that I like (the one I met in club hell) and how could I have been so stupid to not let her know how I felt about her, I mean I was almost sure that I let her know I liked her and I wanted to go on a date with her or even get with her. Usually I make it a bit extreme and very obvious when I like some one but I don't know what the hell went wrong or were did I go wrong... Some times I sit and think about comments that she makes about guys and stuff and see how it could apply to me but I find it useless since she has a man at the moment and I haven't a chance or a prayer in sight... Well so I screwed up but hey I still haven't gotten over it... Why I don't know because usually I'm like well screw it I done fucked up but now I have this regret at times that I didn't make a move or make it obvious, this sucks because I think too much and analyze shit too much and this is major so I don't know how many entry's I will write about it but I give it a few more at least... I think about it like...Why did she come to my room when she was not supposed to be in club hell, but she came anyways to see me... Or just why, ok im going to drive you and myself crazy... I am going to sleep... Some Nyquill for my stuffy head and sleep until I wake up tomorrow...

LILMAN X

2005... Starts off with a bang a kick in the ass and other stupidity

Well from the Newyear's to now 2005 has been... Well shit and more shit sort-of. So my year started off like this... On new yr's eve a Cretan person decided to be stupid and ruin everything for everyone not because it was his fault but because he wanted to live in his little world so the consequences are that they pissed me off and that means they are on my probation for a month minimum if not more... All I wanted to do was to play halo2 and relax with a cup or red wine that I was enjoying a nice quiet everything, but since I have to be everyone's savior on this fucking hell of earth I have to intervene and destroy my happy evening because some one was a stupid mother-fucking selfish asshole dickless moron idiot fool who would of just admitted and said ok and I accept your apology and I was wrong too. SO YOU FUCKED EVERYTHING UP FOR EVERY ONE! So after I enjoyed that taste of acid going down my inside and eating everything up, yet another problem occurred but it was not too bad because I actually enjoy helping this person because I like her even though by helping her I am not helping myself to ever be anything than a friend to her but if she's happy I am happy for her and I don't mind being just a friend. Other problems that have happened are minor but still annoying especially this one problem with a friend of mine... Well it started off with just giving some one a ride to a place, ok fine no problem, I always love to help out people by giving them a ride because I know how it was to never have a car and not be able to get a ride... So there was a little more to then just giving two people a ride to a place there were four ok no problem... Well I always stay for a bit with the people that I give a ride to just to make sure there ok and they don't need to relocate to another place. Well so then things got complicated and I had to take them and 2 other people to another location fine. Well little did I know (BTW the other two were little girls, very young 3 and 4 I think) So as I am driving to this location they are in the back tareing up my back seat; messing with my pink bunny (Mr. Bunny-buttons) my pimp mobile light that I had connected and riged until they ripped it out of the seat and the lilmanx thing that joy made me... Oh and also some sand were in there shoes. Well fine upset a little bit but w/e just more work for me when I get home to but all that back in order, but what made me very mad was this person I was doing her a favor got really bitchy at me and I mean rude and all that I was like. WOW hold your self for a second, I did all this and put up with all this shit for you to tell me off... What kind of a mature person are you or say that you are if you are tossing a fit like a little girl... WTF... Anyways that was one event that I still cant figure out and she wont tell me anything about... W/e SE la ve... Now to talk about how much I feel like kicking my self in the ass for not going with my feelings. I spoke about liking a girl that I met yet agen at club hell but she was nice and I wanted or would of like to date and ask her out... Well now she has a man and its kind of late at this point so I was like wtf do I have to lose but to confess to her how I felt and still sorta feel.. So I did but what kills me is that I actually had a chance to get with this girl. I am 98% sure I did too. I mean what the hell was I thinking when I was actually lisening to that dumass who told me I had no chance with her... I know I have low selfesteam and just one person out of five telling me to ask her made me change my mind and so I didn't, but what a fool I am... Shit this sucks I had a chance and I blew it... Why did I ever actually pay attention to that fucking idiot ... He couldn't even get one for himself. I guess I just made a mistake and I will be kicking myself in the ass for that...

LILMANX

December madness

December... The month of madness... Actually its more than you think to it... Sometimes you think a person can be absolutely perfect... Like the right one or some one you can relate to, maybe even date.. But then this person is more of a friend than someone you would go out with... It interesting how females minds work... The odd part is how one moment they give off a signal of left and then they turn right, I guess its like driving in the streets of Miami, no one really does what they indicate... Females have so much in there mind, like while they do something they are thinking about a million things at that moment wile men think one thing and that's about the only thing that they are thinking about... My days have been busy but str8.. Since IM not going to school I get to stay home a lot and just relax and work on PC's and then at night I get to go out with the guys or hang out with my female friends... I love the holiday time since its so nice out and stuff but I really wish I could share it with some one... Some times I would just like some one to hold or to comfort with... You know like that special some one or something.... Anyways IM rambling on and on and on... So.. Oh yeah there is this girl who's she so cool but she's just a friend... But damn she is fine I did notice but... I doubt that some thing will happen with her... Females hurt my head... Crazy shit but w/e I will write later about another female I know...

Update to the moment

So its been forever since I have written anything in my blogg... So sue me. It was madness in mch the entire time I was there was crazy. They made me go though so much crap, different meds and different formulas and stuff... I mean it was sickening, if it wasn't one thing it was another... So I am out of club hell now... Got a new phone, sorted out all the stuff I needed to with school. Set the world in order once agen... Superman (me) helped out my friends to get cars, got every one in the hood what they needed and ect... Now my only problem are 2 problems... One is my car is currently screwd up due to some stupid girl who slammed her brakes and I hit her car from the back.. So now my car is all messed up.. Well only on the drivers side. So I need a bit of body work on it and I might as well get it painted at the same time... So I guess I win something on that one, stupid bitch... After that I have to figure out the problem I have with a girl that I like but she just has too many problems. im not sure if she even likes me at all... Or at least in that way. I actually don't know what im going to do about it. Maybe I should just leave it alone, but if I do I don't know what will happen, should I make the push? Should I say something.. I just don't know what to do. I need a girl who can just appreciates me for me. kinda like that song (she likes me for me).w/e I don't get it and I guess I wont

Madness update from the front lines of MCH

So lets see its been a bunch of days since I have been able to write.. Well lets see now I am still here at mch, I have passed my second hurricane here in the hospital, like every major disaster I have had happen wile I have been in- house... I can't believe this shit... What is it with me and hell happening wile I am in this place? I mean I lost my phone, got in trouble for a bunch of stupid shit that didn't even matter but I mean wtf is wrong with the world since I have been admitted. Geez cant a nigga get a brake? I mean ok so I have to have some kind of control but I have had absolutely nothing since I have been here. The only thing I have controlled so far is my sanity but even that at times I louse. Ok venting done, lets get some updates to situations and events... Alain... Well he's doing good I mean so far he's in school managing to survive with out my insane self helping him out and stuff... The "crew" by the hood... UMM... Damm a lot of stuff has happened with the crew I hear stuff like people getting it on and shit is just breaking loose... Luis... If I had the power in me I would so help him out, first of all I would make sure that he is happy with the person that he would like to be with and I would also have him working a job that he would love to have, but I cant do anything but just try to talk to him... What worries me is this new interest of moving to Orlando and hanging out with "pinky".... WTF how the hell is he in the picture? Were did he come from all of a sudden and who's the influence in it. W/e out of my control I cant do anything about it... For the moment... So lets see oh ya I have a new friend her name is percilla and I met her here so w/e I haven't been able to hang out with her except for the time she was admitted but its all good as soon as I get out of here IM sure we can chill and hang out. School is still a problem and I think IM going to miss another semester and this is going to push my graduation back but w/e fuck it what can I do but just bitch and mone like a punk about it... dammit it and my fault. Trying to find a job here at Mch but its failing so far and it always has.. oooohh there is this real cool nurse here named amber who is or was dating some famous person witch I wont mention his name. I hope we can hang out when I get out.. Basically it has been crazy and stuff is out of control and stuff but IM trying to keep what is left of my world together... Got a replacement to my phone its the same exact one but different.. Need to hack it so it addaps to cingurlar singnal and stuff. I still don't feel well and I don't know what's going on with my body and I want to feel like I was when I was doing good. My situation with the opposite sex is w/e... No activity is the only way I can put it... HURRICANE UPDATE: The hurricane this time around was super crazy, but not as insane as last time. This time around at least people weren't camped out here for 72hrs and the sleeping situation was much better and a lot less leeching than last time. Basically my hurricane day was me here in my room playing house keeper and attending to my friends and stuff members, it was cool just haning out most of the night just chilling and eating shit. Oh the best part was hanging out by the ambulence bay were there was tables set up and people playind dominos and poker in the ER lobbly. This was super slack this time around people weren't as tence and stressed since they did it before and it was all sorted out from the last event. All I have to say is bacardi hurricane and the toast to the hurricane >_< . My plans for getting out of here are so meany and i dont know how im going to ajust to the same thing over and over every day, but dammit i need out of here its just getting too crazy and now im getting complications due to all the meds and crap they gave me... so much shit i have to do when i get out of here its crazy... Well i will try to write and update this as much as i can... im sure i will have plenty to write about, i know im always thinking of somthing new...

LILMAN X

Hell of the mch sespool

well so i am here at mch. sucks to be me. i hate this place because i am here board with no internetconnection and both my pcs here with me. its like a slow torture that creeps at me only because its lke the jacks are in the room and i know the internetconnection is there but they wont bother to hook me up. i hate this shit, w/e fuk it, what can i do. my life is like slowly falling appart because i am stuck in the 4 walls of this crazy place. well school is on hold so i had to take a leave of absence because other wise it would get counted agenst me, my car is sitting in the same damm place i left it befor i came to this spon of hell and i wish i could cruse around with my Basss blasting. i miss my car >_< . Oh ya... I LOST MY DAMM PHONE!!! FUCK !!! my phone with all my digi pics and all my numbers of girls i would pick up and stuff lke that. w/e i need to get out of here ASAP because im going nuts... i need some stabilitty in my life. Well so i dont know how this is going to end... i hope not bad but w/e. must go hiding a portable laptop that the nurses use to chart so i need to bounce keep you all updated on my hell of this life...... HELP


lilman X

Well so its been a hella long long time since i have writen in my blog. Well Alian is back in town and shit's going good so far. Still no girl but w/e the lonley stay soliter. Fine with me, its better than haveing a bunch of dramma and crap... So lets step back and take a look at how my life is at the moment.... No girl, Schools stressed me out because of my teacher is the same for the next 6 weeks, my social life suxs, people ignore me half the time, and any day now i will lose it and scream... so i guess im doing good. Some times i wonder what the hell has happend that i have fallen into this obliviouse pit of hell. I mean i went from being a popular alwalys getiing ringed up to ... "oh i need a favor" person, and the rest of the time its like w/e_ im just there. Dont know why i have been in a shitty mood but w/e "it dont fase me".


LILMAN X

Another boring day of my life...

Ok w/e So this weekend was my Birthday... (sarcastic scream) yay.. Ok Well it could of been better but I had a good day... Who the hell am I kidding I didn't do shit but stay home hang out with Joey and go drinking later that night witch turned out to be a Disaster. W/e the more time passes by the more I keep falling endlessly into this hole of nothingness... Damm not even a yr ago I was partying like crazy and getting all the hook-ups I wanted with all the hot chicks. If not I was getting calls from mad people asking what's going on tonight and stuff... Now its all gone.. Ya I know I wanted to slow down with the party's and the crazy life but I have gone from all that to nothing known, where did I go wrong. I mean im an active person I can only stay still and calm for a lil wile. I want to hang out like I used to and the circle of friends is gone and I can count all my friends on one hand I want to just go out and have a wild party every once a blue moon... w/e I have to do something and I will . Like they say no guts no glory, screw playing the Mr shy guy role... It's not getting me jack In the famous words some one once said... Return of the Mack
 
LILMAN X

The day and intro to the Indecisive female...

Well today I did't do much but stay here and let the world pass me by, make it short ... bordum... Nothing todo but sit here and oh ya lil ninja boy came by for a lil wile to hang out and use my PC to play ragna and get his email... Well lets get started on my interpretation of the bleak indecisive female mind... As I have observed the bleak mind of the female has no thought process but to always change her mind and never seems to go in the same direction for 3.2 seconds. Why is she always changing her mind? Can't she just go in one direction and keep that thought... Why must she always analyze every little step we "men" take? One thing that I have noticed is that when they decide something and say its final.. Its not final.. They change there mind so easy... Do they know what they want, but the true question is do any of us know what we want? Well I do, sort of and so do most guys. Females need to learn how to stop, cheating, mind playing games, indecisive, and stop messing with our minds. Think of one thing and just stick to it dammit. Is it so hard, that you all don't know what you want? Well who knows ...... MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!!

Lilman X

Sleepless mind wondering...

Welcome to chapter 368 page 5083... Today our hero has saved the world once agean... Tonight people can sleep in the valley of MCH thanks TO RAPMASTER ALEX spreading joy to all the children and making their day... Big deal... This hero can't sleep for some odd reason I don't know what the problem. I feel so sleepy like if I could fall asleep just standing up but when I lay down I can't go to sleep at all... Maybe its my stupidity of my mind getting the best of me. So many things I have on my mind that I have no one to tell or talk about... I mean I could tell some people but the only person I trust to tell the kind of things that are on my mind are either not talking to me or not in my life anymore... Why can't people be easy to deal with... This would just make life easyer... I guess I do sometimes try to control the world around me at times and I just can't have it my way I kinda get mad about it... Some times I feel like Superman or spyderman, "TIME TO SAVE THE DAY" or "ALEX TO THE RESUCE". I don't know what people expect from me at times but its kind of funny sometimes because when I am not needed people don't call me or don't even bother to think of me but when it come time to "OMG I NEED HELP" I am like the first one on speed dial. I hate it when they cry for super man and then they forget about him when they don't bother needing him... Lately its been me saving everyone's ass when it comes time to a favor or something. Well im going to attempt to sleep soo I leave all you lammers with a song,

I took a walk around the world to Ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
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I watched the world float to the Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something To do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end
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If I go crazy then will you still Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with My superhuman might...Kryptonite


LILMAN X (superman)

Catch up with me... Life is alright, but a pain

OK No posts in June... So what, I have a life and just deal with it cuz I haven't had time to write... I try but I cant ... Its like every one wants some favor from me. Is that all I'M good for asking favors? Shit what about me.. I have issues and problems in my life. I ask because I see something is wrong; do I hide my problems that well no one knows I have problems on my mind? Do I keep my Guard so high up that people and my so called "friends" are oblivious? W/E, Fuk it I say. I stress too much about stupid shit to worry about other peoples problems or being a help desk. That's what I feel like some times... A damm help desk. I don't mind helping with problems to do with relationship.. Hell I'M good at that, but stupid OMG its an emergency help me, and it turns out to be some stupid problem. OH ya ... I am not FUKING MAP QUEST OR YELLOW PAGES. If you need help finding some place and you know I am having a bad day... DON'T CALL ME... You can use that semi empty space in between your ears and right be hind your eyes. Its called a "BRAIN", if u use it most of the time it grows and develops so that you aren't stupid and you don't have to be bothering me... Also I am done with user's or leecher's. If you just call time to time or go along time with out saying hi and you call me to get info consider your self BLACK LISTED... I do not deal with people that use me anymore.. NO EXCEPTIONS! My true friends know who they are. See they call me even if they are "too busy" or what ever it may be. A simple hello by phone or you see me or even AIM is fine but months and weeks with out contact and then you ask a favor ... Oh no your going to get a straight no sorry and I will tell you why. Its over ... I am sick of being Mr nice guy ... fuk it. No more using of my resources. Think back of that nice Alex you all know cuz he officially died today and reborn into a straight in your face person. No more self comments, if I think something I am going to tell you.. Don't care about the consequences... In fact .. What ever happens.. happens.

LILMAN X

Long time, I know, get over it. Chilling and new stuff

Ok so it has been a wile agen since I have written. Get over it, school has me super busy with school and trying to figure out my life... Yes I know that will never happen but its my excuse.. Well school is grate, Getting A's 3.8 GPA, Woot! So that is the good thing that I have. Then we come to the issue of my health. (takes a deep breath) Well the liver transplant will soon happen I hope. Its not easy, just thinking about it makes me think about how it will be after and how different will be from now. Makes me worry some times too much so I just try not to think about it. Girls are well there, and not going anything IM no longer stressing it, screw it I say if it happens, it happens. Stressed over a person who made me happy and now not stressing that, stressed over a hottie in class now not stressing that so forget that issue. I have bigger stuff to worry about, like building my microwave computer >_<... must find one first. Well short update i will say more 2marrow. Bed time

LILMAN X

VENTING MY ANGER !!-Never try and be persistent, its not worth it

Well its been about a week since I have written last. Since I cannot have at least a week or a wile that time passes by that I actually have good times or feel healthy, this week its back to the crap life... Actually it started around Thursday when I got this bright idea to hey why don't I ask my sweety on a nice date just me and her dinner and take it from there... But No... I try and try but screw this keep trying to make plans..I know its not her fault but still it disappoints me. My grandmother is doing the worst she has been doing ever, my planning of doing my perfect "date" never happends, and I have a cold, I feel like shit and if that's not the worst of it, I also have some thing on the side of my face that started as a zit and now it hurts like hell, is infected and I can't sleep at night because of it. IM on antibiotics which screw up my stomach..... FU*KING SCREWD UP LIFE ... I HATE IT WHEN ITS THIS BAD AND NO ONE SUPPORTS ME... w/e maybe no one knows how bad it hurts cuz I put my self on some pain killers or I hide it well. The problem is I can't take them at night because I need to be awake to take them or else its bad if I sleep wile I take them... Fu*k it sick of this stupid life of limitations because of my illness. It is always something, and if I feel good its when I can't do anything because no one wants to do anything... I feel as if my life or my illness plans to make me feel sick when people are doing stuff like party's or w/e it may be and I can't go. Then when I feel fine I can't do shit cuz no one is doing anything... Fu*king a, its shit like this that just makes me think why the hell me? Perfect song for this is by the offspring-
Maybe life is like a ride on a freeway
Dodging bullets while you're trying to find your way
Everyone's around, but no one does a damn thing
It brings me down, but I won't let them

If I seem bleak
Well you'd be correct
And if I don't speak
It's cause I can't disconnect
But I won't be burned by the reflection
Of the fire in your eyes
As you're staring at the sun

When I ran I didn't feel like a runaway
When I escaped I didn't feel like I got away
There's more to living than only surviving
Maybe I'm not there, but I'm still trying

Though you hear me
I don't think that you relate
My will is something
That you can't confiscate
So forgive me, but I won't be frustrated
By destruction in your eyes
As you're staring at the sun


This is so much, I feel like just giving up some times but I don't and I never do, guess I am just hard headed and persistent on what I want to get done. I fee at time as I have all this stress and no way to share it with anyone but I also don't want to make some one else feel bad for me... I JUST NEED TO VENT. The only one that makes me feel better most of the time is my sweety, but she can't always come to the resucue cuz she has her own life and problems to deal with so I just have to deal with my own shit like I always have before. Guess it is going to be another crappy weekend of doing nothing, so I will just keep myself in my cave until some one comes and gets me out of here {ya right} until then I will just sleep and watch the time pass me by...

LILMAN X

CRazY Day with a chill on the side

What a day of emotions and just plane chilling like the old days with a twist of drama at the end. Ok so I expected this morning to just wake up and go over to kevins house and grab a few things and then hopefully go on a date with my baby... So much for that (like always). I swear my life is one big A.D.D or some compiled distraction. Instead of doing what I planed some how we got distracted and got into a pool and opening game cards. Dammit, this sucks how the hell do I get pulled into this crap that I enjoy and distracts me from my plans. DAMM me and being distracted easily. I need to learn how to say no I have plans I want to do "this". Since I am easygoing I just say ok and go with the flow... w/e some day I hope I will learn to say no. Eventually I will get to the plans I have for me and my sweety... I so wan't to do it too, first it was supposed to be a surprise but that didn't happen, then I set a day and told her what I was going to do but that didn't happen. Then today I got distracted again and yet nothing... I am just either going to just do it out of the blue or give up on my plans. Actually its kind of good I didn't do what I wanted to because it was raining and also she was not feeling too well which I guess it was not meant to be. Drama yet again comes to the happy group of "The Old Eagle clan" also known as The southwest group or The group. Dingdong boy and his wonderful issue come to play again, same story as always. He tries to be nice and human and she just keeps the point up that she wants nothing to do with him and he cant get it into his head that she wants nothing to do with him and so on... Ah "breath" To be honest with you ... I would just get over a person that wants nothing to do with me. I can take a clue, ok so you hate me and never want to see or talk to me ... Well FU*K U BI*CH AND GO TO HE*L. Duh I would like to know why but if in a certain amount of time I don't get an answer I will eventual for get about it... Guess some people don't forget or learn or both. Not my problem and I really don't care cuz I am sick of the same 6yr old drama.. Its getting old and pointless... GET OVER IT PLEASE! Well I spent a lot of time with my baby so I am happy about that. I love spending time with her it makes me forget about stuff that's on my mind, may it be stupid stuff or very important stuff it makes not difference when im with her. She makes me happy and it has been a wile since I have been feeling this happy emotionality or w\e you want to call it since about 2 yrs ago. Maybe my life is going to be more happy and will feel more meaningful as it did yrs ago when the good old days were happening. Some times I feel as I am trying to hard for most things I do but I will never know. Maybe I am maybe not... Well its late and I am still going to write more about my thought about relationships and Trust and when too much is too much. Maybe I will also write a prodiction... Who knows.. Till next time TTFN.

LILMAN X

Today's observations...

Today was an ok day I guess... Not the best but not the worst. Days like today I just felt like sleeping in all day but I have sh*t to do, so I got up around 10 not feeling well because I am comming down with a cold, and also on top off it all I think I have 2 zits coming out on my face.. Ok it is officially a crappy day. Woke up watched ER from 10 to 12 and then after that I went to go feed my grandmother... When I got there the care assistant had already fed her, so I wanted to know the progress of what's going on, I hate lazy nurses... How the hell can you be a nurse and take care of some one and not know if the doctor passes by or if she even had eaten lunch... Well she pissed me off and added to my bad day. Any one know what Alex douse to a lazy nurse that slacks off? Ah if you guessed report her to the nurse manager you guessed right. I see no reason for you no to know what doctor has come by or if she has eaten when the reason she is in the hospital is because she can't swallow or eat too well... They should fire her or put her in a lower position... NO EXCUSE!! So I just Sat there in the room next to her till about 4:30 because I could not take it anymore... So I came home and I really wanted to just relax and possibly see my sweety or talk to her a wile on the phone... Since my life is one big "NO" instead I got on my PC cuz every time I layed down the phone rang and I have to get up and answer it cuz every one in my house is a paraplegic and brain dead and can't get the phone so I just decided to say screw it to relaxing in my bed. Then my wonderful mother kept bothering me about some baseball game and was pissing me off because I guess I have TV Guide written across my face so she was asking me over and over and over what channel it was on and if we have that channel on our direct TV plan and so on... HELLO STUPID, am I paying for it? Or is she, she should know what we have and don't have. I am so sick of being sick... IF it's not Mono, its a cold, if not that then something else... Just give me a better day 2marrow.

LILMAN X

Alive and still kicking... Deal with it

Well ok so I haven't had time to write in the blog but I have been doing a lot of stuff to keep me super busy that I don't even have time to pick my nose. Deal with it, life sometimes makes you crazy and busy. Lets see update.. Since last time I have joined Florida Career College, cool school. I love it ! Planning on getting my A+ degree and My MCSE degree. So far so good, I was even sick like I became last time when I was going to Miami Dade but this time since I guess you can call this place cheers (where everyone knows your name and there always glad you came) I have had no problems keeping up with my classes and keeping my GAP at 3.9 Woot ! I guess every thing in life comes with a good and a bad. The good part is I'M doing awesome at school and I am enjoying my self also. Another good thing is that I actually have some one in my life who cares for me and likes to take care of me and worries about me like no other person has that is not blood related or long term friend ship, Duh I guess you can tell (girl-Friend). She is so sweet and I care about her so much because she actually likes me for me and can deal with my moods. Shocking yes I know, I know I am a difficult person to deal with and can be an ass most of the time. She has passes a major test that comes with me and my life that will occur many times in the future no matter what I can do in my power. Like I sed before the good comes with bad.. My grandmother is not doing too well, actually she is very sick and in the hospital. She is so bad that she can't get out of bed, feed herself anything and can barely move. I don't know if I am in shock or just scared that she will eventually die, we all must one day, but the thought of her just being so helpless and in a bed that she cant move or barely talk is just not regerstering at the moment. I can't even begin to understand it, My grandmother who was always so active, Cooked cleaned the house, Filled bags and bags daily of leaves that fell off the trees in my back yard not even 2yrs ago, and even it feels like if yesterday she was cooking something or in the back yard doing something or going to K-Mart. I am speechless... I don't know what's going to happen, I wish I could turn back time and just keep it as it was. The worst part is I can't do anything about it. School is grate also but it stresses me out too but not a big deal. I have a confession to make... I am worried about my liver problem, I fear that the situation is going to get worse but that's always my fear. I only have myself to blame and I can only point the finger at myself for not calling my doctor that I did all the test for and needed to see after I was done with them but I have had other problems and I also have just been delaying the long process that will occur if and when I do get the trasnplant. Guess the thought of taking out my liver and putting one that can be rejected and I could die if it happen scares me. Now I figure, Screw it... Why worry so much if I don't do anything about it, I will eventually be sick and get worse and die or I fix it with a new liver could work and if I didn't then oh well one way or another I'M screwed... I need a vacation between my grandmother and school (mild stress) and my health, I don't know what to stress over the most... Some times I feel like just disappearing for an entire 24hrs with no one calling me on my cell phone or IM-ing me or E-mailing me or asking me for a favor or w/e. Just me, maybe one other person with me and that's it. Cellphone off, No computer and a location I can not be bothered at. JUST GETTING AWAY! Hopfuly my plans for this weekend I can actually be accomplished and not put off to another day or just nothing happens. I am so sick and tired of my plans never going the way I wan't them to... Yeah right, that will be the day. I will write when I can, so if I write and then a wile passes and I write a wile after that DEAL WITH IT!

LILMAN X

NEW YR NEW STUFF NEW BEGINING

Well 2003 is gone and so is the bad times and good times I have had this year. Its strange how in only 365 days and 24hrs a day so much has changed, time is taken for granted, people take every moment as if it would never exist but it comes and goes faster than you can imagine. One major change that has happened is my friendship with a person who I thought we would get old and hang out a lot and know each other our entire lives has ended. It truly saddened me but what can I do about this situation. What happened has happened and I can't do anything about it. Time will tell what will happen in the future. This yr 2004 is a new yr new beginnings and maybe some ends that may come as the days pass by. Time is strange as it is here it is going somewhere else. Kind of like an event I was talking about to my friends dad, a galaxy far far away is emitting light to our current place and time but according to what the theory is that place in time is over done with not extinction... How strange how life, time, light works. I remember not even 6 months ago I was at some party with some girl I didn't even know and trying to get her number to perhaps date her.... What was I thinking at the time.... I guess I was in a position of alone but w/e times have changed and now IM going on a different path... Screw all that stupid party drink and screw life... Its not worth it. Well IM not interested that life, now what IM going to do is school and what I have to resolve with my health... Friends have been cut to a group that I trust and I keep close.

empy void of nothingness

Its theat time or the yr agen when people come for the holidays and x-mas and stuff but even still it times like this that i miss my best friend the most. i remeber last yr i would ask him to come with me on stuff i would have to do around toen. i deepy miss him and i feel a void in my life. My other betrated fried friend i also miss. some times i think back on stuff we used to do, now my life has changed and i cant afford to have another problem to help. i have meany things this comming yr that i must solve befor i can go back and fix my past. I sometimes withs i still was in the past like for example 2001 or 2002 even if most of 02 i was in the hospital, i still had my group, my crew, my truest friends wich i could ask anything. I would wish for myself come next yr that at least i can go back to some way or matter of how it used to be but this i do not know when, My past was the best but also the worst. It was like a bad dream that i was awake but was also asleep. now that i have the bigest problem on my sholders i have awakend and now i must wake up from this dream and face the real world. Its funny how as time whent by my health was getting better but my soclal life seems to be getting worse, its kind of like i had bad to horribale health and perfect friends and grate socal enviroment and now its like the tables have turned. now im healthy but lonley. its like what is the point? why now give me the feeling good when i have no one to share it with? Its like this anime that T showed me once and now i am hooked on because its so scary its so much like real life called cowboy bebop. BANG!

LILMAN X

Life of the nothingness hell life...

Well every day that passes by is like a hell of an inferno that burns like the fires of hell that was set to maximum heat and the heater truned to 1 million... I hate the way my life is falling apart like a fresh cookie out of the oven that hasent been baked properly... The last week or so i have been to the point of insanity or the point of madness... people in this world only care about them selfs or about the social "click" they hang out with... i guess high school or collage is still the same... always the bully always the click and always the one who hates you and fucks you over... I think we really have to go beyond collage and beyond other stuff... maybe when you get married and have kids then you wont have the stupid inmature shit... People some times want to pick a fight and want to start shit... for the ones who do i stand up and wont take shit from no one... i have seen shit that will make anyones skin craw... i have had more pain than person has had and not by choice but by force and need.. I have no fear, i only fear death. Thats just the only fear i have, to die, to face the cold frosty face of death, i have faced it but yet i have comfronted it and i fear nothing after... yet i will face it agen someday... Hell is the location, inferno is what my social life is like and emptyness is what my love life is like....

LILMAN X

Another day passed by

A void; A waste; Another day has come and gone and yet nothing done, nothing acomplished, and a void still growing as the days pass by... Empty, no girl or close friends i can hang out with or do somthing... nothing done.... it will be sunday when i wake up and a new day so i will acomplish somthing. I will not just sit in my room in sorrow or pitty for my self of all the losses i have sufferd. I will start by my room leading out twards my social life, I will Rearrang my room by getting rid of old stuff i dont use or have no use for... Next week is a diffrent week for me i will take no ones crap or let no one stand in my way of my social life... If they choose to confront me i will simply confront them, alone or not i dont care i will do what is needed to move on. Maybe after all i did acomplish somthing today... I made up my mind to take no ones shit or stupidity and to move on and change my life 360 degrees from how i have lived it before..

LILMAN X

hate, sadness, alone and angry...

Well i dont know exactly what to say... right now at the moment i am kind of pissed off but not becasue i know the state of mind of this indavidual... so i cant really blame them but still it was stupid move and a big mistake... Some times i just wish i could rase my hand wish for somthing and it would happen... Well we all know no one has this abilitty so i must resort to other tactiks. Times like this i am alone... i have no one i can trust or truly tell how i feel, only becasue either they are connected to someone i know or dislike or someone i just know that has a big mouth or i just dont have faith in them... seems like i have no faith in anyone lately... i dont know why or a reson for this but i just feel like it... I just need my best friend here so he can just tell me i got your back or somthing like that...i guess the only one i can trust is terrell.. i just wish he was here.. seems to me times like this i need him the most and well i guess i am alone... Well ya i know i have other friends but still i dont have that trust or connection like i have with him... Some times im actualy scared with out him ... i felt safe, protected, like if some was guarding my back all the time... Now i feel like i have to watch my back watch were i go, what i do... I miss most just hanging out with him or like the times we just chilled for the hell of it at U.M. I also have a big void in my life, not only of my best-friend but of a girl... a girl to care for me, love me, and share all the feelings we would have in a relationship.. mostly i write to clear my mind, to ease my thoughts all sqwoshed up in my head.. writing i have found to be a way i vent all my thoughts that are all stored up in my head, i have over 1000 thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and emotions that i just dont write about because i dont want the world to know. What i write is what i feel. I think the best is to write out what you feel and need to get out but you have no one to tell...

LILMAN X

Little Ninjas {>_<} / Mission inposible (>_<)

What can i say but (LITTLE NINJAS....) {>_<} Well i had a fun night, i thought it actualy was going to be the worst and most shitty ass night in the world, but when the rain stoped and the street got drained of all its water, it was an awsome night. The day started out with it raining and raining and so on. I knew i had to go to Gigi's party and i wouldent miss it, but the stupid rain did not stop and the damm streets where flooded... I was thinking of how i would get to her party. I know it started at 7P.M. but how was i going to get there with all the rain and my low car in flooded streets? Well i just had to wait, so i did and by the time it all stoped and the streets where dry it was about 10P.M. Well it was late but i still wanted to go but i hate to drive at night alone... So i called for my nabore ( we can call him AGENT A ) agent A. Well he came over but he told me his grandmother told him to be home at 1A.M (she didnt know he was going out with me becase he didnt tell her) So we had to play like little ninjas and get in my car and take it out with out her knowning... So we did and whent to the party and had a grate time and all the time i was looking at my clock to make sure we had time to drive from the party to my house and stash the car where it was... Well it all worked out becase Gigi had to close the place she had the party at around 12:30... Well so after that i quickly whent to a gass station to vacume all the stupid water that was inside my car and hall ass to my house on time... Well the vacuming took a little too long but i hat 10 mins to get to my house... Lets just say i did about 60 on coral way... As we aproched my house i turned off my lights on the car and parked it just like befor wile agent A was inside changeing back to his cloths that he had on befor... Perfect operation done by the little ninjas.. {>_<} (i owe thanks to the Big Black aka negro susio Ninja for teaching me the way of the Little ninjas)

BOO! HALOWEEN!

What a day... well i made a costume and it was an awsome one. i took the stuff that i got from that small lil shop and put it togeather and it looked awsome, soon i will post pictures of it on my pic site.... well basicly it was me car her hubby and 2 sexy fine ass girls from nyc that came to miami for a day becase the next day they had a cruse... Since they where in miami they called up caros hubby and wanted to find out what was cracking that night so we took them with us... well south beach was a blast walked and danced drank and all that you would do and more then after that it was to the grove and that was fun too... basicly long day of partying. It took me most of the day to make my costume.. BUT IT WAS WORTH IT..!!

Sucky rain blues / Rachel's party

Damm what was up with people today, its like every one was in a bad mood and pissed off and tierd or in some other mood besides happy or hyper... i noteced this was only happening after it rained .... as soon as it started to rain i saw all kinds of attitudes... Even as i was driving i saw people angry in there cars and acidents on the rode... What the hell is wrong with every one today... In radio lollipop people where all in crappy moods, its our job to be happy, peppy, hyper and act all crazy... why all of a sudden where we all in a crappy mood?.... w/e I BLAME IT ALL ON THE RAIN !

Well rachel's party was awsome... what a good time i had there... Well it was me luis 4 of her Kappa girls and a few others... umm well i do have to say the first thing that i had my eye on was rachel lil sis... wow shes so cute, shes like the shy quiet stand alone type. Or at least that night she was... i was hopeing she would dance when we all got up and danced at benigens... Rachel loved her gift card that i got her... now she can buy all the cool stuff she wants at hot topic... after we all did the dinner thing it was back to the aprt... the movie of choice was some weard 70s halloween movie ... umm didnt like it but we all did have jello shots so that was cool... i had 3 :0)

LILMAN X

Im back...!

Ok so its been forever since i have written and done some blogging... well its not my fult ... its all the stupid assholes in this world's fult. Well let me tell ya why. The day after the last time i wrote somthing happend with a friend of mine Mr k we will call him... his brother, Mr B; my friend got out of controll and started to have a fit... well story gos mr B got real pissed off for some reason at his mother and then hit his brother mr K and just started hell in his house... He broke down the door and took his mothers car when she didnt notice that night and i got a call from Mr K the next day asking me if i knew where his brother was, MR B. well i didnt know where he was or actualy what the hell was going on, so i whent over to his house to see what was going on because i know what has happend in the past with theese people befor... so i go over and i learn that caused hell and they are looking for the car so i thought i would help by talkin to mr b's girl and tell her what i heard and what her story is... so i did and w/e on thing to the other and the car showed up with out mr B in it but it was his friend who brought back the car so... w/e i whent out with Mr K so i could take his mind off of what had just happend and let his mother rest well we where out late and w/e it was all good so then i came home and thought nothing of what happend... next day i got up did some things around the house and had to go to my car to get somthing and i noticed the door was kinda open and then i get closer and i see my glass is smashed both doors are open and the bag i had inside is gone... in that bag i had a PS2 and 2 of my games ... dot-hack and my fav of all final fantasy 10, along with 2 controllers and every thing you need for the ps2 was in that bag... i look in my trunk and they also took my amp... i didnt know to cry yell or scream and pull out my hairs.. i was going insane or syco i didnt know what to do... i started to think how, why, who, when... so then i was like it had to be MR B becase i know from the past when i used to hang out with him the crazy sh*t he would do. Well i thought and still have my suspitions it was him or some one who he told to do it... well my inshurence covers nothing... PS2, 800 watt amp ... all gone to whom ever did it ... but like i sed at the begining ... Im back, i got a 850 watt amp that im making thick 1/4 steel brakets so they cant take them and mounting for the speakers and all ... let them assholes try now! bring a Plasma cutter or try to take my car wich now has a kill switch to take my sh*t now ... hell ya im one pissed off mother fu*ker that put in some crazy sh*t that cannot be taken! Now all i have to do is fix my winshild and rear window and im cool and cruzing...

LILMAN X

My thoughts for the past 2days...

Ok for the last 2days eather by infulence or by encounters of my own i have been thinking about relationships, as in being in love or haveing a girl friend... For exsample their is a girl i know .. lets call her mis X well she has a b/f that she cares about and he cares about her, but mis X also is atractid to another man. now the other day she was asking me what she should do and the guy shes atractid to has a girl of his own to, so basicly 2 people are attracted to eachother but they are both in a relationship that are conmfterble but have doubts about the people they are with. Ok i understand that your attractid to some one else its only natural, but that dusent mean leave what you have, people think thats what you should do, or maybe it means your not fulfilld with what you have? I don't know what the right thing to do would be. I do know how i would want to be treated and how i would treat my girl.. I would show her how to be loved, take her out to dinner, or just stay home and watch a move just the two of us, make dinner at home, cuddle hold eachother closely, kiss and get the feeling of caring for the person. Afection is the one thig i want the most. Its funny how your friends tell you to go and screw some girl you never met, but when they are in a relationship and you tell them that there getting sex when there partner comes over they get insulted... why ? Is it because now they care about that person, and its just not some one night stand? Heres another one i always wonder about. Why is it that a person stays in a relationship when it is abusive. For example, they cheat on you; or they verbaly abuse of you, just plan treat you like sh*t. Why ? What is it that keeps them going back to that person, are they stupid ? Maybe they don't know what it is to be with another person that treats them good. Maybe they are afrade that they wont find another person? Maybe they are masokist and like it... who knows what it is, I do hope when the time comes i can keep that person and show that girl that i care for her and maybe she will care for me the same way too.

LILMAN X

Long day...

What a long long day.... didnt get up too early but it was like 11 more or less so then after that i picked up brian at 3 and took him to do some stuff and after that i came home burnt some cd's and then kariokie, oh ya and befor kariokie i talked to the girl that i care about so so much call her mis X. shes far far away but eventualy i will see her and hopefuly somthing will happen between us (wishfule thinking) but i dont know that so only time will tell. I really do like her alot and i haved since the first time i met her, ironicly she had a B/f at the time but he was far away and she was close to me untill she moved far away.... I SWEAR I WILL GIVE IT MY ALL WHEN I SEE HER NEXT TIME. Love is hard to find and i need some type of it in my life. I feel empty with out it. Who knows whats going to happen, i think im just going to lay low... 2marrow i have a super long day... Screw it who would care for me anyways... Love... STANDS FOR (LONLY OF VALUE EMOTIONS) SCREW IT ... i think i will be mr dick head ass from now on... :)

LILMAN X

Slow, fun,boreing but good and diffrint day

Eh w/e it was a good day after all.. So it was another rainy day in miami ... yuck i hate the rain... Oh the leek that i thought i fixed in my car is still there, found out the hard way too. I needed somthing from my car so when i opend the door i saw it was all foged up inside and i wonderd why, so when i look in the back seat i see this huge puddle of water just sitting there. "Wonderfule" i thought, so got the mop cloth and started to take the water out, took a wile but i did it. So then i was with nothing to do because the Direct Tv gos out when it rains so i had to do somthing, my nefuew left me his pygme rabbit to take care of for a week. So i picked him up and played with him for a wile and waited for the rain to stop. So it stoped agen and agen the stupid car inside was flooded.. YAY mop time... cleand it up and after that watched tv and waited till it was time to go to kariokie, so i did... Well the regulars came as alway rolly, brian, nick, kevin AKA (holla), and the others. I was like oh hell do a new song, oh ya another thing that crazy girl was there agen so i was like ok a song for her, i didnt know what but something evil... I picked "she f*cking hates me by puddle of mud... perfect, but she left oh well did the song anyways and then the others, nookie and faith. After that they guys wanted to head to the starlight diner... I had no clue where that was at so i told then i was going to follow them, well the car i was following was going so fast that i hit 90 at one point that i couldent keep up and lost them.. so i called rolly and he told me more or less, found the place and chilled there playing some trivia game till about 3 then i had to go home, i was super sleepy. Well i got home and i guess got my second energy boost especaly when i saw marian's IM on the screen... I was like dammit i can't belive i just missed her... I really like her alot even if she is super far away, i don't care... the only thing that worrys me is if she likes me in return, who knows if she has some guy where she is or if im not her type. You know i may be a guy but i have my insecure times to worrying about stuff like this, i guess its human or normal, im sure most of the guys would be like " oh stop being a pu*sy and just bang her" or "get layed with some chick or any chick"... I'm not like that at all, i can't just f*ck any girl or just do anything with out thinking first. I am the type that i actualy have to feel somthing for a girl or like her and know somthing about her, I have to love the girl in some way. i guess thats why im not like the rest of them that show up with a diffrent girl every week or meet a new one, some atraction has to be there. I am not a horny oh ya lets screw right now or jump into this right now type. Right now the girl i would like to date would be her but shes million miles away and i cant do a damm thing about it. unless she comes to miami, all i can do is wonder and hope for the best. I bet that all the peeps that are like oh ya time to get some are going to be like eather the kind that get married and divorce later, or are going to be lonly and tierd of not truely loveing some one.. i guess im more mature than i act but hey when in rome wear a toga... :)

LILMAN X

P.S. I'm going to write an email telling her how much i miss her and want her to come to miami and whats the first thing im going to do when she gets here, IN SPANISH!!!

Rain, no Tv and emotions..

Its raining ... so that means no Tv because i have direct tv... wonderfule so what to do wile i wait for it to stop i just sit here and put on some music on my pc... Well i sit here and put on music and think of stuff i have on my mind... One of the things i mosty think of, is one of the meany times terrell, luis, kevin and me hung out back in the days; Mostly i just think about terrell. how i used to just hang out with him and have fun and how good it was. how sometimes we used to just hang out and do stuff like D&D, luis myself kevin and terrell... some times i just think about last feb and march 2002 when it was the best time in my life, and the group, all hanging out, getting crazy around UM... some times just chilling because we all needed a brake from our homes so we would all pile up in luis's car and go to UM and sit on the steps by lake or just chill on the stage.. or how i had it so good with the gang, and my girlfriend at the time rachel and how grate it all was and how happy i was ... Well things change people split up or remain friends and now i just find myself alone going to UM sitting on the same steps where we all used to hang out and think about how much fun it was, most of the times i just get my self all worked up, i cry sometimes, others i LOL but most of the time i just sit there in sadness, knowing how its never going to be like that, knowing how my freind is gone from miami, how he's 500 miles away and posobly never coming back. I really miss terrell, but i never knew how much i do. untill i found out he just moved up north. I never thought it would be like this, so alone, so much thinking about the past, so much sorrow. A lot of things would not be possible if i would of never met terrell... i probly wouldn't know so much about computers as i do, probably never would of found out about anime or bebop or D&D or Final fantasy or had my computer taken to the hospital or gone to the places i have been or know how to pimp it how i do or met rachel or even have anything about UM or even driving... hell i remeber he was the first person ever to jump in the car with me when i started driving and he showed me how to be calm on the express way when i was pannicing, most of all i miss him just talking to him about my problems and just other stuff, i would give anything to just hang out with him... i give up my Computer or even tuching a PC for life or my car or even my soul to have him back in miami and have it be like it was... I have never in my entier life cryed over loseing a friend but for some reson i feel like he was blood to me, Family. I do miss him, and i know i will never for get how much i do miss him. Every where in miami or even tv or my computer or my car im reminded of him. I try to not think about him but i just cant help it, when im reminded of him i start to think about fun times and then sadness sets in..

LIL MAN X

What's the deal... am i dreaming or am i living

ok so i woke up this morning like in sweting for some reson. What a dream i had, ok well its like im at some party and im chilling there with some hot chick witch i feel i know her and have known her for a long time so then like w/e im just chilling on some large swing chilling with my girl making out and talking about her fam and how she graduated and i want to get married with her, so it just like jumps from that to we got married but then its like weard because we dont live togeather so i was like ok were married but not living togeather but we still sleep togeather... how much weiarder can you get in a dream... ok but i mean its like this girl in my dream was hot ... damm hot .. get low hot... bang her brains hot... like wow... but what the hell was her name? Last week was crazy between classes and haveing to go to the doctor and then radio lollipop making cd's for people... so much stuff!!! I NEED A BRAKE ! so i was like i need to go out! friday night was a failire, didnt go out did nothing.. Sat moring was my class for the (clast) test, after class i was like it's the weekend time to party but before i made a move i had to get some stuff done... so i went to office depot to get some red folders for radio lollipop then after that i took them to MCH droped them off and visited genine in the hospital... wile i was chilling with her i got a call on my cell, it was caro, that her dad was in the hospital and she asked me if i wanted to see him and i was like sure i would so i came home got somthing to eat and then jumped in the shower and got dressed in my white riped tommy shert with some old school jeans and my viser. Got to the hospital and every one was there caro her sister, mother, tias, cusons and all. so i talked to oscar cheerd him up a bit and then whent back to her house.. well w/e we chilled there for a wile and i was like oh i wanna go out this and that so w/e she told me about some party up in NorthWest somthing i was ok cool lets go.. so i found out whos party it was ... it was her damm sexy freind Jess so i was like true but we had to play it off as if i was takeing her and not staying so w/e worked out because brian had called me to a party that john was having ... damm john having a party oh hell ya thats always a crazy party... so the plan was to go to her party to my boys party... ok true ture... so we are driveing and she tells me where it is i was like WTF its where ... well i drove all the way to pompano... damm it was far as hell sh*t i thought we would never get there...well we got there and it was a small jam but good so we had fun and i was like look i know its late but lets stop by john's party so we did... damm let me tell you how she was dressd first well this girl likes to dress veary sexy she had some jeans with like holes going down the side of her leg and the top well... damm it was like split with lots of cleavege... so w/e when we got there and i got out of the car brian was outside with his chick just chilling and i was like wheres the party at well guess we got there a lil bit late because it was like his fam a few friends and that was about it food was gone and no girls so w/e oh and john and his boys where like damm whos this girl... so i kinda made it look like if she was with me but not... so i got a kick out of that so then after that i took her home... you would think it was an easy task after all that no... she gets in the car and befor we got there she was like falling asleep and i was sleepy because i woke up at like 7am.. but no she put on the cd i had and started blasting big booty ho's omg it was crazy she was like moveing all crazy and i was like trying to drive wile shes like danceing all sexy and omg it was something .. she was like ha i know it i made you swet i was like naw i was fine ... ya right... well that was my crazy weekend who knows whats next ...

LILMAN X

Dream and missing some one...

Woke up and i know i just had to write this or it was going to bother me all day long. Well i had a dream i was hanging out by the old spot where we used to hang at U.M. It was me luis kevin and terrell... it was all cool the usal stuff we do when we go there but it was diffrent because even if i saw terrell there i knew deep inside this was a dream and not real... because i know the truth is he is gone and mad at me and wont talk to me... You have know idea how much that hurts that i cant talk to him... Terrell is my best friend and i cant even get in contact with him because i have no way... To far to travel and i dont know if he will even talk to me... It hurts so much i wish it would all me the same agen... some days go by and i think how he used to make me laugh so hard when i felt like sh*t or even when he would some times go out of his way to bring me my Pc to the hospital when i was sick.. I miss terrell so much ( I JUST WISH IT WAS LIKE THE OLD DAYS) or wish he would come back .. i dont know if hes mad at me ( if he was i would give anything for him not to be) (even my computer if it takes that i dont care) Pain is a horrable feeling sadness is too but the worst of all is louseing a frend that you realy cared about thats why i try not to louse any more becase i not only feel sad but i feel like i lost a part of me... I wish i could change the past and make the future better but i wish to bring my best friend back to the way it was...

LILMAN X

DAY HAS GONE TO HELL!!!

Crap day ... no, Bullsh*t day ... NO, A WASTE OF MY LIFE TO DAY WAS MORE LIKE IT.. What crap today was, Ya ok fine so yesterday night i stayed out till about 3 am at toms bar for kariokie; so what i had to get up at like 10 am to go do test at Mch who cares its my life stop bossing me around i do what i feel like it... I hate it when people push me and tell me what to do when i make my mind up... W/E ... So i got up late to go there ITS MY PROBLEM... So i get dressed and then after that i go and drive to MCH, well its not that far from my house but still its traffic and bla bla bla... so then after that i get there see my friend jess and i talk to her telling her the story about that crazy night... so after that i go to radiology and tell them ( look my doctor gave me this paper its a referal and i need to do theese test. ) Well little do i know she tells me ( Oh im sorry they are all expierd, you need to get new ones..) I was like WHAT?? So w/e kinda pissed that i wasted my time to go all the way over there when i could be in bed or doing somthing to my car. So i drive home its about 3pm (SCHOOLS ARE OUT) (TRAFFIC) Crap im stuck in bumper to bumper traffic... I hate School traffic.. because you have the stupid people trying to get right to the side of the side walk then the dumm ass kid is like talking to there friends the person is honking the horn and your trying to pass them but no you can't because they have an oversized SUV so you just have to sit there an waste gas wile the kid is like oh my ride is here ok let me attemt to get in the car ... so then they get in the car and for some reson wont go becase they are too stupid to say "hi how was you day at school" AND DRIVE... Its too hard for most of the drivers in miami.. so then i get home ok cool... oh its thursday... radio lollipop.. grate.. get dressed in the uniform get back in the car drive all the way back to mch.. well radio lollipop was good fine no problem there... But after i was suposed to go and do something with a friend of mine but we could not hook up my damm playstation so that whent to sh*t i mean we tryed everything but no nothing worked... so then after that crap ... i came home and looked at my tv and remeberd i forgot i had to switch out my mothers novela tape for the tape i had in there wich was my tape for recording cowboy beop wich im trying to record all 26 in a row but no what happend it recorded over the episode i taped yesterday and screwd it all up... you know when you just can't win and today was just one of those days... Oh and i wanted to go out... But no not even that what a sh*ty day.. FU*K THE WORLD TODAY IM GOING TO BED ... HERES SOME LYRICS TO LIVE BY.... LIMP BIZKIT (BREAK STUFF)
It's just one of those days
When ya don't wanna wake up
Everything is fu*ked , everybody sucks .
You really don't know why
But you wanna justify rippin someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfu*ker !
It's just one of those days !

JUST HAD TO WRITE ABOUT TODAY

OK i know i havent had time to write my blog but i have been super busy and dong lots of stuff... well today i just had to sit down no matter how late it was and tell about my day. Well like every day started off the same stuff as always me getting up late as i always want to get up early but w/e got up anoyed my granmother like always and helped my other grandmother... bla bla bla it wasent till about 10 pm it got good.... well as always i go to tavern this place on (112 and coral way) i always go there cuz thats the hangout i guess and w/e so then after i get there im chilling with the usal peeps nick, rolly brian and usaly if he has a chick with hime and the rest. so then im stiing there trying to see if anyone else is around that i know and i notice a blond girl just sitting there waving at me... i was like (umm ok shes calling me?) so i go over and tell her hi and she tells me that she has seen me before there and i was like " ya im here every tues night". So its all good i ask her what her name was and she told me jeanna and i didnt hear her too well over the music and i make the excusee of short term memory (also i kinda didnt know how to pronouce it) so she told me agen and ok cool. So she starts telling me how she was raised in hispanloa and how educated she is and this and that and im like cool, so then i tell her well let me tell you somthing about me she shes like oh the past dousent matter and im like ok, but let me tell you somthing about my self so shes like agen "the past dousent matter" and that the important thing is what i can do for her and what will happen in the future is better and on and on. So i was like ok.. thinking to my self all this stuff shes telling me and how the past is the past and telling me not directly to get her a drink but in her own words " im a woman and im perfectly capable of getting one but if you got one for me that would be nice " {So here i am all wearded out like wtf is she saying and what is her pattern of thought and what is she doing in life} getting her a drink so i go back shes like acting all weard and crap and this and that so finaly i can't take it.... i feel like i was about to eather just lose all hope of thinking or i had to go outside and scream or somthing i was so confused i felt like a nut.... (so i told her i will be right back) I steped outside and just had to do somthing so then every one outside was like damm that girls all over your dick... I'm thinking ( I DONT CARE SHES DRIVEING ME CRAZY SAYING ONE THING AND MEANING SOMETHING ELSE AND DOING ANOTHER.) So they keep telling me shes all over you and she wants you so bad and the chick is asking to be F*cked and shes all over you.... ( I COULD CARE LESS I WANT MY OWN MIND BACK, SINCE WHEN DID I LOUSE IT TO THE THOUGHTS OF OTHERS !!!) So between me trying to think and my friends telling me one thing and my other side saying ok easy lay ... I have to do somthing... ( I Decided to go and take her home early and get to know her as a person and not think with the man below) well i get back and shes kinda flerting with this italian girl and keeps on im trying to tell her somthing and shes all about oh this and that and how butifule and bla so then some how 3 girls sit infront of us and shes talking to them wile im enjoying the music and singing i turn back towards her and she 3way kisses them .... I was like ( WTF ) (this is not happening, well just one kiss its over back to talking to her) But it did not stop ... im like this is not happening to me im dreaming or i took somthing damm... but when i look back out of shock she moved to the table with the 2 other girls... i was like ( OK WHAT HAS HAPPEND THAT IM LOSING CONTROLL!!! ) so then all the guys around start flocking around and start to hover over all this like flys to raw meat... I was like ok w/e just horny fools trying to get some but its not going to happen... well some guy tryed to move in and i told him to back off hes like get out of here shorty... i told him no you get out so he did and the rest i was like ok shows over so then after that i told her look lets go i need to leave and i will take you home, well she told me no im leaving with her ( the girl that she was making out with ) i told her no im taking you home so its taken outside and im pissed and im so pulled in meany directions that i cant take it, so mr temper takes over im like thats it all thouse guys im going to stick them.. so a fight almost happens and shes talking to the girls and this and that every one trys to get a part of her and im trying to leave and make sure shes ok and leaves with me or some one who is not going to take her home and maybe have there way with her so she finaly decids to go home with alejandro ( good freand of mind, hes a sammy brother too known him for a wile) so im like ok cool .... well this guy phelipe says "oh i have to take her" "i know her uncal" and this and that i have to make sure shes ok and i was like look shes leaving with some one who i trust , and i trust few people with girls... so w/e she left with him and i guess they got home ok .... god what drama. its like it follows me or somthing i just dont know what it is about me ..... WHY ALWAYS ME!!! WHY GIVE ME THE DRAMA!!! hell all the crap i have gone though is plenty of drama ...

ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER ONE THAT PASSED BY ...

LILMAN X

Today's adventure and thurills...

WOW WHAT A DAY... Well today i whent to rapids water park. I had lots of fun.. All i have to say is for sure its super recomended ... it might be expencive well the food that is, but it was worth it and i got a free pass to go back for another time so its all cool. Im so tierd its not even funny, i got up at 10 because we where all suposed to meet on the parking lot of MCH and then it turned out colleen woke up late because she was up till like 5 or 6 and she slept in, so what i whent to bed at 4-somthing because i was watching tv and talking to peeps till like 3 so w/e NO EXCUSES!! so then we all met up and it was just basicly reachel,(the one who wants to be a cop) colleen me and some guy colleen wanted to take i guess to get my opinon on so i did nice guy i like him so hes not on my death list.. well unless he messes up and i have to do somthing about it so w/e. then the first ride was the big green i call it. You get in a big raft with up to 4 people and you go down a big water slide, i thought it was super awsome. So then after that one it was big red, oh and the lazy pool was cool too. The lazy pool is like a big 3feet deep chanal where you just chill on a raft and go with the flow so it was good after the crazy rides. At lest rachel behaved her self, she was nice to me and i was nice to her so it was all good. Next time she needs to plan this much better then how she did it this time. I got a feeling it was going to be just like 3 people max 5 but as always she thinks people are like ya i'll go for sure, umm wake up its not high school anymore if you make plans comferm them and make sure people go dammit, w/e next time i will help and it will be much better. Well that was my day and now im going to bed. I will write 2marrow and every day that i can remeber....

LILMAN X

bla bla bla

Another day another radio lollipop event ... what a day ok started like this, first of all i felt like shit wakeing up from a day that i got all my stupid imunisation shots, tetanouse hepitites A and B, flu, mumps, chicken pox, and god knows what else was in that cocktail... so then that night i got a nice oh 101 feaver and felt like i had a nice heavy cold... what crap ... so then i woke up like if i had a bad hangover form a bad night. Well after that i found out it was raining so, i was like screw it and whent back to bed after getting up at 10 AM. slept till like 1pm then after i got up, and did what i had to do. watched tv, had to put up with the daily crap and then after that got in the shower and jumped in the car and drove to radiolollipop. Well radiolollipop... w/e i have my comments about it but i rather save them for my own bi*ching. I did want to go out after i got home but colleen my friend told me it was off so i was like w/e; got in my pj's and watched the vma's on mtv and chilled ... then i wanted to make a DIARY but i found this wich is better and free.. so thats about it, now im just watching cowboy bebop wich is the best and thats all for now


LILMAN X

Back and new chapter starts....

I know its been forever since ive written but im sorry i just havent had anything to write about. Ok the thing was that your more to me like the way i can express my self out but now that things are ganna change i may need you agen. Ok so im lieing, its been a horrible summer so far. Not haveing her here not knowing what she is doing worrying if shes ok, wondering who is looking at her as a peace of meat. Now this is whats going on... i dont know what i should do, about my situation. somthimes i think just leave it alone and be done with it but i really wanna stand up and say somthing. something that might mean good or somthing that might help me win her back. i dont know what to do any more all i know is in one week my life will be happy agen because she will be back and i will be able to see her agen. i truthfauly dont care if shes mine or not its just that im just happy being around her. just seeing her fills me with joy, but at the same time i hurt wishing i could so just kiss her lips and say i love you. But i can't. all i can do is just wish and hope. i just want it to be how it was befor. Only time will tell......

LIL MAN X