Sick, Pissed Off, Disappointed and Awake!

Its 1:30 AM and I am awake and Pissed off and Sick... I am sick with a stupid cold because I got this thanks to a girl I shall call Jane... Thanks to Jane I am sick with a nasty cold and I haven't felt like this in a long time... On top of all that I have had a shitty weekend because after Thursdays nice awesome outing, I haven't done shit... I thought maybe Sat we were all going to hang out and maybe do something and party and I was going to get a chance to get out of the house... Well no Turns out Since Jan didn't know what the hell she was doing her friend and her didn't plan anything so we ended up doing nothing but I don't care because at the end of the night I would of been so sick anyways I would of probably done nothing... Sat all day I stayed home until about 5 or 6 pm and I went to Luis's job to apply as front desk and see if I might get the job there... That would be awesome because then at least I have a steady income and stuff but even then I was forced to leave because I felt so shitty that I could not take it and I had to go home... Today I did nothing... I wanted to clean my room and do some stuff but I had to almost sleep half the day and stay in bed because I had a fever of 102 and I was all stuffed up... So Jane at 12 something or 11 something called me to tell me to get some of her stuff that I have and put it outside the door and to look for it... After she gave me this fucking cold and I feel like shit she calls me super late to tell me that stupid insignificant shit... Fuck that she is out of her fucking insane mind... I feel like shit ok... I know you are reading this and I am now awake thanks to your stupidity of your narcissistic boyfriend and you trying to fucking prove a point to his stupid ass... WTF are you thinking... I now am awake pissed off because I have to wait 1 hr or more for the nyquil and other 2 things I took to kick in and put me to sleep... Other words I will be awake all night long and tomorrow I cant do the things I need to do... Fuck, have some consider ation and don't give a fuck what that jack-asses opinion is... Fucking think for your self and get a hold of what you give a damm about... I had 10 missed calls today and I know almost all of them are from people wanting something from me... I only picked up 4 out of 14 calls total I had today... shit... You know why I have it how I have it... Because I don't give a fuck about anyone's opinion and persuasion on me... That's why I get so far... If you don't care they can't harm your feelings and thoughts... People need to learn that... So fuck the bullshit IM going to bed or at least try to... So thanks For waking me up Jane...

LILMAN X >_<

A Wild Night On The Tootsie's Side...

Well what a wild night tonight was... Lets just put it like this, I've Gotten: Drunk, Shaken Hands With a famous Porn Star, Danced With Strangers, Got rubbed up on by a friend and saw naked girls, all in one night... Well so it started out like this we were at Sand bar after we got out of lollipop and we all decided to go out... Well its the group together all over again... Lets Call them: May,Sue,Alf,Me and Jon. Well so all of us were chilling at sandbar having a few drinks and enjoying our selfs... Well every one knows I have the biggest balls to do anything and go up to anyone, why because I don't care... So I was being pressured to talk to some chick there w/e.. In the end the bitches are stuck up ( as usual) and May decided to get me the one drink that would get me drunk in 2 shots... So w/e she was like oh I wanna see you drunk, I've never seen you drunk and bla bla bla... So Alf, Jon, sue, and may all gang up on me so w/e I also wanted to get wasted so I had a double shot. Well that was that... I remember the room being all wavy and crazy and before I knew it, Jon told every one hey allycat's or tootsie's... So I was like no forget it I don't wanna and bla bla bla... So w/e After once more of Jon saying tootsie's, I was like ok tootsie's it is... So we all went in Sue's car and Alf drove... So wile on the drive we take Some crazy pic's in the back because May is the one taking them and she's good and buzzed and Me being still Buzzed I was like ok w/e... (Still thinking if I should post them...) So we get to tootsie's and walk in and w/e what a night wile we were there... OMG I saw my first Live Lez Porn show For the First Time in my life... 2 girls who I think were at sand bar with us... Were on stage eating each other out and getting nude and all crazy shit... Wow it was awesome... Next time IM taking some Cam that will take photos so I can post them... But it was crazy... Sue by this time was super drunk and she was talking to me in gibberish and may was a little sober but still not yet... So w/e... Wile me Jon and Alf were chilling the girls were dancing up a storm and Ron Jeremy came over and shook my hand... I could not believe I met Ron Jeremy the biggest "Porn" star in the world.. I mean I don't think you can get above that man's status... So w/e, by this time Sue was talking to Alf and Alf was like yo, we need to take her home and she's drunk and is not in the best of mind... Mind you Alf and Sue once had a little thing going but I was rather shocked that Alf didn't take advantage of Sue's state of mind... She was rather influential by being drunk but Alf being himself was a true gentleman and told her no your drunk and told her to sit down... So on our way driving back home Sue was passed out in the back seat and half way home at least May was sober to drive and We dropped off Jon on the way to pick up the cars... What a crazy night... Well go figure when the 5 of us get together its always crazy...

Lilman x >_<

The End Of... But it is all a lie...

Well so today I didn't do much of nothing... Just was another day of nothing... Besides minor crap and stuff that I had to do it was rather dull... The only best and worst part was watching the Hurricane game on TV because it was sooo close and exciting even if we lost... Yes I know we lost but you know what it was a good game... That new freshmen lost it for us but w/e we will win next year... Besides that I vacuumed my car, made it smell good and that's all... So laborday is over and they say its the last day of summer after laborday is over but its all a lie... IM telling you Summer is never over here in Miami... Dammit its spring Summer and winter.... Fall is soo short here its like none-excist here... I think fall starts after Halloween and winter starts at the end of November... IM telling you its all a lie to make people think that... Since we all must fallow this thought the north has we should too... No way... Its our rules down here... Hell if a hurricane can form in fall then its still summer... Dammit I am mad I didn't do anything exciting this long weekend but w/e, story of my life... I wonder what everyone else did... I called a bunch of people to see what they were doing but no one called me back... I called Jose-(with the supra's) Fred, Marcina, colleen, katia, kevin and nothing no one got back to me... I wanted to go out and party, drink a little bit and maybe make some new crazy ass impressions in my mind (memories for the stupid people) but nothing... W/e oh well theirs always next weekend, I have 140 friends here on myspace... I know at least more than half of you bastards have my number... Dammit... w/e, always next weekend... So w/e IM ganna shower and school 2marrow... Fun... At least the thing I had on my eye is gone thanks to my new doctor and some stuff he sent me... Brain stew time.. Night...

LILMAN X >_<

P.S. Thinking of some one.... Hence the Song: A Thousand Miles By Vanessa Carlton

Cruel intentions... The book

Well I don't have much to write about today... I was a bum all day long because I didn't feel like doing anything, I was kinda tired and out of it for some reason... Short of breath too.. So w/e... I basically have been watching my house DVD's that my mom got me... All of season 1 and season 2... So far I am up to DVD 2 of season one side B since its dual sided... Well I have an idea... If anyone has ever watched cruel intentions and seen it a lot, they find out that the bad girl writes in a little book she has I guess its a dairy and she puts peoples picture and writes about them... Well I think I might just do something like that online but keep it too my self... I think it would be way too harsh for most everyone I know and what I think... Remember the truth is the worst opinion you could tell some one... That's why we all lie and say something else logically... And don't try to say, oh but I am always honest... You know its bullshit so admit it, no one is perfect but we would all like to think that we are... I doubt you haven't looked at some one you've known for a long time and thought the opposite of what your telling them... Well w/e that's all I have to say... Going to bed to watch more house... Who knows until what time...

LILMAN X

Black Checkers VS. Red Checkers... Who Wins?

Well, another day.... Today I did the usual thing I do every Thursday, School in the morning, hang out with a few friends at school, go home and eat, hit the streets once more and then come home... The only thing I didn't do today was radio lollipop and that was due to an eye infection that I might have, which IM going to go get checked out asap... Ok so I was thinking to myself today well I have to put my life in a status... Look at it from the 3rd person point of view or 4th... What is going good and what is going wrong... Red checkers is good stuff And Black is bad stuff... First My health issues... I am on the liver transplant list and have not been taken off but inactive so that cancels each other out... I was diagnosed with something new (One Black)... I have 3 chronic diseases 2 that are incredible (One Black)... I currently have no doctor at the moment due to the pussy asshole I had didn't want me anymore (One Black)... I feel healthy (One Red)...
2 Other things are wrong with me that I don't want to say (One Black)... Now personal issues... I have a wide variety of friends (One Red)... I can count on at least a few of them for sure if I need something (One Red)... I have no steady employment... (One Black) I have some money I gain back every now and then (One Red)... I have a car that's hot (One Red)... I currently have no girlfriend (One Black)... I've tried to get a steady G/F but failed (One Black)... I meet a lot of girls (One Red)... IM a realest most of the time or pessimist (One Black)... I have some horrible luck for most things (One Black)... If I work my ass off to something that I want I get it rarely (One Red)... My room sucks and I could never bring a chick back to my place (One Black)... Haven't gotten any in a real long time (One Black)... I am almost never home because I am busy doing what I want (One Red)... I'll probably look young for a long time in the long run (One Red)... I currently look too young now and it works against me sometimes (One Black) I some times use my young look to my advantage for cheaper stuff (One Red)... I am sick of the battle of the every day rutieen (One Black)... I am fed up with stupid bullshit I have to save some people sometimes(One Black)... I love my school because its easy and fun (One Red) I get harassed constantly because of how old I look (One Black)... I hate that some people call me for only favors when its just for that and nothing else the rest of the time (One Black)... That all I can think of off the top of my head... Well lets see how we did... I have 16 black and 11 Red... Well So I did just as I thought... Just Wonderful... W/e Fuck it I am going to bed and I don't give a shit... At least until tomorrow...

>_< LILMAN X

Home study, Long time no spleechies?

Well so today I was back at school but not for too long because it was a short day due to its only an independent study class... So w/e get the work say hello and bounce... So basically its awesome but not because I have to do everything my self.. Besides that I didn't do much... Oh I did take the winshild wipers off my car painted them and they look awesome.. I did that on the weekend... So yeah nothing much to tell.. Oh One big thing I was super happy was to hear from roxy... I so missed talking to her on MSN... Its been forever since I talked with her because her internet is only on a here to there basics due to she's in Peru and waiting to come to the US... Stupid visa residentcy stuff... But besides that she should be here soon since everything was started in JAN... So we all know how slow our lovely Government is.. Jack asses ... So when she gets here to Miami, wow I don't know were to begin... I think I might need help from some one on an issue but w/e that's eventually... I hope when she gets here we can hang out and all that stuff... Fake id must be because its going to be hard to get her into unknown places... The mourge should be easy but as for the rest... I don't know... I hope she will live close to me, but w/e I got a car, I drive fast so w/e no problemo... Well I am getting sleepy.... I do have class and I have to get some rest for that EEG in the morning... IM outta here... >_<

LILMAN X

Middle Of The Day ANT HILL BURN!!!

Just a thought I was thinking I should share... Because it seems every time I am looking for something I cant find it... I feel as if god is looking down at me with a magnifying lens and using the sun to burn off my feelers and then eyes and then leg by leg... Slowly driving me crazy... H first starts by putting water over my sent trail so I cant find my way back to that ant hill and then just mash me with a finger so half my legs are broken and IM stumbling around all screwed up... Then he burns my feelers off so I cant feel the ground and just slowly craw around... Then burn off a back leg, then one by one burn the rest off and then my torso until just my head is left until I die... HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! FUCKING PISSED OFF ....

LILMAN X >_<

The end of this week... Good Riddance!!!

Well its Friday and thank god this week is over... What a peace of shit it has been so far... It has not gone well at all and today I guess was the iceing on the cake... I have had it with building and fixing Computers because I think my now 4 day head ache has stayed because I still am trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with that shit... W/e at least I haven't drove all the way down to hell to take a look at it... My god every time I have to travel down to homestead so I can just get aggravated with that shit so then I cant do jack about it... So w/e fuck that also I have applied for work at some place and the damm place hasn't called me back so w/e fuck them too.. So lets see that's 2 strikes so far.. What a lovely week... Oh yeah so I met a girl at the mourge who I thought was sexy and super nice but just a minor draw back... She's not looking for anything just wants to have fun... Ok no problem with me.. But here's the real draw back... She douse not live in Miami so w/e, I can't win... Strike 3 BTW... Then I also was arguing with my doctor and the bastard is so fucking immature because he doesn't want to see me anymore because my case is soooo complicated... WTF... I don't get this shit, ever since I passed out had that seizure in the hospital and had a nervous break down he has been a real jerk and hasn't wanted to see me any more... Well fuck that son of a bitch immature asshole who should get his MD taken away because he cant handle my case.. I told that fuck face bastard that I was complicated and I would help him out because I know myself and I know what goes on... Fuck you, jack sucking dick fucker bastard form whose mother was a whore... Soon he is going to have 7 or more patient's with draw because I have that power.. He wants war, fine you got it... He has no idea the people he was going to get... Now suffer and loose money you son of a bitch... So that's strike 4.... Lets see oh yeah I was sitting today at starbucks and just relaxing when something hit me like a plain in the are hitting a bird flying down for the winter... I am single, not happy with it and also sad because I have jack shit girls to show for it... I am sick of this life... Time to go hunting I guess you could say or maybe if you are reading this, you can hunt my ass down and get me.... I don't care which way it goes, just need some thing to bring back to camp... Wow I love how I make analogies... So w/e what a shit week... Oh yeah Monday I start school so w/e maybe next week shall go better... w/e I doubt it but hey its the weekend now and then back to hell next week... I mean yay another week... Yeah w/e you know how much I love to bullshit so... blah >_<

Lilman x >_<

P.S. say something stupid and be crucifyed for it!!!


I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she was gonna meet her connection
At her feet was a footloose man
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need
And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, were gonna vent our frustration
If we dont were gonna blow a 50-amp fuse
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need
I went down to the chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standing in line with mr. jimmy
And man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavor, cherry red
I sung my song to mr. jimmy
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was dead
I said to him
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need
You get what you need--yeah, oh baby
I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need

Try Something New And Steady

Well today was something... All I must say is if all was as well as it was today then tomorrow should be the best... I plan to write about it but not until its a for sure thing... It was raining all day long and I was hanging out with Luis and jess because its been for ever since we chilled the 3 of us... Played Kill all humans on the PS2 and well that's about it... I am not going to write much because I have something important tomorrow at 10 or 11 A.M. until about 1P.M. So leave me alone or I shall ignore you and then after I am done, I shall yell at you about calling me... I am Off to bed for once before 1 A.M. Night~!

I Just got home from computer hell 5 AM, fuck this shit of giving...

Well its 5 am and I just got home not 10 mins ago and I had left here at 9 something this morning to go to lollipop, its a good thing too because it took for ever to get things started, but that's another story... So w/e the rest of the damm day I have been going to homesead to the same person's house to fix her computer... The worst part is since IM such a nice guy and I feel bad that she's almost blind and she's gives me food, I barely charged her what I should... Its such bullshit because, that Dell computer she has is like almost impossible for it to work, I mean I tried every damm trick I had and a lot more, until I had no choice to give up and say I have to take it with me to look at it... Well I left her house at 4:30 something and I had gotten there around 3... It was supposed to be soo simple, because dell sent me the driver CD and w/e simple install right...? Wrong, it took me 7 hrs of fighting with that thing until I set screw it I give up on this today... Then the other computer that is her little girls, well that was a screw up too... I installed windows and w/e it was fine and then after it got all messed up because of stuff she needed to look at.... Now I have tons of spam on that PC and I had a fight with it until 4:15 and told her I need sleep... Well as I should of done, I should of told her... Its going to be 40 for today's 16hr day... I mean that was crazy... AHHHH!!! I only asked for 10, just barely to get gas and that was it... fuck this day its already the next day and the sun is rising so IM hitting the bed... Or at least try to... fuck that shit... Greenday put it best : "Nice guys Finish Last"

GREENDAY - Nice guys finish last. You're running out of gas. Your sympathy will get you left behind. Sometimes you're at your best, when you look the worst. Do you feel washed up, like piss going down the drain Pressure cooker pick my brain and tell me I'm insane. I'm so freaking happy I could cry. Every joke can have its truth and now the joke's on you. I never knew you were such a funny guy. Oh nice guys finish last, when you are the outcast. Don't pat yourself on the back, you might break your spine. Living on command. You're shaking lots of hands. Kissing up and bleeding all your trust, taking what you need. Bit the hand that feeds. You kill your memory


LILMAN X

7 no sleep... Don't Want time to pass...

Well its 7 am and IM still up... No I have not slept since 10 am yesterday... I cant sleep because I know what today is... Its the most horrible and hardest day I've had in a long time... Today I have to face the fact, she is not here, she has passed on, there is no more in this realm of what we see as life... She is and always will be alive in my heart but sad that such a wonderful person has passed on... It still hasn't hit me truthfully that she is gone... I guess I just want to deny it or pretend its not real... In the last day and a half I haven't thought about it or even worried or got sad... I keep telling my self she is going to call and yell at me or something... Or just tell me hey IM at the hospital and IM board with nothing to do... Maybe complaining about some retarded nurse who just got out of school and she's lost in giving the complex meds or get used to how we like it... It cant be, its just not clicking that its real... I fear it will hit me today and I know I will have to face it but I still hope its not real... I know its stupid thinking this way but its easier on myself to be like, well w/e its all not real... I read the obituaries online and it was wonderful... I shall paste it at the end of this blog to remember her Digital wise... Like I always say, its better to be online and have a record that way your never erased, (unless the matrix or terminator hapends) I guess I will give all the details about the entire event that goes on today... Maybe later tonight or tomorrow, that I am not sure... Well if I cant get sleep IM going to my bed and just lay down and watch some TV...

LILMAN X

HERNANDEZ, GENINE, 21, of Hollywood, passed Aug. 3, 2006, beloved daughter Neysa Silver Hernandez & Carlos Hernandez-Campo of Hollywood, cherished sister of Jennifer Hernandez of Boca Raton, adored granddaughter of Arnold & Lydia Silver of Aventura, loving niece of Cecile (Frank) Jacome & Irv David of NMB, dear cousin of Bruce &amp;amp;amp; Andrew Klepper of NMB, Brett & Brooke David of NMB. Our beautiful, sweet, loving little girl is now with God where she may rest in peace for all eternity. We will always love and miss you more than words can describe. In lieu of flowers, family suggests donations to the American Diabetes Association Phone (800) DIABETES or P.O. Box 1131 Fairfax, VA 22038-1131. CHAPEL SERVICES, SUNDAY, AUGUST 6, 2006 AT 2:00 p.m. AT LEVITT- WEINSTEIN CHAPEL AT BETH DAVID MEMORIAL GARDENS, 3201 N.W. 72nd Ave., Hollywood. UNDER THE DIRECTIONS OF BLASBERG-RUBIN-ZILBERT (305) 538-6371 To visit this Guest Book Online, go to www.herald.com/obituaries. Published in The Miami Herald from 8/5/2006 - 8/6/2006.

It's Getting Worse... Pound Away At Me, Please Just Wont Stop..

Today is one of the worst days I have had in the longest time I can last remember... To be honest, I think its just a extreme bad dream that I will wake up from, and it will all be fake... Today a extreme close friend of mine Passed away.... I don't know what to say because its like I talked to her and now she will never be able to talk ever.... Its unreal to me because I saw her in the hospital room as I usually do, but this time was unreal... I was expecting her to get out of this like every single time she is sick, then I yell at her for not doing what she should of and then she takes the turn on doing the same to me.... I can't conceive this... Its not happening that she is gone, its like she was and now she is not, I tried to give my advice, I prayed, something I haven't done in a wile because I was and still am mad at the big man because of what has happened in the last 3 months... I feel as my life just keeps going down the drain and this drain won't end or at least see some light at the end... Its just getting deeper and more dark and I cant get out because IM still falling.... Some times I think maybe if I moved away somewhere else or my karma or its just my luck... I mean I do want to be positive and honestly be happy but I just feel its like this one moment something small or average happends and IM happy then something twice or more happends to be worse than the positive.... Its an observation I've noticed with in the last 3 or so months.... I mean I could write a list or even balance checkers of the bad.... For example, red checker for good and black for bad.... My average would be one king and a few regulars in red and black would have 2 or 3 kings and 3 regulars so I don't get it.... Why her, why did she have to pass on so young... I mean 22 years old, and half spent in the hospital, why could of not it had been some sudent event or at least something with a reason.... Death must have at least closure or something to it, I don't get it.... I wish I could have a convo with her for at least 10 mins, I would give 10 years off of my life to do that.... I knew her for 7 or 8 years, hospital buddy's we met and then we grew on each other.... God why is it always heavy-hearted or hurtful news you bring to us? When will be have something from you besides the gift of life that is joyful or vivacious??


To genine: Genine I love you with all my heart and I always did and will do... I thank you for the greatest gift of having to met you and your family, your mom misses you and every one else who you got to meet... I would give 10 years but you would probably not let me because you would be mad at me... You will always have a place in my heart... I can never forget you and I sure cant go in the hospital or eat a cracker with out thinking of you... Miami children's will always be our place and room 361 will always be our first "dinner" date with the fake flowers which I still have... I hope God and his angles take care of you as good as I tryed to... I love you........

alex

4am Thoughts... No sleep...Once more... (Girls) >_<

Well another night IM up at 4 am and I can't sleep because their is something on my mind and some one... Well two things... First you never know what can happen to a person even when you don't speak to them... Some times you get news about them that you didn't even know and shocking things occur so w/e... All I can say is, I had a right but also I should of not been too much of an asshole, but also when am I an asshole... I actually think I am way, way, way too nice sometimes... Second Maybe girls like assholes or guys that ignore them or something to that degree... I don't know anymore.... Its like I go up and try to get in the game or at least attempt to do good in it but I always strike out or something is against me... I can't figure out where I go wrong or something... I wish some one would tell me or something... Then the other time's its like they like me but I just don't click with them or I just don't feel it... You know its all about feelings I guess you could say but I think to my self a lot... Where did I go wrong... Or what did I do... Do I stink or something (j/K), I mean I always have my doubts about everything... But w/e... I was reading this grate book I guess to get my confidence back or something, its just like I feel like saying " Ok I give up... What do you want from me..) putting my hand up in the air and screaming I surrender or w/e... I guess IM just frustrated because I see my best friend with his girl and then my other best friend... Well he is a different story but at least he is getting something... Me, Nada, Zilch, Nothing, Do not pass Go, Do not collect Shit... I mean I meet a lot of hot girls, but I don't get it... Is it my game, or my rap that I give to them or something... I don't know any of you have idea's... I would like feed back on this one please... Lots of it actually.... Maybe some one can ease my mind..

lilman x >_<

The BIG One.... Transplant ( disappointment)

Yeah so the The BIG One.... Transplant... Was nothing but a BIG disappointment, in a way but, also something good came out of it at the same time. ( If your one of the optimistic type) basically what happened was something like this... I waited until 2pm and then the time came to go into the Operating Room... Ok fine no problem I was ready and stuff and then I remember going under the lovely drugs they give you and I was out... Then I wake up in the O.R. with a tube in my mouth but I was expecting that and also other stuff like lots of drain tubes in my stomach and stuff and a nice big bandage covering everything... Well when I feel over that area I felt my bare stomach.. So I know they didn't do anything.. OH I was pissed off to the tenth power!!! They told me that they could not do anything because I had something wrong with a blood vessel that leads from the heart to the lungs, the pressure was too high to do anything, that I might die if they had gone ahead... Well you all know how hard headed I am so I was like " So dammit it was perfect, take the fucking risk you jack asses" and so on I kept telling them so w/e at the end of the day I was diagnosed with Pulmonary hypertension or PH.... Go figure its rare but it happens... Ahh I have all the luck for the rare shit... Rare liver disease, rare disorder lung or w/e and so on... Read about PH if you want but w/e.... i got it in time taken care of so im good to go.... Good greef what luck I have... Why in the hell I cant harvest this luck to get a girl or win some money... Shit its always the crap instead of the Good... BLAST!! So w/e 3 months I have to treat it and start all over... More pills and drugs... yay.. NOT... I will get it, but also,... I am not a person that always sees in optimistic ways... I am more like... House M.D. I guess you could say...



LILMAN X >_<

(Dr. Gregory House M.D.)

The BIG One.... transplant

Well it finally happened. The BIG decicision. The Big One. The transplant. Here at Jackson just waiting for the jackasses to pick me up at my bedside and take me into my operating room, take out the old liver (by the way I am keeping a piece of the old liver - cool!) and replace it with a new one. Yeah! Brand New Car! Kinda nervous but hell who wouldn't be getting a brand new organ... big stuff... well the outcome will be awesome. no more drinking the nasty stuff. Theoretically health improved and I will be able to go out more... YEAH! ... I also might be famous because I might come out in The Miami Herald thanks to my friend. So look out for me in The Herald... READ THE DAMN PAPER PEOPLE... The reason this all started was I was at the gym chilling with my boy Joe when I got a crazy phone call from Jackson. They told me I must hurry up and get over to the hospital because they had a brand new liver. I sure as hell didn't know what the hell to say and I was kind of scared and anxious. So I just did the me-thing that I always do... Haul ass in my car to my house, blast the music and just worry about it when I get there. Got home, packed, came over here (to Jackson) and now I have been waiting for almost 15 hours.... Good Grief it takes so damn long to get a liver. Geez, I don't even wait this long at McDonald's... JK!... So I know something about the liver. I can train it... >_< ...cool... and it's from a male "thank God no female parts" and it's four years old. So the only bad news about this entire thing is I probably won't be able to drink for a good 4 to 6 years, if all goes well. Now I am gonna go back to my idiot stinking room with my lovely neighbor (NOT) and wait...and wait... and wait ....

>_< lilman X

Writing my mind off...

Well what a hell of a week... Thank god its over and now its the weekend but oh yeah, I am screwed... I cant go out... You ask why, well I shall tell you... It all started with some stupid people deciding I needed to do a bunch of test and one of the test has screwed with my stomach and G.I. track... So now its not fun to be me, if you want my opinion its actually a painful and exhausting experience... On top of that I also have an infection, also I am tired, I have a fever and I feel like shit all the time... This has been now going on week 1 going into week 2 as of Monday... What crap the medical field is... I would go into the hospital but the point of that would be lots of confusion and waste of time because I would miss out on school and a bunch of shit until something would be resolved... I have a appointment for next week at my G.I. Doctors office and who knows... Maybe I will end up in the hospital after all... I don't know, it all depends on how he will see all of this... I hope he can take it as ok lets try treating it at home, but if not he's going to say "why didn't you call me sooner" or "wow this is bad how did it get like this" I will tell him, but I should tell him the truth in my opinion... I should say look your system for appointments suck and the health system sucks because I called you a month ago and your appointment bitch wanted to give me a date for late June... You should advise your retarded Spanish old girls staff that I am a case that when I say IM sick I need to see you ASAP before I get to the point of hospitalisation and crash... W/e IM sick of this shit... I didn't go out last weekend because I had the evil plague cold and this weekend because I feel like shit all feverish and also in pain... All I want to do is go out, have fun, eatshit w/e anything.... AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well w/e I cant do shit because I depend on a person who wasted 6 to 8 years in school to control when I can see him so "I" can tell him how to better my health and what needs to be fixed.... Maybe I should of done like my old former late G.I. doctor Dr. Rene Ruiz-Isasi, Treat your own condition and make friends in the medical community... I hate the medical community so much because of all the bullshit bureaucracy and all kind of crap I have had to deal with them... That's why I didn't become a doctor or didn't want anything to do with any medical crap... I do and never would be one of them... Oh I am sure you say "maybe if you joined them you could change them" Nope, sorry, the mind set of all of them is and has been the same since the 80's when the medical field took off... W/e fuck it, fuck them and IM going to go take a few Advil's (because that what the Doctor "jackass" Told me to do) watch TV and kill something on my PS2... Another lost fucked up week... DAMMIT >_<

LILMAN X

Out of touch, but not out of contact

Well so this weekend was rather blah... I didn't go to the beach, I just stayed home and the only time that I was out was about 30 mins ago that I went to go see X-men 3... Movie was good and I think another one will be coming if they chose.... Besides that most of the long weekend was spent in bed watching T.V. because since about WED I got some horrible cold plague.... So w/e because of that my weekend was shot and I didn't do jack but stay home... I wanted to go out and see the crazy Miami life but w/e another year gone, maybe next year.... I seemed to have so much time this weekend that I have filled my mind up with problems and questions and issues... I hate it when a mind like mines is at rest.... I always seem to find something wrong or something a bother with me.... Well I shall just deal with it as I always do and just work the problem out and then later maybe write about it.... Well I do have class in the morning and I should get some sleep so...

LILMAN X

Quick Blogg long day need sleep...

Well.. Yeah its been a long day.. All I need to say is: People are stupid, but if they would be some what smart we would never have any problems there for "Without Chaos order and nothing can exist"... Also my last word of advice is... "There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function." Long day... Going to bed...

LILMAN X

Its Only Tuesday And IM Tired Of This Week...

Well so I made it to Jackson, after getting up at 5 am and looking outside it was raining so much that I was like screw it I will wait it out... Then around 6 I finally left the house and got stuck in this stupid traffic on the 826... I mean it was bumper to bumper parking lot style... So w/e that was for ever until after the air port... Then it was smooth sailing until I got to the actual test done... Oh yeah I almost forgot about the stupid toll lady, when I was paying the 1.50 toll she was asking me how old I was and what was I doing driving and on and on, I was like look I am old just let me go, I am in a hurry... W/e... So then I valet my car and went first to do the Echo cardiogram, well I get there and the stupid girl tells me that IM too early because they don't open until 8:30... So I told her look Lourdes sent me for this time so w/e they found the papers and saw I was a special case so w/e they did that then I rushed over to the ultra-sound to get the other test done... The problem one was at 8 and the ultra-sound was at 8:30.. Now we all know its impossible to just go, get something done and go do another one... No there's always some complication or some stupid jack ass being lazy so it takes a wile.. So w/e I finished at 9:30 almost 10.. Then I ran over to ultra-sound and remembered the senile old woman took my ultra-sound paper to call them to let them know I was going to be late... Well I ran over to Echo grabbed the paper from her then ran over to ultra-sound and gave the paper in... At least that department was fast and in order... Not like the disorder echo was in... So w/e I got home at 11 and rushed over to class and told my teacher what was going on and how all this week its been Jackson-athon... So tomorrow I have clinic to see the doctor, tizakis, then Thursday IM not sure yet I shall have something to do, because they like to slowly screw with my head... Then Friday is the Stupid CT scan... So w/e between Jackson and the new school term starting in the same week IM going to loose it or just party my head off when IM in the calm.... Its only Tuesday, well actually Wednesday now and IM tired of this week already... Going to bed..

LILMAN X

Quickness Post, Jackson Adventure to be

Well tomorrow should be something, I have to go to Jackson hospital so I can do 2 test for the liver transplant people... Good greef what I do for them... I have to get up like at 5 am or something so I don't catch traffic and I can make it there on time and catch good parking... So w/e I was also told that one test is at 7:30 and the other is at 8 ... So how the fuck am I supposed to do that... I mean common one takes time and then run across to the other... Oh good greef... w/e I will write how it goes, also I have to let my teacher know so I haven't a clue what IM going to do about that... w/e time for sleep because I have to get up before the sun comes up... >_<

LILMAN X

Pop It Into First Then neural, Just Let It Ride

Lets update a little first off because last time I wrote I was a little, Crazy I guess you could say... I had a lot on my mind and a lot of things going on so yeah... So on Friday I didn't do much just visit a friend in the hospital and then I came home and had a lot of shit on my mind from this past week because its been one thing after another and bla bla bla... So what do I do when I have a lot of shit on my mind... Work on my car... So I took my dash apart because the lights in the gauges were all burnt out and dim and it needed to be cleaned... So that's what I did... It took me like 6 hrs or more to do it, lets just say by midnight was when I was done and test driving it to make sure it worked good... So yeah now its all awesome and it works perfectly... Basically the car is way better the when I got it, odd because cars should get worse as time goes by but not mines it keeps on improving because I work on it soo damm much... So next subject is, I am just going to go with the flow from now on, I don't care anymore about stupid shit about what I should do and worry about other people and try to help them and stress about all kinds of things... Screw that IM not going to make a mess of myself for something that is hopeless so IM just going to offer and if not, oh well... I will just sit back and let it ride... No need for that any more, if you see me write something like that tell me, hey just let it ride... So I am going to sleep and jam to my IPOD...

LILMAN X

Rambling

Restless mind I have going for me at the moment... I have so many things I think every day but sometime I don't feel like getting to them... I like to think I am in control of my life when it comes to a few things. Things like people I know that they are in a situation and I would like to help but I just know I can only go so far. Whatever I just don't get it some times, why some one would liked to be helped but they don't want to be... Thoughts just going in my mind at the moment I don't even know what to do... Sometimes I feel like I want to forget about everyone and just sit back by myself and pretend I am on a island called "solitude-dissipate-emancipate" or it could also be called "limbo" or best known as "Hades"... No matter what place I go to its always something... I never seem to find fraternization "Peace"... w/e I just have so much shit on my mind I think IM going to call it a night and sleep it off... What ever I don't sleep it off I will write I guess...

LILMAN X

Brain Dead X_X

Well it official... I feel 100% brain dead... I cant think right, my eyes are blood shot and IM super tired but I cant sleep... WTF is wrong with me... I have so much shit on my mind I cant even sleep... It just keeps circling in my mind and I cant seem to go to sleep... My only solution is to work my self to sleep by going out and getting tired to the point I cant do anything but sleep... Nights that I don't do anything, Ex tonight, I just cant sleep... IM going to have to watch some boreing thing or the BBC or something so I can sleep... GERRR... Blast this stupid insomnia... Dammit, IM going to force my self to sleep, put on some PBS or something...

LILMAN X x_x

Sit My Self Back To Think... Brain Always Working, Damm My I.Q.

Well today was a rather slow and boring day... I didn't go out, I didn't go to lollipop, I didn't do shit, but sit and think, rest and recover... Since most people that have a high I.Q. cant sit still and just relax and turn off the mind, I had to sit home all day with nothing but the computer and TV to keep me occupied... So in other words, I thought a lot about different things... Mostly one of them would be that subject I keep juggling in my head; girls... One of them has me thinking of her often, I've known her for a long time and I've always liked her... One thing I cant get out of my mind at this moment is that she is currently single and well I would make a move but she is not in the best position now to date I guess I should say... I am helping her in her situation but I don't know what the out come will be... Some times I think I should just forget about it and totally forget this crazy idea of me liking her but I've tried and its always been floating around in my head... I don't know what to do anymore about it, every time I get the bird brain idea of doing something like this I always get screwed but rarely it works... I don't know why I try but who knows... Maybe I should try this time and see what happends... Hell I don't even know how she feels for me, as if I was sure of it anyways... My one weakness is I could never tell how they feel, ever... Its like some unknown science I haven't learned or some unsolved mystery... Well I guess my plan of action would be: Support her for now in the situation she is in... Step two: Slowly or quickly ( I need to figure out which) Invite her out or go over to her house or w/e( Spend time) Step Three: Make the move... I guess that would be a good plan of action... Not sure, Blast this mind of mines... Why must it always be busy thinking of possiblilitys and outcomes... I wish some times I could just go with the flow and not think about it 3-billion times... Other wise I feel much better and I am going out tomorrow...

LILMAN X

A Limp Like House, Ouch !

What a day... Good greef I am in pain... My back hurts like hell and I cant even walk right... I feel like an episode of House... That show were the smart ass doctor that has a cane walks around with a limp... Yeah that's right IM walking around with a cane on my right hand because I cannot for the life of me put any pressure on my right foot because the pain is unbearable... It hurts soo much... I think its because were the bone-marrow was done it has something to do with my leg putting pressure on my pelvic bone or some shit like that... I think IM going to take a vicodin and go to bed or some shit I cant stand it... I am going to cancel on every one tomorrow because I just cant do shit with this pain in my back... Dammit and I wanted to go out and do stuff... Well I might wake up better who knows... Just call me Dr. House M.D.

Lilman X

News To The Public Jabroni's

Well today was good, I went to class and had my usual day at school... Tomorrow will be a different day, not the most pleasant day for me I must say, but its something I must do... Ok a little back ground history... First is first, most of you know that I go to the hospital a lot and its normal for me to be there and bla bla bla... Well tomorrow I must do a Bone marrow biopsy so that I may keep on with the study that I am in, all this is so I can continue to get a medication Called GCSF (BTW its not cheap) for free... Its not a bad deal, they take a little bit of bone marrow and I get this medication that cost the equal to buying a new Benz every 2 months for free... I think its fair... Now I guarantee that IM going to be one big un-happy bitch... I will be in pain for a few and pissed off but hey, that's nothing vicoden or something stronger cant fix :) So w/e I will be miserable for a few hrs until the next day... I will let you know how it goes...

LILMAN X

Blah... Another day

Well Today was rather nothing-less... I didn't do a damm thing all day long because I was not energized... I felt tired and last night my joints were all hurting I don't know why but w/e I took advil and crashed until about 11 this morning... Then I just layed in bed all day... Mostly relaxing and watching T.V... tomorrow I have school and the next day doc's Appt... Back to the grind... Well IM going to go take a shower and go to bed...

LILMAN X


Oh no, I see
A spider-web is tangled up with me
And I lost my head
And thought of all the stupid things I've said

Oh no, what's this?
A spider-web and I'm caught in the middle
So I turn to run
And thought of all the stupid things I've done

And oh, I never meant to cause you trouble
Oh, I never meant to do you wrong
And oh, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm

Oh no, I see
The spider-web and it's me in the middle
So I twist and turn
But here am I in my little bubble

Singing oh,
I never meant to cause you trouble
And oh, I never meant to do you wrong
Oh, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm

They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me
They spun a web for me

Events of Me and The Study Of Miami Effect..

Well so today was just a regular day besides the doctors visit to the hematologist... The guy is cool and he know his stuff and I like his idea's much more than the doctor I was seeing at MCH... I didn't attend school this morning because once more I could not sleep all night long and I was up until about 5 am or so... I got up rather late like around 10 or so, and I figured I would also prepare the papers for this doc... Now to the matter of My Personal Study On: Effects of Miami... I was out all weekend long from last Thursday until Sunday partying with my friends and having a lot of fun... Now I don't know if its just this city or any city with the atmosphere of "lack of a care" but an observation of mine has been that a lot of people are trying to fill their lives with something, May it be, one night stands or hooking up with people at "cultural Gatherings" also known as a club or a venue that a mass of people being all within the same age go to... I bet if a study was done on cities around the world Miami would fall under the top 10 if not the top 5 of single people seeking some one else or just seeking something to fill the emptiness.. I don't consider myself a typical Miami person, because I do not seek the need to fill my empty spot or feel the need to be greedy of material things. Now I am human and sometimes I do need that empty spot filled, but I don't seek it often.... Every one needs to sin, every once in a while but what is the true meaning of this word "SIN" how do we distinguish this, is it just not an active for Cultural standard? I think we seek to draw a fine line every day more and more thin on what is excepted and what is not... This weekend I met a person who was here on vacation and she and I discussed the differences in our countries... The Midwest I think is rather high on themselves and since the rest of the world is older than us I think they have a much better mature view on the aspect of life..

LILMAN X

$24 Bills Dance, Day One Of Sin Weekend...

Well I was thinking of usesing code names for the following people but I think I will exclude one person... Today at of Midnight is fred's Birthday, So we are having a weekend of Pure Party after Party; "Sin Weekend" I call it. Nothing too bad but not our usual going out or hanging out nights... It was Me My boy Dio, and two girls... Lets label the girls "cubana" and Ms. "Party" girl, Also Fred's Pal Jeramy was also hanging with us... So the plan was to go to Martini Bar at Sunset Place, Possibly the Grove after.... So we show up at Martini Bar and its almost dead... So w/e we had our own fun times and had a few drinks, Danced amongst our selfs and chilled... So since all we did was basically drink we were, good and juiced up and ready to go... So we thought of going to Senor Frog's... Well I don't know who it was, or who thought up of the idea to go to a Strip bar... So since we were in the mood for w/e, the girls were like umm okie, and you know the guys were like hell yeah... So we piled into the cars and drove to Alley Cat's... Well lets just say it was the first time Cubana has ever been in a strip bar... I think Party girl has but IM not too sure... Well All I know is I had Tits in my face, often and I don't know who it was the second time but I got a hell of a lap dance Twice and The first lap dance my boy dio hooked it up... OMG that girl was like all over me and shit.. She was like rubbing all up on my, Well you know and feeling me all up and I was feeling her all up.. Damm... Fred had a good time, I think he got more of a kick watching Cubana and party girl getting cuchie and tits in there face all the time... That was a trip... Wow... What a night and it wasn't expensive... Well IM sleepy and IM going to bed.. Who knows what Sin Day two will bring...

LILMAN X

P.S. I might write more tomorrow, And I have pics of the strip bar!

Non-Productive Day Of Lazy nada...

Well i didnt do jack shit today... Not proud of it... Well bullshit i am... I didnt do crap but stay in my pj's all day long and chill at home, i sorta messed around with the computer im building but w/e i didnt do much... Just started it up to see all the sexy light and watch it glow... Besides that nothing else was done... I was going to, Call my doctor, Clean and wax my car and then after that i was going to go look for a flat screen at tiger and pick up my room or i should say clean it more like it... Also wash cloths and stuff... But i didnt do jack... i dont know why but i just didnt feel like doing anything... Energy was gone and the erdge to do somthing was just Blah... Its just one of thouse days you just dont feel like doing anything but watch tv and lay around... Well tomarrow i must be productive... Falling behind on my stuff... Well going to bed...

LILMAN X

Must be your skin that I'm sinkin in
Must be for real cause now I can feel
and I didn't mind
it's not my kind
not my time to wonder why
everything's gone white
and everything's grey
now your here now you away
I don't want this
remember that
I'll never forget where your at
don't let the days go by
glycerine

I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
are you at one
or do you lie
we live in a wheel
where everyone steals
but when we rise it's like strawberry fields

If I treated you bad
you bruise my face
couldn't love you more
you got a beautiful taste
don't let the days go by
could have been easier on you
I coudn't change though I wanted to
could have been easier by three
our old friend fear and you and me
glycerine (repeat)
don't let the days go by
glycerine

I needed you more
when we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
it might just be
clear simple and plain
that's just fine
that's just one of my names
don't let the days go by
could've been easier on you
glycerine

Status: Brain OffLine... Reason: Unknown

Well today I had class and the worst part is its a class I have done or did partly... I was absent like the last 3 or 2 weeks and they failed me or gave me an incomplete... W/e IM fucking pissed off about it... I see it two ways, tomorrow IM going to argue with the dean, if he says there's no way out and I have to take this class then fine... A extreme easy semester and I do jack shit but learn the same crap I already know or get into a new class... For some reason I have felt just blah... I mean IM tired and not energized or just not myself... I don't know if my blood count is dropping or something is going on but w/e, IM going to try to do a few things to solve it... If its not working then I will seek other help, Aka doctor check up... I was not a productive one today at all... I came home from class slept one hr, then took the seat covers, the bunny with the panda and my steering wheel off tossed them in the washer and slept once more... Got up put them up to dry, got something to eat, slept some more, then I was watching TV until now... Damm I have to do something tomorrow, sick of being lazy, I must be productive >_< I need to clean my room, clean the car, build the badass pc and so on... So much stuff, but i lack the force to do it... Well w/e i will see what is going to happen tomarrow... So tierd i dont know why... going to messige some people check email and sleep... Who knows what time i will get up tomarrow...

lilmanx

Part 2 of what a day... / Today's thoughts

Well so I sed I would continue what I wrote about yesterday and I shall, some of it... So yeah I was at a gay bar thanks to my friends all girls wanted to go out yesterday and I ended up once more being dragged into something I didn't feel like going to... W/e so at least I knew some people at the place because its where the gothic place thing happens so its cool... Me and the Capitan were the only 2 guys who must of been straight, oh well yeah 2 others but they left early that night... We where there all night long... The Capitan and his "mate" me and my party girl and the Capitan's "Guest"... So since I was the skipper (second in command) I had to make sure it was all smooth, or at least the part the Capitan put me in charge of... Lets just put it like this... Most of the night I would say I was making sure the "guest" was ok because some, lets call them a Pirate was after the guest all night... So since I had to make sure the Pirate was behaving with the guest I was busy... First of all I was protecting myself because lets just say I was hit on by a lot of the flamers that were there that night... It was not pretty... Second my party girl was kinda tipsy and I made sure she was ok all night, then I was keeping watch after the guest and last making sure the Pirate was doing what he was supposed to... What a night... Change of subject... Well so today I didn't do anything because I just stayed at home all day long because I didn't feel like doing anything from being so tired from the weekend... Tomorrow I start my new class, so that should be fun... After school I have a list of stuff I have to get done so IM going to go to bed and rest for tomorrows Crazy day..

LILMAN X

What a day... Everything happened except my own "sastisfaction" Part 1

Well so I thought it was going to be a Sunday like everyother one except some small stuff... Well I was way wrong... Let me start off with I went to the beach today to hang out with a friend... So w/e I met I think most of her family if not all and I found out theres a 4 to1 girl ratio for them... So many were just girls, like maybe 3 boys in total... That's some crazy stuff... So I had fun, I didn't go in the water but I just was chilling most of the time... After that I decided to go to kariokie at titanic... Well same old stuff as always but a the difference was I was intrested and waiting for some one, that was the idea of me going... Or so I thought... Well it ended up turning out that I didn't get what I intended for... I actually kinda got shafted on this deal... So w/e I delta with it... After that I was going to go home, one of our friends told us hey there's a club called O-Zone... Well I know that place and let me tell you on Sunday night its gay guys and drag shows... So I told them what it was and they were like... "Oh lets go"... I was like um ok... So I got suckered in to all of this so about 8 people were at a gay club, and all where straight... So yeah... Well IM sleepy and IM going to bed... So if you want to find out more about what happened your going to have to wait until I write part2 of what happened... Sorry...

LILMAN X

Productive Night... Sleepy

Well so the rest of the night turned out to be good... I ended up going to the grove to hang with Anna and Tania and meeting them up at fat Tuesdays... It was a short chilling session but w/e it def made my night better considering the drama and crap that happened earlier... So yeah that's about all I have to tell... Going to bed because IM headed to the beach 2marrow

Lilman x

Oh yeah see anything different on my myspace?

Sat 11:58 X_X Fuck! >_< dammit....

Well its 11:58 and it sucks... dramma!!! this sucks i hate bullshit and crap that just should not be... I just got home right now and it late and i wanted to go out but i have to get up early like around 9 am... blast, car broke down, not mines my friends i tryed to help him out and now im screwd... fuck it im going out!!!

LILMAN X

Its 5AM And Im Still Awake

Well so its like 5 something almost 6 and I just got home like I walked in the door took off my cloths got in my pj's and I cant go to sleep... So I am writing on here because I just cant get no sleep... So tonight was good, it was the night of the improv and the silent ocction and it all whent well so w/e its all cool. After that event we all decided to go to Fat Tuesday's to hang out and have a few drinks, I had a Heine as always and then and the rest of the group got mixed stuff... So tonight I met a girl, very nice girl I must say, from out of town and she was here on vacation... So w/e we started talking and I think we had a nice time... So it was getting late and we all wanted to go home to sleep... Well someone who will remain nameless, decided to "talk" to his date I guess you could call her, for a extremely long time wile I was hanging out with the out of towner... She was good to hang out with but she was extremely tired and sleepy, also take into count she had a bunch of drinks in her... So w/e she eventually fell alseep and me, "Mr. Nice guys finish last" told myself that I would say with her until "Mr. Talking" was well "Talking". So w/e it endind up to be a long "conversation" and I came home at this time... I wanted to go to the mourge and see if anyone was there that I know but by the time I got out of the grove it was like 5:30 so w/e... Maybe next week if nothing crazy happens

Lilman x (sleepy)

Its all over and about time... Short Review

Well so the hell of the fair is finaly over, no more dealing with stupid people comming to have fun and they dont know were they are... No more, can i use your cellphone, no more wheres the bathroom, no more mothers telling there kids to peee in the corner bush, no more people jumping the fence becaue they are too cheep or broke to get into the fair, no more shit heads! I am sooo glad that damm fair is over... What a pain it was to go after school and work all day long in the hot sun and the cold night to then have to attend stupid people who cant help themselfs... Basicly thats what it looked like everyday i was there just a mess of people... it looked like a sea of people or i should say fools... its crazy shit... but it had its nice times when i could see the sunset and i got to see this... I loved the sunset because i usally was never interuped durning that time... Now i am sick with a stupid cold thanks to people spreading germs and the hot and cold nights and days... W/e Fuck it its over now its time to get back to norm and party relax and enjoy some "me" time... My friends must be wondering were i have been all this time... Well im going to bed...

Lilman x (no more Guard Joe)

ZzzzZzzz time

**step, step, step** well so another day at work and yeah im soo sleepy... * yawn * and well... yeah good night... *falls over.... Snoore*** ZzzzZZzzzzzZZZzzzz

Lilman x

Times of guard Joe; The Weekend is over

Well the weekend is over, and Gaurd Joe has servied the mad crazy spys attempting to see the forbidden place have been chased away or arrested... Nothing good happened today during Joe's patrol along the heavily guarded fence, the only thing I had to worry about was a local native who got too close to the fence because they needed a hiding spott.( A stupid mother letting her kid pee in the bushes) Besides that nothing else happened. At least for the rest of the week guard Joe has a lot less worries because the threat of spys are fewer due to the mandatory law of the land that they must be in training until the weekend is over or Friday night... As I was going into the underground office sixteen feet below, I ran into Agent "I" who offered me some coffee and was much useful because I was very tired. Ah yes all in the life of a Gaurd, making sure the world is safe from the spys and no bad is done wrong... 2marrow is a new day, Gaurd Joe has a top secret class to attend so he can learn how to kill with the art of bukara and morals, they call the class ethics, Joe has learned a lot but nothing that he didn't know also... After this Top secret Class is done, he must go back to his little shack in the middle of the Salt flats and change into his chameleon camo and get ready for the hard shift at work and keeping the world safe...

LILMAN X

Freezing Times of guard Joe, "The Fair" ( I am Always their)

Well so its Sat night and once more the brave guard Joe under cover aka me aka Alex, once more stood outside in the bare freezing subzero winter cold; and watched the electrofyed fence line, to make sure no trespassers jumped to see the top secret stealth plane... The fate of the government and the world's peace rest on this guard, no one must see anything behind the fence... Yeah right I wish... So its cold as hell and I had to stay outside all fucking day to make sure the Ghetto white kids didn't jump the fence so they would not skip out on paying 7 bucks to get into the fair for free... How stupid... I feel as IM just sitting there for no reason... Oh yeah IM getting paid... So w/e I don't care but I am still cold and tired so I think I will write more 2marrow... Night

LILMAN X

No Time, No Life, Nothing but my crazy life...

Well its been a little over a week since I started working at The Fair, and I am soooo tired and sleepy and pissed off... I haven't had time to do anything besides go to school, go to work at 4 and then when I get off at 11 I have to come home and work on w/e homework I have then sleep then it all starts all over once more... I just keep telling myself, "its money, your going to make money".... So basically that's what has kept me going... Besides the fair and school I haven't done much else, oh well except for Wed that I was at the mourge (Goth club) but only because its a friend of mines birthday and I made it there after work only to stay a few hrs... I miss all my friends I haven't seen anyone, I haven't gone out, This shit sucks... I mean WTF I sit in a booth all fucking day to have some reject jump the damm fence to have the police catch them if not some times I run after them... Oh yeah and the perks are at 10pm when the ticket office closes and people still are coming from the parking lot, I have to tell them; Sir or miss the Fair is closed no more tickets are being sold, IM sorry... Then they bitch at me like its my fucking fault they were doing god knows what in the car and that's why it took them so long to walk to the Main gates... I mean WTF I have no control over the computers, they shut down at 10 and that's that... I wish I could say sorry we are closed, then when they tell me something I say... Look if you were too fucking lazy or horny to get your ass here on time then your fucked and its your own god damm fault bitch... Oh and the English some people speak, well let me not make any discriminative remarks but shit, some people need to be slapped, smacked, shot or w/e because they do not know how to speak properly... Some people need to cover up the nasty shit hanging and some people need to know WTF kind of hair style is that with something that looks like it could kill, spikes and shit... I say gather all the indecent people and ship them all to an island to all kill each other off... I think the worst day at the fair was yesterday so far because it rained, and I got caught in it... So I was wet, cold, and miserable because not even the public was there... Almost no one was at the fair yesterday because of the rain. I wish my boss would of let me go home because it sucked to be outside cold and wet... Shit I should call in today and say I don't feel well and IM sick but w/e I need the money... Well who knows when I will write once more, its no life for me, just work, school, sleep and then do it all over again...

LILMAN X

The fair... Be there, STUPID JOB & Current events...

Well since the last time I wrote, its been a busy time for me I guess you could say.... I started my job working at the fair as a security bitch I guess you could say... Ok if you have ever been to the fair when you are facing the front entrance you look to the left and their is a long fence that goes towards FIU and then it curves to 107th. Well there are 6 Guard towers that say police on them... I am one of the losers I guess you could say sitting in them making sure people are not jumping the fence and trying to get in for free... Well the stupid part is I don't have a radio, or even a way to call if something happends, I have to use my cell phone in case of an emergency... W/e oh and its even worse than that... I get to see all the retarded, low life, weirdo, ultra ghetto, scum of this earth... I mean some of the people I see their I wouldn't imagine were in this world... For example, I had to report to the Real police booth today, this man who had 3 snakes... Yes, 3 real snakes, he had 3 boa snakes hanging from his neck and arms... So I had to run and tell some one before they bite some one or he gets hurt with his own pets or w/E... This guy was just hanging around with 3 snakes letting people touch them and take pictures with them I mean I could not believe this... Good greef... But wait it gets better... Most of you that know me, know I hate to love to see jail bait right... Well, here is the situation... I am in a booth 7 Ft off the ground looking around and down towards the crowd that comming into the fair... Well if you have ever seen jail bait, they have on 99% of the damm time little to barely any cloths... For example: some kind of low and, I mean extremely low cut top with thier perfect perkie, 34C or 36DD tits hanging out almost, and I can't do a damm thing about it... Its horrible... And, hey girls IM sorry, but if you are showing it... Than you know a guy is going to look... IM sorry I cant help it... I mean I am a guy, if your going to have your tits almost popping out, you think IM going to turn away and not look at you or even turn around... hellz no I am a guy, I cannot help it... I hate the jail bait... Then later they are making a big deal about oh why you looking and bla bla bla... COVER UP DAMMIT!!! Your too young to be showing that anyways... WTF I don't get it... So besides that IM extremely board with nothing to do... Well so its Friday/Sat morning and I wanted to go out because I haven't gone out to have fun because of events that have happened soo I end up leaving work around 11 and when I get to the place where Fred is at and Marcina and everyone else, Fred tells me he has to leave so w/e ok my home-boy left, I can hang with Marcina... Well that's shot to shit because I get there and they leave not one HR after I get there because the stupid bar closed and they didn't want to keep partying... I cant catch a brake... Oh and also I had to go over after I left the bar at 1:30 to comfort a friend because she had problems with her man or ex-man, IM not sure of... What a week I have had... This sucks.. IM going to bed because I have a full day tomorrow...

LILMAX

The hardest day...

Well today was the hardest day I have had in along time... My Good friend Lazara Alvarez Who passed on Thursday was buried today. I would say it hit me around some time after I left the viewing last night when we all, friends and family attended the viewing... My heart goes out to her mother who I know had such a good connection and relationship with her and all of her siblings... Its still unclear what happened that day to her that caused her to pass on and I wish she could of been saved some how but we all have our time. I've cried today the most because I really relies that I will never get to hear her voice or see her face or even have her sister tell me about something funny she did that we dumb of her. Every one that knew her always will remember the one unique smile she had. She was such a free spirited person and always had her own mind and opinion about everything. I know she would be mad at me for getting sad that she is gone, and she always wanted everyone to be happy. Its not easy putting up a front and trying not to show that you hurt inside because your sad about there death. She always told me she never wanted to make anyone sad, pissed off she didn't care but she would never want to make anyone sad... I just hope I can help out her sister and her mom in this hard time... Its better to remember the good times and funny times you had with them rather to think that they are gone... She always was smiling and I knew what stupid things to say to make her smile even more, that's the one impression she will always be remeberd by me...

alex


Poem for lala:

I did my best to not cry
and I kept my head up high...
I tried to keep your sister happy
by having her make fun of me...
I cheered the gang up as best as I could
by telling them how we used to hang in my hood...
I miss you dearly with all my heart
why did you have to depart...
I wish you could of stayed longer
like forever or at least until older...
I will always remember your smile
even when you were pissed at me for a wile...
I wish we could of had one more adventure
At the gothic club or some crazy adventures
I will always remember your advice
To think about things I say to girls twice
Always to be nice and sweet to them
even if they kick my butt or shin
I hope you will help me out
and be an angle, my little look out..

I Can't think, I don't know what to think

Its not easy to know that something is real until you see it in person... When you have some one pass away you just don't conceive its true until you see the family members or actually have a funeral. Maybe that's why we do this tragic gathering, it might also be for support for each other. I don't know what to think anymore about death, maybe its a cruel joke we play on our selfs... We fool each other into thinking we are gone and never will be anymore... Possibly its only this plane of reality we see the physical body go away but we continue to live on some were else... We all talk, think, speak, feel, breath, cry, smile, and do all kinds of physical things until our day of death. Maybe the body is just a device we use to express our spirit until it expires. What is next, What comes after this deceive we use, Do we live on? Why are we so fragile that we can damage this device and then we cant use it, Why haven't we found a way for us to use it longer... Possibly protect it, or transfer into another device so we can keep going and never die... I guess I am just rambling, and also questioning my faith, to be honest, I don't know what to think... Maybe we are all just dreaming, when you die, your really just awakening from a long dream... Life as we all know it could be just a dream, or maybe death is a dream.... I hope to keep on dreaming for a long time if this is true. I sure don't want to awake early, I rather just sleep in... Today all day I just thought of how this is not supposed to happen to people that you know, people that you care about should always be by your side, not just in your heart, but always there...

Alex

It cant be real, Worst news received in a long time...

Its about 5 am almost and I cant sleep at all.. Basically all night I have been up trying to get my mind off of some of the worst news I have found out in the longest time since my grandmother died... A close friend of mine has passed on and IM in shock. I was left speechless and still to now at this moment about almost 8 hrs later I still cant conceive this tragic event has occurred. I haven't been able to sleep, all I can do is think about this person, the best and most free spirit person I have known for a long time is gone... Yet it hasn't "hit" me I guess you could say, I know it happened and I know its real but the concept and reality of this event has not come to my "real" part of my life, maybe its the shock but eventually it will come to Parr... Its crazy how one moment you think the world is all in order and all of a sudden it comes to the fact that we are just alive until the body is no more and that "soul" or personality is gone and will never be no more... The biggest shock would be you never think its going to happen to you, people turn on the T.V. and watch the news or read the paper about something tragic that happened to some one you don't know until it hits home, its like a slap in the face when your trying to wake up from a dream. The dream only lasts so long until you wake up to the real world and events that occur to everyone but you never think its going to happen to you or some one you know. Life is just a Candle In The Wind as Elton John wrote...

Alex,

R.I.P. lala ( I love you and miss you)

Elton John - Candle In The Wind

Goodbye Norma Jean
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Marilyn was found in the nude

Goodbye Norma Jean
From the young man in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something as more than sexual
More than just our Marilyn Monroe

Splitting my self thin

Well its was a good weekend and I did a lot of productive things... One thing I did was it was one of my boys birthday so we all were hanging out at the bowling place.. Doncarters, its an awesome place too bad its ganna go soon... Its been sold and an office building is going to be in its place soon but oh well like all my youth hang out slowly going away making room for some crap office... I have a feeling lately I've been splitting my self thin and doing way too much... Once more I think IM trying to please too many people and IM starting to get to the point once more IM not going to give a damm... I hate being split up into different events and trying to do every thing because yeah I enjoy it but it get way too tiering and I cant stand it... Like today I feel soo tired and its only 11pm... Usually I not ready to go to bed but today IM just soo sleepy and mentally tired I think IM going to just sleep all day tomorrow... I wish I could but I do have school and stuff I have to do so w/e... I have a long day ahead of me, School (the class that I hate F.Y.I.) Hair appointment to get it nice and short, Visit some one in the hospital, Fill in for some one at lollipop and I have a paper due next Monday that I have to do lots or research on... Good greef it never stops... Good night

LILMAN X


EVANESCENCE - MY IMMORTAL (PIANO VERSION) LYRICS

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
I would give the very breath from my chest
To give you all the things
That my mind couldn't bear

And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

Chorus:
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have, all of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all of the sanity in me

Chorus:
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have, all of me

I'd love to walk away
And pull myself out of the rain
But I cant leave without you
I'd love to live without
The constant fear and endless doubt
But I can't live without you

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When youd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have, all of me

Retarded Teachers of this world, or should I say Die!

Well I had the class which I hate, Basic Math (crap class). This teacher is the most retarded person that I have had in a class room.... When I say retarded I mean stupid, ignorant or w/e the point of this is She just cant teach... We did first grade fractions all day long for 4 hrs... Oh My God my I.Q. dropped from a 190 to like 10... It was Horrible, the worst part was I was doing all the right steps like simplifying them but nooo... She marked them all wrong because we were not doing that step yet.... I was like in shock... So I pretended and turned off my brain and acted stupid to please this dim-wetted fool of a teacher... Please if you choose to be a teacher and your this stupid... Don't, do your self a favor and get in a bath-tub and turn on a toaster and let it drop... It will be quick and painless and you wont be a burden to your students.... Besides that I went to the doctor earlier today and he was like "well so your ear is really bad and your probably in pain right?" I was like yeah, tell me something I don't know... So he sends me some antibiotic that should work because its strong as hell.... If that not going to kill it I don't know what will.... Well tomorrow is Ethics... I love that class by the way! IM going to take some advil and hit the bed...


LILMAN X

The Real Folk Blues Part 1 and some...

Well its been a hell of a long time since I wrote... Mostly because when I post I seem to get some negative reply or recoil from my thoughts but hey w/e you don't like what your reading then stop reading it and go to www.red.com and just look at it for 30mins... IM still not over this stupid cold or creepy flu or w/e the hell it is.. I cant figure it out... I have been sick since I don't know when I can last remember and its gone away and came back and then gone away and now its back with a vengeance... Blasted thing wont go away... I keep taking antibiotic and its fine but as soon as I stop the blasted thing comes back... WTF I don't get it... W/e IM going to the doctor tomorrow, My new doctor... He is super cool, I am going to miss my old doctor that was awesome and has known me basically since I was born... Yeah its a funny story, he did his residentcy with me at M.C.H. Then when he was done he opened up a privet practice and guess who was his first Patient... So yeah, we both have learned a lot over the years together and stuff but now I guess its time for a new Doctor and new hospital... As the beatles once wrote: To every thing, Turn Turn... But I approve of him. Earlier I was feeling real shitty before I took some advil and I called his office and the office girl told me to go over that second... I was in shock, usually adult doctors are assholes about seeing some one that same moment or even day... I had to tell her no, that if could go the next day, and she told me sure that at 1:45... So I was like cool... So yeah so far so good with this guy... I recommend him... If you know how judgmental I am about doctors you'll be shocked to know I approve of him... Now change of subject... New subject: social life, girls, My-self interests and adventures... First thing: Adventures, haven't had any real good ones... The most recent one was going to the beach and that was it basically... Social life: Its good, could be better but hell the people involved in it help some times but I might need a change or readjustment... My self interests: well not too many I can talk about or at least say here because I will open up Pandora's box and all hell will brake loose, but I have about 4 or 5 things I want to do... A simple one I can write about would be my car that is going to be kicking some ass when I get it the way I want it to look... Girls: wow, another Pandora's box... Damm I just have to get away from that subject... Quickly I have my idea's and thoughts about a few of them, now don't get mad folks because I spoke and told you a few, remember I am single and I have options... That is not saying I am paying attention to just one always but I attempt to spread myself evenly I guess you could put it... I might be interested in one more than the other or maybe not... Ahhh you'll never know because only I can know my thoughts... I at least try to make some sense in my mind of the chaos girls, Say, think, and do... Hey IM not perfect and I will never figure it out but I am not perfect you know... Now as a good student that I am.. IM going to sleep because I have school in the morning and IM not feeling too hot right now, or should I say I do feel hot... LOL anyways Night...

LILMAN X

Sick but still improvement and nothing to tell

Well IM still sick with this stupid creepy cold but w/e... I am improving slowly but I am much better thanks to the antibiotics the doctor gave me... Basically since Tuesday I haven't left my house to do anything or go anyway... All I have been doing is just in bed trying to feel better and getting better slowly wile I watch TV all day and try not to let the damm Cold Med's make me too loopy... Oh yeah, I am really pissed off... Its been about 4 to 5 days since a Cretan girl has called me, and she knows who she is... And not even a hello or how are you or w/e... Well I am not going to call her, because the least she could of done is call me even after Valentines day and check up on me and see how I am doing... I am 100% sure she knows I was sick and I had this creepy cold... If she cannot even bother to dial my digits to say hi or even check up on me then I wont lift a finger to call her back... I refuse to make any efforts if I don't see a slither of action to make an effort... W/e Fuck the bullshit, we are all adults and we have responsibilities and I think one of them would be at least to check up on friends or "so called" people we care for... Well IM going back to bed... I feel that cold med making me sleepy...

LILMAN X

Sick as a dog and crappy day blues...

Well today was a total pointless meaningless day of my life.... Not only I didn't do shit for Valentines day but I am also sick, I feel like crap because I got my mothers Cold/creepy bug... I really was hoping for a wonderful day that I would get to spend it with a certain some one but w/e... I called her only after I got some strength to get out of bed, but as usual she didn't pick up... IM sure she was pre-occupied... W/e at least a phone call would of made me feel better but like I was saying this day was pointless... Only one person and she knows who she is called me around 7 to wish me a happy valentines day... Thanks for calling me, you made my day... And yes SR71 rocks.. LOL... So yeah, I called my doctor today and told her that I really didn't want to bug her but I have a doctors appt in a week but that if she could do me this last favor and she under stood so she gave me something for this creepy cold... Wow I feel like shit, its not even funny... My head hurts, it feels as if its being compressed and pulled at the same time... My sinuses feel as they are full of crap, and my throat feels as if I can barely swallow... This suxs but w/e... So lets recap... I didn't get a phone call or even get to talk to the girl I like, The most unexpected person called me to wish me a happy valentines day and that made my day, I have a cold/infection/creeping crud... What a shitty day... Damm IM going to go to bed... Fuck this shitty day and all its crap...

LILMAN X

Valentines day, Blah, w/e just another day...

Well its that time of the year once more... Feb 14th and I hate it... This day always reminds me of a few things. First off IM single, I don't have a girl to call my own and it sucks... Second I met a real grate person about 4 years ago and she is still in my life and I am thankful for it... Third it sucks the big one when you love some one and you just cant have them because of that other person is not interested or they just don't know what they want in life so they are undecided... Some times this day I just wish I could sleep right into the next day as if I could just erase it from my calendar and forget it even exist... Hey I can't do that, I have to face realallity and face it until this day is over. Not all of my v-days have been bad, one year as I explained above I met a awesome person who I still talk to this day, funny part is we both grew apart for some time but we've grown together also.... I don't know how to explain it but w/e... This person is real special to me and I care a lot about them, IM not sure if they know but hey I do... I may not always show it all the time but I still care and wish they would just be happy and wonderful things would happen to them, They deserve it... Who knows what today is going to bring me... I Hope somthing good, if not, I am sure I will be writing about it... Well I have class in the morning and IM going to bed... I leave you with some lyrics for this "valentines day"

LILMAN X

Evanescence - My Immortal Lyrics

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

No effort, no worries, no solution

Well its been a very interesting week so far, and I mean it all started on last Sunday I guess you could say... A friend who will remain nameless asked me to go over to that person's house and hang out for a wile and chill, Well all I had to say is I had a lot of fun and I was hoping of repeating that event at least twice during this past week... Well that didn't happen, actually I feel as I've been putting effort into something that has no solution or is not going in any specific direction. I feel as I am a lion in a pack and I have to fight my way or make a huge effort to get something to eat may it be small or big... I've honestly always hated competition, may it be a race, or something to do with who's better at something, or just minor stuff, I've always felt as I have to try and put twice the effort in it, just so I can win or at least come close to it... I think that's why I just observe and sit quiet and look at things until I have to put in my two cents.... A wise saying is if you put effort into something that is not in existence then you have no worries because its not real... You know I agree with that, maybe I will just give up in this stupid rat race or something because I feel as IM in last place and all the effort I put in is pointless.... This is true for almost every aspect of my life.... Who cares anyways, well I do but IM going to "try" to be hard about it and not show anything to anyone because that how it should be, hell I have no worries and if I do you shouldn't know about it unless you really know me, or read this blogg.... Still I have a lot of problems besides the stupid "rat race" of life to do... If a certain person shows effort then hey, no problem, but if not... W/e I will be ok... I don't get it at times but its just all fucked up in the end for me because I care, IM too nice, and I should be more of an asshole but w/e.... Fuck it im going to bed and wake up 2marrow, Clean my car, take care of some things and then who knows...

LILMAN X (NO HUGS, IM PISSED)

Pod people and Party Drunken monkey :P

Well yesterday was awesome, I finally got a chance to relax and party it up and chilled with dio... Wow its been for ever since me and him chilled and partied like that... Ahh the good old days, Fat-Tuesdays and girls and drinks... So basically I did nothing except messing with my IPOD until about 9pm yesterday when dio called me around 7 and was like yo wanna party like we used to? I was like hell yeah I've had a stressful week lets go and party... So we left the house around 8 and then we hit up fat-Tuesdays and the funny part was everyone still remembered me and was like you lilman where have you been we haven't seen you in for ever and bla bla bla... I think its either cool or extremely sad that they know you at a Cretan place, that just means your a regular or a bad-ass.. I don't know what I fall under so I will leave it at that... So I had a Budweiser select which I love because its zero carbs and zero sugars so its as close to my diet and way IM supposed to eat as I can get with out feeling guilty... Fat-Tuesdays was kind of dead truthfully because usually its packed or full but it was kind of empty and the eye candy was just not doing any justice so I also remembered it was Gaby's birthday outing that night at Soho lounge so I told dio look lets go to soho and party it up.. Usually soho is awesome and full but wow... That shit was soooo packed it was like a sardine can inside but w/e I didn't care, a bunch of eyecandy to pray on so it was all good... We were in every single room, hiphop room, the Poppy rocker room, the retro/80's room, and the brake-beats/trance room... It was awesome, I was mostly just chilling out because lately I have been feeling real tired and I should go to a doctor about it and check myself out, but I have been lazy because I have to find a new primary doctor because IM too old to see the one I've had all my life and also he cant go to Baptist hospital so I have to find some that can work with me at the place I go to the hospital... Personally I think its all a big bullshit plan by insurance company's but w/e fukem I will do it my way as much as I can... I had a few heineken at soho but that was about it, no numbers, no hitting on any girls, but next time watch out... LOL... Yeah right, I don't want trouble anymore than I have... Yeah that's right you girls only bring problems.. I figure the girl that finds me or we find eachother will give me no problems so w/e, I still have some time to wait it out... Well its a beginning of a new week, lets see if its going to be crazy or dull...

LILMAN X

Not going to take it anymore..

Ok so far I was having a good day, until 5 pm and 3 phone calls happened in a row. One was from my brother having problems with his computer and him bitching at me wile I am a nice asshole and calmly help him out to solve his stupid computer minor problem that he was flipping out. The second phone call was from a friend about some drama and b/s with her man, w/e I deal with it and that was that but still it takes a lot out of me to help some one emotionally calm down and help them out about something... I am fucking sorry for having a soul, I wish I didn't have one some times... The third phone call was from one of my friends and they know who they are, a real random call getting loud, or maybe that's they way they are, about the stupid bullshit blogg I wrote. Sorry you took it into offence. You have no right to get loud or aggravate me because I did not mention your name at any time. If I really wanted to insult some one I would say names and point fingers, I have no shame and I will personally tell you and admit if it was meant for you... To anyone who knows me personally or knows me I have a lot of stress in my life and I don't need people aggravating me any more than I have to... ( In a Sarcastic tone) if you girls and boys want to know something, I shit blood sometimes because I have Crohn's disease and hey, anyone know why I shit blood? Its because of ulcers in your intestine and stomach and hey its extremely painful... Thanks to many people including my parents, school, teachers, activity's I do and friends (at times that stress me out) I get stressed out because I care and actually give a fuck... Wow.. Hey here is an idea, how about some one switch with me and find out how stressful my life is and then on top of that add a lot of health problems and oh yeah on top of that try to be productive about the future ( school) and also have fun at the same time... Hey I do it, how I ask my self I don't know but I do know this IM not going to take anyone's bullshit any more... IM going to not stress about what people think of me and what they say or what happened to them... Its me myself and I... And if you don't like it... Blow me, fuck you and kiss my ass because I don't care! THIS IS FOR EVERY ONE WHOS INSULTED. If you are insulted by this, ask your self why first because you should not have any reason to be unless you think you are guilty of it... You can only point the finger at yourself...


LILMAN X
P.S. I am going to go out, have fun and no worries,
hopefully get drunk so I don't remember much of
anyone or anything

Always some bullshit... High School kid bullshit

Well yesterday my entire evening was ruined by one of my friends or actually several events that happened that I, because I have a good heart canceled my plans and went to the rescue... Some bullshit... I always end up on the damm loosing side because I always am the one to solve everyone's problem because in my opinion I am the only damm person on this earth who thinks and is very rational and think things out and solve problems. I rarely flip out, or act childish or even just give problems to anyone. I see it like this, talk things out and think about them because we are humans and not animals and we aren't wild running like wolves or we can be like the wild animals and act stupid and childish... I hate people that act childish and yesterday was a day for that bullshit childish drama because Cretan people IM not going to mention names cannot think and just burst the first instinctive emotions and do stupid childish mistakes that maybe a little 9nth grader makes because they don't know any better... My thoughts to them is grow up and act your fucking age... Other wise please disassociate your self with me because I am 23 mature and I am very calm and none childish person... Everyone has there moments to act childish but when you are in college and you have responsibilities and are over the age of 18 I think you should at least relies you are not a little kid and should just talk and use that thing that's inbetween your ears and inside your skull... Hey it might actually work if you used it and didn't use the primitive part of your mind... Another subject is a hypocrite, I hate people that do that and act in that way... It pisses me off the most when you say something and you do that thing that you say you wont or will do, why in the hell do you go back on your word... WTF I don't get that, if I say something I stick to it... Every single person that knows me and that has known me knows I hate people that are hypocrite. I cant stand them and I despise them with all my hate. I think you should have a punishment for people that are hypocrites. The one person who pissed me off the most yesterday ( not going to say a name ) but they know who they are, needs to first look at them selfish and see the flaws, if they don't see any please come and ask me, I have no shame and I will tell you, second if you do not straighten out your self off of this one chance I give you then I will no longer help you because I give once chance to come correct as a friend of mine used to say and that's it. After that one chance screw up once more and the privileges and other stuff will be cut off. Yesterday my plans were ruined and all for a stupid childish occurrence that could of been solved by simply breathing and saying ok lets talk this out like mature adults, not flipping out... I say act your age or don't hang with me because I try to make sure my group of friends are diverse and mature and IM very selective of who I introduce you to and if I conceder you my friend or not. People need to relies in life, your born, you go to school for 12 years then you maturely grow mentally and then hussle of life begins and its work hard, live life a little and have some fun but mostly its made up of responsibilities that increases day by day...

LILMAN X